I pulled out the letter from the College of Baltimore. I laid it on the table and put my hand on top. “I got this in the mail today. I was accepted to a school in Maryland. They say I can start in the fall. I want to do it,” I said, watching him the whole time.
I moved my hand and let him pull the paper towards him. He was silent while he read it but the smile on his face filled me with an immeasurable joy.
“You’re going to college,” he said, still not looking up.
“I’m going to college,” I repeated.
“To Maryland. That’s a long way away,” he murmured.
“Not if you go with me,” I said quietly, giving voice to my deepest hope. I didn’t want to take this step without him. I wasn’t sure I could do it if Flynn wasn’t there beside me. I needed him. I wanted him with me.
Flynn was quiet, still looking at the letter. But finally he looked up and met my eyes and I saw how happy he was. He got to his feet and stood over me. He reached down and held out his hands. I carefully put mine in his and he pulled me to my feet.
“I like hearing you talk, Ellie. But not now.” Flynn’s eyes were hard and serious.
I opened my mouth to ask him what he was talking about. I had a sick sense of dread that he was throwing me out of his house. And his life.
And then what would I do?
Before I could say anything, Flynn’s mouth came down on mine. Hard lips and desperate tongue as he fought his way passed my teeth. I gasped in surprise and pulled away slightly.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
Flynn shook his head. “Don’t talk,” he whispered and kissed me again.
My mind was spinning on overload. I had come to Flynn house expecting to hash things out. To either give us closure or to start again.
What I hadn’t anticipated was to have my clothes ripped off by a frantic Flynn. He pulled me into the living room. We couldn’t even make it upstairs to his bedroom. He savagely ripped his shirt as he tried to undo the buttons.
His violence shocked me but I didn’t have time to think about it because he was pulling my shirt over my head. His hands were everywhere. My body arched into him, craving what he was giving me.
“I love you, Flynn,” I whispered in his ear as we came together again after so many months apart. The words flew out of me, desperate for him to know. That I always had. I would never stop.
“I hear you,” Flynn said, his eyes closed as he pressed into me.
He placed his lips on my temple, breathing me in. His hands were splayed along my back, his fingers holding me together. I shattered beneath him.
Our roles in each other’s lives had been to every extreme.
Bully and victim.
Friend.
Champion.
Lover.
When I had met Flynn Hendrick as an angry and bitter fifteen-year-old girl, I hadn’t been ready for the emotions he caused me to feel. I had fought against them even as I ran straight towards him.
I had never been a believer of fate. I was of the mindset that I was in charge of my destiny, however crappy it was. Not some faceless void that threw things in your way just to mess with you.
But staring up at Flynn, his face open and happy, how could I not believe in a force that brought him into my world?
I had been slowly dying for all these years and he brought me back to life.
He taught me that being Ellie McCallum was okay. Because she was flawed and troubled. But she was also smart and capable and worthy of love.
Flynn kissed my mouth tenderly after we were finished. I waited for him to move away from me. He didn’t like the feeling of sweaty, sticky skin. But he stayed where he was, his head lying heavily on my naked chest, his hair tickling my nose.
I felt his body let out a big sigh and my heart tripped over itself.
Some instinct made me nervous.
“Are you okay?” I asked, kissing the top of his head, breathing in his scent, something telling me that I should memorize him and this moment. So I would have it for later.
Flynn rubbed his cheek along the curve of my breast, his arms tightening around me.
“I can’t go with you,” he said.
I tried to sit up and pull away but he was too heavy and kept me pinned to the couch.
“What are you saying?” I demanded. I had been feeling so peaceful, as if the pieces of my life were finally starting to fit together. Now I was in danger of losing it all before I even had it.
Flynn turned his face so that he was looking up at me, his eyes not shying away.
“You know I can’t. I live here. In Wellsburg. It’s too hard for me to leave. I would only make it harder for you. You would end up getting mad at me. You would wish I hadn’t come with you. I went to college, Ellie. Now it’s your turn.”
I shook my head. “No, Flynn. I want you to come! I would never feel that way! I can’t do this without you!” I cried.
Flynn frowned. “Yes, you can. You don’t need me there.”
“But I want you there!” I sobbed, feeling the weight of his refusal in the pit of my stomach.
“I’m going to stay here and be a teacher.” I stopped crying and blinked at him in shock. He had taken the job at the community college?
Flynn traced the curve of my lips with his finger, a sad, tender smile on his face.
“I have to do this for me. You’re not the only one that needs to learn stuff. I’ll just learn my stuff here.” He said and I could here the resolution in his voice. There would be no changing his mind.
“You took the job?” I asked. As miserable as I was to hear that he wouldn’t be coming with me, I was happy to hear this.
Flynn nodded. “So if I’m going to do something that scares me. So should you. That’s what you taught me. That I should still do the things that freak me out. Just because they freak me out. And that I’ll be okay. Better even. And so will you.”
Who was this rational guy?
“Don’t cry, Ellie!” Flynn said firmly and I wanted to scream at him. Why was he doing this? Now? After making me think we had a shot? I didn’t think Flynn was capable of such cruelty.
But then I realized what he was trying to say. And even though I felt my heart splinter, I knew that he wasn’t trying to break it. He was setting me free. Just as Dania had done.
Though I didn’t want him to let me go.
Not ever.
“I can’t do this without you, Flynn. Please. Just think about it!” I pleaded. And even though I felt selfish for saying it, it was true. He had become my strength. He held me up and kept me going. I wasn’t sure I could do this if he wasn’t beside me.
Flynn shook his head and he pulled himself off me. I thought he was trying to get some physical distance and was surprised when he pulled me into his lap.
“You can do this. And you will. I can’t go with you. I can’t leave Wellsburg. I have things to do here. This is my home. This is where I’m making my life. And it’s not your home anymore. You want to go away. You want to leave. And that makes me sad. But I’m happy too. Because you will be going to school and that’s something you want to do. And I’ll be here if you ever want to come back.”
“Can’t your home be with me?” I shook in his arms.
Flynn ran his nose along my hair. “You need to make a home out there first,” was all he said and I knew his mind was made up. And when Flynn made up his mind, there was no changing it.
And a tiny part of me that wasn’t being drowned by my grief, understood what he was doing. I needed to have the opportunity to create a life of my own. Without baggage. Without people and circumstances tying me down.
What Flynn didn’t understand was he would never be my baggage. He’s the one that took all of it away.
“Won’t you miss me?” I asked, sounding like a child. But I couldn’t help it. I knew that Flynn needed to stay. And that I needed to go. I wish just for once the universe would allow us to be together the way we were supposed to be.
&nbs
p; But maybe that wasn’t our fate.
Some people came into your life and they changed it completely and then they slipped out of it again before you could grab ahold of them.
And their presence motivates you and strengthens you and devastates you all at the same time.
“I missed you after my house burned down. I missed you after we came back from the beach and you stopped talking to me. And I’ll miss you when you go to school. But I know that one day I won’t need to miss you anymore because you’ll come back and find me again.”
“I will?” I asked, laying my cheek on his chest and hearing the rhythmic thump of his heart beneath me. It was sure and steady, just like him. And it loved me completely.
“You will. Because you’ll miss me too.” Flynn kissed the top of my head and then we were quiet. And just like always the silence said everything that words couldn’t.
I was determined that my fate would bring me back to him.
There was no other option.
As Flynn held me, my tears dried up, my grief subsided and I was left with only joy.
And when the time came for me to leave, I was no longer broken.
I was whole.
-Ellie-
Many years later…
I left Wellsburg, West Virginia. My car loaded with the few worldly items I possessed. It wasn’t much. A few clothes. My old tattered suitcase.
And Flynn’s sculptures.
I drove to Maryland and started school. My future dawning bright and full.
I was scared.
I was nervous.
I doubted myself every day.
But Flynn never let me give up.
He gave me the strength to keep on going.
So I stayed in Maryland.
And he stayed in West Virginia.
We were separated by miles but had never been closer.
People who shared a connection like ours were never that far apart.
We missed each other every second.
Until the day came and we didn’t have to miss each other any more.
Because I went back to Wellsburg and found him again, just as he knew I would.
And then our story truly began…
THE BEGINNING…
Read other books by A. Meredith Walters
For me, these should always start the same way…thanking the people whose very presence in my life makes all of this possible.
To Ian and Gwyn, you give me the strength to take the steps. Without you, this journey would have ended before it ever started.
To all of my friends and family…I never say thank you enough, but I feel it in my heart every single day.
To Kristy Louise, my fantastic friend and fabulous PA, you keep me from pulling my hair out. How have I survived so long without you???
To my Bad Ass CP ladies-you know who you are…thanks for making me laugh and talking me off the ledge many, many times. You guys rock!
To Tanya, my editor, who has been with me almost since the beginning. Thank you for your flexibility and continued support!
To Michelle, my fabulous agent. You believed in this story from the very beginning.
To all of the bloggers who have pimped, supported, and otherwise made this crazy dream a reality. There are so many of you and I don’t want to leave anyone out. But thank you from the bottom of my heart!
To my super, awesome, fantabulous street team! You’re the best cheerleaders a gal could have.
To my amazing readers!!! How do I even begin to thank the people who have brought me here? How can I put into words what your support has meant to me? I can’t…so just know that I am grateful for every single one of you!!!
And to all of the Ellie and Flynns out there who find the beauty inside, who aren’t afraid to take risks , and who love unconditionally no matter the obstacles…you are the ones that make this world a better place.
“What lies behind you and what lies in front of you,
pales in comparison to what lies inside you.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
A.Meredith Walters is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of Bad Rep, Perfect Regret, the Find You in the Dark Series, and the upcoming New Adult book, Lead Me Not, to be released by Gallery Books in August, 2014.
Before becoming a full-time writer, she worked as a counselor for troubled and abused children and teens. She currently lives in England with her husband and daughter.
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