I shake my head. “It’s fine. Honestly.”
“Millie, you know I don’t want to socialise with them, don’t you? I’m still so angry.” I know that. He’s barely spoken to his parents and says work is awkward with his dad. I have a feeling he’s looking to move, so they aren’t sharing offices too. I’ve found a rental page on his laptop.
“I know, but you can’t cut them off. It’s cool. I’m gonna start watching The Vampire Diaries.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Like the men on there, do we?”
“Hmm, maybe.” I smile.
“Okay. I guess I should go then. I’ll be back as soon as I can escape.” He leans over the sofa and presses his lips to me my forehead. “I love you, baby.”
“Love you too.”
I watch him leave and wish he could just tell them all to go to hell and stay here. I have to think about him, though. It would be too selfish of me to ask him to do that. He needs to mingle with all those rich, influential types – arseholes as I like to call them.
Sitting back and flicking the TV on, I’m left feeling a little deflated. Is this how it’s going to be from now on? He’ll go out to events and dinners, and I’ll wait at home until he gets back. I can’t be that woman; I’ve been working my whole life to avoid the thing I’m already becoming. The thought makes me sick. I have too much self-respect to be that person. But what does my self-respect mean for me and Aden?
I groan in frustration and grab my phone, needing Will’s opinion. He’ll make me see things more clearly, I hope. “Will,” I say as he answers. “I need your help.”
“You’re beyond mine or anyone else’s help.”
“Funny but now is not the time. Me and Aden are too different. Before all the shit with my parents, we could share that life, to a certain extent anyway. I don’t know what to do. We’re going to end up making each other miserable.”
“You don’t know that, Millie.”
I huff. “Actually I do. The only reason I started going to stupid dinners, unless my parents hosted it, is because he asked me to because he said it was important to him. I doubt he’s suddenly stopped wanting my support. What he wants from me I can’t give him anymore.”
“Come on, I’ve seen you two together. I really doubt all he wants from you is a dinner date.”
Will isn’t getting it. It wasn’t just being a dinner date; it was having his girlfriend behind him. I’d want him to support me in whatever I chose to do so of course he’ll want the same.
“Look if you really don’t think you can work through this now you need to end it.” His words hit me like a ton of bricks. That’s what I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about.
Breaking up with Aden isn’t what I want, at all. But what if he ends up hating me because I can’t put aside my family’s stab-you-right-in-the-back-with-a-fucking-samurai-sword betrayal. Which he will.
Couples are supposed to share things, especially the big things in their lives. You do things you don’t want to do because you want to support the person you love. I should be doing that for Aden, and if it didn’t feel like I’m being punched in the heart repeatedly every time I even think about my parents – let alone see them – then I’d be right there with him.
“Still not spoken to the parents?” he asks.
“No, and they’ve not tried to call me either. Oliver’s said they won’t even talk about what’s happened, which doesn’t surprise me at all.” I rub my forehead and close my eyes. That’s how much they care about me; they’ve not even called to see if I’m okay. “I don’t want to lose Aden,” I whisper.
“I know you don’t, but you’re an incredibly strong woman, Millie, and however much you love him I know you’ll do what’s best for you both. I can’t make that decision for you, though.”
“Why not? I wish someone will just tell me what to do.” I stop and want to hit myself. I have never said that before, I’ve never even thought it. What the hell have I become? I don’t want to be one of those girls that fall in love and let their morals and beliefs fly out of the window.
“Amelie…”
“Yeah I just heard it too. I guess this is a conversation I should be having with Aden. Anyway, I’ll let you go since you have a date tonight. Be careful.”
“Hey what makes you think I have a date?”
“It’s Friday.”
He chuckles. “Fair point. Call me tomorrow and you know I’m here for you, whenever you need me. I don’t care if I’m on a date, you call, alright?”
“Yes, thank you. Bye, Will.”
I hang up and walk to the kitchen to get a vodka and lemonade. The alcohol might calm me down a bit so I can focus on figuring out what I’m going to do. Before Aden everything was clear. I wasn’t supposed to find anyone before I’d properly found myself.
Just as I’m about to drift off, I feel the bed dip and then Aden’s aftershave fills my lungs. His arms snake around my body and his lips press to the side of my head.
“You’re late,” I mumble.
He kisses me again. “I couldn’t get away, sorry. I was speaking to Daniel Sheldon; he owns a bunch of venues in the UK and America. You heard of him?”
I shrug lazily. “Dunno. Maybe.” I’m tired. I barely know who I am when I’m half asleep.
“Well we’re going to talk about using his venues in America.” He chuckles. “Sleep, babe. I can see that I’m not getting anything sensible out of you tonight. I love you, Millie.”
His words send a shiver of desire through my body, and I’m no longer tired. Well I am I just want him more than sleep right now. I roll over and my warm skin presses against his cool naked body. I gulp and trail my hand down the centre of his chest and through the tuft of hair just below his belly. Even in the darkness I see the lust in his eyes and smirk on his face.
“Missed me have you?” he whispers huskily making my stomach squirm.
“Yes,” I reply and circle his erection with my hand, squeezing gently. When we’re like this there is no distance, and we’re not worlds apart. “It would appear that you’ve missed me too.”
“I have,” he whispers, gripping my hair at the back of my head and moaning breathlessly as I pump my hand. “Amelie, I’ve been thinking about you all night, so please sit on me before you’re left disappointed.”
I sit up. “Wow, just what every girl wants to hear.”
He chuckles and reaches over to the bedside table to get a condom. “I’m being honest, I want to be inside you and I don’t want to wait. Contrary to popular belief, or what you read, men do need a break after blowing their load, unless they’re on Viagra.”
I sigh. “And here I was hoping I was in some cheesy porno about to get fucked all night long.”
“Oh you are, but I’ll need about ten between,” he replies and slides a condom on.
“Who said romance is dead…”
“Two seconds ago you wanted to be in a cheesy porno and now you want romance?”
“No,” I say and push him down on the bed, straddling him. “What I want is for you to be inside me, all night – with ten minute breaks, apparently.”
He laughs and lays right back with his hands resting under his head. “Fuck me then, beautiful.” Yeah, tonight definitely isn’t a night for romance.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I wake to an empty bed. It’s only just quarter past nine in the morning. Aden,” I call. “It’s still early.” Getting out of bed isn’t an option. I’m too comfortable and too warm. Plus I think I’ve still got that post sex glow.
His head pops around the door making me jump. “I’ve got that golf thing.” Turning his nose up, he steps into the room. “I told you, remember?”
Did he tell me? Probably. “Right. Why again?”
“Believe me, I’d rather spend the day in bed with you.”
I shrug one shoulder, tugging the cover up to hide my cleavage. “No worries. We can spend all evening in bed.”
“That definitely sounds like a plan.” He sits on the bed, making no
attempt to make his perv discrete; his eyes are fixed on the top of my chest. “I love your messy bed hair,” he says when he finally looks up. Great, I bet I look like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards. “There’s coffee in the pot. I would’ve made you one, but I thought you’d sleep longer.”
“Oh, I’ll be going back to sleep.”
He laughs and shakes his head. “Have a good lay in then. Love you.” Before I can reply he kisses me, pushing me back, so I’m laying flat on my back again. I want him to get under the covers and run that tongue all over my body. “Hopefully I won’t be too long.”
He stands, leaving me hot and bothered. I groan. “You’re really leaving?”
“Yes, you sex pest. See you later.”
I wait all day and the longer I wait the more I hate myself. Being the person that hangs around for her man to come home is what I’ve tried so hard to avoid. Yet here I am, again. So much has changed in such a short space of time that I feel dizzy. We used to spend most of our free time – and our work time actually – all over each other, but now I can barely pin him down.
Pushing myself off Aden’s sofa is such an effort that I actually groan like a little old lady. I just want to curl up, go to sleep, and then when I wake I want everything be back to normal. Why couldn’t that happen? Life is a real bitch sometimes.
Aden doesn’t even like golf. I don’t like him doing something he doesn’t enjoy when he could be doing me. This situation sucks. I wish his business was at a place where he could afford to tell everyone to fuck off.
I pace the living room, walking behind the wall and back around. I’m pacing as I wait for a man. The only man I’ve ever paced for before is Father Christmas as I always ended up falling asleep before the staff put the presents under the damn tree.
The front door clicks open, and I feel like an old wife ready to batter her husband with a broom for coming home late and drunk. Aden isn’t drunk, though. He smiles as he walks into the living room – like my dad had a thousand times when I was growing up. I freeze, terrified as I realise I’m my mother.
No, I won’t be her. I gulp. “Aden, I can’t do this anymore.”
His face falls, and I want to punch myself for being the reason he looks like that. “Do what?”
“Everything’s changed. It’s all so different now. You know it is too.” He can’t change his life now, he wants it, but I can. “I love you so much, I think too much, but this can’t work.”
He doesn’t move. Is he broken? His expression is the same – like I’ve just killed his puppy. I need him to move, to shout, to do something.
My heart is being shredded, but I know it’s the right thing to do, we’ll only end up resenting each other, and I couldn’t stand that. I would resent him every time he played nice with those people and he would resent me for never attending anything with him. I’d rather we part loving each other than hating each other.
“Aden, say something,” I whisper, blinking back the tears that I know I can’t hold back for long. “Please.”
“What do you want me to say?” And it’s officially over. I don’t want to tell him what to do or say. I want him to tell me what he’s thinking and feeling. “I know things have changed, Amelie, but I didn’t think you would give up so easily.”
“Easy? You think this is easy for me? Aden, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to fucking do. I don’t want to, but you know we can’t go on like this. We’re living in different worlds. It’s not enough to just have a little part of each other’s lives. That’s not how it works. I don’t want to be in a part-time relationship. I want to share everything with you.”
“I don’t know what you want me to do. You’re telling me you can’t be part of something I can’t get out of. Or are you telling me to get out of it too?”
“I’m not telling you to do anything. I don’t expect you to do anything. Aden, you’ve worked so hard for what you have, and I will never ask you to give that up. I will never be cool with my family again, but you have to be.”
“Just like that? Shit, Millie, this is so sudden. I didn’t even know you felt like this.”
“Come on, you know things have been off lately and you know I’m right, don’t you?”
“So that’s it, we’re ex now?”
Hearing him say that hurts like hell. I dig my nails into the palms of my hands. “What else can we do? You won’t be happy going to events and things alone, never sharing that part of your life with me. I don’t want you to end up resenting me.” He looks on silently, and I know he’s taking it all in. And agreeing with me?
“I don’t want to lose you.”
My eyes fill with tears again, and there’s no stopping them, they spill down my cheeks. I make no attempt to brush them away. His words are like a knife piercing slowly through my heart. “I don’t want to lose you either, but I’d rather end it now than drag it out. I’ve seen relationships turn nasty and the thought of you hating me is too much.”
“I could never hate you,” he whispers.
“You say that now but things aren’t that bad yet. If we reach that point, there’s no going back. This way at least we have a chance of something. Friends eventually, I don’t know. I want to be able to see you, and for you to talk to me. I don’t want you to turn away from me.”
He gulps and runs his hands over his face. We both know this was coming, neither of us are surprised it’s ending. When he looks back up I see tears in his eyes. No. He might as well have punched me. “Is there anything we can do?”
There is. If he leaves that life behind too, but I’ll never say that to him. I gulp through the heartbreak. “No.”
“So this is goodbye?” I nod my head as pain rips through my body. What am I supposed to do now? Never seeing him in the morning and laughing with him until I can barely breathe. Aden leans over and kisses me. I savour the moment; paying extra attention to how soft his lips feel against mine and how my heart races at his touch.
He pulls away first, and a fresh round of tears spill from my eyes. “I love you,” he whispers and walks out. He’s left his own house. I watch numbly as he walks out of my life. My heart shatters and I collapse on the sofa.
Chapter Thirty
Christie’s been great over the past three weeks. She took me in; no questions asked, when I turned up on her doorstep with just one small suitcase and mascara running down my face. She’s helped me get a job, showing me where to look, and I’m lucky that I landed a temporary job almost straight away – thanks to one lady that went into labour without knowing she was pregnant.
I sit cross-legged on Christie’s sofa pouring over apartment listings. I’ve looked at a few so far, but they were no good – who wants to live above a butchers? The smell of meat made me gag the second I stepped through the door.
“Any luck?” Christie asks, putting two glasses of wine down on the coffee table.
“Thanks. A few new nice ones, I’ll make appointments to see them at the weekend.” Christie sits down and tucks her long, messy hair behind her ears. “Okay give me your honest opinion, do you think I’d be any good working in advertising?”
“With your colourful range of vocabulary, absolutely,” she replies and laughs. “Seriously, though, if that’s what you’ve always wanted to do then go for it.”
“Actually I just watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and thought advertising looks fun.”
She rolls her eyes. “Of course. Well you have three months to figure it out and line up a new job.”
“No pressure then.” Said popped a random child out lady is due back at work in just under three months and when she returns it’s bye bye Amelie. Not that I can complain, I’m extremely lucky to have the job in the first place.
“Have you spoken to Aden any more?”
I pick my wine up and want to down it. When I can keep myself busy and not think about him, it doesn’t feel like I’m being ripped apart from the inside. I miss him so much sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe.
“Not since last week.” When he called me to say that my new employer had contacted him for a reference, and we spoke briefly I cried for the rest of the evening. He gave me a glowing reference, and I was offered the job the following day. I sent him a text thanking him because hearing his voice again is too hard.
“Are you going to?”
I take long sip of wine. “Honestly, I’m about one more day from booking my ticket home.”
Christie sighs and tilts her head to the side. “Sweetie, you’re miserable without him.”
“I know, but at least it didn’t end with us hating each other.” I’d rather this pain than knowing he’s left me because he can’t stand me anymore.
“You don’t know that would happen. What if you found a way to make it work? When he’s attending all those events and galas why don’t you do something else?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, Millie. That’s up to you to find. What if letting him go is the biggest mistake of you’ve ever made and one that you regret for the rest of your life. How will you feel when you find out he’s with someone else?” I want to punch her. The thought of him with someone else, telling her he loves her, makes me feel sick. “You need a hobby, something you can do so you’re not just waiting around for him to get home.”
“You think knitting will make me feel any less like a version of my mother.” I’m happy to report that I haven’t spoken to that witch since the day I stormed out of her house. It hurts less and less every day. They don’t love me the way they should, but that’s their problem. If I ever have kids I’ll love them no matter what and nothing, but their happiness will matter.
She laughs. “You know what I mean. You ran before you thought. I’m sure you could’ve worked it all out with him. I think you’re crazy, girl.” Yeah, you and everyone else.
I swig my wine and hope that it and endless conversation with Christie will fill the Aden shaped void in my life, even just for the evening. I did run. I want him back.
Crossing the Line Page 26
