The bartender set the drink down on the bar and she grabbed it up and took a deep swallow before she fished around in her purse for some money. As she handed the twenty to the bartender, she noticed how much he looked like Andre. Shivering, she looked away. That had been so long ago. She'd been young and stupid. A summer romance had been a bad idea. Even worse had been his insistence that she have the baby. She had just landed her first movie role and she didn't want to mess it up with morning sickness and an expanding waistline. In this business, she'd have been discarded in a heartbeat. Andre hadn't understood. He claimed theirs was a forever love. And then he'd accused her of murdering their unborn child in order to free herself of him and she'd let him. She'd let him think that even when he'd packed his bags and left. It had been for the best.
Tears filled her eyes as Charlie pushed her drink away. She'd had enough. Time to go home and sober up before her emotions got the better of her and she did something stupid. Like look for Andre. No. That part of her life was over. Andre is better off without me. Hell, everyone is. Who will miss me when I'm gone?
"Charlie?” Grace asked as she grabbed Charlie's arm. “Are you okay? Are you crying? Let's get out of here and get you home."
Numb, Charlie let her friend drag her out of the bar and drive her home. She barely protested when Grace made her take two aspirin and tucked her into bed. But when Grace said she was going to spend the night, Charlie roused enough to ask her leave. It was bad enough I'd lost control of my emotions, but to have a witness to it as well?
After Grace left, Charlie stumbled into the kitchen and dug around in the fridge until she found the vodka. She mixed a screwdriver, but for her second round, she skipped the orange juice and downed a few shots of vodka. Finally the alcohol kicked in and thinking about Andre didn't hurt anymore. After another few shots for good measure, she made it to the bathroom. Did I take my pill today?
* * * *
An annoying beeping woke Charlie from the most erotic dream about Andre. Andre? She opened her eyes and stared at a white ceiling. What the hell? She tried to sit up, but the room spun quickly and her stomach heaved. She turned to the side and threw up until she was left breathless and trembling.
Cool fingers brushed against her forehead and a damp cloth wiped her face. She turned gratefully toward her savior and froze. For the second time in as many days, she thought she was looking at Andre. Thick curly black hair hung just past his ears. His sea-green eyes met hers and she felt the room begin to spin. He was a dead ringer for Andre.
Blinking her eyes to clear away the haze engulfing her, she tried to remember how she got here. “What happened? Where am I? Who are you?” The words creaked out of parched lips and a dry throat.
"You are at Community Hospital. Your friend Grace brought you in when she couldn't wake you up."
"I got a little drunk; stuff like that happens all the time. What did I get? Alcohol poisoning?"
He sighed and looked down at her with a frown. “We pumped about half a bottle of muscle relaxants and painkillers out of you. If your friend hadn't found you when she did, you'd be dead."
"Dead?” she croaked.
"Mixing any medication with alcohol is a very bad idea."
"I thought I was taking something else."
His eyebrows raised, but he didn't say anything. He doesn't think I was trying to kill myself, does he?
"Regardless of your intent, you need to spend another day or two in here until we're sure you're capable of going home. We have been fending off reporters for you, but you should be prepared in case someone leaks the real reason you're in here."
"Oh, God, no.” Charlie groaned.
"You made your bed, now you'll have to lie in it,” Grace said.
Charlie looked across the room and saw her friend enter. Grace saw the mess on the floor and winced, but then she walked into the bathroom and came out with a bunch of paper towels.
"Good thing they pumped your stomach before you got sick,” she muttered as she knelt on the floor and cleaned up the mess. “What were you thinking, Charlie? What was I thinking? I knew you weren't in the right frame of mind, but when I left you alone, you were in bed asleep."
"I got up to have a few more drinks, then I needed my medication, but apparently I took the wrong one.” Charlie grimaced as Grace looked at her with doubt in her eyes.
"I know it looks bad, but I had no idea I was taking muscle relaxants. I mean I'd already drunken myself into a stupor, it's not like I needed to feel any looser."
"I had your doctor fax over your medical history so we knew what we were dealing with. No one would blame you for trying to take the painless way out, although they would call you a chicken.” The doctor frowned at her. “Even if it isn't the right thing to do, it'd be just like you to run away and hide from your problems."
Charlie gasped and opened her mouth to say something but Grace beat her to it. “Who the hell do you think you are?” She dropped the towels and turned to the doctor with her hands on her hips.
"Andre Phillips. Charlie's ex-lover, and her current physician."
Grace's eyes narrowed and she looked at Charlie. Ignoring her, Charlie turned to Andre. “I thought it was you, but then again even the bartender looked like you last night. Is there anyway I can request a different doctor?"
"You could, but you won't need one. As soon as all your signs return to normal, you should be ready to leave. I'll leave the personal comments out for the rest of your stay here."
"See that you do that, Doc.” Charlie glared at him until Grace cleared her throat.
"I'd like to spend some time with my friend. Are you okay with that, Doctor Phillips?"
"Of course. We've been watching her around the clock. This will give our nurses a much needed break. It's not easy keeping the press away from an actress as popular as Charlie. And it's even harder to keep your secrets hidden, isn't it?” he asked.
"Ass,” Charlie hissed. She'd have thrown something at him but it hurt too much to move. “I hate you."
"That feeling is mutual, darlin'.” Andre turned and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.
"You had an affair with him?” Grace gaped at her.
"Don't make it sound so nasty. Neither of us was married and it was more of a fling. I was getting ready for my first big movie and I'd gone to Florida to get a suntan."
"Don't make it sound nasty? I'm just amazed that you had a relationship, even if it was a fling, with a total stranger."
"It was the summer I found out I had cervical cancer.” Charlie turned away before she could see the pity in Grace's eyes.
"By the Goddess. You mean he's the one who got you pregnant? Hell you should be thanking him. If you hadn't gotten pregnant and miscarried, you'd never have known. It's a miracle you can still have children. If it had gotten any worse, you'd have needed a hysterectomy."
"Yeah well, I told him that I didn't want a child and I was going to have an abortion. So when I miscarried..."
"He thought you'd gone through with your threat.” Grace finished for her.
"Yeah.” Charlie sighed. “I thought I'd never see him again. I hadn't wanted to settle down anyway. I wanted to become rich and famous. A married woman with children wouldn't get those parts I played, the ones that made me the name I am today."
"The name you can't stand,” Grace whispered.
Charlie shrugged. “What does it matter? What does much matter, anymore?"
"I think this is what the fortune teller meant. She said something from your past would resurface and haunt you. She said there would be a choice and a change. That you can't run and hide from it."
"Well I certainly can't run and hide from Andre while I'm under his care, can I? But she just got lucky. That woman is a quack and you shouldn't listen to everything she has to say.” Charlie almost winced as she heard the acidic tone of her own voice, but she was on a roll and couldn't stop even if she wanted to. “Get out of my room and leave me alone. I don't need you or anyo
ne else."
"All right, Scrooge. But I'll be back tomorrow night to bust you out of this joint. Even if I have to promise to keep you in a padded room.” Grace hugged her, then walked to the door. “You call me if you need anything, Charlie. I mean it. Anything."
Charlie nodded and forced a smile. She turned away before Grace could see her tears. “Oh man, I've gotten myself into one fine mess. Maybe there's something good and distracting on television."
She flicked on the TV and winced at the grainy picture of her plastered on the screen. “In other news, actress Charlie Rose is in the hospital after an attempted suicide."
"I didn't try to kill myself, you stupid bitch!” Charlie growled and turned off the television before she heard news that they'd learned about her hideous secret. One so terrible she hadn't even told Grace.
* * * *
"Charlie?” Andre's voice sounded far away, but she struggled to hear what he was saying. “Charlie?"
"Andre?” She reached out her hand, but he vanished in a puff of smoke. Kind of like what he'd done after he'd learned she wasn't pregnant anymore.
Charlie gasped and sat up, glancing around the room. Hopefully they will release me today, but what will I say to the media? The press seemed to enjoy spreading rumors about her supposed suicide attempt, but if they knew the truth, then no one would ever believe she hadn't meant to kill herself.
"Maybe it really would be better if I was gone,” she murmured as she brushed her hair. “I wouldn't be able to suffer anymore, and I'd finally stop hurting the people I love."
"Your death really wouldn't make the world a better place,” Andre said as he closed the door and leaned against it. “If that is really what you think, then I certainly will advise against your release today."
"Have you talked to my doctor?” Charlie asked, suddenly panicked he might have found out her secret.
"Only in regards to what happened last night. He sent me anything that would help with ascertaining your mental health, nothing more. Are you screwing him, too?"
"What?” Charlie stared at him. “How can you just stand there so nonchalantly and ask me a question like that?"
"Come on, Charlie. I know the business, you taught me well. Sleep your way to the top with anyone who is useful for your career. I'm not sure why you have a psychologist, but he was very worried about you. More than professional concern."
She turned away from him. He was angry with her and had every right to be. She'd let him think the worst of her, so she had no one to blame but herself.
"Not going to defend yourself?"
"Why should I? You're going to believe the tabloids just as everyone else does. You more than the others have a reason to hate me. Hate me all you want, just please let me go home.” She didn't want to beg, but at this point she would if she had to.
"I've called your psychologist to come and assess you. If he gives the say so, then I'll release you. Of course I'm still unsure of your mental stability."
Charlie groaned. Don't say a word, girl. You deserve this. It'll all be over soon and then you can cry.
"He should be here soon. I just wondered if there was anything you wanted to say to me before you vanish out of my life again."
"For the record, you vanished out of my life. Stormed out would be more like it. I don't see how I owe you anything."
"You owe me something. That was my child, too.” The anger and hurt in Andre's face made her realize it might not have been doing him a favor to let him think the worst of her.
"You've held a grudge this long because you think I killed our unborn child?"
"You admitted it! You said it like you were ticking off items on a grocery list. I went out to lunch with Delia. I went to see the doctor. Then I stopped for cocktails with Simone. Oh yeah, and I'm not pregnant anymore.” Andre walked over and stared down at her. “Haven't you regretted it even once? Or are you still the hard, cold bitch you were then?"
Charlie swallowed and looked away. Andre grabbed her chin and lifted her face up before she could blink away her tears.
"Finally. You do have a heart under all that ice."
"Andre."
"Don't. I don't want to hear any of your excuses. Just tell me you've felt some remorse for murdering our child."
She looked away in an attempt to keep her composure. “It was easier for you to think that. I made a big mistake telling you that I was getting an abortion. I should never have said that. I let my emotions rule instead of my head, and I've regretted it ever since. But when you thought I had the abortion, it was easier for me to let you think that than to tell you the truth."
"What are you saying? That you let me think you had an abortion, but didn't? I saw how much pain you were in; I saw the heavy bleeding and your depression. Those are all typical."
"I won't deny that I said I was getting one. But I didn't."
"You miscarried?"
Charlie looked away and sighed. “If I hadn't miscarried, the doctor would have given me an abortion."
"But you just said you wouldn't have done it.” Andre growled and ran his fingers through his thick black hair.
"She had cervical cancer,” Grace said.
"Grace!” Charlie jumped and turned toward the sound of her voice. “Shut up!"
"Cancer?” Andre asked. “You had cancer?"
Charlie looked at him and was surprised at how pale his face was. “I was going to tell you, but you assumed the worse, which was my fault of course. I wasn't that young, but I was naïve enough to think you wouldn't want a damaged woman. It was a relief when you walked out that door and I could stop pretending I was okay."
"But all this time..."
"I'm sorry.” Charlie hung her head. “I thought it was for the best."
"How dare you play judge, jury and executioner! You made a judgment call that affected both of us!” He lowered his voice and turned away, “If you had loved me, you'd have trusted me. You wouldn't have had to suffer alone. I wouldn't have had to grieve by myself. You could have had someone to hold you and help you heal. Damn you for being so selfish!"
"Andre!” Charlie reached for him, but he shook his head and walked out the door. When she would have gone after him, Grace put her hand on Charlie's shoulder and pushed her back down on the bed.
"Let him go, hon. That was quite a bomb you just dropped on him. He needs time to get used to the idea. And he needs to reevaluate his opinion of you. Give him some time."
Charlie leaned against Grace and sobbed. She cried for the loss of her baby and Andre. Grace held her while she cried. At least she still had one friend. Suddenly Charlie remembered something she'd meant to ask Grace.
"How the hell did you get in my apartment?” she asked as she lifted her head.
"I meant it when I told you I was dead."
Grace slowly transformed before her eyes. She turned from a beautiful blonde into a deadly creature Charlie could only call a vampire.
"But...” Charlie stuttered. “How? What? When?"
"I told you that Abigail knows her stuff. What she has predicted for you has come to pass. Now it is time for you to change. For you to stop hiding your secrets and the real you behind that hard shell. I love you, Charlie, but you are the world's biggest pain in the ass.” Grace changed back to herself and added, “Oh yeah, don't tell anyone about me being dead or undead, or anything. I'd hate to get staked in my sleep."
When Grace winked at her, Charlie bit back a laugh. “I don't agree with everything that woman said, but I'm willing to concede that some of it has come true. But I do not need to go public with my cancer and the miscarriage."
"Just think about it, Charlie. You are wealthy and powerful; the message you could spread to younger women who look up to you might get some of them to see their doctor regularly and get checked. You knew nothing about this disease the first time around, but think of the awareness you can promote. You could even start a foundation or something."
The protest died in her throat. Most of what Grace s
aid struck a chord deep within. Promoting the awareness of cervical cancer was a good idea. Many women didn't find out until it was too late. At least the first time she'd been spared the fate she'd been dealt this time.
"So you know I have it again?"
Grace nodded. “And I know you will survive."
"Did Abigail tell you all this?” Charlie couldn't stop the sneer. She sighed. Old habits were hard to break. “I'm sorry, Grace. There is no excuse for my rudeness."
"I've gotten quite used to it, Charlie. I'm thick-skinned, so it takes a lot to hurt me. And no, Abigail didn't mention it to me. My vampiric abilities picked up on it."
"The blood?” Charlie asked.
Grace smiled, but didn't answer as she walked over to the door. “I hear Andre coming back. Do you know what you are going to say to him?"
"I haven't the faintest idea."
"Perhaps if you let yourself feel instead of thinking every single thing through and analyzing everything. When you're angry, you let your true feelings show. Can you do that now? To help Andre heal?"
"I ... I'll try.” Charlie swallowed. Grace turned into mist as the doorknob turned. The mist drifted across the room and out the window as Andre entered.
"How are you feeling?” he asked.
"To be honest, not that well.” She forced a laugh.
"I'm sorry. I know I'm partially to blame."
"No, I brought it on myself. But I'm going to stop hiding."
"That's good.” This time Andre laughed. “I wanted to let you know your psychologist will be here in a minute. I wanted to have him verify that you weren't suicidal before I released you. I assume no one knows you better than him."
Charlie read into what he left unsaid. “Yes my doctor is my confidante, but there is nothing other than a doctor/patient relationship between us. If I even talk to a man, the press has him in my bed before the night is out. Not that you need to know, but I can count on one hand the number of men I've slept with since you left me."
"There are some things better left unsaid.” He shifted as if uncomfortable.
"It's okay, I'm not interested in your sexual history. But you seem awfully interested in mine, judging by all your comments."
Tarot Card Anthology: Synchronicity Volume 1 Page 17
