I can’t believe that I have a family at home who loves me and I tried to kill myself. This boy has no one, and he is desperate for love. I put my head in my hands and just cried. I cried for Johnny who desperately needed love, and for my parents who loved me enough to help me get better, and for Moon who I have loved forever, and for his dad who took away my innocence. I prayed that one day, that would be the thing that made me the strongest. How could I be such an ignorant fool? I see it so clearly now. It took this boy’s gut wrenching story for me to see just how good I had it. I could heal and get better. “Okay,” I stood up. “Make me better. I need to do this for me and for you, because when I get out of here I am taking you with me.”
“What are you talking about, Sunshine?”
“You are coming with me. Well technically, you will be out of here before me, but you can’t go far. I will take you home with me. My family will love you and no one will judge you and we can continue getting better together. Now, whatever treatment you’ve got planned for me, let’s get started.”
He wrapped his arms around me so tightly that I couldn’t breathe. It was the best hug I had gotten in a very long time, and I didn’t want to admit it, but I needed it. He did too. We stood there, wrapped in each other’s arms, and we cried together. Through his mumbled words I swear I heard I love you and I said it back. For the first time in a long time I told someone that I loved them and I meant it with my whole heart. I wouldn’t take it back or change it for the world.
21
Moon
Wednesday March 8th
Dear Shine Baby,
I can’t believe it has already been a week that you have been gone. I miss you every day. I wonder if you actually read my letters or if you are throwing them away. I hope you just have them tucked away somewhere and are planning to read them real soon.
I forgot to tell you that Mrs. Vail gave me tons of extra credit for her class, and even though I may only wind up with a D, I’m still going to pass. Can you believe it? No tutor needed for me. Hopefully the two of us will actually have use for all this damn French one day. I know how bad you want to travel and I can’t wait to take you.
I have been waiting to tell you because I know you don’t like talking about my dad, but momma and I have to meet with some attorney from dad’s firm about his will. Turns out he thought about us after all, or at least I think he did. We’ll see. Wish you were here with me, and that I didn’t have to go alone. I mean I know I will have momma but it’s not the same. I guess I will let you know how it turns out.
Oh yeah, Josh wanted me to say hello from him. He also said that he plays better ball when his favorite cheerleader is on the bleachers cheering him on. So he said you better get your “hot ass” better because he needs you. He also said something about you owing him a beer. He said the final score was 11-0, and that you would know what that means. I’ll kick his ass if you need me too.
Looks like I’m not the only one who misses you. I hope you will write me back soon. I’d really like to hear from you even if you just want to sign your name to a blank sheet of paper. I will take whatever I can get.
Gotta go baby, but I will write again tomorrow.
Love,
Moon
P.S. Are you still wearing the necklace I gave you?
At five thirty, Momma and I were waiting in the lobby of Dad’s firm. Dad had been with this firm for nearly twelve years and had been partner for close to eight. Yet today, we feel like outsiders who have no business stepping foot inside the building, like we don’t belong here. The bouncy little blonde with her tits on display made us sit in the main lobby like commoners. I guess we are now, but her snotty little attitude didn’t help matters. Momma knew that I was aggravated. She patted my knee and told me to sit still and that we wouldn’t be there long. “We don’t owe them the time of day. We will show them respect because we are the bigger people in this situation. Once this is all said and done they can kiss our asses, and I mean that in the nicest way possible.” She smiled at me and I was biting back a laugh. She is the coolest Momma ever.
Dad’s partner, Mr. Barrett, came out into the lobby and requested that we walk with him to the board room across the hall. The long black table separated us from the men in suits. There were four of them and they were wearing shoes that were more expensive than the car I drive. The old bald guy on the end was staring at my Momma and I swear I would’ve busted his skull if she would have let me. It was his lucky day, fat bastard. I wanted to pound my fists on the table and tell them to get this show on the road.
“Could we please get started because I don’t have all day?” Yeah! Go momma! She wasn’t in the mood to be fucked with either. I love it when she takes charge. People expect such a sweet kind lady, which don’t get me wrong she is. It’s just sometimes she gets pissed off and well, it ain’t pretty.
The tall man spoke first after clearing his damn throat five times. “Mrs. Morgan we are here today to discuss your husband’s will.”
“I know why we are here, Misteeeeeer?”
“Mr. Galvin. I’m the one that you spoke to on the phone.” He answered.
“Oh yes, Mr. Galvin. I remember speaking with you, and I know why we are here. What I don’t know is why there are four of you present. I don’t take kindly to people in my business and I don’t believe it’s necessary for every person my husband worked with to be present at this meeting. What you all discuss after we leave is up to you, but what we discuss in this room while I am here is up to me.” She cocked her head to the side and stared right at them. If you could have seen the looks on their faces, it was priceless.
“I understand where you are coming from Mrs. Morgan, but there has to be an attorney present for the reading of this will.”
“Right an attorney, as in one. So I would appreciate if one of you stays and the rest of you leave.” Oh hell yeah. She put em all in their place while I sat back and laughed. I imagine dad would have been rolling over in his grave had he heard what momma said. She was a firecracker today and I couldn’t have been more proud of her.
Once the guys left out of the office the meeting finally got started. Mr. Barrett was the only attorney who stayed and he had a look of rage the entire time we were there. Seeing his men getting up and walking out must have really struck a nerve with him. He never spoke another word the whole meeting.
“So if you will look at the figures on the bottom of this page and this one, you will see the amount of money that he had accrued. This first page is what he left behind for you Mrs. Morgan along with the life insurance policy, and on this page is the amount that is left to Ryker. However, it says here that it must remain untouched until your twenty first birthday. For now it will remain in an account with you Mrs. Morgan as the sole benefactor. Once Ryker has turned twenty one, he will have full access to this money.” Holy Shit! Momma placed her hand across her heart and took a deep breath. I had no idea he had this kind of money. For him to leave me anything was farfetched, but this was enough for me to go to college start a life for myself and not have to work for a very, very long time. I have never seen this amount of money in all of my life.
“Now, there is a third page here for someone else. He has asked that this amount of money which you will see is the same amount as Ryker, be left to his other child.”
“Excuse me?” I looked at him confused. Did he just say there was another child?
“What?” Mom asked.
“I understand that this comes as a shock, but he had asked that this remain a secret unless this situation was to succumb.”
What the hell do you say to that? All these years I have had a brother or sister and didn’t know it. “Mr. Galvin, does this other person know about my dad?”
“Honestly, I’m not sure how much I am really supposed to say here.” He looked at Mr. Barrett for some kind of advice and he just nodded his head. Thankfully he allowed him to continue, because I really needed to know. “I was told that the child does not know about he
r father. Only what she has been told since he passed. The same conditions will apply to her as far as receiving her part of his will.”
“Who is she?” My mother asked never taking her eyes off of the papers on the table.
“Her name is Valerie Morgan and she is fifteen years old. She lives in Little Rock with her grandmother Anna Scotland. When I contacted Mrs. Scotland she informed me that Valerie’s mother, Tori, died about eight months ago. She had cancer. I don’t know if David was aware of this or not. Now she lives with her grandmother and she has been taking very good care of her. With Anna as Valerie’s legal guardian, she will become benefactor until Valerie’s twenty first birthday.”
I don’t know what to think about all of this. It’s too damn much. I have a sister that I know nothing about and if momma’s heart was healing before, I’m pretty damn sure that it’s broken again. I ran my hands through my hair and leaned my head back onto the headrest of the chair. This went from good to bad real fast.
“Is there anything else that we need to do today?” Mom spoke softly.
“That is it Mrs. Morgan. I will just need to make copies of all of this paperwork and you can be on your way.” She just shook her head as he stood from his chair. “I’ll be right back.”
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Actually, I’m okay. It’s hard news to hear, but I’m not that surprised. I knew that your dad had affairs. I always have, but I always loved him regardless. I wish sometimes that I hadn’t and that I would have left, but when he was at his best I could never let go. He would always find some way to make things better. My love for him was blind and I couldn’t let go. This isn’t the worse news ever. At least you know that you have a sister. Maybe one day you will get to meet her.”
“I don’t know about that. I need a little time to adjust to the whole situation. It’s messed up.”
“Yes it is baby, but we’re strong. You heard what the man said. That poor girl has lost her mother and now her father. Besides her grandmother, it sounds like you may be her only family.”
“I hadn’t thought of that.” She was right. The girl was fifteen and had no parents. That sounds like a much harder life than I have had, and she’s so young.
When Mr. Galvin brought back our papers, we left. We agreed we wouldn’t step foot back into that hell hole ever, no matter what. We got what we came for. I know that I left there with a lot more than I came with. I had a baby sister, and I couldn’t wait to tell Shine.
22
Shine
Thursday March 9th
Dear Shine Baby,
Let me tell you about the fucking night I had. You aren’t going to believe it. We had the meeting over dad’s will and it was crazy. Turns out I have a fifteen year old little sister who lives in Little Rock. I know it’s crazy, right? I mean all of these year s I knew my dad was a cheating bastard but another kid. I guess I never thought it was possible and now it’s like a big slap in the face. It’s sunk in but it hasn’t. Does that make sense? We found out that her mother died recently too so she stays with her grandma. It’s weird when I think that all of this time I have had a sister. Last night when I was sleeping I wondered what she was like. Maybe she’s nice you know? Maybe she would like to meet me sometime. Who knows? Her name is Valerie. That sounds like a nice name. Don’t you think?
Anyways, that’s what went down yesterday. I was a little worried about Momma but she actually seems okay. She took the news better than I did. I swear, you should have seen her. She is a serious scrapper. It was awesome. Those prick lawyers tried to play a fast one on her and she threw them all out on their asses. It was funniest shit ever. The first few months after Dad died she was like a rock. I could barely get her to react to anything, but slowly she has come around. You wouldn’t believe the difference. She is so strong. Now I know that I won’t have to worry if I leave for college. Yes I said college. I’m seriously considering it and with the money that dad left I won’t have to worry about a thing.
My plans have always been that the two of us would get a place together. I never pictured our worlds being apart, and things with us are so rocky right now that I put off making plans. I’m still holding onto this very thin string wishing everyday that you will let me back in. Since I started writing you these letters I have felt better. Although, getting one back would be like getting to the gum in my Blow Pop. You know how I love the gum in Blow Pops. I used to have you eat the sucker all the way down to the gum and then I would take the gum. Do you remember that? It was my favorite gum. But I think I just liked watching you lick the sucker for hours. In case you didn’t know. It was HOT!! That is your juicy fact for the day.
Miss you so much right now; you don’t even understand. Your parents said that you were doing really well, but I wish that I could hear it from you. I’ll be here when you’re ready.
Love,
Moon
I read the letter over and over, replaying the thought in my head. I was picturing what it must have felt like for him to learn he had a sister he didn’t know about who was fifteen years old. He has a sister. I can’t believe it. I mean I guess I can, but it’s so shocking to hear it from him. No matter what he says I can tell he is excited. There is probably a thought in his mind that he shouldn’t be happy, but he is. I know it. I can’t help but think about Lisa. She put up with so much all of these years from that rat bastard. She may love him, but no amount of love was worth his crap.
Johnny read the letter over supper that evening. You should see the smile on his face every time I get a new letter. He gets so excited. No one ever sends mail for him, so it’s like Christmas every day. Each day when the letter arrives I read it first and once I have laughed and cried or puked, whichever is necessary, I pass it on to Johnny to read. There are critics of music and movies, but I never knew there were letter critics until John Boy. I swear he has some kind of over analytical thing to say about every word in it. Mostly it comes down too him saying that he believes Moon loves me so much and I need to write him back, which I have no plan of doing anytime soon.
“I get it, seriously. You can shut up now.”
He rolled his eyes at me. “Come on let’s go. We have work to do.”
“I have to start my school work tonight. They finally sent over my school work and I have to stay on top of it, if I plan to graduate.”
“Are you serious right now? You will have plenty of free time to work on that shit. We have more important things to work on. Let’s go.”
I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I liked hanging out with him way more than homework, but not knowing what he has up his sleeve well, it frightens me. He closed my bedroom door and waited for me to at least pretend to look comfortable.
“I have a plan but, you need to close your eyes and trust me.”
“I can tell you right now that you started that whole damn sentence wrong. I’m freaking serious when I say this too you. Look into my eyes. The fact that you have a plan is bad enough, but now you want me to shut my eyes, oh and that’s not all. You also want me to trust you. Seriously, trust you. The fact that we are both in a nut house speaks volumes.”
“And the Oscar goes to Sunshine, for an unbeatable performance. Enough with the dramatics, we have work to do. Have I given you any reason not to trust me?” I just rolled my eyes. I swear if he wasn’t so dang cute I would probably punch him in the nose right now. “Are you ready?”
“Fine,” I stood up from the edge of the bed and closed my eyes. “Be gentle Johnny because I’m truly nervous.”
“You think I don’t know that? I can see your hands shaking from way over here. Just listen to my voice. It will be fine. Do you hear my voice getting closer? Good, now keep your eyes closed and just listen.”
With each word he spoke I could hear him coming closer into my space, but he would say comforting things and would always tell me to take a deep breath. That helped because I could smell him. His cologne always smelled sexy and it would mask the other bad smells that
I would think I smelled. He was my reality.
“I’m really close now.”
“I know. I smell you.” I smiled big.
His laugh was so cute. I even heard him sniffing loudly and pictured him smelling his own pits; that made me giggle. “So you think I stink, huh?”
“No,” I was trying not to laugh. “Actually, you smell really good. I love the way you smell.”
“Really,” he stepped closer. I only knew this because I could feel his breathe on my face. My heart picked up a serious marathon pace. There was no stopping it, I mean not that I wanted it to stop, but a slower pace would have been helpful. It wasn’t my normal panicked heart race it was something totally different. His closeness was doing all sorts of things to me. “I’m really close now, but I won’t hurt you. Do you hear me?” I nodded, unable to speak.
His hand touched my face and I gasped really loud. It was an instinct and it caused me to try and back away, but I didn’t get far because the bed was right behind me. His hand came back to my face, and somehow through it all my eyes remained closed. “Listen to my voice, Sunshine. I will not do anything to hurt you. My touch is meant to be soft and loving. Take a deep breath.” I did what he said and felt his hand move slowly down my cheek. I was allowing him more trust than I have ever allowed anyone. “I know how hard this is for you, but I’m not leaving your side. It is just you and me here, nobody else.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, when his other hand touched my cheek as well. Now my face was cradled in both his hands. They were so big that they nearly swallowed me up. His breath was so close and it felt warm as it blew across my face. He lightly tilted my head up and placed the softest kiss on my lips. It wasn’t demanding, it was sweet and I shuddered under his touch. My knees were shaking so hard I could feel them knocking. “Shine,” he spoke to my lips but I didn’t respond. Was he waiting for me to say stop, because I couldn’t speak if I wanted to. I’m not sure I wanted him too either. Not now anyway. After having felt something so sweet I wished that this had been my real first time. My face was so warm and I couldn’t believe that he made me feel again. I felt it all the way to my toes and it was so amazing that I was overwhelmed with emotion. The tears rolled from under the lashes of my closed eyes.
Moonshine Page 11
