Two knocks on the Doctor G’s door and I just walk right in now. He is always expecting me and I have never walked in on something I shouldn’t. Thank God.
“You know the drill,” he sipped his coffee mug and grabbed his notepad. He waited for me to take my seat and he already had his shoes off. This was our thing now. Once I finally got comfortable with the doc he asked if he could take of his shoes. I thought it was weird at first, but it was just his way of showing me that he felt comfort in my presence and I think he wanted me to feel it too. So now it’s just ritual. He has his shoes off and I take off mine and hop onto the couch and get comfortable. I feel like sometimes we should be popping popcorn and watching movies. It’s safety for me and I craved it from the moment I stepped in his office.
“What are we talking about today?”
“Since your time here is nearing an end, I thought we would discuss your final exam. Do you feel like you are ready to talk to Moon?”
“I’m afraid of his reaction, but I know I have to tell him. It’s important for me to heal so I guess that I am as ready as I’ll ever be.” I squeezed the pillow into my chest.
“I’m glad to hear that. You have come such a long way. You aren’t that frightened little girl that we first met, you are ready for the world, and I know that when you leave I won’t have to worry about you.”
“Thanks, Doc.”
“Now,” He tapped his pen on the paper. “What about your parents? They have come to visit you every Sunday. Are you going to be telling them the secret too, or are you fine with the two of them not knowing?” I rubbed the green suede fabric on the pillow back and forth. I wasn’t sure how to answer the question. My thoughts on the situation were up in the air. “Tell me what you are thinking. I can tell the wheels are spinning, and if you rub a hole in my favorite pillow you are buying me a new one.”
“I just…” I let out a sigh. “I don’t know what to do. If I tell them they will be devastated. They may get mad at Moon and his mom because of what David did. I don’t want that, but on the other hand I feel like they have never understood why I did it. I feel like I at least owe them an explanation. What if they blame themselves? I mean, we have never really discussed any of this.”
“I see both of your points, but let’s talk about them for a second. Put yourself in their shoes. How do you think they feel?” O great. I know this reverse psychology babble.
“All right, Smart Guy. I get it. No need to pull out the big guns. I will tell them everything.”
He was laughing and snorting. “Oh Shine, you unquestionably make my job so much easier. I don’t even need to work while you are here. I’ll miss you, Kiddo. Don’t tell anyone, but you are my favorite.”
“Of course I am.” I took pride in knowing it too. “So when is this whole spill the beans thing taking place?”
“Sunday when your parents come to visit,” he stated matter of fact.
“That is two days.”
“Very good, counting is something to be very proud of.” He winked.
“I am serious. I don’t know if I’m that ready.” I used air quotes when I said “that” because I was not kidding.
“You are ready. Trust me. Now do you have a way to get Moon here too, or should I call him and schedule it myself.”
“No, I know how to do it. Will I be telling them together?”
“I’ll leave that up to you. I figured that since Sunday will be Bradley’s last night here that he will be here to comfort you along the way. I know he is your side kick and he will be a good friend for you to have around after you get things off your chest. No more worrying about this because it will be just fine. That is all for today.”
“Ugh! I hate when you end it on sour notes.” I started putting my shoes back on.
“I know, that is why I do it.” He laughed a fake evil laugh and I just rolled my eyes and headed out the door.
I slammed my bedroom door hard when I shut it, because I wanted the whole hallway to hear it. Johnny was already on my bed reading today’s letter and waiting for me.
“Bad day with the doc?” he smirked.
“You could say that again. Sunday I am having a meeting with my parents and Moon, to tell them my secret. I just don’t know if I’m ready.”
“You are ready. Come sit down and let me rub your back. Come on.” He patted the bed between his legs and I went willingly. I sat with my back facing him so that he could work his magic. “You will do just fine. It’s like that big ugly band aid that I have been telling you about that you just have to rip off. Remember?” I just shook my head while he continued to rub. I’ll be right here in this room waiting for you when you are done. I will hug you and rub your back and make sure you don’t freak out. But I’m telling you that you are over those days. You can do this; I have no doubt in my mind. I am the smart one out of the two of us. You are supposed to listen to me.”
“O geez…” I rolled my eyes. “Wait a minute. You should be there too.”
“What?” he snapped his head around my shoulder and stared at me.
“Would you please? Do it for me. You can come and hold my hand.”
“You do realize that you haven’t told me the story either.” He brushed the hair back from my eyes.
“I know, but it will be okay. I will feel better knowing you are in the room with me. You won’t judge me and I don’t know if they will.” I stuck out my lip. “Mom and Dad have already met you and they love you like I do. They will understand why you are there. I have told them that you are my closest friend. Please Johnny?”
“I’ll be there.”
“Thank you,” I hugged his neck. “Are we working on things tonight? Is that why you were waiting on me?”
“No, I think we have covered everything. You are gonna be just fine out there in the world of hot boys, or at least with the one hot boy that you want to be with.” I took a deep breath. Over the past couple of months Johnny has helped me cope with touch. He has taught me that good things can come from it if you want them to happen. We have explored each other’s bodies in ways that I never thought I would ever be able to do. We haven’t had sex but we have pretty much done everything else. Every time that I have told him to stop because I was scared or uncomfortable he did, without question. Then when I was ready we would try again. He never pushes or expects anything. I have come so far. When David took away my innocence I thought that I would be shattered forever. That I would never enjoy being touched by a man because I would always think of him, but I was wrong. I love to be loved the right way.
“I’m sure you are right, but I have been thinking and I want us to have sex. I’m ready to go all the way and I want it to be with you.”
“I don’t know about that. You are getting braver by the minute.”
“If you don’t want to, I get it. I know it isn’t easy for you but I was just thinking that I have experienced all of my firsts with you and it would be special to me this way. I know that you will be gentle to me and take care of me.”
“Someone could catch us Shine.”
“They know you’re gay. They never check on us. They don’t worry about you and me together.”
“This is crazy. When I thought up this whole plan, I never pictured us going this far. I know how much you love Moon, don’t you want to share this with him?”
I took his hand in mine. “I love Moon with all of my heart and I hope that one day I will get to share myself with him, but the truth is that it may never happen. If I do get the chance I don’t want to be so scared that I ruin the moment. I don’t want him thinking that I will always be a broken mess. I want it to be perfect for both of us. You and me, we already have an understanding and a love. We have a friendship that will never be broken and things will never be weird between us. It will be amazing and I can’t imagine sharing this first with anyone else.”
“I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this.”
“I can. You love me so much. I see it all over that cute little face of y
ours.” I pinched his check.
“Okay, that ain’t sexy so you better start turning up the heat around here if you plan on getting little Johnny ready.” I couldn’t help but laugh. “Come on stand up. Are you sure about this?”
“Positive,” I shivered when his fingertips ran down my arm. When his hands brushed the bottom of my shirt he started lifting it over my head until the shirt hit the floor. He slowly took his off too. He closed in on my body with his and kissed me. Both his hands wrapped around my back and before I knew it my bra joined the other clothes on the ground. The kiss was hot and his tongue worked me over. I knew what that thing was capable of and it made me wet just thinking about it. His hand moved slowly up my waist and onto my breast. Working his fingers around my nipples in slow soft circles nearly had me breaking apart right there and he hadn’t even touched me anywhere else. He kissed down my jaw, then my neck, and licked all the way across my collar bone. It was so sexy and hot. I loved when he did that; it gave me chills. “Are you okay?” he asked.
“So good,” was my breathy answer. He smiled when he led me over to the bed. I laid back onto the pillow and watched as he took off the rest of his clothes. He was so gorgeous with his lean body and all those swimmer muscles. I imagine that he won’t have any trouble finding partners when he leaves and I would be just the person to help.
“You have on way too many clothes,” he pointed to my jeans. I took them off and threw them on the floor and then took off my panties. I had no shame around him anymore. He had seen and touched it all. He tucked himself up beside me propping up on one arm. He ran his hands down my tummy brushing his fingertips across my throbbing core. My body was on fire with every touch of his fingers. His fingers entered me gently hitting just the right spot. He would take them all the way in then he would come all the way out moving right over my clit. He rubbed in small quick circles massaging me and just when I thought I was at the edge he would go back inside me again. It felt like my nerve endings were burning my skin, and I could hear my deep ragged breaths. I used my free hand to touch him. I wrapped my hand around him and moved it up and down matching his rhythm. Making sure that I massaged his balls because he told me how much he liked it. When his breathing picked up I knew that he was getting close. He moved his hands from my body and I whimpered. I saw him put on the condom and roll it down his hard length. He climbed on top of me and with each leg he pushed my legs farther apart, opening me up wider. He kissed my lips again and down my neck. His hands began to rub me again but this time it was a light touch but it was fast and I was seconds away from coming. “Johnny,” I moaned.
“I know,” he said when he quickly slid himself inside me. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly because it all happened so fast. “Open your eyes, Sunshine. It’s me.”
I opened them and saw the concern in his eyes. “I’m okay.” I reassured him and kissed his lips.
“Keep your eyes open, okay? I want you to always know that it’s me. I am here and I love you.”
I did as he said and I’m glad that I did. His movements started off slow until he realized I was okay and then they were quick and amazing, just like I knew they would be. He was so careful and his hands caressed my face the whole time. When we both came over the edge it was the best orgasm ever. I couldn’t stop shaking. “There are no words to describe how I feel right now.” The tears rolled down the sides of my face. “Thank you so much. You don’t know what it feels like to just be able to feel again. I owe you everything.”
“You don’t owe me anything. You are my best friend in the whole world and that is enough for me.”
25
Moon
“Holy shit, you have a Mustang. They are my favorite. This is bad ass.” She was literally jumping up and down in my driveway.
“Nice, I could tell you had good taste. Can you drive a stick?” I tossed her the keys. “This is my baby so you better take it easy and buckle your seatbelt.”
“Are you serious, Ry?” No one has ever called me that before and I secretly loved it. Is that cheesy or what, because I’m pretty sure she could’ve called me lard ass and I still would’ve loved it.
“Get in before I change my mind.” She squealed so loud that I thought my ear drums were going to bust. “I’m gonna need you to not yell like that ever again.”
“Sorry, I’m just excited.” She buckled her seatbelt and started the car.
“You can drive a stick, right?” I buckled my seatbelt and at the moment wished that I had a safety harness. I held my breath the entire time she backed out of the driveway.
“My grandpa taught me a few years ago before he passed away.” Well damn… This girl had lost her grandpa too. She has nobody.
“You know, I still can’t believe that you convinced them to let you go. I thought Mom was going to flip out when I told her that I wanted to take you to the mill.”
“I know her face was priceless.”
“Then you turned on the charm. I swear that woman has never caved like that for me. I don’t know how you did it.”
“She doesn’t know me like she knows you. If it were my mother she probably would have said I was grounded for even asking. She was really tough on me.”
“Make a left at the red light. It’s only a couple more miles.” I interrupted, but waited for her to continue.
“My mom was always tough on me, but I think it was because it was just me and her. She never wanted me to get out of control. I understood her reasoning, but I feel like my teenage life was nonexistent. It’s not much different now even with Grams in charge. Since Mom died I think Grams has been waiting for me to break and fall apart, but I don’t want to be out of control. I mean she knows I’m a good kid. All I have to do is say please and promise to be good and she lets me do what I want. I just don’t normally have many things to do. I don’t have many friends and I have never had a boyfriend. I had one date my freshman year of high school and that didn’t go well. I am just trying to get through with school and get out on my own. Make a life for myself, you know?”
“Pull into this parking lot and park over there by that blue truck. Being a good person isn’t a bad thing. I know you feel like you missed out on a lot of shit, but you didn’t. Your life is just starting, or at least that’s how I feel. I feel like I can really be free now. That the small stuff didn’t matter and everything after today is what counts. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah it actually does. Thanks a lot, but no more serious stuff tonight. I want to have fun. I only have one night with you. I don’t want to waste it.”
“You got it. Let’s go meet my buddy.”
“I’m ready.”
Valerie followed me through the tall grass and into the weeds to find the path to the mill. It wasn’t a long walk and once I saw the silo I knew we were close. I could already hear the radio blasting. She kept up pace with me and never complained. I couldn’t help but wish that Shine was there with us. She would love Valerie. This was our place and I know she’d want to be the one to show her around.
When we rounded the last corner I could see Josh sitting by the fire. There were only a couple of people with him and I was glad. I didn’t want to scare Valerie with too much craziness. I don’t know if she is ready for that.
“Come on,” I grabbed her hand. “I want to introduce you to somebody.”
“Josh, hey man.”
“Look who finally decided to grace us with his presence. Where you been, Man? I was getting worried.” He looked only at me, until I pulled Valerie to my side. His mouth hit the floor, literally. I had to twist his nipple a little and snap him back into reality. “Ouch, damn.”
“Josh, this is my sister, Valerie. Valerie, this is my pain in the ass, Josh.”
“What the hell ever, you know I’m your future best man. It’s very nice to meet you Valerie.” Josh shook her hand and held it too damn long. He has it bad already. She is beautiful so I can see why he would he couldn’t take his eyes off her.
“Nice to meet you t
oo,” oh hell. She had that look too.
“Come on Val, I want to introduce you to everybody else.” I yanked her with me. I am not about to be having a love match between those two. I just met her today and she’s fifteen for fuck’s sake. I took her around the fire and introduced her to a few other people. There weren’t many people there and she was the only girl. That was normally the way it was when Shine was here. It never bothered her and it didn’t seem to bother Valerie either.
“Is that a Gibson?” She asked Tanner. He always brought his guitar; it didn’t matter where he went.
“Yeah it is. You know how to play?” he asked and it made me curious. There were a lot of things that I didn’t know about my little sister.
“Actually, I do.”
“Seriously,” I was shocked when she shook her head yes. “I gotta hear you play.”
“Okay, do you mind?” She looked at Tanner for approval.
“Be my guest, sweet thang.” I growled at him. Come on man. These guys act like they have never seen a girl before.
She sat down on a slab of wood next to the fire, and the five of us guys gathered round. She didn’t seem nervous. She looked really excited. When her fingers started to slowly strum the guitar I was amazed. At first I didn’t recognize the song, but then she started to sing. Holy crap she was singing Nirvana. It was the song Come as You Are, and she had put a little twist on it. I could not believe the sound that came from this girl. She was amazing. She had this blues sound that could tear your heart to shreds with a sad song. It was unbelievable. When I looked at Josh I knew it was over, he was lost in her every word. When she came to the end I didn’t want it to be over. How could she not be singing on some big stage in front of thousands of people? I’m not shitting you, she has the voice of an angel, and she sings Nirvana. A thousand times yes!
Moonshine Page 13
