“So, I stayed with Russ for a few months—”
His eyes grow wide. “Were you…” He trails off, unable to say the presumptuous words.
Brent’s implications are obvious. Were Russ and I an item? The answer is no, but we were intimate. We were just two lost people, searching for more, who happened to be alongside one another.
“Does it matter?” I ask, defeated in so many ways.
Brent lets go of my hands and runs his through his hair.
“Fuck!” he says under his breath. “Fuck. Damn it!”
I wrap my arms around my waist, rejection taking hold, as I wait for Brent to…react further. He leans back and stares at me, every particle of his being projecting dejection.
“It was a long time ago,” I sheepishly remind him. “And I told you, it was ugly.”
Holding the bridge of his nose, Brent asks, “Did you love him?”
“No, not at all.” My nails dig into my palms, pressing hard from the admission. “I can stop if you don’t want to hear the rest.”
Collecting himself, Brent drops his hand into his lap. “No, go on. I want to know.”
Opening and closing my hands, still resting at my middle, I forge on. “Russ got me a job at a restaurant where he was tending bar. It was near Christmas, and I was still…floundering—I guess that’s the best way to put it. Our coworkers—well, let’s just say, they all liked to have a good time, and it was easy to join in on that since I had zero fight in me.”
“So,” he says in an accusatory tone, “you were drinking a lot?”
“I wouldn’t say a lot but often.”
“Even with your dad’s addiction issues?”
I laugh, defeated. “I’m not perfect, Brent, not by a long shot. I’ve made a ton of mistakes in my life. There’s no doubt in my mind about that. I was destroyed and feeling alone. So, yeah, even with my dad, I put myself in an awful environment. I didn’t want to fight anymore. I didn’t want to cry anymore. I didn’t want to hurt anymore. I took the easy way—that’s all it was.”
He rubs his forehead. “Fuck, Ruby.” He grunts. “Keep going.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, I want to hear it all.”
“Okay.” I sharply exhale. “It was around Christmas, and Russ had a bunch of people over for a party. It wasn’t uncommon. People came over all the time. Now that I think back to it, I was practically living in a huge party house. Everyone was drinking a lot, and well…there were drugs, too.”
“Were you doing them?”
“No, not at all.”
He closes off his green-gray eyes, relieved, as his chin lifts toward the ceiling.
“And,” I continue, “that night, some people started to get out of hand. A fight broke out between two guys. I have no idea what it was even about. I was really drunk, and the next thing I knew, I was being pushed through the sliding glass door. I don’t really remember much after that.”
“Your arm?”
“Yeah. I lost a lot of blood, and I had to have surgery to repair an artery.”
Brent blinks, his face hardens, stunned as the events register further. “You could have died.”
“Yes, I could have, but I didn’t.” I squirm a little.
“But you’re okay now?”
“I am. I was in the hospital for a few days to recover. Russ called Cody when it happened, and he drove down the next day.”
“What about your dad?”
“He couldn’t come.”
“Why not?”
“Because…you know why,” I say simply.
Brent knows I’m implying that my father’s addiction was an issue.
“Ruby…” Brent drags his hand across his face. He drops his hand, appearing to be lost in thought as if he’s waging some war within himself. His lips move, but no words escape. His expression fills with fear and guilt.
“Brent, it’s not your fault. I was a mess. I looked for answers in the wrong places, and it came to bite me in the ass.”
“But I should have been the answer,” he insists. “You should have been looking for me.”
“You are the answer.” The tears erupt. “I just couldn’t see that then.” I rest my face in my hands, trying to stifle the sobs. “I pushed you away, and I fucked up. I just wanted…I just didn’t want to miss you anymore. I regret it all, but the mistakes are mine. I did them all.”
Brent’s arms wrap around my bundled form. “I did them, too,” he soothingly whispers.
I weep into his shoulder as the sentiments of the past seep into the present.
“Your pain is mine,” he continues. “No matter when or how it happens, I hurt for you. I hurt with you.”
He holds me until I calm down and pull myself together. I sit back, wiping away the tears.
“What happened next?” he questions.
I sniff. “Cody stayed in Florida for a while longer until I was discharged. He was so pissed at Russ and me. Cody and I got my stuff and started to drive back home to Illinois. It was time. On the way back, we stopped in Daytona for a car show that happened to be going on. That’s where Cody met Shauna and her family. So, I guess something good came from my idiocy.”
Brent takes my hand back in his.
“The last day of the show, we got a call from my Uncle Jas about my father’s car accident. Things were rough in general for some time, but between his accident and mine, I kind of had a wake-up call about my life. If there’s such a thing as rock bottom, I was definitely sitting there at that time. I went to Al-Anon meetings because of my father’s accident, and they ended up helping with everything. Cody assisted in getting me back in school, and he made sure I was set up back in Chicago before moving to Milwaukee. I still go to Al-Anon meetings every once in a while. Cody does, too. We’ve both come a long way.”
“So, Cody was there for you?”
“Yeah, he was, and he saw me at my worst. That’s why he acted the way he did, but I don’t like him blaming you. It’s not right.”
“I understand why he does though. I think I would, too.” He purses his lips. “I wish I had been the one who was there for you.”
“In some ways, I wish you were, too.”
Brent scoots closer to me, our sides touching. “When I was talking to Cody in the garage, how much did you hear?”
“Enough to know that Cody’s not exactly fond of you.”
“No shit.” He shakes his head. “That’s an understatement.”
“Maybe a little one.”
Brent grips my fidgeting hands. “I’m not sure all that you heard him say, but he got a few things wrong when it comes to me.” Boring his steely green eyes straight into me, he continues, “I’m not here to throw money around or use you. This thing, between you and I, isn’t fleeting, and you’re not some novelty for me to rescue.” He adds pressure to my hand. “I’m here because I love you, and I need you in so many ways. I will not leave you when things get rough. Whatever is going on with you or what Cody thinks or what happened in Florida—none of those things will push me away.” He threads his fingers with mine. “I know how it looks on the outside and what others might think, but I hope you know me.” He lowers his voice as he says, “I feel like you’re the only person who has ever known me.”
“I do know you,” I gently tell him. “And I realize how it looks, too. But I don’t care. I see the truth.”
He squeezes my hand.
“But Cody is right about me and my problems,” I unhappily admit. “I do come with a lot of them—well, maybe not problems, but I certainly have a lot of baggage.”
“I don’t mind your baggage.” His sincerity is so prominent that I could never question the statement. “I’m happy to carry it for you wherever we travel.”
“You think you’re clever, don’t you?”
“Sometimes, but I’m serious.”
“I know you are, Brent, and you’re the only one I want to help me carry it.”
He leans his head against mine. “I wish you wo
uld let me unpack it, too.”
“You already are.”
Brent’s hand traces a strand of hair that has fallen out from behind my ear. He reaches its end and tucks it back in place. “Good. We’re going to be okay,” he states reassuringly.
“I think so.”
“We will.” He straightens, giving me all of his attention as his hands drift along the length of my arms. “What a day, huh?”
“It’s kind of huge. Not really a typical Thanksgiving.”
“No, it isn’t. Are you worried about Shauna and the baby?” he asks, apprehensive.
“Yes.”
“I thought so.”
“I just want everything to be okay for them,” I quietly say, trying not to hint at the worst.
“Me, too.”
“I don’t…” I shake my head. “I can’t even…”
He takes me in his arms, cradling the back of my head. “It’s okay. I understand. I can’t even either.”
Just like that, Brent strips away my facade of strength because it’s not needed with him, and I let him carry us both.
Nineteen
Since arriving at the hospital seven hours ago, we’ve had lunch, coffee, dinner, and made a few trips to the snack machine. Spending Thanksgiving within these sterile walls, watching time tick by, is not ideal, but I can’t convince myself to leave and go anywhere else.
It’s been almost two hours since we’ve heard any progress from the nurse. Shauna’s family, Brent, and I are sitting and waiting, hoping that everything is going well. Last we knew, the baby was coming quickly, but that was ages ago. It’s getting late, but sleeping is impossible. There’s no way my mind can rest with so much unknown.
“It’s been a while,” Marcus says, sitting in the chair next to Brent. “You’d think they would have let us know something by now.”
“Babies come when they want,” Shauna’s mother absently states from behind a magazine. “You all certainly came out in your own time. Marcus was two weeks late, and Tony and Daniel were both early. Shauna seemed to be the only one who got the message to come out on time. She was born on her actual due date.”
“Figures she was,” Tony says. “She’s always showing us up and doing the right thing.”
“Like marrying Cody,” Daniel adds with a touch of sarcasm.
“It was the right thing for her,” Shauna’s mother says in response. “Everything will be just fine.”
The door opens, exposing a red-eyed Cody. He enters the room, and every one of us sits up straighter. We’re on the edge of our seats, waiting for him to speak.
“She’s here,” Cody announces. “Five pounds, ten ounces. Screaming, breathing okay, and eating, too.”
Brent tightens his grip around my shoulder, and a sense of relief washes over both of us.
A healthy baby girl.
“Shauna is resting now,” Cody continues, “but she would like to see everyone soon. The doctor says it looks like everyone is going to be just fine. They’re going to watch the baby closely for the next twenty-four hours, but if she does well, we can take her home.”
“So, no complications?” Tony asks.
“None. It’s better than we could have expected.”
“So,” Marcus inquires, “are you going to tell us her name?”
“Scarlet.” Cody smiles proudly. “Scarlet Harriet Miller. She’s a spitfire, that’s for sure.”
“Just like her dad,” Daniel states.
“Just like her mom,” Cody retorts. He searches the room until his eyes land on me. “Just like all the women in her life.” He runs a hand through his tussled dark brown hair. “Ruby, can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Sure.” Standing up, I wipe my clammy hands on my thighs and then meet him at the threshold.
He steps into the hallway. “Come with me.”
Cody proceeds down the hall without saying a word while I follow close behind. We pass a few closed doors, round the corner, and venture beyond the nurses’ desk. Cody opens the third door on the left, revealing Shauna sitting up in bed while holding their baby.
“Shauna wanted you to be the first to meet Scarlet,” Cody peacefully says beside me. Leading me into the room, he ushers me with his hand on my back to the side of the bed. “Come and meet your goddaughter, Scarlet.”
In Shauna’s tattooed arms lies a bundle of cotton. Inside of that beams a face with the sweetest, tiniest, and most angelic features I’ve ever seen.
“Ruby,” Shauna serenely says, her face flush with joy, as she pats the space next to her hip, “have a seat.”
Facing her, I rest my backside on the mattress, careful not to get too close. “How are you?” I ask, trying to get comfortable without jostling her.
“Tired,” she breathes. “But happy, good, still a little shocked, and just so blessed.”
“Yes, you are.” I gape at the little girl in her arms. “You did good. She’s absolutely beautiful.”
“She sure is.” Shauna taps my hand. “Do you want to hold her?”
My eyes well up with tears. “Yeah, I’d love to.”
Slowly and with the utmost care, Shauna places her daughter in the waiting cradle of my arms. Shauna’s arms slide away, and then it’s just Scarlet and me, no one else. She weighs practically nothing. She has the features of a tiny angel—cherubic skin, soft lids, petite nose, and shell-pink lips. Her body is swaddled in cotton, and her head is topped with a beanie. Whispers of her dark brown hair peek out the sides near her ears. Everything about her is small, delicate, and beautiful. She’s too fragile, vulnerable, and dependent.
I love her completely.
“She’s so tiny,” I muse.
“Don’t let her size fool you,” Cody says from behind me. “She’s a fighter.”
“Of course she is,” I say, my fingertip brushing her soft cheek. “I knew she would be. She’s already made a point about what she wants. She wanted to come, and she wasn’t taking no for an answer.”
“No, she wasn’t,” Shauna agrees, palming Scarlet’s tiny head.
“Girls are funny like that,” I add, sharing a peaceful moment with Shauna. “We know what we want.”
I hand Scarlet back into Shauna’s restless and waiting arms. The longing in her face is barely contained.
“She really is gorgeous,” I say.
“Thank you,” Shauna replies, holding Scarlet easily and naturally. “She’s a screamer, too.”
“She must get that from her father.”
“That’s what I said.” Shauna grins widely at Cody. “She came out, screaming her head off. Scared the shit out of us.”
“I bet.”
Shauna sits up as best she can in the bed, getting comfortable with Scarlet in her arms. “So, is my family freaking out?”
“A little bit, but I’m sure they’ll be fine once they see you…and her.”
She tucks a fiery strand of hair behind her ear. “We’ll let them sweat a little while longer. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m fine. Don’t you worry about me. You just had a baby. You only need to worry about taking care of you and this little girl.”
“Doesn’t change the fact that I wanted to make sure you were all right.”
“Actually,” Cody chimes in, “I need to say I’m sorry.”
I turn on the bed to face him. “I appreciate that, Cody, but you should tell Brent that you’re sorry. You know that, right?”
Cody methodically rubs the dark stubble on the side of his face, not responding.
“I told him,” I continue since he’s not verbal, “about what happened in Florida, so now he knows. I had planned on telling him. I wasn’t keeping it from him. It just hadn’t come up yet. You blame him for a lot of things. I understand your point of view, but you need to let it go. A lot happened between Brent and me, and he’s not the only one at fault, but that’s our business.”
“I just don’t know if I can trust him.”
“I do.” There’s an underlyin
g pleading tone in my voice. “That should be all that matters, right?”
His mouth forms a hard line, and his face hardens as the seconds tick onward.
Still, he says nothing.
“Okay,” I utter, understanding his lack of reply.
He doesn’t need to say a word. It’s obvious how he feels, and I know that we’re at an impasse on this.
Standing up, I turn to face Shauna and Scarlet. “She’s really beautiful, Shauna.” I lean down and kiss each of them on the cheek. “Congratulations.” My fingers drift along the bundled baby in her mother’s arms.
“I’ll call you soon,” Shauna says, apologetic.
“Okay,” I respond to our wordless conversation. The tension in the room is obvious and not going to be resolved, but we still love each other. “Take care of yourself and that little girl.”
Without looking back, I walk out the door and into the hallway, heading back toward the waiting room. Cody has openly spurned my decision. He’s rejected Brent and thereby rejected me. There’s no other way to see it. Rounding the corner, the man I chose and will always choose comes into view. Brent is outside the waiting room, leaning against the cream wall, talking on his phone. He hangs up as I come to stand next to him.
“I just booked us a hotel,” he says, taking my hand. “We won’t have to drive back tonight, and you can come back in the morning to visit.”
“We can go now.” I bite the inside of my cheek. “There’s no reason to stay.”
“Is something wrong?” He tilts his head in question. “Is everything okay?”
“I…”
“The baby?” He grips my biceps, searching my face. “What’s going on?”
The words cannot seem to form in my mouth. My mind is trying, but it’s unable to communicate the traffic jam of thoughts. The mixture of relief from Scarlet’s birth, my memories of my own pregnancy, Cody’s refusal to accept Brent and our relationship, and the fact that I made a choice to go against Cody, the one person who helped me in one of my darkest times, when I walked out of that hospital room overwhelms every part of me. It’s too much, and for some reason, Brent is drawing out all my clustering emotions with his simple concern. He knows me too well, and everything about my state of mind is on a platter for him to take, for him to share with me.
These Days Series: After Tuesday | Forgotten Yesterday | Deciding Tomorrow Page 49
