Laying there, face pressed against the stone, the bed hovering over me like some kind of dark temple, I took three shaky, deep breaths. It was part of my process, a way to bring myself back to the present and out of the terrors I experienced every night.
She was always there, in my dreams, asking why I hadn’t saved her. Always. I should have been used to them by now, after more than twenty years of it, but I never was.
How did you get used to the sight of your true love dead on the ground in front of you?
An even bigger question—how did you reconcile with the fact that it was entirely your fault?
I could still see her face, the expression of hurt and dismay she’d worn when I’d ordered her to leave the Underworld. She’d cried, trying to explain herself, but I didn’t want to listen. Once she’d left, I’d immediately turned to the situation at hand.
Tartarus’s gates had been broken and Titans were flooding out of it. What else was I supposed to do? She had betrayed me, or so I thought. I’d given her my entire heart and trust, only to find out she was a deceiver and thief. Her disguise as Persephone had blinded me to what she really was.
In anger, I rushed into The Battle of the Undoing, desperate to right the wrongs that had come to pass right under my nose. Katrina wasn’t even a thought in my mind then, as I battled beside my family against the Titans. Dust filled the air, screams of war echoing in the space. It reminded me of the night Zeus had rescued me from our father the first time, the day we had officially met, after he cut Kronos open and pulled me from his stomach. Perhaps it was the fact we were fighting with him again, or maybe it was the fact that everything had changed, once more.
And then she was there, riding through the fight on horseback, guns blazing. She didn’t have a chance in Hell to survive the ordeal, but she was there anyway, trying to help the Olympians.
I’d never felt the feelings I had then, when I saw her fighting beside us. It was as if my heart had exploded and lit on fire all at once, fear gripping me so tightly I didn’t even know what to do.
In the end, her death was my fault; I’d sent her away, even when I knew that wasn’t what I really wanted. If I’d locked her in the castle, kept her safe from the fight, she wouldn’t have had to sacrifice her life for mine.
It was a split second I would remember for the rest of eternity. I was losing my fight with Erebos, the Titan who had tricked Katrina into working for him and succeeded in stealing my helmet. Forced to the ground, I was trying to get back on my feet when it happened.
Her hands pressed against me, shoving me back down and out of the way. Brown hair had fanned around her head, terror in her eyes as she watched me fall, a scream leaving her lips. It was a sound of warning and fear, her tan skin seeming to shine in the light.
Behind her, Erebos had raised his scythes high, the points rushing down to where I had just been.
To where Katrina now was.
The blades punched through her chest, surprise flashing across her face as a strange piercing sound rang in the air.
Suddenly, I realized the sound was me, shouting as Erebos pulled the blades away and vanished.
Crumbling, Katrina fell into my arms, dying right in front of me.
Everything after that was a blur. I knew Zeus had ordered me not to leave—the Olympians were losing badly as it was—but I didn’t listen. Before I even knew what I was doing, I was running from the fight, her body cradled in my arms.
The burn in my muscles fueled me, the pain helping to ease some of the fear I felt for the woman I loved. I ran until I couldn’t hear any sound at all.
She died in my arms, underneath the trees, tears on her face and blood covering almost every inch of her.
I don’t think I’d ever cried, in all of my existence, until that night.
Her body was buried in my garden, a secret place that had been just for us. I hadn’t been back to it since I laid her in the ground. It was too painful to remember everything that had happened there.
I wouldn’t return until I fulfilled my promise to her—to bring her back somehow. That, however, had turned out to be something almost impossible to do.
“Do you have any idea what you have done?” Zeus had shouted, his voice echoing off the bookshelves around me. “We have lost this battle, brother! The Titans roam free in the mortal realm because you fled the fight when we need you most.”
“Don’t act like you wouldn’t have done the same thing if Karly were the one who’d been killed,” I replied sourly, refusing to turn away from the script in my hands. The Underworld had a copy of every book that had ever been created, by god or otherwise. There had to be something here that could bring Katrina back.
“Karly is my wife and a goddess. She is more than capable of handling herself and if she’d been injured she would have expected me to continue on leading our people.” He was growling now, his voice dangerously low. “You up and left for a mortal who had no chance of surviving. Who was in league with the Titans. You might as well have joined with them too.”
“Zeus.” Poseidon’s voice held a soft warning, despite the sour expression on his face.
“No,” Zeus shot back. “He’s been locked in this library for a week. The woman is dead and her soul is a Lost One. Leave her be and come help your family while they need you!”
“Enough!” I shouted, finally turning to look at the two of them. They still wore their golden and silver battle armor, as they would whenever leaving Olympus in a time of war. Together, they put up the united front I’d seen my entire life. “You say my family needs me. Where were they when I needed them? You have never once been interested in what I’m doing or have to say unless it involves you directly. The only times you’ve ever come to the Underworld were to do inspection. Unless you need me for something, you couldn’t care less what was happening in my life. I’ve always come to your aid when you called, but not this time. For once, I am doing what I need to do, not something you require of me.”
“You’re refusing an order from your king?” Thunder rumbled somewhere overhead as Zeus continued to stare at me, practically daring me to tell him I was defying a direct order again.
“I am.”
It was a simple enough answer, but the consequences were painful. Thunder clapped so loudly outside that the walls shook, and before I could blink, Zeus’s fist had connected with the side of my face. Poseidon quickly pulled him back, his own anger showing on his face.
“How could you be so selfish, Hades?” he asked, his grip tight around Zeus’s forearm. “Zeus and Karly are going to have a child soon. Audrey and I are getting married and want to have children of our own. Would you really leave our world in such a state for all of that?”
“So you and Zeus get what you want—a happy life while I suffer? No, thank you. That’s been the story of my entire existence and I’m done with it. My birthright was stolen. I was forced to live underground, reviled by mankind and feared instead of loved, and I never had the joy of knowing that the woman I loved would be with me and mine forever. You two have gotten everything you ever wanted, sometimes at my own expense. For once, I am going to do something for myself—for Katrina—and you two can deal with the mess on your own.”
“The Fates will hear of your betrayal,” Zeus spat out. “That you’ve broken your vow to always protect the family and fight with them. You’ll be banished if you don’t help us now.”
“So banish me,” I replied, shrugging. “Then I won’t have to deal with either of you for a few years.”
Turning back to the books I’d taken off the shelf, I picked up the one I’d been studying and went back to the pages, reading the information they held. It wouldn’t matter if they brought hellfire down around me for it; I’d lived in the fire for almost my entire life.
Chapter Four
Hades
Sitting up, I leaned against the bed, staring at the wall. That day had been one of the last times my brother’s acted friendly toward me. Of course, I hadn’t actu
ally been banished, due to a technicality. That was a whole separate memory, though, and one that I didn’t particularly like revisiting.
It was the first and one of only a few times I’d left the Underworld after Katrina’s death. Mind you, I’d had no intention of leaving to go to my “trial.” Poseidon must have known I wouldn’t show, though, because he arrived shortly beforehand to escort me there. I was in exactly the same place I’d been three weeks before, when they’d come to yell at me for abandoning them.
Poseidon had somehow slipped into the room without drawing my attention, watching me desperately search through the tomes around me for who knew how long.
“Hades.”
Jumping, I turned toward him, surprised that anyone had been able to startle me. Standing in front of the double door entrance, he looked like the menacing god of the oceans that mankind had made him out to be. His eyes were cold, but there was a hint of his friendly self to his appearance. Concern etched across his face, his silver armor glinting in the light of the massive fire burning at the hearth beside him. His arms were crossed over the breast plate, his lips pressed into a thin line.
Staring for a moment, I considered picking a fight with him, just to have the satisfaction of releasing some of my anger on him. There was no guarantee I would win, though, and I had more pressing matters to take care of.
“Go away,” I stated simply, turning back to the desk and pulling a book toward myself.
“You have to come.” He sighed, frustrated. “Zeus won’t delay it any longer for you.”
“Have it without me.”
“It’s your own trial!” Half laughing, he stepped forward into the room. “You have to be there. You abandoned your family during a war. You were harboring an enemy here. There is much you have to answer for.”
“I don’t regret any of it,” I growled forcefully, the fire in my eyes burning brighter. Is that what they were saying about Katrina? That she was an enemy? Did no one remember how she rode into battle and saved their lives? “The only thing I would change doesn’t involve any of you.”
Pausing slightly, Poseidon seemed to weigh his words, as if he were worried about how I would react to them. “I don’t understand what went on,” he said carefully, “but I’m sorry for your loss. Would this mortal have wanted you to be reduced to this, though?”
“Her name was Katrina,” I spat, my anger growing quickly. “And don’t even try that. Everyone knows that if it had been your precious Audrey, or Zeus’s Karly, you would have done the same thing and carried her away. You would be right here trying to figure out how to bring the love of your life back.”
“Audrey and Karly were there, fighting with the rest of us.” His voice was cold, the judgement in it pushing me even further along.
“In case you forgot, Katrina was, too. Only she wasn’t a god like either of them. She was still mortal. And she gave her life to save us. Why am I the only one who understands that?”
“She was working for the Titans, Hades.” His voice grew softer, pitying. It wasn’t surprising. I knew they all thought I was crazy, that I’d somehow been overtaken by the Titans and was struggling to come out of it.
“She didn’t know what she was doing,” I replied with certainty. “There was no way she knew it was coming to war.”
“Hades.”
“Stop saying my name like that!” I all but screamed at him. “I’m fine! I don’t care about the trial, I don’t care about what the rest of you decide, and I most definitely don’t care that you came all the way down here to say my name like you think I’ve gone crazy! All I care about is Katrina and the promise I made to her. I will find a way to bring her back to me, no matter the cost!”
He nodded, his mouth clamped shut, and I recognized the signs of his own anger increasing in size. “I can’t come back without you,” he finally said coldly. “You may have forgotten about the rest of your family, but they haven’t forgotten about you.”
“Fine,” I growled, shoving away from the desk and rising to my feet. “Fine. Waste my time. Let’s go.”
Crossing the room, I shoved past him and through the door, intent on getting the whole affair done and over with as soon as possible. Without looking back, I knew that Poseidon was following, his footsteps sounding against the brick floors.
“So Zeus couldn’t even be bothered to come and get me himself, huh?” I asked, giving into the feeling of poking the bear some. Poseidon’s mood changed as quickly as the waves of the sea and could be just as violent.
“We are at war now,” he answered smoothly, only a trace of annoyance in his tone. “Zeus is our king and commander. He must stay where he is needed—at the head of our people.”
“Yeah. Our little brother. King Zeus. Tell me, Sy, does that ever bother you? The fact that he tricked us both out of a throne?”
“We drew straws,” he answered in a strained voice. “It was a fair chance for each of us.”
I laughed humorlessly. “Yeah, right! There’s no way he didn’t rig that in his favor.”
“It has literally been thousands, if not millions, of years since then. Do we really have to bring it up again?” He was getting annoyed, which made me feel better. As far as the throne went, Poseidon had never really been upset about missing out on the rule of the gods. Then again, it had never been his birthright. I, on the other hand, had been entitled to that throne since the day I was born. It didn’t really matter now, though. I’d accepted the fate I’d been handed and was well acquainted with the world of the dead, but it was fun to bring it up and watch him squirm.
As we walked through the castle, frustration built up inside me. This stupid trial was taking me away from what was most important—finding a way to bring Katrina back.
As per the rules of the Underworld, Katrina had become a Lost One at the time of her death. Not only did she have no money to pay the ferry with to carry her spirit across the River Styx and into the Underworld, but she had been murdered, violently. Her soul was doomed to relive her death over and over again, for all eternity. She would remember nothing of her life before, and nothing of her time with me.
I would remember, though.
Here was the ballroom, where we attended an orchestral concert, performed by the greatest musicians ever known. There was the staircase where she’d helped one of the servants pick up a tray of dishes they’d dropped. The hallway over there was where I’d kissed her for the first time. Outside was the stables, where she had seemed the most at home and relaxed. Every step I took reminded me of her, every inch of the castle splattered with the memories of when she had been living and breathing here.
It made my heart want to burst from both pain and love, to think of her so alive and to know that she was completely lost to me now.
“Hades!”
Starting from my thoughts, I glanced over at Poseidon, blinking away the overwhelming emotions battling inside me. “What?”
“Get in the boat,” he said obviously, motioning to the vessel in front of us.
“Oh.” We’d walked through the entire castle and to the river. One boat ride and short tunnel maze later and we’d be at Olympus.
“Are you okay?” There seemed to be some genuine concern for me still in his voice.
With my freshly relived memories in mind, my voice broke a little as I replied. “No. Not even a little.”
The throne room was as it had always been, as I’d expected. Zeus would maintain order everywhere he could, no matter what was happening elsewhere. He’d always had a thing about order, even with his stupid sense of humor. If something was important, he wrapped his hands around it and strangled it into obeying him.
Marble stretched across the floor, twisting up into tall pillars, creating a seamless flow of stone through the oval space. The ceiling reflected the sky above, or at least it was supposed to; it was tied into Zeus’s emotions as well. Judging by the stormy clouds and flashing lightning, he was in a very bad mood.
The other gods, what was left
of them anyway, lined the area in silence, watching as Poseidon marched me down the center and up to the head. Zeus sat on his throne, the marble of the chair twisted into lightning bolts that reached far beyond his head. Beside him, Karly, his pregnant wife, stood. She looked uncomfortable, and not just from the trial we were all about to be forced through. Her gold dress stretched across her stomach as if it were about to burst. For a split second, I thought I’d seen the baby inside her push a foot against her, tiny toes disrupting the smooth appearance of her form.
The fates stood behind them, the three woman wearing long, black cloaks with hoods that hid their faces.
So, it was going to be that kind of trial.
Determined to keep my cool and get out of there as fast as possible, I decided to only push his buttons a little. He deserved at least that, for making me go through this farce of a meeting.
“You’re not looking too good,” I stated easily and loud enough for everyone to hear.
Zeus growled, the remnants of a long cut he’d received during the battle on his face moving awkwardly as his lips drew back against the snarl. “Silence! Do you care so little for your family? Do you not realize what has happened? What you did?”
“According to my records, I have no family,” I replied smoothly, ignoring the shocked gasps that sounded behind me. He wanted to have a public trial? Fine. I had no problem airing all our dirty laundry for all of them. “I have spent an eternity in the Underworld alone. I know I was the butt of your jokes. Hated. Scorned. But I could understand all that. I was the older brother who failed. There was no rescuing you from the belly of Kronos on my end. Zeus has always been the favorite. The ruler. I accepted that long ago.
“But I won’t accept your dismissal of Katrina. I won’t listen to you blame your failings on her. She rode into that battle to save all of us, or at least try the best that a mortal could. And she was killed because of it.”
Exoria (The God Chronicles #5) Page 3
