by A. J. Downey
Back when I was a kid, I mean a small kid, like second grade my pops wasn’t doing so hot. He was addicted to something, booze, coke, didn’t matter. My mom asked him to pick me up from school. He’d forgot. It had been like the second coming when my mom found out but let me tell you, I still remembered the feeling of sitting on my elementary school’s front steps, waiting and waiting and believing any second he’d pull up. The school had called my mom and she’d been there as fast as she could.
She’d kicked my dad’s ass out of the house that night and wouldn’t let him come back until he was stone cold fucking sober and he hadn’t come back for over a month while he’d detoxed the hard way. But he’d done it. For her, for me, for his little family of three. Still it took a long time for us to get to where we needed to be. To heal, to trust and the illegal shit went on until my mom paid the ultimate price. My bitterness over that surged so completely that I could taste it and I swallowed it back down as hard as I could when I pulled up outside Everett’s little coffee shack.
I closed my eyes, resting my head back. I could still hear the shots, could still feel the booze running down the back of my collar. The smell of tequila even today brought with it the undertone coppery tang of blood. The passenger door opened and I jumped, Everett slid in but it didn’t look like she’d noticed.
“Hey.” She froze, her blue eyes roaming my face, her eyebrows knitting together. Well if she hadn’t noticed me jump, apparently it was written all over my face. “What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Nothin’.” I said mouth turning down at the corners I shook my head as much in denial than to clear it.
“Please don’t lie to me.” She said gently and her voice was so solemn the truth slid right out of my mouth before I could even think to stop it.
“Thinkin’ about the day my mom died.” She searched my face and nodded sadly.
“I think about my dad a lot too.” She said quietly. I fired up Sadie and pointedly changed the subject.
“Where we going?” I asked and cleared my throat. I so did not want to have a fucking moment over our dead parents here… I instantly felt a pang of soul wrenching guilt over thinking about my mom that way. Everett was talking and I turned my thoughts to what she was saying, burying all the shit from my past back down deep again for the time being.
“Planned Parenthood on Twentieth. No appointment necessary, first come first served but they said they were usually slow this time of day.” She looked ashen.
“I don’t think you have anything to worry about.” I said and I winced inwardly at her stricken expression. Shit, way to make it sound like it wasn’t a big deal or that it didn’t matter. Her look settled into simply being withdrawn and she nodded mutely. I sighed and thought, way to go Trujillo. That was so not what I had meant to accomplish with that statement but there it was anyway. I didn’t know what to say to fix it so I just drove us over to the low profile medical office complex in silence. It was painted a nondescript light earth tone and I parked right out front. Everett got out before I even shut off the engine and I could see she was a bundle of nerves. I wanted to kick the fucker’s teeth in all over again.
I followed her into the clinic and stood behind her as she checked in. The woman behind the counter looked at me, “It’s always nice when couples come in together!” she exclaimed and I saw Everett blanch. I wanted to make up for my earlier fuck up and so I picked up the pen and signed in right behind her to save her any explanations and by default, embarrassment. It’d been a while since I’d been tested, might as well since I was here right?
“Have a seat, we’ll call you when we’re ready for you and get you all taken care of.” She smiled sweetly at us from behind her lavender framed granny glasses and I went and sat down beside Everett who was looking at me like she’d never seen me before.
“Thanks.” She whispered and she seemed more relaxed. I shrugged.
“Sure.” I said and left it at that.
Chapter 5
Everett…
I sat on the examination table in my stupid pink paper gown and tried not to freeze. The doctor was filling in some notes on her tablet. I’d already given a urine sample and had blood drawn, which was never fun. The paper tape and cotton ball was pulling on my skin at the crook of my elbow uncomfortably. All of this had been done by the nurse, and now it’s time for the main show! I thought bitterly.
“So Everett, what brings you in today?” she asked. She was a plump woman in her forties, maybe fifties. Her blonde hair was going gray and was pulled into a neat French twist with one of those plastic claw clips. Her face was free of makeup and she wore a lavender sweater over a white button down blouse. Her gray slacks were pressed with a sharp crease and fell over sensible black shoes. She had a gentle manner and was, in a word, placid. It felt easy to trust her and that took some of the bite out of this whole humiliating process.
“I want a full STD panel.” I said, and my voice sounded hollow even to me.
“It says here you had your last pelvic three months ago at your regular doctor’s…” she said confusion tinging her voice.
“I walked in on my boyfriend sleeping with another woman yesterday and he wasn’t wearing any protection.” I said.
“The man who was in reception with you?” she asked frowning.
“No! No. Dray is… I just met Dray, he uh… I guess he’s a friend.” Truth was I didn’t know what Dray was but if I had to put a label on it, I guessed friend was accurate enough. I didn’t even think about it and before I could stop myself the whole story came pouring out from start to finish. The doctor handed me some Kleenex and I wiped my eyes and blew my nose.
“Do you feel safe with Dray?” she asked gently and I was surprised to find that I did. I mean he was built and intimidating as hell but my dad had always taught me, actions speak louder than words and his actions spoke volumes at this point. I mean who does what he did for me? What he was continuing to do for me?
“Yes.” I said and my tone brooked no argument.
It had surprised me when he had signed in to be tested too, rather than make me go through explanations about who we were to each other in front of the whole waiting room. I’d thanked him for it, at least back here the explanations could be kept private. No one had to know about what an idiot I’d been in trusting Jerry.
“Okay Everett, lie back and put your feet in the stirrups.” The doctor said, her voice gentle. I complied and felt like my humiliation at the hands of Jerry was complete. She made quick work of the exam and rolled back on her stool pulling off her gloves with a rubber snap.
“Okay all done.” I sat up.
“How long?” I asked, voice unsteady.
“Typically results take one to two weeks, but given your situation I am going to put a rush on these and see about getting them in around three days. It’s the best I can do, I’m sorry.” She said and I nodded.
“Do you want a paper copy?” she asked and I nodded.
“Where would you like it sent to?” she asked.
“I… I’m between homes.” I said.
“Okay we will call you with the results and you can come pick them up here. How does that sound?” she asked and I nodded.
“Okay, you take your time getting dressed and pulling yourself together before going out if you need to. Keep taking care of yourself Everett. It was nice meeting you.” She said and slipped out into the hall shutting the door behind her.
I sat by myself in the tiny examination room and wiped my eyes. God I hated feeling this weak and shaken and insecure! This wasn’t who my da’ had raised me to be… I missed him something fierce. He always knew what to do no matter what the situation and not for the first time in the last year I wished like hell he was still here.
I got dressed carefully and meticulously. I know it was just an exam but I felt gross, like I needed a shower and I wondered when my next opportunity to get one was going to be. Where I was going to go from here. I pulled the olive drab backpack with its frayed
random motorcycle patches up onto my shoulder and checked myself one last time in the mirror. Satisfied that I looked all right I stepped out into the empty hall and slipped out into the waiting room.
I sat by the door leading out of the clinic to the parking lot and by all accounts looking from the outside, I waited patiently for Dray. Honestly though, I was as impatient on the inside as I could possibly be and it was through sheer iron will alone I kept my knee from bouncing erratically with that impatience. When Dray stepped out into the waiting room at last, he looked stormy, I guess he’d gone through with the whole test. He stopped beside my chair and I stood up. He nodded once and went out the door, I followed.
Warm he was not. If I had to pick one word to describe Draven…
Oh.
I didn’t know his last name.
Still if I had to choose a word to describe Dray I would pick ‘distant’ or maybe ‘guarded’. His affect may be cold but the burning looks he gave with those smoldering dark eyes couldn’t be mistaken for anything icy. He was a puzzle, but made it clear by his mannerisms that he didn’t wish to be poked at and I was happy not to for now. I had the feeling I wouldn’t like to see a for real angry version of Dray, motorcycle gang jacket aside. He opened the door for me again and I set my bag on the passenger side floor board.
“I uh, made enough tips today that I could probably afford a cheap hotel room for tonight.” I said and his reaction took me by surprise. He frowned, hard.
“My room not good enough?” he asked gruffly. I blinked startled.
“No! No! I didn’t say that!” I hadn’t meant to come off as insulting!
“Okay then, get in the car.” He said and smirked.
“Look, I didn’t mean to be insulting, I just… I…” I finally settled on, “I’m sorry.” Dray swung the door back and forth on its hinges a little to signal his impatience and I got into the car. He shut the door and my eyes followed his leather and denim clad form as he went around the hood and got in too.
“You know how to cook?” he asked, firing up the muscle car. Odd question but I would play.
“A little.” I said.
“Good, because I’m starving and I’m exhausted so you’re cooking.” He drove us back towards his place and I stared blankly out the window for several blocks.
“You’re letting me stay?” I said turning back to him.
“My pops is moving some of his crap to the club house, so yeah. You can stay until you’re on your feet. Your car is dead, needs a new engine. One of your cylinders is shot.” I closed my eyes but he kept talking, “I’ll drive you to work in the morning, school in the afternoon, adjusting my schedule doesn’t matter much. In a month we’ll see where you’re at and go from there.” I opened my eyes, my throat growing thick with tears.
“Why would you do that for me?” I whispered, not trusting that I could keep it together if I spoke any louder.
He looked over, his hard features softening as his gaze swept over my face, he quickly turned his head back to the road though.
“Who knows?” he said, adding “Ask Trigger maybe.” Which he muttered so softly I almost didn’t hear him above the growl of the engine as he accelerated through a four way stop. He cleared his throat before I could ask who Trigger was, assuming it was some kind of a nickname. Didn’t all bikers have some kind of nickname?
“Option is open. Take it or leave it.” he grunted and I looked him over again, I nodded slowly.
“I’ll take it.” I said softly, my curiosity winning out. Dray was one big walking contradiction and I’d be lying if I said he wasn’t in a very attractive package. He was the quintessential bad boy. All hard planes and angles wrapped in leather and shrouded in dark good looks and I wanted to know more about him, especially after everything he’d done for me in the last... It hadn’t even been twenty four hours yet! I was startled to realize.
He pulled onto his street and I wondered briefly what else might be expected of me aside from cooking. I decided that I would cross that bridge when I came to it. He turned off the car and searched my profile as I pulled the pack into my lap. He let out a brief sigh and pushed his hand through his hair.
“Why you look like that?” he asked.
“Like what?” I felt my face smooth, setting into lines of surprise.
“Like you just sucked on a lemon or something.” He said and I thought about it.
“Truth between us without you getting offended?” I asked.
“Wouldn’t have it any other way, Princess, shoot.” I frowned at his obviously sarcastic use of the pet name. Princess indeed… maybe Cinderella since I moved in with Jerry.
“I was wondering what else might be expected of me in exchange for my staying here.” I said softly. He barked a laugh and it sounded bitter.
“Look at you all polite and shit.” He said but his open and friendly grin belied his words. He had the most heartstoppingly adorable dimples when he smiled like that.
“Never been asked so politely if I were a sex predator or not.” And his grin turned wolfish, I felt a little green.
“Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”
“Yeah you did,” he interrupted me and his look had turned serious and considering, “But it’s okay, you’re just being smart and safe and I get that. Nothin’s gonna happen to you here that you don’t want to have happen.” He leveled me with a stern look and I swallowed, nodding.
He got out of the car and shut the door. I sat for a moment to think about what he’d said, watching his leather and patch clad back as he rounded the front of the car and started for my door. I got out and he reached behind the seats and brought out my dance bag.
“You brought it!” I said, pleased to no end, the mere presence of it making my heart lighter.
“Said I would.” He passed it to me.
“It means a lot. I’m glad with everything going on yesterday that I left it in my car and not at the apartment. I would have been really upset if I had to try and replace these.” I smiled at him and resisted the urge to hug him. The bag held both sets of my dance shoes and several costumes that would have been irreplaceable.
“So you didn’t get everything of yours?” he asked, searching my face. I blushed.
“I got the important things.” I mumbled.
“Come on.” He said with an exasperated sigh. I followed him into the house.
“Put that in my room, empty the suitcase in a pile on the bed if you have to; let’s go get the rest of your stuff.” I blinked.
“I don’t need…” he snorted.
“Not the point Babe.” He said and I frowned, he ignored it, “That guy is a royal class douche. He doesn’t get to hold on to your stuff and you don’t get to let him keep it.” I set my stuffed dance bag on the floor of his room.
“It’s just stuff.” I said, “What happened yesterday was beyond humiliating, I don’t ever want to go back there.” I confessed.
Dray stood stock still and looked me over with those intense dark eyes and I fought not to shrink under the scrutiny. He took a tentative step forward and then another. I went completely still. He surprised me when he pulled me against his chest and hugged me. I didn’t know what I expected but that certainly wasn’t it. What surprised me more is that I let him hug me. The leather of his jacket slick and warm beneath my hands where they rested at his sides. Over the leather smell was that spicy masculine scent that permeated his sheets the night before. I closed my eyes and took comfort from him, I don’t think I realized just how much I needed a hug until I was in his arms, his hands splayed against my lower back and the back of my neck. He smoothed a thumb along the side of my neck and it was an oddly tender gesture that was at odds with his hard looks and sharp and reserved personality.
“Let’s go get the rest of your stuff Em.” He said.
“Em? Who’s Em?” I asked jerking back out of his arms.
“Everett Mary Moran… E.M.M., Em, you’re Em. Sorry.” His skin turned dusky with what I was sure was a blush
but he turned away and was out the door before I could be sure. I didn’t know what to make of him giving me a nickname but there would be time to analyze it later. I zipped my empty suitcase closed and picked it up by the handle and followed him out. I found him smoking a black cigarette out by the car, and found the source of the sweet spicy smell he carried in his clothes and left behind in his sheets.
“I didn’t know you smoked.” I said.
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me.” He said with one of those burning scrutinizing looks. I frowned.
“Are you trying to scare me with a comment like that?” I asked quietly. His eyebrows went up in surprise as if he hadn’t considered it.
“No. Just stating a fact.” He said.
“Well, fact is that makes two of us, you don’t know much about me either.” I said. He took my bag from me with a smile.
“Guess living together, we’re going to find out.” He said.
“I guess so… and likely pretty fast.” He shoved my empty suitcase into the back seat before he turned back to me and nodded.
“Come on, I really want to get some sleep.” He passed a hand over his eyes and I blinked.
“I’m not the one that wants to do this, you are.” I reminded him.
“I’m well aware of that Princess.” He said sarcastically, “And the sooner we do it, the sooner I can get back here and get some shut eye, so if you don’t mind?” he put the seat back and stepped aside so I could get into the car. I got in and he carefully shut the door behind me. Then he stood outside and finished his cigarette. I huffed out a harsh sigh, he wanted sleep and I had homework I had to do. I buckled my seat belt and waited, just when my patience was about to give with the ridiculousness of it he flicked the cigarette butt out into the street and rounded the car. He got into the car with me, carrying with him the spicy sweet smell of the clove he’d been smoking mixed with the scent of impending rain. I closed my eyes and breathed his smell in, finding it oddly calming.
