by A. J. Downey
“Sit down boy.” He ordered and I dropped back into my seat. He poured a round for the three of us.
“I ever tell you about the time I almost lost your momma?” he asked me. I blinked at him owlishly.
“She musta kicked your ass out a half a dozen times when I was growing up.” I said and it was true. My dad scowled.
“True enough, I deserved it.” he drank down his shot as if to clear a bitter taste from his mouth, “Of all the times she did though, she always said the same thing… ‘I love you Dragon, you and only you and this isn’t forever just until… and she’d lay down the law. I’m talking about the time I almost lost her for good, before you were even thought of.” He grew real quiet and I shook my head and widened my eyes to try and get ‘em to focus.
“You an’ mom were always tight, there wasn’t any time like that… was there?” I asked. This night was getting to be too fucking much for all of us.
“Sacred Hearts was a few years old, I met your mom at the bank where she was workin’ an’ it took me weeks to convince her to take a ride with me. Anyways, we were hot ‘n’ heavy…” I interrupted him.
“Ewe, gross that’s my mom you’re talking about asshole.” And my dad barked a laugh and reached across the table and slapped me upside the head.
“Don’t interrupt.” He schooled me and then went on with, “Anyways. I guess she’d just found out she was knocked up with you and I was heavy into the drug running and the rivalry with the Wraiths and I went out and got m’self shot.” I blinked at him. My dad had taken a few bullets in his time, most of them before I was born, only one in the time I could remember.
“Mom freaked out?” I guessed.
“To put it mildly. I’m up on the bar at the old club and Doc is pulling a slug outta my chest,” he slapped a hand over his chest, up near his shoulder and grimaced with the memory, “and Tilly’s a standing there crying all silent and looking all lost and then it was like something just flipped her switch. She starts screaming at me about how she isn’t going to raise no baby like this and I’m wondering what the fuck she’s on about but before I can say anything she’s telling me it’s over and done and she never wants to see me again, she’s moving back in with her ex-boyfriend and she’s out the fucking door.”
“What’d you do?” I asked.
“I let Doc finish what he was doin’ and got fucking drunk. That’s what.” I blinked.
“How’d you get her back?” I asked.
“I didn’t, I let her go. She came around a day or two later and we talked. Your momma loved me son, I don’t know why. I sure as hell didn’t deserve a woman like her, but all the same, she loved me and I loved her enough to let her go. Just fate, or God or somebody had a different idea and fuck if I don’t regret it every day because it was my stupid shit that got her killed.” His words broke on a sob and fuck the glass, he took a fortifying pull right off the bottle. I blinked stupidly and he passed the bottle to me I took a pull.
“Naw dad. The fucking assholes that killed her got her killed and we killed them.” I said.
“Doesn’t matter son. It ain’t gonna bring her back.” He said and dashed at his eyes with the back of his hand. This was the most emotional I’d ever seen him get over it, I felt like I’d seriously just been sucked into the mother fucking twilight zone!
“So what’re you sayin’?” I asked, “That I should just let Em go? Push her away so nothin’ can happen to her?” I asked.
“No. I’m sayin’ you don’t do what I did. Don’t fucking waste the time you get with her, you keep her, you protect her; you spend every waking fucking moment you can devote to her by her side. Don’t you backslide into that shit no matter how appealing the money, you keep your woman and this brotherhood together and safe against all comers. Boy, we ain’t got any fucking control over what happened to your girl, her getting shot in the leg was the damnedest thing and had nothing to do with us but we fixed it the best we could. This life ain’t easy for any of us but we got each other. You lean on me, you lean on Trig an’ Reaver an’ the rest of your brothers when shit goes sideways. You take comfort from your woman and when you have ‘em, you give a future to your kids.” He looked at me and we stared at each other for long minutes.
“I was just trying to be upfront about all of it. Honest about what kind of man I’ve been…” Trig stopped me.
“That’s the problem Dray. You’re focusing on the man you’ve been, were, past tense. We’ve all done some terrible fucking things. We all got our ghosts and our skeletons and shit, but that’s the past. Instead of focusing on our past, young brother, we should be focusing on our future. Doesn’t mean we should forget what we’ve done because Lord knows, we may need to be those men again, like we were tonight, but the difference is why. Before it was for all the wrong reasons… Now it’s for all the right ones. We got people we love, people who care about us. We gotta stay whole for them and keep them in one piece too. Carve out what little bit of happiness we can in this life before it’s over.” Trig clapped a hand on my back reassuringly and I stared for long minutes at the scarred wooden table top, the wheels turning in my head.
This is what they had been trying to impress upon me for a really long time but before Everett I didn’t have anything I cherished, worth protecting other than the brotherhood, but even then… I was young. Hell, I am young and behind on the fucking curve. The heat of my anger curtained me off from everything for far too long. If I’d spent a little less time raging internally about the unfairness and injustice of it being my mom who’d had to die instead of me or any of these other guys… I scrubbed my face with my hands.
I would give Everett her alone time. Give her the night. I wasn’t laying down without a fight though. If my mom and dad could make it work, then we could too. I had a lot to fucking think about.
“I got a lot of shit to catch up on and learn.” I said at last and sniffed, tears burning my eyes. “Thanks Trig. Thanks Pops.” I added.
“No thanks necessary Boy. You have a way of carryin’ yourself. I think Trig can agree that sometimes we all forget you’re only twenty-two, then shit like this goes down and it reminds us. We’ve all been here with our women at one time or another. Feeling like it’s the end of the world and it’s broke past fixing… I gotta say though, you picked a damned fine one in that Irish girl. Something tells me she’s gonna get past this, you two got some talking to do for sure but this ain’t the end.” My dad put a cigarette between his lips and handed one to Trig. Trig smiled and took it, I pulled out one of mine. We were silent save for the clicks and flicks of lighters as we lit up and sucked the smoke into our lungs. My dad blew his first drag out his nose and I smiled.
“I remember when I was a kid and you used to do that.” I said and smiled fondly. My Pops chuckled.
“Had the whole damned club calling me “Puff” for a year or two.” He said to Trig and the big man laughed.
“As in Puff the…” we all three chorused the last, “Magic Dragon!” we stopped and smoked some more.
“I’m not singing that shit.” My Pops said.
“Me either.”
“Yeah no, breaking out into song is my girl’s thing… and maybe Squick’s.” Trig said.
“What is with that anyways?” I asked.
“Squick’s gay.” Trig said and I raised an eyebrow.
“Figured as much.” My dad mumbled. I looked from one to the other of them.
“I ain’t got a problem with it as long as he doesn’t go hitting on me, but how’s that going to work? If he wants to patch in, that requires honesty and loyalty of the highest order, can’t have him hiding that kind of shit.” I took a smaller pull off the bottle, I was finally evening out. Drunk, sure, but I felt like my wits were more about me. A little too much too quick at the beginning there. Fuck of a head rush.
“He don’t come clean, he don’t patch in. It’s as easy as that, anyone has a problem with it we settle it with an old school ass kicking. Let ‘em face off.” M
y Pops said.
“Squick may be lanky as fuck but the kid’s quick and what he lacks in the ability to dish when it comes to heavy hits, he’s not a-fucking-fraid to fight dirty. I’ve seen him do it.” Trig said.
“Meh, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” my Pops said on an exhale, the smoke curling heavy around the three of us. We sat quietly, smoking, drinking and just generally trying to wind the fuck down from being wound tighter than a fucking Timex.
“Think there’ll be more trouble with this new crew?” Trig mused aloud.
“If there is, we’ll handle it.” I said quietly. I felt like I was back in the driver’s seat when it came to my emotions, which made me in turn realize just how under my skin Everett had gotten but I couldn’t be sorry. I’d been angry and depressed for so long it was like she breathed color and life into my otherwise gray world. Everything had been strictly black and white before and it was like seeing in color for the first time. I swiped a hand over my face and tried not to think about it, tried not to worry about whatever decision she’d come to, even though I felt my heart pick up with panic at the mere thought of her leavin’.
“That was some bullshit and we all know it.” My Pops said with a gusty sigh, he leaned back in his seat as far as it would go.
“Agreed, since when does any club worth two shits involve bitches and Old Ladies in the club politics?” Trig’s expression was dark.
“Since we did first I think.” I said. Another mistake I’d made, I never should have presented it that Everett was the one that wanted the dude that shot her Out Bad. Fuck! I’d fucked up! Dragging her into this was our fault as much as the Suicide Kings’ fault. Trigger echoed out loud what I’d just been thinking…
“Yeah, well. Irish was the one who got shot, so it was only right she have a say. We fucked up showing that particular card, we should have presented it better. Fuck. We opened the door and they just walked right on through! She never should have had to see that.” Trig shook his head and took a thoughtful pull on his cigarette, the tip flaring bright.
“And the wheel makes another turn.” My dad said, snapping me out of what was promising to turn into a full scale brood.
“Yeah.” Trig agreed somberly and they were right. With a new crew in town, the odds were that things would change. It was the nature of MC’s that you could only stay friendly with another one for so long before some kind of beef came up. Could be weeks, months or years before it happened but reality dictated that eventually, some shit would go down between clubs and we wouldn’t be so friendly anymore. Our ‘friendship’ with the Suicide Kings couldn’t really even be called that. At best we were aware of each other and Sacred Hearts was merely tolerating their presence near our territory in order to keep an eye on them and their activities near our lands.
“On that depressing note…” I said and stubbed out my cig in the glass ash tray across the table.
“Where you gonna sleep?” My Pops asked.
“Out in the car, I’ve done it before.” I said.
“Take my room. Ash and I ‘ll take Reaver’s, he won’t mind us in there.” I looked at him, we were total opposites in looks, him all bright and shiny Nordic and me all deep and dark and Latin. I’d never seen the inside of Trig’s club room.
“Thanks man.” I said and he held out his hand. I clapped my hand into it and gripped it the way you would if you were going to arm wrestle before letting it go.
“That’s another thing we gotta do. Get the rest of this place in shape to house everybody. I’m tired of it being only a third of the way livable.” My Pops complained. I nodded wearily. I heard that.
I trudged in the direction of Trigger’s room and paused outside the door to mine. I could hear Ashton’s voice muffled and so very mouse quiet as she spoke to Everett.
“I love him.” I heard Everett say, and my heart lifted. “I just wish he’d told me another time, either before all of this, or not at all… I don’t know, it’s just too much right now.” I rested my forehead against the door frame and let out the breath I’d been holding ever so slowly. Maybe my dad was right and this could be saved, maybe he wasn’t, either way I wasn’t going down without a fight. It wasn’t the Sacred Hearts way. I trudged to Trigger’s door and opened it hitting the overhead light.
Jesus. The man was a fucking minimalist. He hadn’t painted, changed the carpet, nothing. The bed was neatly made if shabby, the sheets white and the blanket one of those thin, shabby, institution felt ones. Whatever, a bed was a bed and I was fucking beat. I flipped out the light and flopped across it on my stomach, comforted by the weight of my jacket and cut. The club, my father and my brothers would get me through if shit went south with Em. Of that I had no doubt. Maybe I was being fatalistic that things wouldn’t work out but I could say one thing for sure, if I lost her, she’d be taking one hell of a chunk of my heart with her and I knew I would never see it back again.
Strange thing was I was totally cool with that, but that was something to be analyzed another day. Oh, say, when Hell froze over. I closed my eyes and passed the fuck out within a couple of minutes, welcoming the oblivion with open fucking arms.
Chapter 21
Everett…
I lay there, staring at the ceiling for a long moment after he left. He’d looked so destroyed when he’d gone, like a little boy who’d just been told there was no such thing as miracles and I hadn’t meant that. I’d just meant that I needed some time to process everything. I thought too much had been happening with Jerry and his cheating and suddenly finding myself homeless and wanting another man so quickly… I never dreamed I would be shot! I never dreamed that in less than a full day I would be shot, that my ever being able to dance again would be torn from me, the hope that I would be given back, be under the care of an outlaw motorcycle gang, see another man shot and have the person I loved the most in the world decide that as soon as I was done losing my dinner over that, that it would be a good time to tell me plainly that he’d killed another man.
My thoughts broke and my mind scattered and I cried, the first ugly wrenching sob tearing out of my chest. I covered my face with my hands. God! I was so sick of crying! I suddenly missed my da’ with a fierce deep ache and wanted so badly for him to be there, to give me some of his practical wisdom to cling to, to ruminate over, to fit all of this into nice neat little compartments so it didn’t seem so big, scary, ugly and confusing. Mostly I wanted to wipe that broken look of pain from Dray’s face as he’d gotten up abruptly and left me.
Oh God what had I done!?
“Oh honey no, what happened!?” Ashton’ soft voice broke through my noisy cry and her slight weight dipped the edge of the bed. She hugged my head and shoulders to her chest and I collapsed and just gave myself over to the howling, raging crying clawing its way up and out of my throat.
“Gonna find Dray.” I heard Trigger say from the door and then heard it shut. Ashton smoothed my hair and rocked me.
“It’s okay Everett,” she said gravely, “Just let it out, just let it all out.” So I did, in great hiccupping sobs, my face painted red and blotchy, salty and slick with my tears. My nose started to run and Ashton thrust tissues from the box on the nightstand into my hand. I blew my nose and the emotional shit storm started to abate.
“What happened?” She asked me, her face stricken with the need to make it better. Ashton would make a beautiful mother someday.
“He told me everything! Just, everything and it’s too much! It’s just too much!” I cried.
“Shhhh, shhhh, shhhh. What did Dray tell you?” Ashton asked gently and I quailed.
“Oh. He told you about that then.” She said and I swallowed.
“He said he killed your husband. Him and Reaver.” I sniffed and Ashton nodded.
“Yes, but they did it to protect me,” she said and shifted uncomfortably.
“I don’t understand, I guess I don’t fully understand why… or what happened.” I said truthfully, hoping desperately against hope that
it would make a difference. How could I have not seen that Dray was a killer too!? I’d grown up around them all my life, I should have seen it! Shouldn’t I? I mean I’d suspected at one point but… I sighed. Who was I kidding? I hadn’t wanted to believe it. Not really. Ashton took my hands in hers and sighed too.
“Chadwick Granger was a beautiful monster…” she started. She told me all about it. How she and Trigger had met on the side of the road, how he’d brought her here, seen to her injuries at the hands of her husband, sheltered her, protected her, fed and clothed her, how he’d taken her on as a project and had given her everything she’d needed to grow, outside of the shadow of her husband, but also about how that shadow was impossible to escape.
“He sent people impersonating police to our door to tell me Ethan was dead, they sent men to hurt Ethan, and he and Reaver had to fight them. Finally, my husband’s head of security broke down our door, beat me bloody, broke my bones and tried to take me back to Chadwick and he succeeded.” She swallowed before continuing.
“I don’t remember most of it, he injected me with something in the car on the way over, but Ethan, Reaver, Dragon and Dray; they came and got me. Took me back. It was what made us decide that Chadwick was crazy, the things he said to them… He wasn’t going to stop. I was his property and he would hurt or kill them all and… and…” she pulled some tissues from the box and wiped her eyes taking in a deep breath. This still affected her as much as hearing it was affecting me. Her hands shook as she placed them in my own and we clung to each other’s hands as we weathered the storms our emotions wrought within us. I suddenly need to hear this, all of it because if what Ashton was saying was true, and it rang true to my ears, Reaver and Dray had done the world a service. Cold? Yes, but also practical and true.
“So Dray killed this man in order to save you?” I asked.
“Honestly Everett, I don’t think Dray saved just me from Chadwick. He saved everyone in this club. Chadwick was crazy and the more his perceived power grew, so did his insanity. He left me on the side of the road the night Ethan saved me fully expecting that I would meet his unrealistic expectations, that I would walk miles and miles home barefoot in a skimpy party dress and that I would make it there by morning. That life would go on and it would just be another of many corrections I was forced to endure because I didn’t quite fit the framework he had laid out for me in his mind… If Ethan hadn’t come, I would have never made it. I would have died of exposure. That never occurred to Chadwick, or if it did, he didn’t care. What’s more, he never even dreamed someone like Ethan would come along. He was more furious about his image being ruined in the local media than he was about whether I lived or died. Like I said, I was simply property to him. Like a car, or a piece of furniture.” She shrugged and looked so sad.
