James smiles, “Okay, about nine years ago, my brother Joe got some premonitions about certain things happening. He was only five years old, and I was nine or ten. We had been learning about keeping a journal at kids’ church; I guess you might call it Sunday school, but at any rate, the thought was to write down and remember anything that we could say that God had done for us that day. So I had been keeping a journal, and my mom bought Joe one too. I think it was the first journal he’d ever had. He had only begun to write really, and I think he was kind of following after me.”
Lauren interjects, “He looks up to you, that’s nice.”
James smiles, “I guess. Anyway, one week later on a Saturday evening my mom was reading her favorite book …” He gives her a lazy-eyed stare, “which you already know is Pride & Prejudice, and she spots Joe’s journal and began to read what Joseph had written. It was like eight pages full of all these prayers, which was surprising enough, but they were really kind of advanced writing for his age, you know?”
Lauren nods her head, yes, not daring to interrupt.
“So, we were confused, but we didn’t make too much of it. I think my mom considered entering him into some advanced prodigy-type writing course, but it never came to pass. So like I said, we didn’t think much of it until one of these prayers he had written said something about somebody dying.”
Lauren, “Really!”
James continues, “I know right? Well, it gets better! Let me see … gosh, it’s been so long. I think what he wrote was, like, Arlene, God says your life is complete, collect your family and friends one last time in celebration. I will receive you hence—You know, something like that! I mean, what kid writes the word hence at the age of five? But, at any rate, though it seemed really strange, my folks thought that that could have meant anything. He could have heard it on TV or seen it in a book or in the Bible. We didn’t know anyone named Arlene, so we kinda let it go. Then, somehow or other, a neighbor’s sister, whose name is Arlene, found out about it—you know, that he’d said her name—and, well;” he takes a deep breath, “she gathered her family, and had a huge get together, and the next morning, got up, wrote out her will, and died right at her writing table.”
“Wow.”
“I know, right?”
“Wow!”
“I’m saying! So, when the lady came home from the funeral– Wait, let me back up. The lady who died? Her sister is our neighbor who lives across the street.”
“What?”
“Yeah; and I gotta tell you, my mom doesn’t believe me, but she’s been suspicious of Joe ever since.”
Lauren then asks a carefully calculated question, something that will guide him towards talking about the fire and where Joseph was getting his information. “I got to tell you, I love this sort of mystery stuff! When I had this feeling about fire, it wasn’t like anyone was telling me, I could feel a threat from fire, did you guys ask Joe where he was getting his, his, I don’t know, his feelings, his insights?”
James takes another deep breath and says, “Well, that kinda depends on who you ask and what you believe.”
RING! At that most inopportune moment, Lauren’s phone begins to ring! Out and silenced in a flash, it does not get to ring twice! When she sees the caller ID, and that it’s from Kevin, she cannot help but roll her eyes in disgust. She realizes that was probably what her mom was trying to tell her when she hung up. “Excuse me just a moment.”
James motions with his hand to indicate, “You have the right of way.”
She then picks up the call of which James can only hear her part of the conversation, which is cordial:
“Hello? … Hi … I know, my mom told me … Well, I’m really busy with projects … Oh, she told you that, huh? … Yeah, it’s pretty cool … Yeah, I don’t know, I’m trying to keep it kinda low key … I would have, I just fell right into a big project! … Yeah. Yes! … I don’t know, I guess as soon as I’m done … I know. I know! We should probably talk before then. Just to go over some things. We should tackle all that at the same time … No. But let’s just get into that when we– I’m driving, right now, and I’m going to have to pick this up later, okay? Okay, okay. Goodbye.”
Immediately she locates and blocks all calls coming from the number that Kevin used on her cell phone. Knowing that the mood of the phone conversation probably gave away that it was a male suitor on the phone she turns to James and says:
“You know? Guys just don’t get how unappealing it is when they are pushy. Wow!”
“Hey, that’s none of my business, I’m sorry if he spoiled your mood.”
Lauren, quickly, “Are you kidding? Not even slightly, I’ll deal with him later, we’re really nothing more than friends, and he’s having trouble accepting that.”
“Yeah, that’s the hardest part for us guys, attempting to transition from friends to something more serious. I’ve really never been successful at it, I’ve really never even tried.”
Lauren legitimately incredulous says, “Are you kidding!”
“I’ve been out with girls who are dear friends, and I get the sense that they really like me, but, I don’t want to get involved too deep into anything that I don’t see as being …”
Lauren tries to help, “Being the one?”
“Yeah! Is that too weird?” He takes a moment to compose his thoughts. “It’s just that … I mean, I want my marriage to be special, I want my wife to feel like she’s the only woman I have ever known, that I’m not comparing her to anyone else. That, if we make less money, or if we have a smaller house or even an apartment, she can always know, always—I don’t know—she’ll know that what we have is very special and no one could take that away from her. That I did this, that I loved her like this, before we ever met.”
Lauren is for the moment completely swept off of her feet. Her mind is mush, and she struggles mightily to get back to the task at hand—getting information from her subject. But before she can collect herself, one precious word slips out of her dazed mind. “Wow.”
“Are you making fun of me?”
Lauren, barely back on her feet “No James, I’m not. Actually that was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard a guy say.”
James, emboldened by her compliment says, “Thank you, coming from someone like you that’s a real compliment.”
“I’m gonna assume you mean that in the good way, so thank you.”
“Yes, of course. Lauren, you strike me as a very together and sincere person.”
Again the conversation seems to have deeper meaning that the words provide at face value. Without the use of the actual words, they both seem to be saying “I want you in my life somehow.”
• • •
As they pour down the highway, Lauren now finds herself completely severed from her earlier train of thought. All she remembers is that it was excellent! Needing help getting back she says, “Where were we? I mean before my phone interrupted.”
James says dryly, “I think I was spooking you out with my brother’s mystery precognitive voices.”
Lauren laughs at his description and delivery. “Yes, that was it! I think you we’re going to reveal the source of his insights and all”
“As I was saying, it really comes down to who you ask and what you believe.”
Lauren, with sincerity, “Well, why don’t you tell me what you believe, James.”
“Okay, here’s the thing. Hmm. Okay, ’ere goes. Wait, no, let me ask you a question first.”
“By all means.”
“You’re a criminology major, right? So how would you describe me?”
Lauren is challenged by this question, not because she can’t answer it, but because she can’t answer it too well! After all, she’s been watching and studying James for over three months! “Well, let’s see, I’d say you are an average American male, ’bout six feet tall, one hundred and ninety pounds or so, slight muscular build, studious, polite, gentlemanly in fact, straight forward and honest, with very strong re
ligious upbringing.”
“WOW! Okay now that’s scary! You are one hundred percent correct, down to the pound! What—did you call my folks or something?”
Lauren, laughing, “No, I’m a graduate studies criminology major that’s all, and you’re not the only one with good grades, I’ve got a four-point-O.”
“I would advise you not do that little trick on your friends, you’ll likely scare them all away! But my point in all that is what you said at the end; yes, I have been raised to believe very strongly in God, and I believe he is actively involved in our lives. So … you can understand why I believe Joe was hearing these things from God. For me, it’s the only logical conclusion.”
“Really? Logical.”
“Think about it, who else would know? Who else would care? Why would anybody else even want to help?”
Lauren tests his theory with, “Couldn’t it be a coincidence? You know, like a scatter-shot prediction like, somebody named Bill is gonna die at twelve noon?”
James counters with, “Yeah, I suppose that’s possible, that other Arlenes died that same morning, but how many of them gathered their family about them the night before. And far more important, why would a five-year-old boy say something like that?”
Lauren dares to push further, “But James, isn’t it possible—though remote—that a family member, out for the inheritance or something, could have somehow told your brother to say those things”
James looks at her with confusion and replies, “And what—poisoned her?” Lauren, realizing how ridiculous that sounded just makes a face. He continues, “And why would anyone—willing to commit murder, mind you—incorporate such a flimsy plan? Brainwash a total stranger, a kid, in the hopes that he might repeat the message in the hearing of someone who then might tell the sister? C’mon.”
“Yeah, you’ve got a point, but it seems that you’ve spent a little time thinking about this yourself, so you have to admit that it’s not so crazy.”
“Well, that goes back to what I said, it depends on what you believe. I will admit that I haven’t always been this convinced, and that I had entertained some crazy notions, I mean, c’mon, my little brother was acting kinda weird, and people were starting to treat us kind of weird! But I began to realize that I was putting a lot of effort into disproving something that I had every reason to believe. I mean I knew Joey, he would have blabbed on anybody who tried to tell him what to say.”
“So, there’s no chance that anyone might have, and I mean totally separate from what ultimately happened, might have told him to say something similar to what he said? Maybe something about her will?”
“You don’t know Joey, he’s a natural born squealer. My folks are big on the truth and the whole truth, and Joey is perhaps the most honest and transparent kid in the world. I, on the other hand, am a lot more inquisitive. Even at just nine I was skeptical. At first I mostly believed Joey. But then after a while it got on my nerves a little, you know, and I really got into trying to prove he was making it up somehow.” Shaking his head as he remembers, “I actually asked our grieving neighbor if they performed an autopsy on her sister! That got me into some serious hot water; I was on punishment for a week! But, after a while I realized that Occam’s Razor was probably true here. The simplest answer, the most logical answer for who could, who would, and who did say these things through my five-year-old brother, was/is God. It’s a miracle … that’s what I believe anyway.”
Lauren is quiet. Her mind is racing, actually now torn three ways between her job, a growing affinity toward James, and some deep personal feelings and emotions that are bubbling up inside her. For some reason this answer just doesn’t sit well with her, and then James delivers what regrettably feels like a pointed stick to Lauren’s emotions.
“You know, truthfully, I found– I find that the only reason, the only reason, we have trouble believing that God would do something like this, is because we cannot reconcile it with our own experiences or personal desires. It’s all about us.”
Lauren’s eyes grow huge! Something in there definitely struck a nerve! In the midst of her next sentence she manages to catch herself, “That’s crazy! If God doesn’t– God isn’t the same for everybody. Everybody doesn’t believe the same way! I mean, I guess it’s great, if that works for you; but I just don’t– I don’t believe like that. I– I can’t.”
Right & Wrong
Lauren and James make good progress as they put Baltimore well behind them. Lauren at her word has covered all the tolls. Looking out at the Susquehanna River, James thinks about what Lauren said; that she can’t believe as he does. Sensing some hurt in her he shares something personal. “I understand, really. Sometimes things happen that make this kind of belief hard. I– When I was about thirteen or fourteen, a man I really loved and respected died. Humph, it was actually that neighbor’s husband.”
“The one whose sister died, that you asked–
“Yeah, and– Anyway, he was this old FBI man, and I remember I thought that was super cool! He was really nice to me—and Joe. We were still relatively new to the area—after Joe’s episodes we didn’t really have many kids around for a while. My dad’s company was just taking off, so he’d be working some weekends, and so Mr. Phelps would sometimes let me and Joe tag along. He’d go hiking to the Forest Ranger station about five miles from our house. A good friend of his worked there. They would let us fly this model airplane and he talked to us about old cases and stuff he knew. It was great. He never tried to replace our dad or anything, but they didn’t have any kids of their own, so he really liked hanging with us. Then, out of nowhere he got sick and died.” He shakes his head as he remembers that pain, “I think it was cancer, but I remember I thought, why wouldn’t God have told Joe! Up until that time I’d forgotten about Joe’s predictions, but this brought it all back! Truthfully, I really began to wrestle with what I believed.”
Lauren is on the edge of her seat. She can deeply relate to what he’s telling!
He continues, “Anyway, I was pretty angry. Then my dad sat me down one Sunday afternoon and said to me, James, remember how you reacted to me, not letting you have one of those little turtles when you were a kid? ’Cause, when I was eight, a man came through the neighborhood where we used to live, selling these little green turtles. All the kids’ parents let them have one, but my dad said, nothin’ doing! For some reason, he thought the guy wasn’t trustworthy. Anyway, all the turtles died, and many of the kids in the neighborhood got sick behind it! They went looking for that guy, but they never found him—in fact that’s when we first met Mr. Phelps and learned he was with the FBI. Anyway, anyway. Um …”
Lauren notices that James has lost his train of thought for a moment, but she’s hanging on his every word so she won’t say a word.
James, “Oh, yeah! So my dad told me, remember how angry you were with me? You said I was a terrible dad who didn’t love you! You remember that? Embarrassed, I said, yes. That’s when he told me that, sometimes love forces very hard realities on people.”
Lauren is impressed at how James seems captivated by the memory as he narrates.
“I remember how he said he couldn’t explain what he saw in that man’s face that told him not to trust him. He said, If I couldn’t explain it to the other parents or the police, certainly I couldn’t to you; and you simply couldn’t understand why I would be so cruel! But when you were helping your friends cheer up—’cause we were going to their houses to bring them their schoolwork—he said, you understood, then, that it was the better outcome; that I had done the right thing. Well son, while you might agree now that I’m not the ‘terrible dad’ you thought I was, I am far from perfect—heck I’m really just learning how to be a better father! But God is a perfect Father; and he’s been a father forever! His love is boundless and he loves all of us! He never makes a mistake. And, sometimes, in his love, he has to do for one what will result in a hard reality for another. Just because we don’t understand it doesn’t mean that it was th
e wrong thing to do, or that God is a cruel and bad father.”
Lauren fidgets a little, the story touches her, but she still can’t accept this simple explanation. James continues:
“Then my dad said something that he taught Joe and me, back when he was teaching Sunday school; I’d heard it so many times I could have recited myself. Speaking about God, he used to explain, If you have two children and one of them wants to go to the zoo, and the other one doesn’t want to go to the zoo, and you know what’s best of the two options, you are bound by love, to select what is best for both, and one of them is NOT gonna be happy or feel loved.” James, still affected by that simple child-like logic, adds, “I don’t know, that recount really puts God’s job in a different perspective for me. It may not say much to you, but that was a turning point for me and how I believe.”
Lauren, who is still dissatisfied and feeling some hurt, says with a tinge of disdain, “Yeah, that’s sweet and all, and what I would expect out of a minister, but if you’re God, couldn’t you just change the mind of one of them? Hell, or make someone show up who can take the other kid to the zoo. I mean, what’s the use of being God if you can’t fix something like that when people really need you?”
James did not miss the heat of her comment. He can tell there’s definitely something more on her mind, but he decides not to confront her on it at the moment thinking, “It’s a long walk back to campus.” He tries instead to close the topic gently. “Yeah, I guess he could do that, but it’s kind of like you said, different people believe differently.”
A moment goes by in silence. It’s not so much awkward as it is simply a break from what had become a nearly contentious discussion. Their first argument, really—other than the one when they first met. Lauren allows the time to try and regroup her thinking. She’s gotten way, way off task here, partially because she just likes James so much, but a large part of it is that she sensed some peace and resolution in her own heart in what he was saying that in the end only frustrated her.
The Journal: A Prophecy, A President & Death Page 11
