by B. J Daniels
The phone rang. Her gaze sprang to his. “Should I answer it?” she asked in a whisper, the apartment suddenly too quiet, the ringing too loud.
He seemed to hesitate. “Do you have caller ID?”
She nodded and stepped into the studio. “It’s Inez.”
“Wait.” The phone rang again. “Do you have an extension?” he asked so close behind her he startled her.
“In the bedroom.”
She let it ring once more, then picked up, watching through the bedroom door as he did the same. “Hello?” Her voice sounded strange even to her.
“Holly?” Inez demanded in a tone that belied her years. “What’s wrong?”
She wanted to laugh. Everything was wrong. Inez, of all people, should know that. But Inez put anything unpleasant from her mind, ordering the world to be the way she wanted it, come hell or high water.
That rankled Holly and shocked her. She usually had more patience with Inez. And yet part of her wondered why it hadn’t rankled long before now.
“What could be wrong?” she asked unable to hide the sarcasm, which, of course, was wasted on Inez.
“You sound…strange.”
She felt strange.
Slade gave her a warning look.
“I must have dozed off,” she improvised.
He nodded his approval.
“I was worried about you,” Inez said. Holly heard the clear, sharp tap of the elderly woman’s cane on stone. “I was concerned that you might have gone off on another one of your…escapades.”
Escapades? Was she referring to the pregnancy? Or the loss of the baby? Or was the “escapade” the hiring of Slade Rawlins? She felt a hot coal of resentment burning deep in her as she looked over at Slade. Why had she put up with Inez’s interference in her life for so long?
“I want to talk to you about the private detective you hired,” Inez said.
“This really isn’t a good time,” Holly said.
Inez continued as if she hadn’t heard. Or didn’t care. “I know this last year has been hard on you, losing Allan, then the baby.”
“The baby had nothing to do with Allan,” she heard herself say. “Or you.” She’d never talked to Inez like this and she heard the shock in the older woman’s tone.
“I beg your pardon?”
“I’m sorry, I’m just tired,” Holly said, backing off just as quickly, just as she’d always done. Only this time it had been a sudden fear that had stopped her. A fear that upsetting Inez was…dangerous. Where had that come from?
She met Slade’s gaze. He was frowning, watching her intently.
“Of course you’re tired,” Inez agreed, sounding wary. “You’re just distraught. You always are when you do something foolish. I have tried to weather these episodes with you, dear, but this last one…. I know you haven’t been yourself and I try to make allowances for you. Obviously, dear Allan’s death hit you much harder than even you want to admit. That really is when this all started.”
No, Holly thought. It all started about the time she met Allan. And Inez.
“But hiring a private investigator,” Inez was saying. “It’s so…common and…seedy.”
Holly started to speak but Inez cut her off.
“Let’s not discuss it further. It will only upset you to realize you’ve had yet another one of those embarrassing and tragic lapses in judgment. You’re blaming yourself for the death of that baby, and Lord knows the guilt over that unfortunate pregnancy had to have contributed to the stillbirth. How could it not? But hiring a detective…?”
Holly thought she’d scream if she heard another word. Her head ached and she felt sick to her stomach. “Hiring Slade Rawlins wasn’t a mistake.” She didn’t sound convincing even to her own ears, and she didn’t dare look at Slade.
“There is no need to try to justify it,” Inez said. “We all have made mistakes. Certainly none as extraordinary as yours,” she added with a sniff, “but still, just look at the decisions you’ve made since Allan’s death. They speak for themselves. I know Dr. Parris discussed your guilt over Allan’s death with you at the sanitarium.”
Holly shot a look at Slade again, embarrassed. Inez seemed intent on reminding her of the sanitarium and her mental instability, but now she was insinuating that Holly was responsible for Allan’s death. Hadn’t Slade already questioned the same thing?
“Dr. Parris never said anything to me about my having guilt over Allan’s death,” she said defensively.
Silence. “I was there on several occasions during your sessions when he discussed this very thing with you, Holly. Are you telling me you don’t…remember?”
Panic raced through her, making her limbs weak with fear. She gripped the phone tighter, her hand trembling. That wasn’t possible. She would have remembered. Or would she have?
Even more panicked, she suddenly realized that she couldn’t remember any sessions with Dr. Parris when Inez had been there.
“Holly?” Inez asked. She sounded too cheerful as if she had Holly right where she wanted her. Scared. Unsure. Beaten back. Holly was shocked even to think it. Inez was her only family now.
A bubble of hope floated up from inside her as a clear, strong thought surfaced: Dr. Parris had seen her during these blanks in her memory. A sense of relief swept over her. First Slade. And now Dr. Parris. Only, Dr. Parris was a trained psychiatrist. He could make sense of this.
“Holly, are you still there?”
“Yes,” she finally managed to say. She couldn’t wait to tell Slade about Dr. Parris, about her lack of memory of the sessions with Inez and what it might mean.
“I had just forgotten those sessions with you and Dr. Parris,” she lied, not sure why.
Inez was silent for a moment. “You mustn’t castigate yourself. Once you’re well… In the meantime, I’ve taken care of it. I’ll have my lawyer pay off that private detective so he won’t be bothering you anymore and I’ve spoken with Dr. O’Brien. He agrees rest is probably the best thing for you now especially since—”
“Dr. O’Brien?”
“Yes, he feels he can be much more beneficial to you than Dr. Parris. You need help, Holly, and please don’t argue—”
“I think you’re right,” Holly interrupted.
“You do?!”
Even from this distance she could see the tightening of the muscles in Slade’s jaw, the hard anger in his gaze and his manner. He, too, seemed to be clutching the phone.
“Yes,” Holly said, suddenly feeling better. Her head still ached and her stomach was still upset, but her mind felt clearer than it had in a long time.
“Well, that’s good that you agree.” Inez sounded off balance, even a little disappointed, as if she’d expected a fight and had been ready for it. “You don’t even have to recommit yourself since your old commitment papers are still in force. I think you should return to Evergreen at once. For your own good. Dr. O’Brien said he would make arrangements to have you picked up tonight.”
Slade was shaking his head.
“I’m really too tired tonight,” Holly said.
“That’s exactly why you need to—”
“Why don’t I call you in the morning?” Holly said, getting a nod from Slade. “I just want to go to bed now.”
“You’re sure?” Inez said, an edge to her voice. She wasn’t pleased. “You are taking your pills, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” she said, shooting a glanced at Slade. He had that hard angry expression on his face again. Was he right about the pills?
“They’ve made me very drowsy for some reason,” she said. She softened her tone. “I really do appreciate your concern, and I think you’re right about me needing help.”
Inez seemed hesitant to hang up as if not convinced. “Well, then, get a good night’s sleep. I’ll talk to you first thing in the morning.”
“Yes, I’ll do that.” She hung up, feeling worn out by the encounter with her sister-in-law, and she realized it was always like this. So much easier to give i
n to Inez than to fight her. Just as it had been with Allan.
Only this time, she hadn’t given in. The thought buoyed her spirits.
“No wonder you think someone has been manipulating you,” Slade said as he came into the living room. “But what the hell was that about recommitting yourself?”
“I agreed I needed help—not recommitting. I remembered something,” she said excitedly. “When Inez was talking about Dr. Parris and Evergreen I realized I couldn’t recall any discussions I had with him while Inez was there.”
Slade lifted a brow. “That’s a memory?”
“Don’t you see, I must have been in one of my…blanks. But that means Dr. Parris would have observed this. He might know what was wrong with me based on the way I was acting.” She saw Slade’s expression. “I know what you’re thinking. That I have some sort of personality disorder.” It certainly sounded as though that was the case to her.
“You don’t have a split personality,” he said, sounding more convinced than she had expected. “I don’t know much about personality disorders, I’ll admit. And you’re different from the Holly Barrows I knew this time last year. But not that much different. In fact, you seem to be becoming more and more like her all the time. With the kind of stress you’ve been under, I think it would be just the opposite. Once all your memory returns—” He broke off and shrugged, his gaze gliding over her face as gentle and warm as a caress.
She felt a rush of gratitude. Whether he was right or not, he was trying to reassure her and she appreciated that more than he could know.
And she did feel…different. Stronger. Just standing up to Inez— “Dr. Parris should be able to help us,” she said again, hoping it were true.
He smiled at her, making her wonder if he thought her naive. “Maybe he does have some answers,” he agreed, perhaps a little too easily. “Or this Dr. O’Brien your sister-in-law was so anxious for you to see might have.”
She watched him walk to the door and pick up her suitcase and the painting, his words echoing in her ears.
“Let’s get out of here.” He seemed even more anxious to get away from her apartment now. Because of Inez’s call? Was he worried Inez and Dr. O’Brien wouldn’t wait until morning to come get her?
She realized why Slade had wanted her to take the call. He suspected Inez was somehow involved. And now, it seemed, he was even more suspicious.
Holly quickly followed after him, not so sure he wasn’t right. Just before he turned out the light, the glare caught on her painting, highlighting the monsters huddled at the end of the bed. She had a flash of realization so strong it stunned her. Not a memory. But a feeling. Almost a warning. Something had been controlling her life. Something much more malevolent than Inez Wellington.
But the question was: Was it still in control?
Chapter Nine
Slade stepped out into the night, Holly right behind him. The top of the stairs were dark, the sky overhead a deep cold midnight blue, the December air frosty and wet with the promise of snow. Slade descended the steps, the day-old snow crunchy under his feet. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs to search the street, knowing that what he feared most wasn’t waiting for them in the dark.
He took Holly’s hand as they crossed the street to his pickup. He shivered, but he knew it wasn’t from the cold. He was scared as hell.
Once behind the wheel, he started the truck and pulled away, watching in his rearview mirror.
“You’re scaring me,” she whispered, turning to look back.
“Sorry,” he said. “Just force of habit.”
But he couldn’t help checking his rearview mirror as they left Pinedale, couldn’t help feeling as though something was after them, because deep inside he believed something was.
No car lights flashed on behind them. But then he didn’t think Dr. O’Brien had had time to round up a couple of orderlies and a straitjacket and drive to Pinedale. There was no doubt in Slade’s mind though, that the doctor was on his way.
Nor did he think they were being followed. At least not in the usual way. What was after them was too hi-tech to use something as primitive as a tail.
Pinedale seemed hunkered down for the night as he drove through the deserted streets. After all, it was cold and late and Christmas Day.
Hard as it was to admit, he knew the fear he felt had nothing to do with Dr. O’Brien, Inez or even monsters dressed like Halloween ghouls. It was the fear he was in over his head. That Holly didn’t need a private investigator. That she needed a shrink. That he was dead wrong and that, by getting her hopes up, he was only going to make things worse.
But he’d heard Inez on the phone. He had the pills in his pocket. Even if the pills didn’t prove what he suspected they would, any fool could see that Holly was in trouble.
Selfishly he wanted the Holly he’d known—and who’d known him—back. And he wanted their baby. If Holly’s memory of the little girl with dimples was real.
Unfortunately, he was smart enough to know that once whoever was behind this found out Holly was starting to remember, they might decide to get rid of the evidence. And that had him running scared.
He couldn’t wait to get to Shelley’s and build a fire. He needed the warmth of his sister’s house tonight. A hard cold block of ice had settled inside him. He’d never felt so cold.
But he had one stop he had to make first. He glanced over at Holly. She sat huddled against the door staring out at the darkness, her face pale in the glow of the dash lights. He wondered what it must be like, having huge chunks of time you couldn’t account for. Doing things that you wouldn’t normally do. And waking up not knowing what you’d done. Or why.
The worst of it was, he didn’t want to believe what was staring him dead in the face. He was one of those missing chunks of time. He wasn’t sure who or what had kept him hidden inside her. And that had him worried. He hoped it would be as simple as the bottle of prescription drugs now snug in his pocket. But he doubted he could get that lucky.
“WHY ARE WE HERE?” Holly asked, unable to hide her sudden irrational fear, as he pulled into the hospital parking lot.
He glanced over at her in surprise. “Sorry, I should have told you. I want to find out if anyone has heard from the admitting nurse who was on duty Halloween night.”
“Carolyn Gray.” Holly had a bad feeling about the nurse. One she couldn’t shake. “Do you think—” She hated to even voice her fear. “—that they would actually…kill someone to keep them quiet about this?”
“They stole our child, Holly. That’s kidnapping, a federal offense. But still a step down from murder.” He seemed to be studying her. “Are you afraid to go in the hospital? Because of the commitment papers?”
She shook her head. “Just bad memories.” She’d been fine earlier in the day when they’d come here. She couldn’t explain what had her scared now. She’d never been afraid of the dark. Or hospitals. Or monsters. But she was now.
“Don’t worry,” he said, his voice as soft as his gaze in the semi-darkness of the pickup cab. “I won’t let them take you back to the Institute. No matter what I have to do.”
Impulsively she reached over to give his gloved hand lying on the seat between them a gentle squeeze. “Thank you. For everything.”
“Thank me when this is all over,” he said, looking uncomfortable. “I haven’t done much to protect you so far.”
They found the head nurse in the break room, sitting at one of a half-dozen round tables, reading. Mrs. Lander, according to her name tag, was a small woman dressed in an immaculate white uniform. Just the way she was sitting, her back ramrod straight and a no-nonsense aura about her, told Holly she would not be easy to work for.
“Yes?” Mrs. Lander enquired, as she looked up from her reading.
Slade showed her his identification. “Carolyn Gray is a key witness in a case I’m involved in. Have you heard from her?”
“Yes,” Mrs. Lander said, a great deal of disapproval in that one word. “She
called yesterday to say she had taken another job and wouldn’t be coming back.”
The same day Holly and Slade had gone to Carolyn’s apartment to find it hastily cleaned out.
“You spoke to her yourself?” he asked.
“No, the receptionist took a message.”
“But the receptionist was sure it was Carolyn Gray?” he persisted.
Mrs. Lander looked from Slade to Holly. “The receptionist is new, but the woman called herself Carolyn Gray. Why would she lie?”
Holly wandered over to a bulletin board full of photos, afraid Carolyn Gray might have had an accident like the midwife, Maria Perez.
“You don’t seem surprised Carolyn Gray would leave without giving proper notice,” Slade was saying.
“No.”
“Why is that?”
“Why the interest, Mr. Rawlins?”
“I think she might be in trouble.”
“I think with Carolyn that goes without saying,” the nurse retorted. “Carolyn didn’t take her job seriously. There were times she would leave her post without telling anyone. We often had a hard time finding her when we needed her.”
Interesting. Holly moved along the bulletin board, wondering if Carolyn Gray was one of the nurses in the candid snapshots tacked up there. The snapshots made the hospital look like a fun place to work.
“What do you think the problem was?” Slade asked.
“Men. She liked men, especially doctors. I caught her once coming out of an empty room with one of the doctors.”
“Which doctor?” he asked.
“I really can’t say.” Holly heard the scrape of a chair and turned to see the nurse on her feet. She closed the book she’d been reading. “I really need to get back to work.”
“Can you tell us what Carolyn Gray looks like?” Holly asked. “Maybe there’s a photo of her over here?” She motioned to the bulletin board.
The nurse seemed to hesitate, but walked over to the snapshots. She lifted several that had been tacked over older ones. “This one wouldn’t help you. She’s wearing a costume.”
