by Ari Harper
“There is nothing you could of done, child.”
“This just gets better and better, doesn’t it?” I couldn’t keep the sarcasm from my voice.
Jasper put a cup of tea in front of me at the table and took a seat opposite. Taking a few sips, he watched me try to deal with the day’s tragic event. “You do know that this was one you couldn’t have stopped, Nera. Even Bones would not have been able to stop Hannah losing this baby. It is one of the few things we do not have any control over. I know that we can change things some of the time. You saved Roman for example, but an unborn baby is a totally different thing.”
I looked at him and couldn’t believe what he was telling me. “Are you serious? Bones the great one? I thought he could do anything. The protector, remember?”
“It is said that babies don’t have a soul until they are born, and one chooses them at that very moment they take their first breath. I know it sounds harsh, but that’s just the way it is. You couldn’t have done a thing so stop beating yourself up over it,” he said. “Apart from that, he is your protector, Nera, yours alone.”
“I should have been more careful,” I cried. “After the episode with Roman, didn’t either of you think that they might try to hurt Mom?” I looked at him for a moment, letting the thoughts sink in. Surely not… “No, tell me you didn’t just stand by and watch this happen, Jasper? Tell me you didn’t see this coming,” I yelled at him, slamming my hands down on the table in front of me.
“You can’t be serious, Nera. How could you believe that I would stand by and let any of you get hurt?” he asked me. His blue eyes held a mountain of hurt as he turned away. I knew I had wounded him deeply but couldn’t help myself.
“Sorry, Jasper. This is not your fault. I know that. I just wish we could have seen it coming; we might have been able to do something. I feel so useless,” I said.
I heard a noise outside and looked out to see Dad coming up the back path. “Dad.” I ran to him. “I’m so sorry. How is Mom?”
He held me tight for a while before he spoke. “She will be okay, honey. She’s so upset that Dr. Peters sedated her, and she should sleep until morning. Poor Hannah. She really wanted this baby.”
“Let me get you a cup of tea, Jack,” Jasper said, fussing around the kitchen. “What did the doctors say the reason was for her losing the baby?”
“They don’t know for sure. Sometimes it just happens. The best thing for her now is to rest up and get her strength back. We can try again later,” Dad said with a weak smile.
“I’m sorry, Dad,” I said. “I feel that some of this was my fault.”
“How could it possibly be your fault, Nera?” he asked. “These things happen. It is just Mother Nature’s way of giving us strong babies.”
I looked at Dad and then Jasper. I wished with all my heart that I could tell him what we knew, but that was not going to happen anytime soon. I knew we had to keep it a secret.
“I tried to explain it to Nera, Jack, but she still doesn’t seem convinced.” Jasper put Dads tea in front of him.
“It’s true, honey. We can’t do anything about pregnancies this early. Noel will let us know later in the week what went wrong if he can.”
I went back upstairs to check on Roman. Before I got closer to my door I could hear him talking to Hugo. He looked up when I opened the door. “Hey, little buddy. Have a good sleep with Hugo?”
“Yes, we did. I’m hungry. Can we get something to eat please?”
“Sure, buddy. Let’s go down and see Dad and Jasper. There must be cake somewhere,” I said as I picked him up and started down the stairs.
“Dad, you’re back,” Roman said. “Where’s Mom?”
“She will be home tomorrow, young man.” Dad took Roman from my arms for a hug. “Dr. Peters is making her all better so she can come home.”
“Good. Can I have cake now, Nera?” He wriggled out of Dad’s grasp.
The day dragged on slowly without Mom in the house. Each of us quiet and shouldering the blame as if it were ours. I phoned Brie and Sully to break the sad news. It would do no good to have them arrive at Jasper’s to hear it from Bones.
Roman stayed home with me when Dad went to pick Mom up the next morning. When she arrived home, our tears flowed freely. She spent most of the day wrapped up with Dad on the back porch overlooking her garden. Roman and I stayed close to home to be with her and try to keep her spirits up. It wasn’t until the next day that she spoke of the baby to me.
“It breaks my heart, Nera. It truly does. But this was obviously meant to be or it wouldn’t have happened. I believe that. But it still hurts so much.” She cried as I gathered her in my arms and cried softly with her.
“Mom, I love you so much. I just wish that I could help you more. I’m so sorry. I know how much you wanted this baby.”
“Honey, we can try again. Just give me a little time to settle my mind and then we can think about it. If a baby wants to come to us, it will.”
Over the next couple of days, Brie and Sully came to visit, and I had no wish to go anywhere until Mom was well again. We needed to get to Jasper’s, but Mom came first. We would just have to catch up later and work harder. It wasn’t every day that evil slapped your mother in the face.
The third day after Mom came home from the hospital, she insisted that I go out for my run. She knew my body almost as well as I did and claimed that I had hung around the house without exercise long enough. Just the act of pulling on my running shoes lifted my spirits. The cool morning air filled my lungs and cleared the stagnant thoughts from my brain. I had been going around in circles, churning things over in my mind as to what I could have done to prevent this happening to Mom. I alternated between blaming Bones and Jasper too, which I knew was unforgiveable. I was being unreasonable. I hated to make things too easy for anybody, including myself.
On my way home, I promised myself that today I would go over and confront Jasper and Bones. There were too many things that were not clear. I wondered if they were keeping things from me still. I had to find out and after the last few weeks of horror, I was ready to hurt someone if I didn’t get what I wanted.
I made a cup of tea and settled down with Mom while I told her what I wanted to do.
“Just go,” she said. “You don’t have to treat me with kid gloves. I can’t possibly break anymore than I already have. I just need time to get over the loss, and I can do that with you leading a normal life.”
“Are you sure?” I hated it when she tried to put on a brave face.
“Dad is here, honey. Go and enjoy some of your holiday.” She gave me a gentle push, and I threw up my hands in defeat.
“Okay, I’m going over to Jasper’s. Call if you need me.”
I kissed the top of her head and popped into Dad’s office. “Mom has kicked me out. I’m going to Jasper’s.”
Hugo and I headed off down the lane toward our favorite haunt. It was time for me to get some answers. There was still that comment Bones had made before this happened that I wanted to sort out. Surely I wouldn’t have to put up with him for life. That had to be wrong.
CHAPTER NINE
Jasper was in the garden, clipping his roses when I arrived. He took time to ask after Mom before I managed to steer him onto what I wanted.
“Jasper, is there any way I can get rid of Bones, you know, not have him around me anymore?”
He looked at me and a deep sadness filled his eyes. “The only way would be to lose to the Others.”
I looked down, embarrassed. I was regretting this conversation already.
“Why would you want to get rid of Bones, girl dear?”
“I don’t really know, Jasper. I probably shouldn’t have said anything.”
“But you must have a reason, Nera. Otherwise we wouldn’t be having this talk now.”
“Honestly, I don’t know if I can pin it down to one thing. He just, well, you know, makes me feel like an idiot one minute, and then he says something to piss me off. I feel s
o confused around him. No one else has ever made me feel that way.” I shook my head. “He does it on purpose too. I’ve watched his face as he tries to get me going.” I snuck a look at Jasper and was surprised that he didn’t look angry. “And he takes my decisions from me. I mean, look what happened when I got bashed. I should have been the one to hurt Connor, but no. He had to do it and claim that it was his right. How the hell was that possible, I ask you? That was my right, not his.”
“Calm down, Nera.” Jasper came over to me and put his arm over my shoulders. “You must understand Bones, girl dear. He has waited most of his life for this time. If he seems a bit overbearing—” he held up his hand as I tried to interrupt—”it is only because he is concerned about your welfare. He was here when you were born. He has watched over you for the last seventeen years. You are the sole reason for his existence, and when someone threatens you, he feels he has a responsibility to protect you.”
I felt ashamed of my outburst and for hurting Jasper. Neither of them had done me any harm. It was my weird sense of independence that had me burring up. “Do I really have to put up with him for the rest of my life, Jasper?” I asked softly. “Honestly?”
He threw his head back and laughed. “Oh, Nera, I swear you keep me young.”
“How can you possibly call yourself young, Jasper? But back to the question.”
Jasper gave a small cough, and I looked up to see Bones leaning against the kitchen door, his dark eyes watching us. I had no doubt he knew exactly what I was talking about. I looked back to Jasper.
“You were saying,” I gave Jasper an inquiring look.
“Sorry, Nera. There is nothing I can do.”
I saw Bones coming over to us and felt my skin prickle again.
“Problem here, Jasper?”
“You could say that,” I said. “I was just asking Jasper if I had any way of getting rid of you.” I stared at him, refusing to back down.
“Sick of me already?”
“I just don’t know if I can see myself going through life with you always there. It could be just a little awkward for a teenage girl to have a shadow all the time. I suggest that once I break this curse, you and I go our separate ways.” I stood my ground, willing my body to keep still when my mind was screaming at me to run.
He looked down his nose at me, no hint of smile on his face. “I really don’t think that you are in a position to make the rules here,” he said quietly.
“No. How do you figure that, sport?” I snapped. “This is my life, and I will live it the way I want. I really don’t care what is written in some book in some bloody castle. I want to have my life my way.”
“You are so selfish.” He shook his head. “So, all that has gone on before you means nothing. The loss of life, Jasper’s wife, my aunt, his daughter, and all of those who have tried before you mean nothing.” He spoke in a quiet, silky-smooth sound that scared me more than his usual tone. “What your brother and mother have gone through, your best friend and his mother. All that, you would discard without a care so that you can have a normal teenage, hormone, boy-filled life without me watching over you. Get over it, Nera.” He raised his voice. “I did not ask for this any more than you did. I have been waiting for 800 years to help you with this, and all you can do is complain about what you might miss out on if I am in your life. What about what everyone else has had to sacrifice while we waited for you to grow up? What of those that follow you? Do you want to be responsible for the loss of more life while you laze around your room alone?”
“How dare you speak to me like that,” I lashed out at him.
He grabbed my hands in a vise-like grip and pulled me so close I could count the eyelashes over his dark eyes as he blinked. “Do you want to see your family suffer, Nera? It won’t go away if you ignore it, you know. She will keep coming and hurting those that you love.”
His warm breath covered my face, and my mouth felt dry and dusty. A strange feeling was heating in my stomach, and it took my breath away. “Can you live with yourself if you walk away, knowing that you could have stopped it? Can you live with yourself, Nera? Can you?”
He pushed me away and stormed back into the house. I rubbed my wrists and looked at Jasper who had moved away to the edge of the garden. I had never felt as small as I did now. Once again I had let my mouth get the better of me when it was easier just to go with the flow. No, I did not want to have a shadow for the rest of my life, but if it was the only way that we could be safe, would it be so bad? To me at that moment, the answer was still yes, no matter what feelings he might bring out in me.
Jasper shook his head. I knew what he was thinking. The same thing he always thought when I let my mouth take over when I should just keep it shut.
“Well, what did you expect? You know how I like my own space, and you thought I would just fall into this without the occasional spit, right?”
“I never expected you to take this laying down, girl dear, but I really did expect you to have better manners than that.” Jasper raised an eyebrow. “I hope Bones doesn’t take it too much to heart.”
“If he knows me as well as he thinks he does, he would have seen that coming and knew when to duck for the next blast,” I said. I knew I was a bitch, but he had it coming.
Jasper motioned for me to follow him over to a stone seat by the rose arbor. I sat with him while he told me the reason I needed to accept that Bones would be with me for the rest of my life and what would happen if I refused to go along with him. I couldn’t sacrifice my family for my wants and dislikes because it would be what I was doing if I refused to play along with Bones. They would all die. I had to try. As much as I hated to think life as I knew it was over and I was no longer alone, I think I owed them that much.
Brie and Sully texted me saying they would be back after lunch, and it was then I called a truce with Bones. I was sure he knew about the discussion I had with Jasper in the garden, but I went through it all again. Yes, I was sorry I was such a bitch, but what did he expect if I only got half the story. We could try to get along. The world apparently was relying on us, even though I couldn’t give in gracefully and probably never would. It was who I was, and he had better get used to it.
***
Sully, Brie, and I were sitting talking in the library with Jasper and Bones. Brie had asked Jasper more about the gods, Mari in particular.
“You are named for, her girl dear,” he explained to me. “Your name in Hebrew means burning light which, translated to the modern era, means lightening. To you, she is the most important witch. It is from her decree that your power comes.”
“What about us, Jasper?” Brie asked. “If we are connected like you suspect, could we have any powers like Nera?”
“I really don’t know. What do you think, Bones?”
“We can try to teach Brie and Sully to see if they have anything. A protection spell is easy to master to start with. But they will have nowhere the capabilities that you have, Nera. You get the really big stuff all to yourself.” Bones smirked, looking at me.
“Thanks for nothing,” I shot back at him.
Jasper shook his head. I was still quietly seething about this morning’s spat.
Bones just grinned. “Come on, Sully. Why don’t you give it a go?”
“Why can’t you just give me a spell to put my mother back to what she was?” Sully blurted out, taking everyone by surprise. “What good will one of your bloody protection spells do for her? We never asked to be here.”
“Sully, there is every reason to believe that once this battle is over, so will your mother’s illness be over. And we will then begin to age normally. Until Nera shows the others the door, so to speak, we won’t know for sure. But that is what Jasper and I discussed last night.”
“Oh, great,” I said, “just one more thing to put on my shoulders,”
Sully dropped to the couch, his face as white as a sheet. His mouth was open, but no words were coming out.
“Oh shit, Sully. I’m so
sorry,” I said. “You know I didn’t mean it like that.” I ran to his side and grabbed his arm.”You know I would do anything to get your mom back to how she was.”
Brie sat looking horrified, her mouth working to get the words out that her brain was still trying to form. “Why is it all such a big deal to you, Nera? You have the power, everyone knows it. Why can’t you just deal with it and stop going on like it’s the end of the world?” she said, her voice getting louder the more she worked herself up. “It’s not always about you, you know. There are other people who give a damn.”
I turned to her. I was full of rage and hurt. My eyes glowed, and I could feel the power radiated up my body.
“How dare you talk to me like that. Didn’t I help you? Was that me who saved you from drowning in the mud, or was that some other witchy person you just happen to have as a friend?” I threw my arms up in the air and screamed in frustration. I was so angry I didn’t realize the heat building inside my body was anything other than my emotions reaching boiling point. The red hot pain raced down my arms. As I watched, the tips of my fingers exploded into flame. I pointed them at Brie. Jasper tried to grab me, but I danced away from him. “Who was it who saved Roman? Was that you, Brie? Did you get into his mind and drown with him? Did you feel the cold, dark water fill your lungs until you could have made a pact with the devil for air?” All the frustration over the last few weeks was coming out, and I couldn’t stop it.
I threw small balls of flame at Brie. The windows flew open, and gusts of wind rushed into the room swirling around us, grabbing hot tongues of fire from my fingertips. The more I ranted, the faster the wind ripped through the room. The fire lit up the high ceilings.
“Is it you who is charged with saving the whole frigging world? No. It’s me, so how dare you say otherwise. It is all about me.” I screamed again, a blood-curdling cry from deep in my soul for what I had lost and what the past had thrown at me without a care to what I wanted.
The sound died in my throat, and I stopped in front of terrified Brie. She was cowering on the couch, her arms over her head.
