by Carrie Elks
‘You fixed it up by yourself?’
‘Mostly. Called in a few favours here and there. It’s not exactly the Hilton, but it will do.’
She bit her lip, as though she was considering the next one. ‘When did you move in here?’
‘A couple of months ago. I pretty much moved down here as soon as the roof was watertight. Figured I could do the rest while I was in here.’
‘And how long do you plan to stay for?’
‘I don’t know,’ he said honestly. ‘The mandated therapy is only for another month. After that I’m free to do what I want.’ But what did he want? That was the question.
‘But you’ll make more documentaries, right?’ she asked him. ‘What about that one in Colombia, are you planning to finish it?’
His mouth went dry at the mention of Colombia. He really didn’t want to think about that at all. He pulled her closer, until her chest was melded into his. ‘That’s a story for another day.’
‘Oh yeah?’
He trailed a finger down her spine, making her body squirm beneath his touch. ‘Yeah. I think I’m about done talking for now.’
Kitty didn’t protest as he pulled her fully on top of him, cupping her warm buttocks inside his palms. Sliding his hand up, he pressed his hand to the back of her head, pulling her down until their lips were inches away from each other.
‘You feel good,’ he said, growing hard as her body moved against him. Her touch was enough to make him forget everything, all the fears, the anger, the incessant reminders.
‘So do you.’ She dipped her head lower, until her mouth was on Adam’s. They moved together, kissing each other slowly, as if they had all the time in the world.
‘You taste good, too.’
‘Mmhmm.’
Then he lifted her off him and onto the mattress, moving down the bed until his lips were pressed against her stomach. He didn’t want to talk any more, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t use his mouth if he wanted to.
By the sound of her sighs, she wanted pretty much the same thing.
The cabin was surprisingly warm for a building made of little more than timber and sheer grit. Kitty nestled into the pillows, their softness undulating beneath her cheek, as Adam whispered something in his sleep before reaching out for her.
He’d held her all night. By early morning she was burning up, enough to make her wriggle out of his grasp. Lying there in the darkness, she’d tucked her hand under her cheek and closed her eyes, trying to remember every line of his face.
She was falling for him. Not in the way she’d been attracted to men before, in that chemical sizzle of lust and excitement. No, this was more soul shaking than that. A connection of hearts and minds that seemed to hum inside her. A need to protect as much as be protected.
It was too early to feel that way, and yet she couldn’t help herself. The way he’d decorated that hollow in the woods, just for her, had been enough to crack open whatever remained of her defences. Not that she’d had that many to begin with.
Somehow she needed to guard her freshly exposed heart. An impossible task when he’d already stolen it clean from her chest. The way he’d looked last night with that little-boy-lost stare as he’d told her his story, was enough to make her want to give it to him all over again.
Damn, she was so bad at this. All the Shakespeare sisters were. Not one of them was able to separate their hearts from their minds. A need for love seemed to run through their veins along with their warm, English blood.
‘Come here.’ Adam wrapped his arms around her, until Kitty’s head was tucked into his chest. They were still naked from their night-time exertions, and she could feel his muscles flexing beneath her cheek. She could hear his heartbeat, too. Strong and steady, it beat out a tattoo that emulated her own. A rhythm as reassuring as a maternal pulse, it made her eyes heavy and her breath slow.
Two hours later she awoke with a start. This time the cabin was bathed in the half light, the West Virginian sun slowly making its morning appearance. Kitty sat up, disoriented, having to blink a few times before the room came into focus. That’s when she realised she wasn’t asleep in the attic room. And that the big house was more than a few footsteps away.
She’d spent her first night with Adam, and it had been pretty much perfect. Why did it have to end?
‘I need to get back.’ She wasn’t sure if she was talking to Adam or herself. ‘Jonas will be waking up.’
‘It’s still early, there’s plenty of time. Lie down, let me hold you.’
There was something so tempting about his offer that she nearly took him up on it. Spending a morning lying in his arms would have been a pretty good way to while away the hours. But she had things to do, a job to perform, not to mention a walk of shame to navigate. The last thing she needed was for her arrival back at the big house to have an audience.
No, best to leave right now before the house stirred. When they woke up they wouldn’t even realise she’d left. She could simply run up to the attic bedroom and pretend she’d been in there all night. A shower and some clothes and it would be a morning like any other.
‘I can’t stay,’ she whispered. ‘They’ll notice I’ve gone.’
‘You come down here every day. You can tell them you just got here a little early.’
She felt torn between her need for him and her natural dedication to her job. ‘I can’t,’ she repeated. ‘It’s so close to Christmas, we can’t let them suspect anything.’
‘You’re right.’ Adam sat up, the covers falling to his waist. His bare chest seemed to glisten in the morning light. He really was a good-looking guy. ‘Give me ten minutes, I’ll get the Skidoo out.’
She shook her head. ‘They’ll hear the engine. It might even wake them up. I’m better off walking.’
Kitty noticed he didn’t protest about that. Maybe he was as afraid as she was about being discovered.
Of course he wouldn’t want his family finding out. Why would he? It would only complicate things.
‘I’ll walk you, then.’
She put her arm on his bicep, feeling the warmth of his skin leaching into hers. ‘It’s OK, I know the way. If anybody’s up in the house it’ll be easier to explain if I arrive alone.’
He stared at her intently, as if he was looking for something behind her words. ‘I can stop at the treeline. Nobody will see me there.’
Kitty rolled her lip between her teeth, considering his offer. Part of her wanted to stretch their time together for as long as possible. She wanted to stay with him in this little bubble, in the protection of his arms. She was afraid that when she walked away the spell would break.
The other part, though, needed the space to think things through. As soon as she was back in the big house she’d be drawn into the mayhem of the day. Getting Jonas ready, helping Annie with breakfast, not to mention the last-minute preparations for Christmas. With less than twenty-four hours until Christmas Eve they really were running out of time.
She needed to think before she got in too deep. Before she let herself get carried away by romance and hopes and happily-ever-after. A cold, brisk walk up through the forest was exactly what she needed, even if her heart didn’t want the reality check.
‘It’s OK, I’ll be fine. You get on with your day, no doubt you’ve got lots to do.’ She smiled, though it took some effort.
This time he didn’t protest. Instead, he pulled on his pyjama bottoms and sat on the end of the bed, watching closely as she put on her clothes. The fluffy sheep pyjamas seemed stupid – not cute the way she’d thought they were last night. So unsophisticated and mundane.
Her boots were still by the door. She pulled them on, looking around for her jacket, but Adam already had it in his hands. ‘You sure you don’t want a ride?’
‘I’ll be fine.’ She slipped her arms into the proffered coat. Adam lifted it onto her shoulders, his hands lingering there for a moment. She luxuriated in his touch, in his closeness, in the amazing way he smelled.
She reached out for the door, turning the handle to let in the brisk morning air. When she turned back he was still staring at her, his expression unreadable. She wanted to say something to him, maybe ask him how he felt. Tell him she was going to miss him, even though he was only a trek through the forest away.
‘I guess I’ll see you later.’
He nodded. ‘That you will.’
Was he angry at her? She wanted him to plead with her to stay again. To tell her he liked her as much as she liked him. But she was too shy to voice her needs.
When he remained silent, Kitty rolled onto her tiptoes, pressing her lips against his warm, bearded cheek. ‘Goodbye, Adam.’
She hurried down the cabin steps and onto the snowy ground. The crash of wood against wood told her he’d closed the door, and it felt as though something inside her snapped. She turned back to check, and the porch was deserted, with only the decorations and fairy lights to be seen.
So that was that, then, the end of a perfect night. Time to turn and face the bright reality of the day. She squared her shoulders as she approached the snow-topped trees, trying to ignore the ache already forming in her chest.
She’d be OK. She always was.
Life was never supposed to be a fairy tale, she didn’t know why she’d let herself believe it could be.
23
What’s done cannot be undone
– Macbeth
Somehow Kitty managed to make it into her attic bedroom without being spotted. She’d been certain the sound of the stairs creaking, along with her noisy breathing, would have roused the whole house. Yet here she was, pulling off her coat and lying back on her bed, trying to regain her equilibrium after the long walk through the forest.
According to her watch she had around half an hour before Jonas was up. He’d taken to setting an alarm clock, afraid he was going to miss the day’s festivities. Not that Kitty could blame him; she remembered as a child the run-up to Christmas was almost better than the real thing. The anticipation, the bonhomie, the endless hours of playing Go Fish and Beggar my Neighbour. She used to love everything about the final few days, from the last-minute dashes to buy a forgotten present to the aroma of turkey gravy wafting through the house.
Now, though, her mind was too full of Adam to think of much else. That was why it took her so long to notice her mobile flashing on the bedside table. Buried deep inside her memories, the green light barely made an impression until its incessant pulses finally made it through her fugue.
She reached out to grab it, the delicious ache of her muscles reminding her once again of the night before. Swiping the screen she saw she’d somehow managed to miss two calls and a message – all from her sister Juliet.
Frowning, Kitty pressed the message icon. There were a few brief lines, reminding Kitty how busy her sister always seemed to be. The result of being the wife of a prominent businessman, as well as a doting mother and starting up her own business. Out of the four sisters, Juliet was certainly the most outwardly successful. Kitty knew from her sister’s confidences that appearances weren’t always as they seemed.
Was just thinking of you, are you OK? Give me a call to tell me how things are going. Love you, xx
It was still early but Kitty knew her sister would be up. Even during school vacations her niece, Poppy, was awake with the larks, dragging her mum out of bed to keep her company.
‘Hey, sweetie, I had the strangest feeling about you. Are you OK?’ Juliet said, as soon as she picked up. It wasn’t unusual for the sisters to react that way. Cesca had told Lucy and Kitty that Juliet was in labour hours before she called to say she’d given birth to a child. Maybe that’s what came from growing up in such close proximity to each other. They felt everything.
‘I’m fine,’ Kitty said, two lines forming between her brows. ‘What sort of strange feeling?’
‘I don’t know, it’s stupid. I just felt you needed us. Maybe it’s having you so far away at Christmas.’
‘I’m closer to you than I have been for years,’ Kitty pointed out. ‘We’re only a few hundred miles apart for once.’
‘But it’s your first Christmas away from London. I worry about you.’ Juliet let out a soft sigh. ‘Are you sure nothing’s happened?’
Everything had changed, but how to explain that to Juliet?
‘I’m fine, honestly. I’m going to miss being home for the big day, but it’s OK. Maybe we’ll all be able to be together next year.’ Kitty tried to keep her voice light.
‘Maybe…’
‘Are you OK?’ Kitty asked. ‘You sound a little weird.’
Another sigh from Juliet, this one longer and deeper than the first. Kitty found herself starting to worry about her older sister. ‘Thomas and I have been having some… problems.’
Kitty knew how hard it was for her sister to admit that. In her perfect world Juliet didn’t allow problems to get in the way. To acknowledge them was a defeat in itself. If she was actually saying the words out loud, then things really were bad.
‘What kind of problems?’
Juliet sighed. ‘He’s not happy with me,’ she told her. ‘Thinks I’m neglecting things at home because of setting up the flower shop. It seems like he spends more time at his parents’ place than he does with us. As you can imagine, they’re delighted. Their house must be full of I-told-you-sos and talk of my unsuitability. They never liked me.’
That was an understatement. Kitty recalled the wedding – a hastily planned occasion, as Juliet was almost six months pregnant by that point. Joan Marshall – Thomas’s mother – had looked as though she was sucking a lemon throughout the whole church service.
‘That sounds horrible,’ Kitty commiserated. ‘Especially so close to Christmas. How’s Poppy holding out?’
‘She’s confused, she’s sad, but then she’s all excited about Christmas. I wish I could make it all better for her, you know. I wanted her to have the perfect childhood, and I can’t make it happen.’
They all wanted that for Poppy. Strange how you hoped to give the younger generation a better life than you had.
‘She’s a good kid, she’ll be OK. Maybe there’s more to it than that. Is everything OK at Thomas’s work?’
‘The amount of time he spends there, I’d hope so. Do you know he told me I should always be a stay-at-home mom for the sake of his career? As you can imagine I told him where to shove his career.’
Kitty burst out laughing. In spite of the seriousness of the situation, she couldn’t help but feel proud of her sister.
‘Honestly, Kitty, never fall in love. It ruins everything.’
It was a little too late for that. ‘I’ll take that into consideration,’ she said lightly, knowing she wouldn’t listen at all.
‘Talking of annoying men, how’s it going with that shit who pissed in your cornflakes?’ Juliet asked, reminding Kitty that the last time they spoke she’d been at loggerheads with Adam.
‘Oh that? It was all a bit of a misunderstanding. We sorted it out, and everything’s just fine now.’
‘He sounded like a real piece of work,’ Juliet said. ‘What is it with guys thinking they know everything? Seriously, you should tell that wanker where to get off.’
‘He’s not like that,’ Kitty protested. ‘I got it all wrong.’
Juliet paused for a moment. Kitty could hear her soft breathing on the other end of the phone line. ‘He isn’t? So what is he like?’
Beautiful, wonderful, charming? They didn’t seem the right words to sum him up. She wondered if there were any words that could perform that job. If the Eskimos had a hundred words for snow, Kitty could have a thousand and she still couldn’t describe Adam.
‘He’s everything.’
‘Kitty! What’s going on? Oh my God…’ Juliet trailed off, no doubt shaking her head at Kitty’s sudden confession. ‘You need to fill me in right now.’
For the next ten minutes, Kitty filled her sister in on everything tha
t had happened between her and the stubborn, funny, beautiful man who lived in a cabin by the lake. And even then, the words didn’t do him justice.
‘Are you certain?’ Jonas screwed up his nose. ‘Uncle Adam definitely told me they were washing their socks.’
The mention of Adam’s name was enough to make her heart skip a beat. Stop it, she chastised herself. When she was being a nanny, Adam was the one person who shouldn’t be on her mind. She was here to look after Jonas, and she was determined to do just that. Starting with practising Christmas carols with him so he’d be ready to sing them to his grandmother on Christmas Eve.
‘No, they definitely weren’t washing their socks. They were watching their flocks. As in flocks of sheep. They were shepherds, you see.’
