‘Thanks.’ He sat back, his eyes turning away. On her first-aid courses she had been told that some war veterans never talked about their experiences. Not for days or even years afterwards. She hoped that one day he would be able to confide in her.
Soon the visitors began leaving. Ricky leaned forward, saying quietly, ‘I see you’re still wearing your ring.’
Automatically she clasped it. ‘Of course I am.’
‘I’m surprised.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘It’s just that I thought after this . . .’ He looked down at his hands, ‘you may want to change your mind. I’ve no idea how long I shall be here. I’m not at all certain the engagement was a good idea.’
‘What? But I love you,’ she cried.
‘Before this happened I had a career with the navy, a job that I loved. Now I’m not certain that I’ll be able to return to sea.’
‘Does that matter?’ she asked. ‘Isn’t it a good thing really?’
‘How can it be good?’ His face darkened.
‘I don’t mean it’s good to have injuries,’ she flustered. ‘I just meant that you’ll be out of the war.’
‘The navy is my life,’ he said gruffly.
‘Yes, I know, but I hope I am too.’
‘Ruby, what have I to offer you? At the moment, nothing.’
‘Don’t say that. When you’re well, you’ll find another job that you like as much as the navy.’
He turned cold eyes on her. ‘You think so?’
‘Ricky, I want to get married. I want to be your wife.’ She was afraid she was losing him.
Once more he looked distant. ‘Even if we did, we have nowhere to live.’
‘We could stay at Pride Place,’ she said eagerly. ‘Just till we found somewhere.’
Once more he gazed down at his hands. ‘How can I support a wife like this?’
‘Oh, darling, it doesn’t matter. As long as we have each other, something will turn up.’ She leaned close and as the room was now empty, placed her lips on his. He didn’t draw away and her heart leaped with joy. ‘I know you love me, really. It’s what’s happened to you that’s given you doubts. But I’ve enough love for both of us.’
When the bell rang, Ruby knew she must leave. ‘I’ll have to go.’
‘Are you staying in the village?’
‘Yes, at the Brown Bear. I wish we could be together.’
‘That won’t be possible for some time to come.’ He looked very unhappy.
She wanted to throw her arms round him and make him well. She knew she had enough love to do it.
‘I’ll be here in the morning. Then I’ll ask matron if we could be married here.’
‘I don’t think that’s possible.’
‘Anything’s possible if you want it enough.’ Once again she leaned forward to kiss him. It was a very brief and he sat in silence as he watched her walk away.
Her eyes were full of tears as she waited for the bus. She wouldn’t let their love die, she wouldn’t. She was determined to enlist the matron’s help tomorrow and marry Ricky before he changed his mind.
Chapter 16
Cynthia was dressed in her Sunday frock and sat on the high-backed carver, dwarfed by the big polished table in front of her. The ruby-red chenille tablecloth spilled over its edges and covered the four bulbous legs beneath. The furniture in the overcrowded front room was all depressingly dark wood. It reminded Pearl of a museum more than a home. It was no wonder that Jim, on leaving school, had found himself a job that took him away from home. He must have dreaded coming back to this atmosphere. Mrs Nesbitt, as usual, was eyeing Cynthia with disapproval as the crumbs scattered over the cloth and missed her plate.
‘Look at your sticky fingers,’ Mrs Nesbitt said sharply. ‘Use your napkin, child, that’s what it’s for.’
Pearl caught her daughter’s intake of breath as a wizened hand flew in front of her nose and snatched the napkin. ‘Hasn’t your mother taught you any manners?’
Cynthia’s wide eyes went to Pearl and they shared a glance. Neither of them enjoyed their visits to Villa Road. Most of the time, Cynthia sat on Pearl’s knee, sucking her thumb as she cowered away from her grandmother’s scrutiny. Playing on the floor was forbidden. The china ornaments positioned strategically around the fireplace were fragile. The lower shelves spilled with bric-a-brac, and books that were not to be read but dusted. Pearl often wondered if Jim got dusted as a child and told to sit in a corner and be quiet. No wonder he turned out to be noisy and talkative. All those years of living under this roof like an ornament must have driven him crazy.
She forced down the thin, tasteless food and the sugarless, watery tea. And when all that could be said about Jim was said, Pearl hoped they could make an escape.
But Cynthia wriggled round and caught her shoe in the tablecloth tassels. Before Pearl could prevent disaster, the plate and its contents went sailing through the air. Mrs Nesbitt’s alarmed cry was followed by the splintering of china.
Pearl rushed to her daughter’s aid. ‘Don’t cry, Cynth. It wasn’t your fault.’
‘My best china!’ Mrs Nesbitt’s hand clapped on her heart.
Pearl lifted her sobbing daughter, gently removing a slice of bread from her knee. Luckily she wasn’t harmed, only terrified of the consequences as she clung to Pearl.
‘It’s all right, Cynth, it’s only a plate. We’ll buy Granny another one.’ She held her tight, kissing the top of her head.
Mrs Nesbitt lifted accusing eyes. ‘This china can’t be replaced.’
‘It was an accident,’ Pearl repeated, unable to believe that her mother-in-law was more interested in her china than putting her granddaughter’s mind to rest. ‘She’s only a baby yet.’
‘Children should not leave the table until they’re told.’ Mrs Nesbitt shook her head as Pearl put Cynthia down and attempted to pick up the broken pieces. ‘No, leave it alone. See to your daughter. You’d better take her outside.’
Pearl didn’t need telling twice. She carried Cynthia out of the front door where the pushchair stood waiting. The backyard was off limits to Cynthia as once she had trodden on the narrow flowerbed and crushed a flower. Pearl had never heard the last of it.
‘I’m going to sit you here for a minute, love, all right?’
Cynthia hugged her teddy bear and nodded. Pearl wiped under her eyes. ‘There, that’s better.’
‘Granny cross,’ Cynthia sniffed, looking at the door.
Pearl made light of it. ‘No, course not. Now, I’ll just go in and say goodbye.’
Pearl thought that it was true, Cynthia was a bit clumsy but that was only because she was young. If Mrs Nesbitt couldn’t see she was a delightful child by now, then perhaps she never would. When she went back inside, the front room was empty. The broken plate had disappeared and so had the remains of the tea. Pearl looked in the kitchen. Mrs Nesbitt was arranging the pieces on the draining board. ‘I suppose this could be glued.’
‘Can I do it for you?’
‘No. It needs to be done properly.’
Pearl sighed. ‘Well, we’d better be going.’
Mrs Nesbitt turned round. ‘You’ll let me know when you hear from Jim?’
‘Doesn’t he write?’ Pearl asked as she put on her cardigan and slid her bag over her shoulder.
‘I don’t expect letters. Not with a wife to write to first. You’re his first duty and I’ve no quarrel with that.’
Pearl knew that her mother-in-law had never forgiven her for taking away her son. And worse, that he had gone to war. No one wanted Jim to stay at home more than Pearl and she’d hoped that whilst Jim was away they could have become closer. But Mrs Nesbitt preferred to remain aloof. Pearl ached, not for herself but for her little girl, who sat silently outside in the pushchair with her thumb in her mouth.
As Pearl walked home she finally came to the conclusion that she had tried her best to make friends, but nothing had worked. Jim’s mother didn’t really want her ther
e. Should she finally give up on these awkward visits? As she looked at Cynthia in the pushchair, with her quick smile, lovely blonde curls and sunny nature, she couldn’t understand why Mrs Nesbitt hadn’t become a proud gran.
‘Oh, Pearl, I’ve got so much to tell you.’ Ruby sat down on the couch, her cheeks pink with excitement. She hadn’t bothered to take off her coat as she talked about Brawton Manor. Even the cup of tea that Pearl had made was cold. The evening was still light, but Cynthia was fast asleep. She was tired from the trip round the park after Mrs Nesbitt’s. The swings were a distraction for her and gradually the unpleasant experience had faded. The other children playing there had included her in their games. Pearl had sat on the bench and watched them, relieved to see Cynthia’s natural liveliness return. Then when they’d got home, they’d eaten the last of the stewed rabbit she’d cooked yesterday, a wholesome broth that warmed them through, and slowly Cynthia’s eyes had closed in a contented sleep.
‘Brawton Manor might have been nice once,’ Ruby was saying as she sat on the edge of the couch, ‘but now it’s a hospital and very depressing. Some of the patients had legs and arms missing. I thought after all me first-aid training I’d have a strong stomach. But when you see that kind of thing in real life, it’s different. In Ricky’s room there was a young airman called Dick, who is very ill. A young girl came to visit.’ Ruby’s face went pale. ‘I think he is going to die.’
Pearl had had a long and tiring day and although she felt very sad to hear this, she didn’t really want to listen. It made her more frightened for Jim.
‘He was a fighter pilot,’ continued Ruby determinedly. ‘Ricky’s lucky to be alive. His hands were bandaged and I could see the burns on his neck. I tried to get him to talk to me but he wouldn’t. I was told on me first-aid courses that a lot of blokes find the memories too upsetting.’
‘Will he go back to the services?’ Pearl asked, slipping off her shoes and rubbing her sore feet.
‘If he can’t, then it doesn’t matter. I’ll just keep on at the factory.’
‘Are you sure that’s what you want?’ Pearl said before she considered how this sounded.
Ruby’s eyes flashed. ‘You’d do it for Jim, wouldn’t you? If he got injured and couldn’t work, you’d be the one to earn a wage?’
‘Yes, but we’re married,’ Pearl said quietly. She knew Ruby was not in a good mood after being at the hospital.
Ruby sat upright. ‘Why are you so against us?’
‘I’m not.’
Ruby reached for her bag and took out a hanky. She wiped her eyes. ‘I thought I could tell you everything once. I thought we was best friends, not just sisters.’
‘We are, Ruby.’
‘Well, then, you’ll understand when I say I want to get married as soon as possible.’
Pearl looked up. ‘But he’s in hospital!’
‘We can get married there. The matron said so. All we have to do is get a special licence and the vicar will even give us his blessing, although it won’t be a proper service.’
‘But you want a white wedding, don’t you?’ Pearl couldn’t keep the shock from her voice. What was Ruby thinking of?
‘I want Ricky to know he’s more important to me than anything. It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.’
‘But why do you have to make a sacrifice? What’s brought all this on?’ Pearl asked bewilderedly.
Ruby looked tearful. ‘I’m afraid he’ll change his mind.’
‘Why would he do that?’
‘He says he hasn’t anything to offer now he’s been injured.’
‘Ruby, think carefully,’ Pearl said anxiously. ‘Ricky could be right. With his injuries, you don’t know how long it will be before he’s well again. You might regret rushing into marriage.’
‘That’s a horrid thing to say,’ snapped Ruby.
They sat in silence and Ruby sniffed and wiped her eyes.
After a while Pearl said, ‘What did the matron say about all this?’
‘She told me that having someone he can lean on will be very important to his recovery.’
‘But that’s what nurses are for.’
‘I can do it much better.’
Pearl sighed heavily. ‘Have you thought about what Mum and Dad will say?’
‘I’m not going to tell them till after we’ve done it.’
‘Ruby, you can’t!’
‘Yes, I can. They’d only try to change my mind, just like you are.’
‘They’ll be very upset.’
‘They’ll get over it.’ She leaned forward and clutched Pearl’s hand. ‘Please say you’re happy for me.’
‘Why do you want my blessing? You’ve always done what you want.’
Tears sprang from the corners of Ruby’s eyes. ‘Oh, Pearl, I’ve always thought that no matter what happens in life, you and me would stand together.’ She sobbed softly as the tears trickled down her cheeks. ‘I’ve never needed you more than I do now.’
‘You’re making this very hard for me.’
‘I don’t mean to.’
‘There’s nothing I can say to change your mind?’
‘No.’
Pearl was silent again. This opportunity for Ruby to change her mind was what she had hoped and prayed for. That somehow fate would send along the chance to escape Ricky. But Ruby was too infatuated to recognize it.
‘Ruby, I don’t know what to say.’
‘Just give me a cuddle.’
Pearl took her into her arms. She brushed back Ruby’s damp hair from her cheeks. ‘Are you sure this is what you want?’
‘Yes, I’m sure.’
‘I hope you always will be.’
‘There’s just one thing more.’ Ruby wiped her wet cheeks. ‘Would you let me and Ricky stay here when he’s discharged? We wouldn’t be any trouble. It would only be for a week or two at the most.’
‘Here?’ Pearl gasped.
‘Yes, we’ve got nowhere else to go. Just till we find our own place. It will give us chance to get a nice place.’
Pearl knew Jim would never allow Ricky to live here. It just wasn’t an option. She must say no. But how could she turn her sister down? If it was only for a couple of weeks, perhaps Jim wouldn’t have to know. And if it made their start to married life easier . . .
Ruby leaned forward and hugged her. ‘Oh, what would I do without you?’ she whispered into Pearl’s ear, giving a deep sob, her voice husky with emotion.
By April the talk was of invasion and counter-invasion. It was a topic discussed on every street corner and in every home. By the small hints Jim wrote in his letters, Pearl guessed he was with the Allies as they drove up through Italy to Rome. It was hard to believe that she had not seen her husband in over two years. The only thing that could be said for separation was that she had learned to stand on her own feet. When Cynthia had arrived and her job ended, she’d learned how to manage on a shoestring. Running a household on next to nothing meant that she’d had to acquire a few tricks. She’d even scavenged on the bomb sites for kindling when she couldn’t afford a street kid to do it for her. Many a time she’d borrowed Fitz’s screwdriver and hammer and done her own repairs. Jim would probably laugh when he saw them, but at least she had tried.
The knock on the door broke into her thoughts. Cynthia jumped down from the table as Pearl went to see who was there.
Em and Colin were full of smiles. ‘My! Haven’t you grown?’ Colin bent to ruffle Cynthia’s sandy curls.
‘Can we come in?’ Em asked as she caught hold of Cynthia’s hand.
‘Course you can. I’ll put on the kettle.’ Pearl thought Em looked very happy and attractive. Her pink blouse offset the dark grey utility suit and matched the flush of her cheeks. Her hair was tucked under a shell hat. Colin looked well dressed in a dark suit and brogues. Pearl hadn’t seen them since before Christmas, when they’d brought presents for Cynthia.
‘We was hoping you’d be in,’ Em said as Pearl led them into the front room. They
sat on the couch and Cynthia showed them her drawings.
‘Now what’s this?’
‘Mummy, Daddy and Aunty Ruby.’ Cynthia lifted the paper to kiss the squiggles.
‘She always sends Jim a kiss,’ Pearl told them.
‘How is he?’ asked Colin.
‘All right, as far as I know.’
‘Can you draw Aunty Em?’ said Em, bringing Cynthia close. ‘And don’t forget me new hat. Make it nice and pretty whilst I help your mum with the tea.’
Cynthia was transferred to Colin’s lap whilst the girls went into the kitchen.
‘Where’s Ruby?’ Em asked as she set out the cups.
‘She’s gone to ring Ricky in hospital.’
‘Oh dear! Is he ill?’
‘No, he’s been wounded.’
‘Oh, the poor man!’
Pearl didn’t want to talk about Ricky or the proposed wedding at Brawton. She had tried to convince herself it could never happen. ‘I’ve a bit of cake if you’d like some?’
‘Did you make it?’
‘Never thought I’d hear meself say it, but yes.’
Em laughed. ‘What’s in it?’
‘Mainly apple and carrot, but it tastes better than it looks.’
‘You used to say you couldn’t cook.’
‘I couldn’t. But the war has taught me a lot of things. When Jim gets home, he’ll have the shock of his life. I’m gonna feed him up so well that he won’t be able to see his feet.’
Em laughed. ‘You must miss him.’
Pearl nodded. ‘It’s hard to remember what he looks like until I see his photograph.’ She cut the cake and arranged it on the tray with the tea.
‘Do you know where he is?’ Em asked.
‘Italy, I think, by the hints he gives and what I read in the papers.’ She cleared her throat quickly. ‘Now come on, let’s hear all your news.’
‘I’ve got something special to tell you.’
Pearl looked at her friend. There was definitely a sparkle in her eyes and colour in her cheeks.
Em laughed shyly. ‘You’ve probably guessed already.’
East End Angel Page 17
