by Debra Cowan
She didn’t want to think about him any longer. Pausing on Davis Lee’s porch, she waited until her thoughts were focused solely on her patient. Several minutes later, she stood in Josie Holt’s bedroom.
The woman was in bed, as Annalise had instructed and Emma Ross sat in a nearby chair, visiting. Annalise had met the petite blonde at church. “Hello, Emma.”
“Hello.” The young woman rose and squeezed Josie’s hand, saying, “Let me know if you need anything.”
“I will.” Aside from her paleness, Josie looked to be otherwise all right.
As long as she stayed put, the hemorrhaging shouldn’t start up again.
Emma let herself out and Annalise turned back to her patient, pleased to see Josie’s bleeding had long since stopped. “This is a good sign, though you still need to stay in bed.”
The petite seamstress nodded. “If it weren’t for the visitors, I’d be crazy as a Bessie bug. Catherine and Jericho have come more than once as have Russ and Lydia. And Matt’s been here several times.”
Ignoring the sharp pang in her chest at his name, Annalise moved up the side of the bed to take her patient’s pulse. “And I imagine Emma has visited a few times?”
“Yes. I’m so glad she found her way to Whirlwind. She’s been good for Jake.”
“From what I’ve seen, I think so, too. They seem very happy.”
“You’ve known Bram and Jake a long time.”
“All my life.”
“So, you knew Jake’s first wife?”
“Delia, yes.” After her death, Annalise had wondered if Jake would ever move on.
Then last year he had found Emma. Or rather, she had found him. Annalise recalled him telling her that his wife had fled her stepfather’s house with her infant sister and left the child on Jake’s doorstep then hired on as the baby nurse. He was happier than Annalise had ever seen him.
She still hoped Delia’s brother, Quentin, would one day stop blaming Jake for Delia’s death and find happiness, too.
Annalise eased down into the chair next to the bed. “Have you had any pain?”
“Not since that first night.”
“Contractions? Lower backache?”
“Sometimes my back does ache, but I think it’s because of being in bed all the time.”
Annalise gave her a sympathetic smile. “I know it’s difficult, but this is best for you and your baby.”
“I’m happy to do whatever I need to. I didn’t mean to sound as if I was complaining.”
“It’s fine if you do. You’re used to doing a lot. It’s quite a change to be confined to bed.”
Josie’s green eyes followed Annalise as she placed her stethoscope on the woman’s belly, listening carefully for the baby’s heartbeat.
She smiled at her patient. “The heartbeat is strong.”
“Thank goodness.” Relief spread across Josie’s face. “Did you always want to be a doctor?”
“Yes. My father was a doctor here for years and his work always fascinated me.”
“Where did you get your training?”
“Women’s Medical College of Pennsylvania, in Philadelphia.”
The other woman’s eyes lit up. “I’ve never been out of Texas. My home was in Galveston before I came to Whirlwind. Did you like Philadelphia?”
“Yes.” It had given her a place to heal, to try and get over Matt.
“Did you have a special someone up there?”
Annalise thought about Travis Hartford, her dear friend who had wanted to be more, though she hadn’t. “A friend, but we weren’t romantically involved.”
He was also a doctor. She had met him at the hospital where they’d both attended general clinics. Travis was one of the few males there who hadn’t harassed her and the other female medical students.
Annalise packed away her stethoscope. “May I get you anything to drink or eat?”
“No, thank you. Emma brought me some lemonade.” Josie paused, then said tentatively, “Davis Lee told me you and Matt were supposed to get married.”
Annalise stiffened. She wanted to snap at the other woman, but there was no reason to take her irritation out on her. “Yes.”
“But you didn’t. Because you left to go to medical school?”
“That’s right.”
“He didn’t want to wait?”
“He didn’t want me to go,” she said tightly.
“Matt didn’t want you to be a doctor?”
At the disbelief in Josie’s voice, Annalise gave her a small smile. “He thought I would change my mind after we were engaged.”
Josie’s eyes grew big. “Oh.”
Annalise hoped Josie was finished discussing Matt, but she was disappointed.
“Matt says they’re no closer to catching those rustlers.”
“His father said the same.” She liked Josie and they had become friends, but Annalise didn’t want to stir up any more memories of Matt and their past.
After finishing her visit, she promised to check in the next day. She stepped outside, her gaze immediately going to the other end of town and the cemetery at the top of a small rise.
Talking about Matt, remembering Delia, had brought up Annalise’s own dark memories. She thought about her time in Philadelphia after everything with Matt had gone so wrong. She had felt utterly alone, terrified out of her mind. Now, the memories and Matt blaming her for the miscarriage put her on the edge of erupting.
There was no sense in regrets, not now and not about this. His words shouldn’t affect her as much as they had, especially since she had been saying the same thing to herself all these years. But his opinion did matter. She hated that he still had the power to hurt her like this.
Still, it wasn’t his words that had her moving toward Whirlwind’s cemetery. It was her own guilt.
Some minutes later, Matt sat in the Pearl with his pa, Cora and Russ. Annalise had practically run away from him. Now he was even more certain that his former betrothed had lied about knowing she was expecting when she left Whirlwind all those years ago.
And he wanted her to admit it.
Their conversation about the baby had been five days ago. Five days of solid mad for Matt. While his back had been healing, his anger had been festering.
After what she had done, it was no wonder she was avoiding him, but he wouldn’t allow it. She should have to face him.
Matt drained his lemonade. He would’ve preferred something stronger, but this was what Pa wanted before they started for the Triple B. Matt wasn’t done with Annalise by a long shot, but right now he was more concerned with his father and why the man had spent nigh on half an hour in her office. So far, J.T. hadn’t said one dad-blamed thing about it.
Matt exchanged a look with Russ, urging his brother to start the conversation.
Russ settled back in his chair, dwarfing both it and the dining table. “So, Pa, what did Annalise say about your leg?”
“Does she know why you’re still unable to walk?” Matt asked.
J.T. shared a look with Cora before answering, “Her opinion is that I should give my recovery a little more time. She offered to contact another doctor in Abilene and request an examination, but I don’t need another one.”
Russ, who blamed himself for the accident that had crippled their father, nodded in agreement. “I’m sure Annalise knows what she’s talking about.”
Well, Matt wasn’t so accepting of his family’s blind trust in her. “Maybe you should talk to another doctor. We don’t know if she has any experience with injuries like yours or any other kind.”
“She knows enough to patch up your sorry self,” Russ noted dryly.
“You’re just going to take her word for it?” Matt asked his father. J.T. was aware of her lies to Matt.
“She knows more than you or I, son. I think she’s more than capable.” The older man glanced at Cora. “Ready to go?”
The hazel-eyed widow nodded.
And that, Matt knew, was the end of the discussion.
For now anyway. When his pa decided he was done, then he was.
J.T. addressed his eldest son. “Russ, I want to see Cora home. You and Matt wait for me outside the clinic.”
The woman harumphed. “J.T., I’m not going home, and if I were, I’m perfectly capable of seeing myself there. I have things to do in town. You get on out to the ranch. I know your leg is paining you.”
Arguing with her was as futile as arguing with Pa. A few minutes later, J.T. was settled in the wagon with his wheelchair in the back. Matt planned to ride his mare, and if his father needed him to drive the wagon at some point, Matt would tie the gray behind the buckboard. As the wagon lurched into motion, Matt mounted up and guided Dove alongside the buckboard.
They headed down the street past Haskell’s then the newspaper office. At the west end of town, the wagon rolled between the Fontaine and the livery. Matt glanced back and noticed the clinic was still closed. He wondered where Dr. Fine was, then dismissed the thought.
Once out of town, he caught a movement from the corner of his eye and looked over.
Annalise was at the cemetery. It was at the base of a small rise, shaded in a few places by trees and fenced in front by a low stone wall. She stood under a sprawling oak which he knew was near her parents’ graves.
It still rankled that she had hightailed it away from him earlier. He’d had to live with her lie for years. She could damn well deal with him.
Matt must have unknowingly tightened his legs commanding his horse to stop because Dove had already come to a halt.
Pa slowed the wagon and glanced back. “What are you doing?”
“I’ll catch up.”
J.T.’s gaze went to Annalise. The older man nodded, as if Matt were doing something that pleased him. He probably thought Matt wanted to make amends with her.
He was stopping, but it had nothing to do with that. Guiding his horse up to the low stone fence, he dismounted and left Dove in the shade.
Annalise looked tiny. Frail. That was a word he had never associated with the woman he had once loved. The sun was bright and buffalo grass fluttered in the wind. In the endless stretch of prairie, she seemed so alone. So solitary.
He waited a couple of seconds for her to turn around and glare him away, but she didn’t. She didn’t respond at all until he walked up beside her.
Her head jerked toward him and he frowned at the pallor of her velvety skin. The tortured look in her eyes carved a hole right through him.
“What do you want?” Fatigue etched her delicate features. “I was pretty clear a while ago that I don’t want to see you.”
He bristled. “Right now, what you want doesn’t matter a lot to me.”
“What a surprise,” she drawled, the words slicing like a new blade.
He hated the bright flare of pain in her eyes. It was the same pain he’d seen at the clinic when he had accused her of being responsible for the death of their child. “Go away.”
She sounded…defeated and it pricked at his conscience. Still, he refused to lose sight of the reason he had stopped. “I’m not going anywhere until you admit that you knew about the baby before you left Whirlwind, that you lied.”
She swayed. Startled, he automatically reached out for her. Jerking back, she steadied herself by grabbing hold of the grave marker in front of her.
Matt glanced down at her slender ungloved hand clutching the smoothly finished wood.
Wood? Her parents’ markers were made of granite. Who was she visiting? He looked closer, read the name and date burned into the wood.
Hardy M. Fine. 1879.
It took a minute for Matt to register exactly what he was seeing, then an icy rage swept over him. “Does this belong to our baby?”
“Why are you here?”
“Answer me,” he ground out.
“There’s no reason for you to be here.”
“I have as much right as you do.”
“No.” Her voice shook, the word so low he had to lean in to hear her. “You don’t.”
“He was my child, too.”
“Since when!” she burst out. “You wanted nothing to do with him, couldn’t even acknowledge him after he was gone.”
Matt’s throat tightened. “I had a right to know you fixed him a spot here.”
“Now you do. Leave.”
Her imperious tone blistered him up even more. “You were wrong not to tell me.”
“Why would I tell you anything? I was alone for the entire pregnancy, the miscarriage, all of it.”
“If you hadn’t lied—” The stricken look on her face killed his next words. “Losing him was my fault.”
Finally! “It’s about damned time you owned up to it.”
Every bit of color drained from her face. The utter stillness of her body revealed a searing depth of agony. Her eyes were haunted.
“Annalise?” His voice was a harsh scrape on the soft air. Instead of the smug satisfaction he expected at her admission, he felt a drum of apprehension.
She clenched her fists. “Like I said, I didn’t know about the baby when I left, but if I’d waited, maybe even just another week, I might have realized. Then I wouldn’t have pushed myself to reach Philadelphia before the new term began.”
Tears rolled down her cheeks. The grief, the guilt ravaging her features brought home to him how his words had hurt her.
Five days ago, all he had cared about was ripping out her heart the way she’d ripped out his, but now it didn’t feel right. Now, it felt like hell. He felt like hell.
He’d only ever seen such a desolate, lost look on her face after her father had passed and it rattled him to the core.
Her body trembled visibly. “I never heard from you again and I needed you.”
For a moment, his brain seized up.
Her loss of composure, the deep sobs wracking her slender frame had his entire body throbbing with agony.
Her raw emotion stripped away everything, leaving a gaping hole inside him that hurt worse than anything he’d ever known. All he cared about was stopping her tears, plugging up the emptiness inside him.
He pulled her to him, murmuring, “I’m here, Angel.”
She pushed at his chest. “I don’t need you now!”
Something hot and sharp shoved up under his ribs and he wrapped his arms tight around her. She stiffened against him, her spine feeling fragile beneath his hands, but he didn’t release her. He couldn’t.
He hugged her closer and finally she sagged into him as though every bit of gumption had spilled out of her.
Her shoulders shook as she wept, her tears wetting his shirt. His eyes stung. He’d never seen her like this.
Her arms went around him and she clutched at him as though she needed his strength in order to stand. It scared the hell out of him. It also tore open a fierce protectiveness that had been buried deep for seven long years. “Annalise, please stop.”
Her breasts rose and fell against his chest as she tried to catch her breath. Seeing her like this made him bleed inside.
Assaulted by the soft feel of her against him, the teasing scent of primroses set off a strange sort of panic inside him. “Please, Angel,” he begged gruffly.
She drew in a deep shuddering breath and looked at him. In that moment, all Matt cared about was erasing the devastation on her delicate features.
He framed her beautiful face in his hands, thumbing away her tears. She shook her head and curled her slender capable fingers around his wrist.
He knew she meant to throw him off; he expected her to. But she didn’t. When he looked into her wet green eyes, there was no thought, only instinct as Matt lowered his head and brushed his lips across hers.
She drew in a sharp breath. For a heartbeat, he thought she might slap him again. Then her arms went around his neck. She kissed him back frantically. Her tongue touched his, searched his mouth.
The ground shifted beneath his feet and he deepened the kiss, needing to taste more of her.
She made a small
sound in the back of her throat. Before Matt could do more than register her reaction, she suddenly pulled away.
“No,” she panted, color streaking her cheeks. “I don’t want this.”
That damn sure wasn’t how it felt. Feeling as though he’d had the wind knocked out of him, Matt tried to collect his wits.
“You aren’t going to hurt me again.” She gathered up her skirts, grabbed her medical bag and ran.
Watching her race down the hill and back the way they had both come, Matt stood rooted to the spot. What the hell had just happened? He should have wanted to punish her. Instead, he had cared only about comforting her, getting rid of the guilt and the shadows in her eyes. How had he ended up with her in his arms, his mouth on hers? Why had he done that?
He looked down at the marker, his baby’s marker, and gripped the arched top.
What if Annalise really hadn’t known she was expecting when she left him and Whirlwind? He didn’t want to believe that, but seeing how she blamed herself played havoc with his anger. Could he have been wrong all these years?
Five days ago, Matt had accused her of causing their child’s death. At the time, there had been a flash of doubt and he had crushed it, but he couldn’t crush it now. His tiny whisper of doubt became a roar.
Chapter Five
Two days later Annalise’s nerves were still humming from Matt’s kiss. As mad as she was at him for kissing her, she was more mad at herself for kissing him back.
His mouth had touched hers and every thought in her head had scattered. For that brief moment, she had let herself give in, let herself be held and had been ambushed by the memory of the day she had left Whirlwind.
He hadn’t liked her going to medical college, but he had driven her in the buggy to Abilene to catch the train. They had spent the night together for the last time and the feel of his hands and his mouth on her—all over her—was a memory she had never been able to bury. He had seen her off the next morning with the promise that they would always be together. Hah. That promise hadn’t lasted three months.
