by Shen Hart
“If he wants to be my shadow, he’ll have to learn.”
I hadn’t meant to sound so harsh and cold. I knew it was the sense of failure, but I also knew that it was true. Ryan would have to come to terms with killing innocent people if he wanted to be an assassin. It was an unpleasant part of the role. Ryan didn’t say anything. I heard him walk over to the closest survivor, a man in his early twenties. I wanted to help him, to offer some comfort, but he had to do it on his own.
I watched as he knelt next to the young man and took his hand. The man looked into his face and appeared to beg him; I wasn’t sure if he was begging for life or death. Ryan looked back at me and I fought to remain rooted where I was. I couldn’t do it for him. He pulled out his blade and slit the human’s throat. It was quick and clean. He kept hold of his hand for a minute. It was too long. I walked over to him and ran my hand down between his shoulder blades.
“You did the right thing. Go and help Nik, Lee and I will deal with the rest.”
It’s not something you ever really come to terms with. Killing innocent people. It’s different when you have a reason, when they’re upsetting the balance because they killed children or some such. When they’re simply people who were in the wrong place at the wrong time, it leaves a dirty tang in the back of my mouth. It stains my mind and colours my view of the world. I remind myself that it was what I was created for. The Sisters made me end those lives, and they were all in better places for it.
The older woman was terrified. She tried to crawl away from me as I approached her. She wept and muttered garbled words, but her leg was broken and her shirt was soaked in blood. The others had trampled her when she’d tripped; she had severe internal bleeding, and I had to give her a quick death. I couldn’t allow her to slowly fade in agony. I wasn’t a monster. Or so I kept telling myself. I pulled out my Glock and shot her between the eyes. It seemed more humane than slitting her throat, in the end. Her face remained contorted in fear. Some part of me had hoped that she would find happiness in that final, fleeting second.
I cursed the Sisters and the angels. They had done this. They had forced our hand and made us kill these people. Of course they’d tell us that they were bad people, they deserved it, but it wasn’t always easy to accept that line. It was a little too convenient sometimes.
I remained close to Ryan when we burnt the bodies. He said something under his breath, a few words of respect and blessing. He tried to put on a brave face, but he’d pulled back into himself. I reminded myself that he knew what he was getting into, but it was never easy the first time. I hoped for his sake it’d get easier for him, but part of me hoped it wouldn’t. Seeing the cold, glassy eyes of an experienced killer who’s lost their empathy is always unbearable.
Chapter Forty-Four
Ark was there waiting for us when we returned. He pulled Ryan into a hug, who jumped in surprise. He checked over everyone and was a touch disappointed that no one had to force down his gloopy health potion. The conversation remained stilted while everyone was lost in their own thoughts. I was concerned about Ryan. He was taking it harder than I’d hoped.
We sat the cubs down and focused on the debrief, though. Ryan was taking it harder, but they all needed some sort of controlled come-down. I looked to Alex in the hope that he’d do it for me. I was still pissed that we’d had to resort to the plan at all.
Alex gave me a small nod and said, “The plan failed. Alistair remained alive, and it appeared that the angels did manage to perform some energy work. However, you all shot well. There were no messy kills from any of you, the humans trampled some of their own but that hardly counts. You remained calm and focused. Well done.”
I gave a small smile and nod of agreement. He carried on.
“This is not a method we make a habit of, so do not get sloppy and think that we’ll slaughter our way to our goal.”
They looked between each other. Nik gave a small shrug and Ryan remained withdrawn. I looked to Alex who seemed to be finished, so I caught Lee’s eye and gestured to Dan while I grabbed Ryan’s wrist. We had to move forwards and focus on something positive. Alex set about planning the next attempt with Ark and Nik. They barely noticed us retiring to the living room. We all squeezed onto one sofa. Physical contact was soothing and a reminder that we still had the pack around us. Ryan narrowed his eyes a little at Lee, but everyone was fine.
“Angels are at least somewhat air based. As two of you are air based elementals, I think we can do something with this.” They all looked at me blankly, but I carried on. “The shitbags keep vanishing on us before we can inflict any real damage. We need to remove that ability. I’ve considered it before, but I haven’t had the air or earth elementals around me to try it. I haven’t mentioned it because, to be quite honest, I didn’t think the cubs were up to it.”
I looked at Ryan and Dan on either side of me with a small shrug. I wasn’t sorry, but I felt the need to acknowledge them at least.
“Lee, this is more your field of expertise. How can we tie those assholes down and stop them from vanishing?”
He leaned back and thought for a moment. “If we utilised Nik’s earth energies to form an anchor, then the air elementals among us can corrupt the angels’ own air energies while you use your… unique skills to form the net.”
Dan and Ryan looked between him and me. “Unique skills… have you been holding out on us, Thalia?”
I glared at Dan, but realised that they’d have to find out at some point. I shrugged. “I’m old, I have all sorts of unique skills you don’t know about.”
They were pack, but I didn’t trust them enough to share my shadow dancing with them. It was too big of a risk.
“What if we united our fire energies with the air energies to combust their air energies? That way they wouldn’t be able to gather enough to vanish on us?”
I looked to Lee. Dan had a reasonable idea, there.
“I can see it working,” I said thoughtfully.
“So… how do we actually, ya know, do this? We can’t be doing heavy energy work while we fight them,” Ryan said.
“We get there early and act quickly. It’s going to be difficult, but I have faith.” I replied.
In truth, I didn’t have much faith, but I hoped that between my shadow work and Lee and Alex’s air work, we’d be able to do something even if all the cubs failed.
Ark poked his head through the door and wished his goodbyes while Alex and Nik came and joined us.
“We have one week before the next ritual, and it’s going to be the big one. Remember what Lucy told us. They will have to sacrifice four people and bring together the entire cult to make up for what they lost today. We must take them down this time. We lost too many innocent lives as it was,” I growled.
Dan said, “We have a plan to stop the angels from pulling their vanishing act.”
Alex looked at him with a slightly irritated expression on his face. He clearly didn’t approve of being left out of the plans. Given the number of times I’d been left in the dark, I didn’t care.
Dan smirked and leaned back in his chair. “We can work together to anchor them and hold them down. Thalia hasn’t had the help around her to pull it off before.”
Alex looked at me before he gave a small nod.
Nik, however, said, “And how are we supposed to do that?”
I looked at him pointedly. I understood his frustration, we’d just resorted to shooting humans in the hope of hitting Alistair before we ran out of bullets, but that tone was unacceptable. He held my gaze for a moment before he bowed his head low and apologised.
“We will get there early and set ourselves up to perform the necessary energy work the moment the angels show up. That will also allow us to move in before they can even tie down the victims,” I said coolly.
I felt a tingling in my choker. The Sisters were trying to warn me off my plan as I considered slaughtering the angels. I ignored them and pushed on.
“With the angels pinned d
own, we can kill them and stop them from trying to pull this shit again.”
The pain was more than they’d dared given me before. The electricity coursed through my entire upper body as I fought to keep a calm facade while the choker tightened around my throat. My muscles began screaming, but I would not back down. I couldn’t see properly when all three of them appeared before us, yet I stood and snarled at them.
“We have made our stance on the angels perfectly clear, Thalia.”
I allowed the jaguar forward and unsheathed my claws and I forced my way through the pain and took a step forward. I was struggling to keep control of my body. There was only one thought remaining in my mind. The ability to form more had fled me as I struggled to remain conscious. I refused to give in. I would not bow to them. The pain intensified. I felt as though my skull was splitting in two, my eyes were streaming, but I forced my legs to take another step closer to them. I would not bow to them.
Their voices were beginning to seem further away as my heart pounded in my ears. “We will make an example of you, Thalia.”
I would make myself an example if I needed to. I would fight to the very end. I continued to try and force my body forwards, to sink my claws into their pale skin and remind them that while they began me, I would end them. I would not allow them to screw me over again. I would not give in.
The boys’ voices were muted from somewhere far away. My entire focus was devoted to the blurred shapes of the blonde bitches who had made my existence hellish. I would not bow to them. My legs desperately wanted to crumple, my chest was straining to take every breath, but I took one more step. Every inch of my existence was pure agonizing pain, my muscles were slipping from my control, but I would not give in. It was gone in an instant. They were gone. I’d won. My legs collapsed under me, air rushed into my lungs, but my body wouldn’t support me. I drifted in and out of consciousness, the black creeping in around my vision. Time stretched on for an eternity before I finally managed to drag thoughts back into my mind. I blinked to see their worried faces around me. I formed a small smile and coughed, feeling as though my lungs were trying to make a quick escape.
I’d won.
Chapter Forty-Five
I kept a close eye on Ryan for the remainder of the evening. While he seemed buoyed by the news about anchoring the angels, his eyes remained duller than usual. Dan considered making some remarks at him, but I shut him down and eventually sent him off with Alex, Lee, and Nik to get his ass kicked sparring.
I put my hand on Ryan’s cheek and made him look at me. “Talk to me. Do not bottle those emotions.”
His mouth flickered with the thought of a smile. “Thanks, T.”
“That’s not talking to me Ryan.”
I pushed him hard. We couldn’t afford to have him crumble. What he was going through was normal, but I needed to pull him back and make him strong. It was not the time for him to break. He tried to look away from me, but I hooked my finger under his chin and made him look at me again.
“There was so much blood, so many lives lost today. I know they were in some crazy cult, but they didn’t really know what they were doing. They were under the control of the angels. Half of them were killed thanks to that fucking angel.”
His anger was starting to boil up, which was what he needed in that moment. He needed to feel. “They slaughtered them for nothing more than their fucking amusement. How do the gods justify keeping beings like that around? What purpose does that serve in the larger scheme of things?”
I hadn’t been prepared for that particular thought, but he continued on with nothing but a short breath. “I know that it balances out in some twisted way somewhere, hopefully a starving family won the lottery or some shit, but that doesn’t give those people those lives back. They could have done amazing things, but instead those worthless shits, those sociopathic assholes stripped them of any life and worth they had. How is that ok?”
I ran my hand over his hair and waited for him to continue. “Is this really what we do, T? Do we stand by and give innocent people good sendoffs into the next life? Because we’ve seen a lot of good people die.”
I pulled him to me and kissed his forehead. I didn’t know how to answer his question. I’d asked myself the same thing time and time again.
“No, that isn’t what we do. Innocent people get caught up in fucked-up situations, but that is not what we do. We will save those people’s lives. Everyone who would have been killed by those angels. Everyone who would have been torn apart by the crazed cult members will now live, thanks to us.”
“We need to rip those angels limb from limb.”
I smiled. “Yes, we do.”
Passion flooded his eyes as fury replaced misery. “What can I do?”
“We’ll make plans in the morning after sleep, but don’t fear, you’ll fill your role.”
He hugged me tight. “Thanks, T.”
I stroked down his back. “Don’t worry about it.”
Yelps and growls were coming from the sparring match. At least they were venting their emotion in a useful way.
“Go and join them.”
He still had a lot to deal with. He needed to heal emotionally and mentally, but only time could do that. I hoped that he’d have some closure when we next confronted the angels, but nothing would ever really heal the mental injuries he sustained that night. Taking the first innocent life would always remain with him. It would likely haunt him and become part of him. I just hoped that he was strong enough to deal with it and continue being the bright happy thing he was. I’d seen too many crumble and shatter. Too many be consumed by the darkness.
He smiled and wandered off. I headed up to my sanctuary. I needed to do some groundwork and clear my head. There were too many questions running around. I sat in my wicker chair and tried to calm and focus myself in preparation for some intense energy work. I couldn’t do it. I kept having flashes of Alex and Lee enter my mind. I loved them both, and they’d hurt me and then they’d betrayed me. I needed Alex, I was lost without him, and yet he did that. Was it to get back at me for my actions? Was he, were they, so vicious and sadistic in their desire for revenge? I swallowed back the tears. It was a natural and arguably reasonable and predictable response to the level of aggression they had felt towards each other for so long. There had been many, many times where a physical fight had evolved into just that between me and someone else.
I felt numb. I needed to lean on Alex, I had to trust him, and yet he kept pulling stupid shit like that. I pulled myself back under control. We weren’t together when it happened, it wasn’t aimed at me, and yet I didn’t know if they were on good terms for fear of it happening again or… was it going to become something more? I took a deep breath and focused on letting everything go. I was closer to Alex, he was there if I needed him, and I had an anchor and a purpose. I would destroy the Sisters when the time was right, but first, I needed to slaughter the angels. The Sisters were terrified by the prospect of us harming them, so what better way to put them in their place than to instill such fear in them?
Something was going on with the gods. I didn’t know what, but I planned on using it to my advantage. With my mind cleared and my purpose clear, I smiled and allowed myself to slip into the inky depths of shadow. A quiet beat pulsed through me and called me to dance, as I hadn’t done in a very long time. I kept my eyes closed and saw them, my beautiful darlings swirling around me like pitch black ribbons. They caressed my skin, cooed and murmured their affections. They were my precious, beautiful darlings. I’d missed them. I opened my eyes and continued to dance, the shadows wrapped around my arms and trickling over my fingers, while others swirled around me, moving to their own beat. We were reconnecting. The jaguar, raven, and wolf were forgotten as I embraced the shadow. My mind became crystal clear and focused. I was a predator, a creature of the darkness, and the angels would die at my hand.
Chapter Forty-Six
I had released the shadows back to their hiding places and had alm
ost returned to my usual state when Alex entered. His eyes wandered over my body as I stood with my hands on my hips in nothing but my underwear. I’d shed my outer clothing at some point during my dance with the shadows. His tongue flickered over his lips, and I looked at him properly for the first time in a very long time. He removed his clothes, his eyes never leaving mine as he revealed his body. Once he was down to his boxers he stood still, his muscles relaxed but ready to fight should he need to. His tight abs formed a nice line that guided my eye down to his black boxers, which was when I noticed a black feather poking up over the top of them. I walked over to him, slowly, my nerves tingling. I trailed a finger down his abs and around the feather before I looked up at him questioningly. He slipped the band of his boxers down just enough to show me the raven feather, with two paw prints on either side of it. Two jaguar prints on the left, two wolf on the right. I tilted my head, with the raven having claimed control, and watched the expression on his face. My hand remained on his stomach as I watched the conflict in his face.
“We’re one.” He said firmly.
With that, he turned away from me and climbed under the covers of his bed.
“You danced with the shadows? You’re ready for the energy work?”
I danced back to my own bed on the balls of my feet, still feeling the thrill of the shadows’ embrace mingling with the peace of the raven.
“I am.”
“The cubs know nothing of that side of you?”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if Dan suspects, but nothing has been confirmed. They’re not, I’m not, ready.”
“About Lee.”
I crumpled down onto the bed, the bliss shattered as the raven fluttered back to its nest and the jaguar took control, all teeth and claws.
“There was no intent there.” He refused to look at me. “It really did… just happen. I’m … I don’t. Men aren’t really my thing. I mean there was that one, but…” He sighed. “I’m sorry. We didn’t mean to hurt you, we sure as fuck didn’t plan it. And I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m lost without you, Thalia.”
