"No. I don't think we stand a chance of getting the land."
Her heart stopped. She looked up into Rainer's eyes, then down to the slick hardwood floor. "No chance?" Her hands shook as she switched the phone from one ear to the other.
"We'll talk about it when you get home. Have a safe trip."
Click. Bzzz...
"Damn it!" She shrugged Rainer's comforting hand away, glared at the phone and redialed. "He hung up on me!" She called him again. The phone rang, and rang, and rang...No answer. She tried several times, letting it ring seven, eight times before hanging up and redialing.
Finally giving up, she dropped the phone on the floor and covered her face with her hands. The couch cushions shifted as Rainer sat next to her. A warm, strong arm circled her shoulders. She wanted to shove him away, wanted to throw something. Something that would shatter loud and make a big mess.
But she didn't do either. Instead, she sat and cried, something she detested doing, but something she couldn't avoid. Things had grown too overwhelming. "Do you still have those painkillers?" she asked.
"I do. You want one?"
"A fistful would be fine," she answered, knowing it was a sick joke, but not caring. She felt Rainer's body tense next to hers. "I'm kidding. Bad joke. Really bad."
"I hope you're kidding. Nothing's worth that."
When her throat was finally relaxed, she uncovered her face and looked at him. He looked so worried. "I'm fine," she reassured, not believing her own words, but anxious to see that horrible expression gone from his face.
"What happened? You want to talk about it?"
"I don't know what happened." She felt the quaking returning, rising from deep inside and shaking her from head to toe.
"Maybe it's not as bad as you think."
"Maybe. I just want to go home, you know? Get my life back. I've had enough of this crazy world I've stumbled into. I feel like I'm in a Lifetime movie."
He smiled a crooked grin and nodded.
"I hate those movies. They make me so damn mad! Everything that could go wrong does, until there doesn't seem to be any way for the star to get out of the disaster they've dragged her into. Then I can't turn it off because I want to know how she's going to dig out of the mess they buried her under."
"I've watched my share of those films too."
"No way."
He chuckled. "Don't tell anyone, okay? I'd hate to ruin my reputation."
"What reputation is that?"
"My reputation as a manly man," he said thumping his chest like an ape.
"Give me a break." She shoved him away, thankful for the distance. She didn't know her mind anymore. Didn't know her heart anymore, either. And more than anything, that bothered her the most.
He sat forward. "Enough of this goofing off. We need to figure out what's happened, and then we need to fix it." He rubbed his hands together like a man ready to delve into a sumptuous meal.
"First, there's no 'we' involved," she started then stopped at the wounded look in his eyes. "I'm not trying to be mean--I appreciate your offer to help, but--"
"Yeah, yeah. You know me better than that." He leaned down and picked up the phone, then stood and walked away.
"What do you think you're doing?"
"Calling in a few favors."
"No."
"Yes."
Pain shot down her legs then up her spine as she stood, but she didn't care. She had to stop him. "I said no!"
"I'm not going to argue with you. Besides, you should be laying down, or you won't be able to fly home tomorrow."
"That's not fair. You're taking advantage of my incapacitated state."
"I use every advantage I can."
"Why are you pushing this? I'm not your best friend, Heidi is. Remember? I'm just a tool to you--a way to appease your guilt or something. Why meddle in my life too?"
His face turned deep red, and she knew she'd struck a nerve.
"You're not appeasing my guilt for anything. I'm trying to help you and your sister heal old wounds. That has nothing to do with me."
She rolled her eyes. "Still in denial."
"It's not going to work," he said, dialing a number on the phone.
"What's not going to work?"
"You're not going to distract me." When whomever he called answered the phone, he spun around and walked from the room, talking in a low voice.
She followed him, knowing she was overreacting, but unable to stop herself. She'd been to hell and back. For some reason, Rainer helping her was sending her over the brink.
She moved as fast as she could through the dining room and into the kitchen, but he dodged her easily, still maintaining his phone conversation. They did a weird little dance around the room, her half-walking, half-dragging herself around, and him dodging and turning to avoid her outstretched hand. Finally, it ceased when he punched the button, ending the call.
"What?" she asked.
He looked like he knew something already. "I have a friend in L.A., a lawyer. She's going to give me a call back. She's checking the courthouse."
"What did she say?"
"Nothing yet." He led her to a chair and pushed down on her shoulders just enough to convince her to sit. "Tea or wine?"
"Do you have hot chocolate?"
"I should." He went to the cupboard and rummaged around until he found some, then filled a cup with hot water and stirred the mix into it. "There you are. One cup of hot chocolate."
She sipped, relishing the flavor and hoping it would make her feel warm inside, since she was colder than ever.
"That smells good. I think I'll have some too." He sat, eyeing her over the rim of his cup.
"Can we get out of this kitchen? I'm getting tired of looking at these four walls."
"How about the deck? It's nice and private."
"Perfect." They exited through the door in the kitchen, into the hot sunshine as it beat upon the cedar. Hailey sat at the glass and iron table and soaked in the heat, tilting her head to let her face bask in the bright sunlight. "Shouldn't you be at the hospital with Heidi?" A morning dove sung its haunting song, lulling her. She'd always loved that sound.
"I'm going there later this afternoon. Do you want to come with me?"
"I don't know. I know I should go, but after everything, her cold disregard'll probably send me into a fit of tears."
"You never know how she's going to act. She might have a new lease on life, now that she has some hope of beating this thing."
"Does she? I mean really. Will she live a normal life after all this?"
"She has an excellent chance, but I won't lie, she still has a rough couple of months ahead."
Hailey nodded and took another swallow of the chocolate, letting it coat her throat in soothing warmth. She set her cup on the table and slumped forward, resting her head on her crossed arms. "I can't deal with all this."
She listed to the Rainer's chair scrape against the wood and then felt the weight of his hand on her shoulder.
"There isn't anything I can say that won't sound trite," he said. "You're an amazing, strong woman, a woman I respect a great deal. I never expected to like you--after what Heidi had told me. But I do. There's good reason for that." His hand lifted from her shoulder. "I'm rambling. Sorry."
Anxious to hear more, to understand what he was trying to say, she lifted her head. "No. Don't apologize. I never expected you to like me, either. I figured Heidi would make sure you didn't--not that I blame her. I'm the last woman you need to grow attached to."
His gaze intense upon her, he said in a calm voice, "It's too late for that. I think you know it, too."
She laughed, a strange reaction that she didn't exactly understand. She felt terrible when he looked like an abandoned puppy. "I'm sorry. I owe you an apology. I'm not laughing at you, honest. I'm laughing... at the situation. Because if I don't...I might go crazy."
"Yeah, I'm sure my crush on you is probably the last thing in the world you need to deal with."
&n
bsp; Crush? "It's my fault," she admitted, approaching the truth, and the other night. "I was stupid to think we could sleep together and then act like nothing happened." She stood and rubbed her arms. "That's not like me, you know. To sleep with someone like that."
"You don't have to explain." He stepped closer, but his nearness sent shards of discomfort to her belly.
She stepped back. "I'm sorry for the other night. I've felt so dead lately, like a zombie. Cold and alone, no joy or love...I just wanted to feel a tiny bit of life again. It was selfish and impulsive. Stupid."
"I lo--"
"Don't," she interrupted him, before he said the words she saw all over his face. Words that would forever change her life, and create a whole new chaos. "Don't say those words to me."
"But you need it."
"Not like this. I have to return to California. I have to fix that mess--whatever it is. I love my work. I love helping animals. Animals trapped in lives they cannot change."
"Trapped? Sounds a lot like you." He stepped closer again.
"I am a human being. I'm free to make choices. I control my destiny."
"Do you?" He took another step.
She held her ground. "Yes. I chose to go into business. I chose to hurt my sister. I chose to... to sleep with you."
"And I choose to love you." Standing, he swept her into his arms and held her tightly.
How she wished she could sink into that warmth, to wallow in the peace and contentment of his love! But there were too many factors working against them. She couldn't. It wasn't right.
She struggled to remember why she couldn't, but the reasons eluded her. Still, she broke free from his embrace.
If only...
She turned. If only, nothing. Life is the way it is. Dreaming won't get you anywhere. It never has. Her only dream was being shattered to smithereens. She wouldn't bother to dream again. "I'll come with you to the hospital to see Heidi. Let me know when you're ready to leave. I'll rest until then."
After retreating to the safety of her room, she showered, rummaged through her half-packed suitcase for clean clothes, and readied herself for one last confrontation with Heidi. Take each hurdle as it comes, she told herself. Take each hurdle as it comes.
She'd worry about Pete, Andrew, Amy and Paws and Claws when she returned to Sequoia Valley, not a minute sooner. It was the only way she'd survive the next twenty-four hours.
Exhausted, she eased her aching, miserable body onto the bed and fell into a restless and dream-laden sleep, until Rainer's sexy voice called her back to reality untold hours later. She blinked away the sleep in her eyes, sat up, and prepared for the long ride back to the hospital, wishing she could stomach major painkillers. It would be an unpleasant ride for that reason, and a half dozen more.
But it wasn't as bad as she'd expected. The hour went fast, and before she knew it, she was walking the familiar route to Heidi's room, donning the protective garb and stepping into the room.
Heidi didn't look surprised to see her. "Nice haircut."
Hailey smiled and ran her hand over her head. She'd forgotten about that. "You might not want me going through this thing with you, but I am anyway."
"Sure you are. Are you getting huge doses of poison dumped into your bloodstream? Are you vomiting every time you smell food? Is your life turned upside down like mine is?"
She could scream. She could shake Heidi and tell her to quit with the defenses and insults, that it wouldn't help her heal. But she wouldn't. She'd probably be worse if it were her lying in that bed. "No. I'm not getting chemo or vomiting."
"Go back to California."
"Why should I? Why are you so anxious to send me away?"
"Because it's where you belong."
"That makes no sense. Regardless of our past, you're my sister, and I belong here with you."
"Of course it makes sense. You don't belong here pretending to care about me. You're healthy, beautiful, have a successful business..."
"I'm not pretending, for one."
"If you cared, you would have stayed five years ago."
"Maybe." When Heidi gave her that You-know-I'm-right look, Hailey amended her answer. "Okay. Yes. I could have stayed and at least made sure you could handle things before I left. I was wrong. I was desperate, immature, selfish. But that was five years ago. I want to make it up to you. If you'd let me."
It wasn't working, and Hailey didn't have the strength to continue battling with her stubborn sister. In that way, they were two of a kind. "Look, we've been through this already. You're obviously not interested in what I have to say, so I might as well leave. But you can't say I didn't try." She turned toward the door.
"Wait."
Was that doubt she heard? Hailey turned back around.
"What are you talking about?" Heidi asked. "How are you going to make it up to me?"
"You tell me what I can do," she said, knowing she'd probably regret it.
"Trade lives with me."
Heidi looked as serious as always, confusing Hailey. How could she be serious about such a ridiculous suggestion? "That's not possible."
"Not possible? We both have an education. I know you can handle my job as a bookkeeper. And I can handle the business side of an animal shelter. No problem."
By God, she was serious! "Impossible. Sure, we could handle each other's jobs, but it's more complicated than that. Are you suggesting we pretend to be each other?"
"Yeah, why not? What's so complicated about it?"
"Well, for one, I have a business partner. I can't lie to him."
"Okay. We don't have to pretend. We'll tell him the truth."
"So, I'm supposed to just call him up and say, 'Oh, by the way, Heidi is your business partner now?' That's ridiculous! Plus, you'd probably hate me once you got to California."
"Why?" Heidi's eyebrows raised in that typical Heidi fashion, like she did whenever she didn't believe what Hailey was saying.
"For one, because my life isn't as peachy as you think."
"Give me a break." Heidi excused that suggestion with a wave of a shaky hand. "It can't be as bad as mine."
"I don't know about that. Business is a little rough right now."
"So what are you doing here instead of..." realization dawned on Heidi's face. "You donated the stem cells. It was you."
Hailey nodded. "I know what you think, but no one forced me."
"I'm going to kill him." Heidi mumbled, turning to face the window on the far wall.
"Why? Because he cares for you? Because he flew across the country to convince me to help you? Because he's neglected his career, his patients, himself--all for you?"
"Because," Heidi said, meeting Hailey's gaze. "I told him not to call you."
"He didn't. He talked to me in person."
"That's sneaky."
"But he did it for you! He had no choice."
"I didn't want your help." Heidi crossed her arms over her chest.
"I've never seen such a stubborn, mixed up human being in my life. In one breath you tell me you don't want my help, that you'd rather die than accept a few measly cells from my wicked body. Then, in the next you say you want my life. You don't know what you want--outside of wanting to be mad at the world."
"That's not fair."
"Oh, yes it is! Quit it. Quit hating the world, hating me, hating life. You aren't the victim of Kismet's fury or bad luck or bad karma or whatever you want to call it. Quit being a victim and be a fighter."
"I can't believe you're saying this! Look at me." Heidi thrust her wrists forward and brandished hands full of tubes, then yanked the neck of her blue hospital gown down to reveal the shunt in her chest. "I'm wired up like freakin' Frankenstein! I have cancer, damn it! Cancer! I've been through weeks of chemo, have lost my hair, and have been locked in this miserable room for weeks! And now you have the nerve to tell me to 'get over it'?"
"I didn't say that."
"You might as well have." Heidi sat, fuming, silent.
Haile
y took it as her cue to leave. She'd done enough damage. But before she turned away for the last time, she said, "You want my life? You're welcome to it. You've always had the better life if you ask me. At least you have people who care about you."
Heidi's laughter echoed behind Hailey as she stepped from the room and closed the door.
Time to go home.
Chapter 14
A jet roared overhead, so low the vibrations hummed through Hailey's entire body. She glanced at Rainer, standing beside her in the short-term parking lot and looking so sweet she could hug him.
"You have some time yet. Want to get coffee somewhere?"
"We could. If you like." She handed her bag to him. After checking in at the ticket counter, they walked to a nearby coffee stand. She ordered her usual, and he ordered a coffee with extra sugar.
They sat on a bench in a busy corridor and watched frenzied travelers hurry by. Hailey sipped her tea. "Thanks for coming in with me. I hate waiting at the airport by myself."
"My pleasure."
She swallowed, the piping hot liquid sliding down her throat, burning a path to her stomach. Regret and sadness followed its path. Recent conversations with Rainer and Heidi played through her mind. She'd made so many mistakes recently. "I'm sorry about what I said yesterday--about my being a tool. That was low."
"No apology necessary."
"Really. You've been great--through everything. I don't know why I get so nasty sometimes."
"You have a lot to deal with right now."
"I'm always like this. Worse, actually. Every now and then I can almost stand outside myself and watch. It's frightening, what I see."
"What do you see, Hailey?" his gaze drilled hers.
"I see a woman who doesn't know how to be a friend, a sister, a lover."
"Does she want to try?"
She looked away and watched a woman hurry by, a child at her side. A beautiful little girl. "I do, but I don’t want to hurt anyone."
"Then let me help you."
She glanced at him.
"Friends," he said. "No pressure."
"I guess I like the sound of that. You really are something, you know that?"
Rescue Me (a quirky romance novel about secrets, forgiveness and falling in love) Page 16
