"I'll be fine."
"But you need your friends and family. You said so yourself."
"I know, but I don't need someone who doesn't know when he's being a friend and when he's being an stalker. No offense, Rainer, but that's you."
"Stalker?" He took another step backward. No one had ever called him that. Meddling, yes. But stalker? "Don't you think you're exaggerating?"
"If you don't see the truth in what I've said, it's definitely time to go our separate ways."
This was not happening! His best friend. Just like that, shoving him from her life. When she needed him most. He knew cancer did strange things to patients and their families, but he'd never expected this.
He turned toward the door, so frustrated he could shout, so shocked he wanted to knock his head into the wall to make sure it wasn't a nightmare. He left the room determined to return. She didn't know her own mind. Once she felt better physically, she'd realize she made a mistake.
As he ripped the surgical mask from his face and tossed it into the trash, Margaret approached, her face full of questions. He turned away. "Heidi told me to leave. For good."
"What are you going to do? You can't do that."
"I don't want to. We've been friends for too long. But, she called me a stalker."
"She loves you. She's just angry."
"Love? She has a funny way of showing it. In all the time I've known her, I've never seen her act this way. It's like she's a complete stranger."
"It's Hailey. As soon as she found out about Hailey staying with you--"
"And how did she find out?"
Margaret was obviously trying to look nonchalant, but he saw right through the transparent ruse. She shrugged. "I suppose she figured it out on her own."
"You told her. Why would you do that? You get off on stirring up trouble between your daughters? What kind of sick--" He stopped himself before he spoke another word, biting his tongue until it stung. Desperate to leave before the rest of that sentence escaped, he spun on his heel and took quick strides to the stairway door. Without looking back, he closed himself into the hollow stairwell and ran down the four flights.
As he reached the lobby, his pager sounded. He checked the number. After stepping outside into the cool evening, he dialed his cell phone, checking his messages.
"Hello, Rainer?" Hailey's voice sounded meek and unsure on the recording. His heart swelled. "I miss you. Crazy, isn't it? Call me."
He called the office, leaving a message for the receptionist to reschedule his appointments for the next couple of days and ran to his car. Maybe one Jensen sister didn't want his help or friendship any longer. But the other one did. Hailey needed him.
Maybe together he and Hailey could find a way back into Heidi's graces.
Chapter 15
"Rainer?" It was a dream. It had to be. Hailey backed from the shelter's front door to let him enter.
"Hi, Hailey." He smiled stiffly and reached for her arm.
Her heart fluttered and her face grew hot, taking her off guard. Giddy, nervous and thrilled to see Rainer's face, a face she hadn't only grown accustomed to but also adored, she stammered, "What a surprise." She wanted to laugh. She wanted to throw her arms around his neck and hug him.
"I'm sorry for showing up here at your work," he said, as he stood awkwardly before her. "It's late, but I figured you might be here."
"Not a problem. I was just closing up. How did you find it?"
"Internet. I looked up Paws and Claws before I left."
"You remembered the name?"
"I never forget a name."
Discomforted with the confusion his gaze stirred, she turned to lock the door, then walked to her office. She wanted to crawl into his lap and curl up in a ball. She wanted to get as far away from him as possible, or climb into his skin and be a part of him forever.
"How have you been?" he asked, following her. "I got your message."
"Corny, wasn't it? I shouldn't have left it. I was feeling sorry for myself."
"Please don't apologize. I liked the message."
She couldn't speak.
He stood so close, she on one side of her office doorway's threshold, he on the other. Her eyes met his chest, clothed in a t-shirt that fit just snug enough to show the defined muscles hidden below. She let her eyes wander down his arms, following the line of sinew to his elbows and then wrists before continuing up to his face.
He leaned closer until she felt his breath on her mouth. She licked her lips, her arms hanging like lead weights at her side. His kiss was a light touch, restrained, yet provocative. She let her heavy lids fall over her eyes, and waited for more.
When it didn't come, she opened her eyes.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I shouldn't have done that. I promised we would be friends. No pressure."
She nodded, wanting to shake him. A big part of her wanted to say to hell with friendship, but was it realistic? And was it fair to her sister, or to Rainer?
She gathered her purse and keys from her desk and motioned toward the door, hoping to avoid another close encounter. He stepped into the lobby.
"I still can't believe you're here. Please tell me it's not because of that silly message."
"That's a part of it."
She mentally kicked herself for leaving that message. How desperate she must have sounded! "How's Heidi?" she asked.
"She's doing well--physically."
"What does that mean?"
"She's not herself. Bitter. Angry. She's pushed me away."
"I noticed the same thing when I visited her, but I thought maybe it was just me."
"No, it's not you." He looked at her meaningfully.
How she wanted to fall into his embrace and hear the soft hammer of his heart in her ear. It took every bit of strength she had left, which at that point was minute, to refrain. "You know what? Let's get out of here. We'll go back to my place. We can talk there." She led him to the exit. "Did you rent a car?"
"Yes."
Good! I can cool off for a few minutes. "Okay. Do you want to follow me?"
"I'd follow you to Timbuktu," he said with a playful grin.
That dazzling expression sent heat coursing through her veins. "You're such a goof." She gave him a playful punch in the stomach, wishing she could trail soft kisses there instead.
They drove to her house, Rainer behind her in some foreign import, his headlights beaming in her rearview mirror. It was strange having him here--in her world, which until this point had remained separate from that crazy, mixed up mess she'd left behind in Detroit.
A big part of her was grateful he'd come, but the other part, the responsible part knew she was very weak now. Resisting the temptation to throw away everything she had, everything she'd worked for, would be close to impossible. Should she send him away?
"I guess I owe you at least a decent meal for flying out here," she said after parking the car in her driveway.
"No. You don't owe me anything."
"Quit with the modesty. Of course I do." She took his hand and led him up the front steps. "Welcome to my home. It's nothing fancy," she said as she worked the lock. "But it has a great view."
She pulled him toward the wall of windows at the rear of the house and stood next to him, letting the sight of the distant, black ocean and sky soothe her jittery nerves.
"Nice." He didn't sound very enthusiastic.
"When I've had a bad day, this is where I sit. It gets me through the hard times. I love the ocean--the sight, sound, smell. Or I go to the beach. I love the way the surf tugs at your legs when you stand in the water. You don't like the ocean?"
"No. Although I've never actually been this close before."
"Then you don't know what you're missing." He had that look in his eye. That look she'd last seen when he'd tried to tell her he loved her...she couldn't hear those words now. Ready to leap out of her skin, she headed for the kitchen. "What do you want to eat?"
"Nothing. Really. I ate on the plane."
>
"Okay. Well, then..." I need a distraction or I'm going to lose my mind. "...let's go to the beach."
"This late?"
"Sure, why not?"
"I didn't bring my swim trunks."
"It's too cold to swim, anyway. We'll just wade."
"Really. This isn't necessary. I think you need some rest and maybe some quiet--"
"I've had enough quiet." She squeezed his hand. "Come on. I know you want to."
"No, I really don't."
"Please, Rainer. It would mean a lot to me."
Although he moved slowly, he didn't give her too big a fight as she led him out of the house and down the street.
Within minutes, she tasted the salt in the air. The surf pulled out to sea, sucking the sand from beneath her feet.
She wrapped her arms around herself and asked, "Isn't this great?"
"You look like you're freezing," he said, watching her.
She smiled, enjoying the way the moonlight played in his hair. "It's a little chilly tonight. I should have brought a sweater.
Rainer wrapped an arm around her shoulder and rubbed. His touch heated her. Instantly. Despite her will, she leaned closer, wanting to feel his entire length against hers. Desire stirred deep inside. Reckless yearning battled with fear.
"Do you want to go back up to the house?" he asked when she didn't speak.
She did want to go back to the house, but it wasn't because she was cold. Memories of the night they'd spent together pummeled her brain, battering her defenses. The feel of his body molded to hers. The sound of his voice as he spoke in that hushed, gritty tone. The taste of his kisses.
"No," she said, sitting on a concrete retaining wall. "Let's stay a little longer." She stared out over the expanse of black and silver and tried to regain control.
"What is it about the ocean?" he asked, snuggling next to her. "What's the big draw?"
"I don't know." She looked at the moon-streaked line where water met land. Birds hovered overhead, swooping, gliding and diving. "This is where I've felt most alive, until... I moved to California to be near the ocean."
"There's plenty of ocean on the East Coast. Why move all the way across the country?"
"The weather?"
"Couldn't get much further from home," he said, "without leaving the country."
"True. But Florida has alligators and roaches."
"California has earthquakes and rattle snakes." He paused for a moment, but she sensed he wanted to say more.
"What?" she asked.
"Are you happy here?"
She looked over the water again. "Happy? I thought I was." She sighed. It was time to speak the truth. It was time to accept the truth. "I'm not sure anymore. Something has changed. I see things differently, and I wonder whether I was ever happy here. I keep working so hard at the shelter, driven to get to the next level. I think I'm hiding, compensating for something."
"I know exactly what you mean."
Their gazes met, and she felt like an invisible chain connected them, like they'd been joined for ages. Their lives weren't mirror images, yet they shared so much. She'd never felt like this before.
What surprised her most was that it didn't scare her as much as she thought it would.
He leaned closer, his gaze dropping to focus on her mouth. She licked her lips in reflex, knowing what would happen next, and wanting it more than her next breath. When his mouth was upon hers, she willingly opened to him, savoring the way his tongue explored, performing an erotic dance with hers.
Her body heated more, and as though a magnet pulled her, she drew closer and closer. She wished she could climb inside of him.
Breaking the kiss, she asked, "Why did you come here?"
"Why did you leave that message?"
"I don't know." When his face screwed into a scowl, she added, "I mean, I do know. But there's more to things than that."
"You're talking in riddles."
"I'm not very good at this." She stood, and frustrated, confused, scared, she walked back to the water and let it thrash her ankles. The chill was a welcome relief.
Rainer came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "I'm a very patient man."
"No doubt about that."
"Let me in, Hailey."
She nodded, and tried to think of the right words to describe the way she felt, but they eluded her, like the lightening bugs she used to chase as a child. Twinkling and then disappearing. She ran her hands over her hair, which had grown since he'd last seen her. For a brief moment, she wondered how a man like Rainer could be attracted to her. She wondered if what they had could be forever love, or if it too would flash bright and fade.
"I'll start," he said into her ear, his breath caressing her neck. "I came because I love you, and I don't want to live another day away from you."
Her heart sprang into her throat. "Isn't it too soon to be saying those sorts of things?"
"I've never been more certain about anything in my life. I have been existing since you left. Not living. Just existing."
"I missed you, too. But I wonder if we're not falling into this because of Heidi."
"I don't believe that for a minute."
She turned to face him. "How can you be so sure of everything? Don't you ever have any doubts? Fears? Have you ever failed at anything?"
"Of course I have. I'm a human being. I misunderstood a dear friend's feelings and led her to suicide. When I was young, I woke every night screaming in fear. I've failed at so many relationships I don't dare count them, and I'm just now figuring out why they fell apart. I'm not as rock-steady as you think, but I'm still willing to take a chance. I know you're a risk-taker too."
"Yeah. I'll risk a lot to rescue an animal, but I don't like emotional risk." She gazed out to sea. "That's a whole different game."
"What are you afraid of?"
"Hurting you. Hurting Heidi."
"Don't worry about me. I'm a big boy."
"I can't stop worrying about either of you," she said.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"What happened between you and the baby's father?"
She swallowed a lump in her throat, the one that blocked her windpipe every time she thought of that time.
He pulled her hand, tugging her away from the water. She slipped her hand from his and sat in the sand, digging feet and fingers into its grainy depth.
"Gerald and I were very different. He wasn't a bad guy. He was just the wrong guy--and I can't really tell you why. In some ways, you remind me of him." She met his gaze, searching his face for a reaction.
He responded with an encouraging smile as he sat next to her.
"Anyway, we were dating on and off for about six months when I found out I was pregnant. At first, I panicked. A baby wasn't in the agenda, you know? I couldn't stomach the thought of putting my business on the back burner, yet a part of me yearned for a simpler life. I liked the idea of sharing my life with someone."
She raked her fingers through the sand as memories sifted through her mind. Images of Gerald, arguments and anger sent waves of fear through her. "God, this is so hard!"
"You're doing fine. Thank you." He leaned closer, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and giving them a squeeze. "Thank you for sharing this with me."
"I haven't talked about this with anyone."
"That only makes it more special. What happened, then? Between you and Gerald?"
"We didn't work because I didn't let us work. I undermined his every effort to make things good between us. Not on purpose. I don't know how to describe it. I was scared."
"I understand."
"In the end, I despised seeing him come home every day, looking like he'd rather be anywhere but with me. After months of my ill treatment, he hated me. I watched him wake every morning beside me, knowing he wished another woman lay next to him. I don't blame him, though. It was my fault. I made him detest me."
"I can't imagine you doing that to anyone."<
br />
She rolled her eyes. "Don’t you see the pattern here? First Heidi--my sister, the person I was closest to for years--and then Gerald. I can't stop myself."
"I don't believe that, either. I think if someone gives you the space you need, you'll cherish them. Nurture, even."
"I've never considered myself the nurturing kind of person."
"You rescue animals for a living. It's in you."
She toyed with a stick, then stood and started walking down the beach. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. I'm not good at this deep stuff."
He followed her. "You do fine sometimes."
"Not face-to-face. And not when there are other people involved."
"Other people? Are you dating someone now?"
"No."
"Then, what other people are you referring to?"
"My sister, for one."
"She's decided she doesn't need my friendship, not that I believe her."
"Don't you think it'll hurt her to see us together?"
"I honestly don't think so. At one time I might have."
"I wonder if she was honest with you."
He wrapped his arms around her waist, and she stopped walking, relaxing into him. "I love Heidi. Like a sister. But I smothered her. She needs some time to herself. She's struggling with a lot of things."
"Exactly. Like cancer." Hailey pulled free from his hold. "Which is why you should be there for her."
"No. I've learned my lesson. I won't force friendship--or help--on anyone again."
She spun around. "Did you really learn that, or are you saying it because you think that's what I want to hear?"
"No. I mean it. I'm through forcing myself on my friends."
"I don't know." She stepped away. "I still think you're making a mistake with Heidi."
"I may be, but this was her decision. I can't worry about it, and I can't change her mind. She's an adult. She should have the freedom to make her own decisions and live with the consequences."
"True, but she's not thinking straight. She's sick."
"Believe me, I know that."
"So what are we going to do?" she asked, dropping onto a log at the water's edge.
"We?"
Rescue Me (a quirky romance novel about secrets, forgiveness and falling in love) Page 18
