by Lucy Lennox
When we were able think again, I peeled myself off him, leaned outside the curtain, and tossed the condom into the trash. For some reason I felt sheepish and a little bit stalkery myself. For god’s sake, I’d come into a man’s shower unannounced and basically jumped him.
“Jude, I—” I began.
He started laughing.
“What?” I asked defensively.
“You look like you just accidentally wrecked my new car,” he said.
“I shouldn’t ha—”
“So help me god, if you say you shouldn’t have done that, I’m going to have to knee you in the groin. I’d threaten to punch you, but we all know how that would end.”
I smirked. “You with a broken hand and me with a great story to tell?”
“Fuck you.” Jude laughed. “But yeah.”
“I just didn’t mean to go all caveman on you like that.”
“What did you mean to do?” Jude asked, picking up the shampoo.
“I was all set to yell at you actually.”
His lip curled up in amusement. “Coulda fooled me.”
“No shit. Then I saw you all… like that. And I couldn’t think anymore,” I admitted.
His laugh was a lovely sound and his eyes were clear and bright as they shined at me.
“What were you going to yell at me about?” he asked in a more serious tone as he massaged shampoo into his scalp.
“I couldn’t find you, and I may have freaked out a little bit. Next time, a heads-up before you leave the area would be appreciated.”
“My brothers were supposed to tell you where I went,” Jude said.
“Apparently they were distracted. But I overreacted anyway,” I admitted. “That was Joel on the phone, giving me an update about something that happened at home.”
Jude’s hands were now shampooing my own hair and I was having trouble concentrating on putting words together.
“Something happened,” I said.
“What do you mean?”
“Your house was broken into.”
I felt Jude’s body stiffen in my arms and his hands still on my scalp.
“What?” he asked. “When? How do you know?”
“That call was from the office. The intruder entered through the French doors of the sunroom some time this afternoon . The police and security team are pursuing it aggressively, but there doesn’t seem to be much to go on.”
I could see the surprise in Jude’s face and wished like hell I could assure him everything would be fine.
“Was there anything missing? Or a note?” Jude asked.
“Not that they could tell.”
“Should we assume it was the drunk guy?” he asked.
“It seems unlikely. He would have had to get there awfully fast, but we can’t make any assumptions at this point. Nothing obvious was taken, but who knows? There will be a guard on site around the clock until you get home.”
“Oh shit, Wolfe. What about Ollie?”
Ollie lived in an apartment over Jude’s garage. “The office called her as soon as the alarms went off, and she confirmed she was away at her parents’ house. She’s fine. I think she’ll stay there for a little while, but you can call her to be sure.”
We finished washing and dried off quickly, realizing we might be late for the rehearsal dinner. After he dressed, Jude took my room key so he could gather my clothes for me. My own were dripping wet in his bathroom, and if there was one thing I couldn’t do, it was go into the hallway where Jude’s entire family was staying, wrapped in nothing but a towel.
The rehearsal dinner was the typical elegant but emotional affair, and I could see Jude’s pride in his beautiful sister, Simone. He stood and gave a toast that made his parents cry and Simone rush over for a hug. More than a few guests in the room seemed to look at Jude with cartoon hearts in their eyes, and the sight gave me a strange sense of possession. Almost like I wanted to mark the man so that everyone would know he was mine.
Of course it was silly. Not only was he not mine, but I wasn’t even supposed to want him to be. What I should really want was someone’s body to enjoy. I needed that wedding weekend to be over so I could stop thinking relationship thoughts and return to thinking plain old sex thoughts.
After the rehearsal dinner, Jude and his siblings proceeded to get wasted in the lodge bar. Jude started giggling and didn’t stop for the rest of the night. I had never in my life seen Jude Marian relaxed to the point of nonstop laughter. First of all, he rarely drank much on tour. Second of all, he never allowed himself to lose control and give over to the moment. Maybe I just hadn’t seen him around his family very much.
I loved watching this side of him. The baby brother. The goofball who tried to give his brothers hell but ended up getting his hair ruffled by them instead. They adored Jude and treated him with the gentle affection you’d give to a beloved but familiar treasure.
Later that night he invited me into his room. I wanted nothing more than to hold him while he slept, but I knew I couldn’t. If I ended up in his bed I would say the things I shouldn’t. Words about maybe wanting more than his body. Just the thought of it had me twisted up inside. I couldn’t allow myself to want anything more than sex with Jude Marian.
I would soon learn that keeping my distance from him would become impossible. Two days later, I moved in with him.
18
Jude
On the drive home to the city Sunday morning, Derek received a phone call from his office alerting him to another trespassing situation at my house. This time it was someone setting off the perimeter alarms on the property, but it still increased the security concerns enough to mandate a live-in bodyguard. And that bodyguard would be Derek.
When Derek hung up the phone and updated me, the awkward silence in the hired limo was excruciating.
“What do you think?” I asked him. The privacy glass was up, and it was taking all my self-control not to climb into Derek’s lap.
“From a purely professional standpoint, I agree with them completely.”
“And from a nonprofessional standpoint?” I asked.
Derek sighed. “I feel like it’s putting you in a weird situation because we’ve slept together.”
“I feel the same way, but you’re the one between a rock and a hard place,” I told him. “Honestly, it’s your choice. I think it’s a good idea for someone to be around, but it doesn’t have to be you if you don’t want to do it. Just to be clear, having you sleeping at my house would be pretty flipping fantastic for me. Just saying.”
He laughed. “Yeah. Okay then. That’s sort of what I was thinking. And it’s not like it’ll last forever. Just until we figure out who’s messing with you.”
“Right,” I agreed. “And in the meantime, we can fuck like bunnies while you’re on the clock, and I’ll try not to think of you as a prostitute.”
Derek’s hand shot out and pushed me in the shoulder. “Asshole.” He laughed. “What does that make you then?”
“Lucky as hell?” I suggested.
“Damned straight.”
The rest of the ride back to the city was uneventful. I told Derek I would need to visit my parents’ house the following day to check on everyone after the chaos of the weekend. Just the idea of being able to spend more time with my family after all the months on the road was a relief.
That night, extra guards from On Your Six were at the house double-checking some of the additional cameras and alarms that had been installed. While Derek drove to his place to gather some of his belongings, I checked the largest guest room to make sure everything was clean and ready for his stuff.
Ollie was still at her parents’ house, but I felt sure she would return soon when she discovered live-in security would be on the premises.
For the next several days Derek and I lived in a sort of make-believe world where the two of us were like real lovers, spending every night exploring each other’s bodies. With no plans during the first full week after the tour, I took adva
ntage of my empty calendar by staying up late fooling around with Derek and sleeping in the following morning. There was no one around except the two of us.
During the day, I wrote new music while Derek ran down intruder leads based on information found in my fan mail files, but at night we would set work aside and just revel in each other’s nakedness. It had been a long time since I’d enjoyed physical pleasure like that, and it didn’t take me long to get used to having mind-blowing orgasms on a regular basis.
The following Monday, Derek had to go in to the office for several hours, so the security company sent a different bodyguard to stay at the house. It was strange. The man was nice enough, but not having Derek around gave me an unexpected feeling of wrongness. I tried to mentally laugh it off, but deep down I felt unsettled.
When he returned after eight o’clock that night, I tried my best to look unaffected, but inside my chest I felt a noticeable pressure ease. There was concern in Derek’s eyes that hadn’t been there before, and I resented the other guard’s polite small talk before leaving.
Finally alone again, we sat down on the couch off the end of my kitchen.
“What is it, Wolfe?” I asked.
“Two things actually. First, the company is making me take the weekends off. Legally I can’t work this much, so they need to make sure I’m off the job for a minimum period of time. They tried to get me to take a couple of days off immediately, but I talked them into waiting until the weekend.”
My heart sank. It went without saying he couldn’t be around me for nonprofessional reasons when another bodyguard was watching over me. That sucked. I tried to remind myself if we were only together for the sex, that just meant a two-day break. Easy peasy. Except I knew it was more than just for me. I’d grown to crave his body, sure, but I’d also grown to crave his companionship, his soft voice in my ear at night, his teasing when I played Taylor Swift songs but his singing along if it was Madonna.
“Well, that makes sense. No problem,” I lied. “What else?”
Derek raised an eyebrow at my feigned nonchalance.
“Ari has been trying to reach you through Clint’s office.”
I nodded. “I know that. Clint told me after the LA show. But how did you know?
“Clint’s office has to report to us all names of people trying to contact you so we can keep a database. The database then recognizes trends and anomalies. For instance, if someone named Karen Smith wrote you a letter, then six months later wrote another one, the system would alert that she’s had repeat contact. We’ve been trying to use this system to figure out if there are any other threatening fans before focusing in on just Ari. But when I did search for Ari Crowe, his name was in there for multiple attempts,” Derek said.
“Just since our trip to Los Angeles?” I asked.
“No. Jude, he’s been trying to get a hold of you periodically for six months.”
The news hit me like a ball to the gut. I didn’t know what to say. Should I be angry or just plain frustrated? I made a decision and held out my hand.
“Give me his number,” I demanded.
Derek’s eyebrows went up. “Why?”
“You know why. Just give it to me.”
“No,” he said. “You already told him to get lost.”
“He-Man, give me the goddamned number.”
“No,” Derek repeated, this time sounding quieter.
“Never mind,” I said, pulling out my phone and dialing. When Clint picked up I spoke. “Hey, Clint, it’s Jude. Listen, there’s an old friend of mine from Nashville who’s tried to contact me through your office recently. Can you please give me his call back number? His name is Ari Crowe.”
Derek and I locked eyes while I waited for the number. He seemed a little too calm, and I narrowed my eyes at him.
“Sorry, man, I don’t have it. I think I gave it to Wolfe. Ask him,” Clint said.
I felt my nostrils flare. Jackass bodyguard. “Will do, talk to you later.”
“You’re an ass,” I told Derek. “Don’t treat me like a child. If I want to call Ari, that’s my business.”
“Keeping you out of trouble is my business. I’m sorry it’s pissing you off, but no good is going to come from engaging this guy, Jude.”
Suddenly I remembered the business card in my wallet. I left the room and closed myself in my bedroom. My hands shook as I dialed Ari’s number, making sure it would show up on his end as an unknown number.
“Ari Crowe,” came a voice so familiar that tendrils of memory snaked around my gut.
“It’s Jude,” I said.
“Jude, it’s good to hear your voice. I’ve been trying to reach you.”
“No shit. What do you want, Ari?” I asked.
“You,” he said with a laugh. “Preferably naked and horny.”
“Not going to happen. Is that the only reason you’ve been calling me?” I asked.
“The truth is, I just want to get this investment meeting on the books.”
“Again, no. If that’s all you wanted to talk to me about, I’ve got to go.”
“Wait. How about this, the next time you come to Nashville, you give me thirty minutes. You don’t even have to give us the business, just let me prove to my partners that I can get you in a room to listen to their pitch. Think of it as a favor for an old friend who helped drop kick you in the direction of your success,” he said with a laugh.
“No thanks.”
“Just think about it, Jude,” he said. “The way I see it, you kind of owe me one, Bubba.”
I hung up and stared at my phone.
Holy hell.
In the end, I knew I couldn’t keep the call a secret from Derek. No, that wasn’t quite right. I didn’t want to keep it a secret from Derek.
When I joined him again on the little couch in the kitchen, I told him everything.
19
Derek
I wanted to pound that cocky fucker into the ground. How dare Ari Crowe think Jude owed him anything after the things he said all those years ago?
Jude sat in the corner of the couch, arms wrapped around his knees.
“Damn it!” He flung a fat sofa pillow across the room. It hit a windowsill and fell to the ground.
I stayed where I was, letting him vent his frustrations however he needed to. His hands raked over his face and into his hair.
“Goddamned selfish son of a bitch,” Jude ground out. “He’s trying to play me. Just another fucking person from my past who wants a piece of me now that I’m rich and famous. Typical. How could I have been so stupid all those years ago? What did I see in that arrogant asshole? Was I so desperate that I thought I could trust him? Is there no one beside my family who doesn’t want me for my money or fame? Really?”
I could tell he wanted to throw something else or punch a wall. I leaned forward, weight on my feet in case I needed to hop up and intercept him before he did something stupid.
His head whipped around, long hair trailing in an arc around his shoulder. “Say something, Wolfe. Tell me there’s a way to make him stop this bullshit.” The look on his face was chilling. Before I saw it, I had assumed he was pissed. But now that I was looking into those Jude eyes, I saw absolute, raw loneliness. As if he’d been reminded he couldn’t even trust the people he’d been closest to.
I was on him before I could think, pulling him against me and wrapping my arms around him the way I’d wanted to all along. He fought me like a cat, and I let go in surprise, lifting my arms up and stepping back.
“Get off me,” he cried. It was almost a sob and it broke my heart. “I can’t do this. I just can’t. I want… I… this is why I don’t fucking do this.”
Jude turned his back on me and started toward his room. “I’m sorry, Wolfe,” he said over his shoulder before disappearing down the hall.
I stood there, staring after him, wishing he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he could trust me. He was gone before I could say anything, but all I could think was, It’s okay, I un
derstand. I just didn’t want him to hurt anymore. Or feel alone anymore.
I didn’t want to be one of the people in his life he had to second-guess. How could I possibly show him I understood when I’d never been in his shoes? Jude’s words left me feeling helpless and a little stung.
I blew out a shaky breath and turned to make my way to the guest room. If he needed to be alone, I had to respect that.
After checking the doors and double-checking the alarm, I got into the shower. Alone. It had been a long day, one that started with teasing, playful sex and ended with the opposite. I couldn’t push him to deal with this until he was ready. I slid between the cool sheets of the guest bed and tried to get comfortable. No dice.
My restlessness stirred the bedding up into an annoying froth of tangles and lumps. As I tried to straighten everything out with a grumble, I heard footsteps outside my open door. Before I had a chance to call out, I heard Jude’s voice.
“Can I come in?” he asked.
“Of course,” I said, sitting up.
The lights were still out so I couldn’t see his face, just a vague silhouette of his body as he moved toward me in the room. Jude sat on the bed next to me and sighed before speaking. “I’m sorry, Derek. You didn’t deserve that.”
“It’s okay Jude, I understand why you said it. In your position, I’d probably feel the same way. I can’t imagine how hard it is for you to trust anyone. For what it’s worth though, I hope you know you can trust me.”
“That’s just it, though. I do trust you. When I got into bed, all I could think about was the fact that I trusted you, yet I’d let that asshole scare me into pushing you away. That’s not what I want. I want to touch you. I want to crawl in your arms and stay there. I’m sorry.”
I pulled open the bedcovers in invitation and he slid in beside me and into my arms. We both let out a sigh of relief at the same time.
“I take it you don’t want to talk about it right now?” I asked.
“Hell no. I want to have my wicked way with you,” Jude said. I could hear the grin in his voice, and I laughed.
Before I could ask him if he was waiting for an engraved invitation, he climbed down my body. When he got past my waist, I heard him suck in a breath.
