by Lucy Lennox
I tried to think of how I wanted to word my next thought. “Wolfe, do you want me to come with you? It sounds like you could use a friend.”
There was silence for a moment, and I felt my face heat up at the thought that I might have just crossed that relationship line we were trying so hard to avoid.
I began to backpedal. “I mean, I—”
“No, Jude. But thank you for offering. Really. That means a lot. I really would like your company, but I’m afraid you being there would make things too weird.”
“Right, of course. I completely understand,” I said. And technically, it was true, even if my heart had a hard time accepting it.
“I have to go. They announced my flight.”
“Be safe, Wolfe,” I told him.
“Now who’s trying to protect whom?” He laughed.
“If you don’t come back in one piece, I’ll blame the Air Force for not training you properly,” I teased, knowing full well what his response would be.
“Marines, asshole.” His laugh rumbled over the line before the call disconnected.
During the next few weeks, new music began pouring out of me, and I scrambled to keep up with it. I convinced myself that finally recovering my sleep and spending some much-needed time in my own home had made all the difference.
The day after Derek arrived at the Army hospital where Aaron was, he was told the biggest risk was infection. Aaron was expected to recover from the burns with some scarring on his back and one leg. He was in a lot of pain, and their mom was having a hard time handling it.
After the first week of Derek’s absence, I had the band over to share some of my ideas. They loved what I was creating and helped me tweak it so we could get ready to record. I stopped stressing about having enough material for our new album. We were already more than halfway there, and I felt like I still had more to write. Ollie arranged a practice schedule for us to begin working on the new songs. I had a sound studio at my house that we would use until it was time to record the final versions.
I took advantage of my time alone to keep the media happy and take Jae out a couple times. We met for a very public lunch downtown and then again for dinner and dancing at a club with her friends. She was just as vapid as I recalled, and I was thankful I wasn’t giving up something more fun on those occasions in order to be with her.
In the evenings Ollie and I would cook dinner together and binge-watch Netflix. I caught her looking at me strangely a few times but ignored it. It was one night, late into the second week of Derek’s absence that things with Ollie finally came to a head. We had ordered pizza, and Ollie met the delivery person at the front door. While I was pulling out plates and napkins, my phone buzzed with a text from Derek.
Derek: Finally on my way home. Should be at your place by dinnertime tomorrow.
Jude: Thank god. How’s everyone holding up?
Derek: Fine. Mom’s still upset, but better. She’s staying until he’s ready to come home.
Jude: Good.
Derek: What about you? How’d it go today with the band?
Jude: Productive. They had some great ideas for tweaking two of the new songs. We’re ahead of schedule for once.
Derek: Whoa, look at you. And I haven’t even been there rushing you.
Jude: No shit. Or distracting me. Maybe that explains my productivity.
Derek: Ouch. Should I stay away?
Jude: No way, He-Man. Get your smoking hot ass back here and distract me. Distract me please.
Derek: That’s the plan. Rest up, Bluebell. See you tomorrow.
“Oh. My. God.” Ollie stood in front of me looking at me like I’d suddenly shaved my head. “I finally figured it out. You’re getting laid.”
I looked up from my phone, pressing the button to darken the screen.
“What?” I asked, feeling a traitorous flush heat my cheeks.
“You have a lovesick grin on your face, and you didn’t hear me calling your name,” she accused.
“Bullshit, fuck you.” I laughed.
If it was possible, her eyes got wider. “Spill the beans, baby cakes.”
“What beans? There’re no beans to spill,” I said, reaching for the pizza box.
“You’re such a liar. You will tell me, and you will do it right now.”
“There’s nothing to tell,” I tried, grabbing a slice and slipping it onto my plate.
“Who were you texting?” she asked while getting her own slice. We sat down at my kitchen table, Ollie with a beer and me with a glass of ice water.
“Oh that? Derek texted me to say he’ll be back tomorrow,” I said in my best nonchalant voice.
The screech took me by surprise, and I jumped, the pizza slice sailing through the air to land on the other side of the table.
“Oh my god, you’re in love with Derek Wolfe,” Ollie cried.
My stomach dropped as I stared at her, desperately trying to concoct a mature response to her accusation. I could do this. I’d just deny it. After all, it wasn’t as though I was actually in love with Derek. Maybe just with his penis.
Be cool, Marian.
“Am not.” It came out sounding like a whine. Well done, idiot.
“Are too,” she sing-songed.
“Dude, what?” I said, continuing my display of maturity. I always thought Ollie suspected I was gay, but we’d never talked about it.
“Tell me everything. Have you slept with him? Wait, should I pop some popcorn? Is the story going to be that good? What am I saying? Of course it is.” She got up and pretended to look in the pantry for popcorn.
“Sit your ass down and eat your pizza, drama queen.”
“Start talking, Jude,” she said after taking her first bite of the veggie-laden pizza.
I stalled, taking a bite of my own slice while I made a decision. There was nothing I wanted more than someone to confide in and ask advice. I’d known Ollie for almost twenty years. We’d been friends in school and grew even closer when she started working for me years before. The only reason she didn’t know about my hookups and relationship with Ari was because we didn’t live near each other during those years and I hadn’t wanted to tell her over the phone.
“Fine. I’m not in love with him. But I might be in lust,” I admitted.
“And?” she encouraged.
I took a minute to think about what I could tell her. Derek wasn’t out of the closet. It wasn’t my place to out him to anyone, but did that include Ollie? I had to assume it did until and unless I heard otherwise.
“And what?” I stalled again.
She gave me that look; the one that says, Cut the bullshit.
“Hypothetically speaking, if I was hooking up with someone who wasn’t out of the closet, it wouldn’t be my place to tell anyone, right?” Now it was my turn to give her a look; one that said, We all know what I’m saying.
“I completely understand,” she said with an innocent smile. After a few more bites, she started again. “I have a friend named Jack. He’s been in the closet forever, and he’s hooking up with this new guy he works with. The guy’s name is Darryl. I’m so curious about what Jack is thinking. Not only do I want to know how my friend is feeling, but I also want to be able to help him navigate what must be a challenging situation. You see, Jack is a famous… politician. And it can’t be easy for him to pursue a relationship while he’s in the public eye.”
I rolled my eyes at her but decided to play along.
“I’m sure it’s not. It must be excruciating. Probably actually easier to just be celibate for the entire time he’s been in the public eye.”
“Shit. Why would he do that?” she asked.
“Dunno. Maybe because he dated an asshole who told him he was worthless and would never amount to anything,” I mused.
Before I knew what was happening, I was engulfed in a tight hug. Ollie was like an Amazon with great boobs, and she gave the best hugs ever.
“But he isn’t worthless. And look what he amounted to. He’s the mo
st amazing politician ever,” she whispered into my ear.
“I’m sure he knows that, but it’s still hard to hear otherwise.”
“Do you think Darryl is any better for him than the ex-asshole?” she asked, pulling back to return to her dinner.
“Yes, but they’re probably just friends with benefits,” I said, eating my own food.
“Why?”
“Maybe it’s easier that way. No expectations, no hurt feelings. You know, no worrying about the messy stuff that comes with relationships,” I explained.
“Shit, Jude. But what about all the good stuff that comes with relationships? Joy, comfort, and companionship?”
I shrugged. “Is it really worth the risk?”
She stopped eating and stared at me with something like pity in her eyes. I couldn’t look at her.
“Hell yes it is. And my friend Jack deserves to be loved. Not just fucked. The fact that you don’t believe that seriously breaks my heart. Do you think Darryl doesn’t deserve that either? What if he wanted a relationship instead of just a booty call?”
“He doesn’t.”
“Maybe that’s just what he says. Maybe he really cares about Jack. Maybe I can tell by the way he looks at my friend. As if my friend Jack is the most beautiful, amazing human being in the world. Because he is, Jude. And if not, maybe he should ditch Darryl and look for someone he could really build a life with.”
My eyes stung. “I’m pretty sure if he wanted someone to build a life with, it would be Darryl. But I’m equally sure Darryl is better off without the hassle. Being with a politician isn’t worth it.”
“Oh shit, baby,” she said before hugging me again.
23
Derek
I was restless on the drive from the airport to Jude’s house. It didn’t even occur to me to swing by my place. There was nothing in that bland apartment I wanted or needed more than Jude Marian’s naked body against mine. I hoped to god he didn’t have any plans for the rest of the day other than lying in bed receiving pleasure from me.
By the time I pulled into his driveway, my nerves vibrated almost to the point of snapping. I kept chanting to myself, Keep it together, Wolfe. It was imperative I hide my desperation until we were alone, however long that took.
When I walked in the door, I saw Mike sitting at the kitchen table.
“Hey, Mike,” I said, reaching out to shake his hand. “Thanks so much for taking over for me.”
“No problem,” he smiled. “How’s your brother?”
“Getting better, thanks. Where’s Jude?”
“He just went back into his bedroom. I should probably wait around to say goodbye.”
“Nah, I’ll tell him for you. You deserve to get out of here and have some fun. Tell Kathy and the girls I said hello,” I said, remembering his wife and kids.
His face broke into a grin. “I will. It’s Annie’s birthday tomorrow so I have to pick up the cake on the way home.”
“Go on then. Enjoy. I’ll hold down the fort.”
“Thanks, Wolfe. See you next weekend.”
When he was gone, I locked the doors before going to find Jude.
I came around the corner to the hallway with the bedrooms when Jude came flying at me, jumping up and landing with arms and legs wrapped around me. If he’d been any bigger, I might have stumbled and lost my footing, but he was just the right size. I held him tighter than I should have and let out a deep sigh of relief.
“Thank god.” I said into his hair.
“Mm-hm.” He exhaled into my ear.
I stood there for a minute, just holding him. Breathing in his scent and letting the familiarity of his body relax me. I knew I’d missed him, but this? This was different. The feeling of relief and happiness at having him in my arms wasn’t sexual at all. Sure, I wanted him. My throbbing erection was proof of that, but it was more than that. I forced those thoughts away and turned my head to take his earlobe into my mouth.
“You, me, naked, bed,” I murmured into his ear.
“Yes, please,” he rasped.
We didn’t even make it into the bedroom. Within seconds we were ripping each other’s clothes off and shoving tongues into each other’s mouths. Both of us dropped to our knees at the same time, making us laugh before he tackled me on the thick carpet of the hallway.
Our bodies naturally flipped until we were sucking each other off frantically at the same time, curled around each other like a dirty yin and yang symbol. There was no such thing as enough. I couldn’t touch enough of his skin, lick enough of his hard shaft, smell enough of his familiar musk, hear enough of his mewling sounds as his pleasure built to its climax. My senses were overloaded.
It was quick and frenzied and determined. Loud sucking sounds mixed with moans and grunts until finally I couldn’t take any more. My brain stuttered and stars began flickering along the edges of my vision.
“Jude,” I gasped. “Baby, I’m gonna come.”
The hot rush of Jude’s own release hit the back of my throat just as mine began shooting. I almost choked at the combination of convulsing through my own release and trying to keep up with Jude’s as well. My arms clutched around his lower back tightly, one hand grasping an ass cheek. I felt my muscles quivering.
“Fuck,” Jude said between puffs of air. “Fuck.”
“You okay?” I asked.
His laugh came out stuttered. “Uhh, yeah. That was… God, Wolfe. That was overwhelming. In a good way.”
I sat up, pulling him with me and scooting back so I was leaning against the wall. His body was pliant and relaxed, moving easily wherever I pulled him. When I settled against the wall with my legs stretched out in front of me, Jude ended up resting his head in my lap.
My fingers ran lazily up and down the smooth skin of his back. Jude’s hair covered his face like a curtain, and I took a moment to push it back behind his ear. His dark eyelashes rested against his cheek and the familiar planes of his face were flush with color.
“You’re so beautiful,” I whispered before I had a chance to think about it. He leaned back to look up at me.
After a brief hesitation, the smile he gave me was the full-Jude version and it nearly took my breath away. “Thank you.”
I gently pulled him up to straddle my lap, leaning forward to touch his lips with mine, drawing a light swipe across his bottom lip with the tip of my tongue before pulling it away. Our foreheads touched, then our cheeks, then an almost kiss. Our eyes met and I gently brushed his nose with mine. Two mouths danced close to each other without actually touching. My heart was thundering in my chest, and I could feel Jude’s breath hitching through the hand I held on his back.
His tongue grazed my lip, and mine chased it lazily. Jude’s fingers came up to trace my eyebrows and cheeks, jawline, and lips. Time stopped for us, and my heart felt like it might explode. I could feel it clogging my throat, and that scared me.
Something must have shown in my eyes because Jude’s own warm brown ones shuttered, his body language changing. He began standing up as his gaze shifted away. I wondered if I’d somehow screwed things up between us.
“You hungry?” he asked.
“Uh, yeah. Sure,” I replied. Jude reached back for my hand and gave me a smile. When I stood, I realized I felt sticky and sweaty.
“Let me take a quick shower first,” I told him, unsure if he’d want to join me.
“Want some company?” He smirked up at me. I let out a breath, sensing we would be okay after all.
“Abso-fucking-lutely.” I grinned.
We showered and changed into comfortable clothes before heading into the kitchen to fix something for dinner. Jude turned on some music and I noticed it was a regular rock selection instead of country.
“Did Mike tell you about the two other houses in the neighborhood that had breakins similar to yours?” I asked Jude while he chopped some vegetables on a large cutting board.
His hands stilled and his head came up. “What? No. Tell me.”
“I just heard about it on the way here. Forgot to ask Mike for more details since I was in such a hurry to get him to leave.” I laughed. “The guys at the office said one of the houses broken into was a state representative. They got surveillance video, but it’s not very clear. The cops are busy trying to run it down since you and the politician are high profile.”
“Was anyone home during the other breakins?” Jude asked.
“No, and they couldn’t determine that anything was taken. Makes it tough to link them together. For all we know, they aren’t connected. Or they are, and there are others that the police haven’t come across yet,” I said.
“Shit, Wolfe. Maybe it’s not the crazy fan after all.”
“Maybe. Maybe not.”
I grabbed two beers from the fridge and gestured to ask if Jude wanted one. He nodded. I placed his beer on the kitchen island, purposefully leaning my chest against his back as I reached past him to set it down. He hummed his approval of my move, and I took a minute to enjoy the feel of him.
“Want me to make the chicken since I’m the only one eating it?” I asked.
“Nah, just relax. If you make it, it’ll end up fried in lard,” he teased, stretching his head to one side to offer up his neck. My nose found the thin skin behind his ear and my tongue soon followed. I felt Jude shiver under my touch.
“Up yours,” I said before pinching his ass and stepping away for the sake of my empty stomach. “Just because I’m from the south doesn’t mean I fry everything I eat. You’re probably going to steam the chicken and make me eat the vegetables raw.”
“I was thinking I’d steam everything until it’s good and bland before chucking everything in the Vitamix for a chicken-and-veggie smoothie,” Jude said with a straight face. “Maybe add some kale too. Don’t worry. You can’t—”
“Taste the kale,” I finished with him while rolling my eyes.
We both laughed until there was a knock at the door.
24
Jude
When we heard the knock at the door, Derek looked to me with a raised eyebrow as he made his way to the kitchen door.
