by Lori Lapekes
Catherine put her hands to her ears as though to muffle out the voice… Beth’s voice.
He’s becoming famous. He’s going places. His band could fill the Spartan Stadium some day if he doesn’t have you to worry about. You and your lowly, little animal-loving life and screwed-up past. He finally realizes, thanks to me, that you’d hurt him. His career would be ruined.
“No.” Catherine moaned, squinting as tiny flashes of light pinpricked before them.
He doesn’t need you… and he certainly doesn’t want you…
“Cut it out…”
Just leave. Leave while you can. Leave before he hates you!
“Stop it!”
What’s going on?” a voice asked, and then Joanne’s face loomed before Catherine’s half-closed eyes. Catherine wasn’t sure what Joanne was saying, and she didn’t care. It struck her that although most of Beth’s ramblings were cruel lies, one thing clearly was not.
Daniel didn’t need her.
He didn’t need her, and he didn’t want her. She’d probably only drag him down.
How could someone like Daniel have a place for someone like her in his fast-paced life? How could she have been so delusional? Had she been so entranced by his affections that she’d been acting just as stupid and just as gullible as she had with Cave Pig? Could she have been that ignorant again? She lowered her head, and Hazel’s face filled her mind. Whatever would Hazel have thought of her now?
Sound melted away. The cheering faded, the crowd grew still. She felt detached and dislocated as a cloud of numbness expanded in her mind, threatening to shut down the emotional part of her brain. She had no idea how much the numbness had overtaken her. She was completely unaware of even uglier, grayish-green bellies of clouds slogging along a pale yellowish sky overhead, of the vague scent of ozone in the air. A low rumble of thunder growled, seemingly far off, then increased in severity until it was nearly vibrating the ground. And then she heard possibly the only voice that could filter through the mush and make sense out of what had actually become an uneasy silence in the crowd. Daniel’s voice.
“Please remain calm. We’ve been told a funnel cloud has been spotted a few miles south of campus…”
Catherine’s head snapped up as Daniel’s voice continued and the crowd’s murmurings increased with his words, “It may be headed this way. We’re told that the best course for safety is to take shelter in the Red Cedar River just to the west.”
And like that, weather sirens began to wail and Daniel’s voice was smothered by screams. Catherine planted her feet firmly on the ground as people brushed past her, banging against her shoulders, jostling her in circles. More screams rang out, bodies blurred before her eyes. Soon she found herself stumbling toward the stage with Joanne’s help.
“Thank goodness people are running the other way,” Joanne said, “or you could have been flattened, Cath.” As Catherine found more of her footing, Joanne’s voice became strained. “I’ve got to find Joey… got to know if he’s all right. There’s no one on stage anymore… got to know where he is… got to find him…”
And then, somehow, Joey’s ashen face appeared amidst the chaos. Joanne lurched his way, and then Catherine felt someone clutching her own hand. She turned to see Daniel at her side. “Come this way,” he said, “I don’t think it’s going to hit here.”
“How do you know?” Catherine stammered, “How…”
Yet moments later she and Daniel were stumbling under the bleachers away from the panicky crowd, Joanne and Joey following. They huddled over the littered grass as people leaped from the bleachers around them like huge raindrops. After the people cleared, they moved out in the open once more. Then Daniel stopped, and stood stiffly, staring up at the bleachers as though in a trance. Then he took a step up. Catherine faltered, hung back. People were racing in the opposite direction toward the ravine, and Daniel was climbing up the bleachers? She hesitated, glancing from Joey to Joanne. Both had confused eyes, large as saucers. They all watched as Daniel continued to climb, stiffly, awkwardly, even painfully up the stands. He did not look back. The next thing Catherine knew, Joey was taking a step up the bleachers, too. He looked back at the girls, shrugged wildly, and continued on more determinedly. Catherine and Joanne exchanged bewildered glances, and followed. Up and up they went, watching a sea of students below racing over the fields then hopping or sliding along the banks and into the shallow river.
At last they were at the top of the stands. Time seemed at a halt. Everything went dull as a low buzzing of unreality filled Catherine’s ears. Daniel loosely wrapped an arm around her shoulders as they all stared toward the southwest. At last Catherine heard Joanne and Joey gasp and mutter in awe from somewhere behind her, then Joey swore. Catherine looked at Joanne, and as her friend mumbled the words “this is crazy!” reality snapped back to her. The roar of a hundred freight trains filled her ears and she covered them in horror, trying look away, but she could not.
Like the fat index finger of some heathen god, the tornado dug into campus a quarter mile away. A cloud of mayhem swirled at its base, in and out between the trees, and every few moments Catherine could discern one of the whirling objects… a bicycle… a garbage can… a tire. She watched in terror as it ripped through fences and upended vehicles. Flashes of lightning stabbed through the dark vortex as it tore a gash in the side of one large building, shingles ripping through the air like leaves. A scattering of students were still spread out over the soccer field below, standing still, dumbstruck as they watched as well. The sirens still screamed, and splatters of rain began to pelt across their faces, but the tornado was definitely angling away from them. The four seemed safe from disaster on their bizarre bleacher-top observatory.
Catherine buried her face in Daniel’s shoulder. How could this day have ended this bizarrely? How? Why? Soon she became aware of a heaviness against her knee. She glanced down, and saw that her purse, which she had somehow managed to keep hold of, was gaping open. Inside, the dummy gazed up at her from its ghastly stitched eyelids.
A knot of terror struck her as she looked from it to Daniel’s face.
His gaze was more frightening than either the horror of the tornado, or of the horror in her purse.
The vacant gaze of resignation.
It was if the winds blowing the campus apart had also torn the real Daniel away.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Catherine fell onto the couch and closed her eyes.
She’d finally done well on her exams this morning. Even with all the turmoil going on in the last few days, somehow, she’d stayed focused.
At least that was over for now.
The voice sounded distant. “Cathy. Cath? You awake?”
Catherine’s eyelids opened heavily to find Penny sitting in a chair kitty-corner to her, leaning forward, her hands clasped between her knees.
“Oh good, you are awake.”
“I am, now.” Catherine said.
“Did you have exams today?” Penny asked.
Catherine nodded. “The tornado didn’t hit any of my buildings.”
Penny rolled her eyes. “Mine, either. Darn!”
They both laughed.
“I’m just glad nobody got killed.” Penny said, “Lots of damage, but no serious injuries. I’m glad it wasn’t a very strong tornado.
Catherine nodded, although it’d seemed horrific enough at the time.
Silence.
“I guess a lot of people lost their roofs, though.” Penny said quietly, leaning back in her chair. “A friend of mine, Gail, said the roof blew off the place she was renting.” Penny leaned forward again. Her voice was hesitant. “I was wondering, would you and Joanne mind if Gail moved in here for the summer? Even if you and Joanne decided to leave, Gail and I could afford the rent and hold the house until you come back in the fall.”
Catherine arched an eyebrow. “Does Gail have bleach-blonde hair, an enormous wardrobe or drive a fancy car?
Penny shook her head. “She h
as light brown hair, buys her clothes in thrift shops, and drives a rusty old car.
“She sounds fine to me.” Catherine said.
“I thought she might.”
There was yet another silence. Penny looked deep in thought, something Catherine hadn’t thought she was capable of a few months ago. Penny bent forward and dug her hands into her hair in dismay. “I can’t believe how stupid I was around Beth. It seems so clear to me now.”
Catherine’s eyes widened.
Penny looked down. Her feet shifted inward until they touched. “I was so absorbed in her. Sometimes I hated her, but I still let her use me. I couldn’t stand how she cut me down, and it was almost worse to hear her cut you down. Every time she called you ‘Sleazy Sealey,’ I felt like slapping her. I was glad when you finally did belt her one.”
She continued, looking earnestly into Catherine’s face. “Did you know she was jealous of you? You’re pretty and smart and independent and don’t need men flocking around you to make you feel good about yourself. Beth has to fake glamour and throw her money around to get friends. She’s never liked herself. She probably never will. Beth has always been a little disturbed, not you. No one ever believed her lies. No one that counts, anyway. Not your real friends.”
“Real friends?” Catherine asked.
Penny nodded. “Like Joanne, and like me. I want real friends now, too. “I can’t believe it took me so long to realize it.”
Catherine found a smile. “I always thought there was more to you than a Beth Shaker sidekick.”
Penny stood and lifted her arms in the air. “I feel like I’ve spent the past seven or eight months in a coma and have just started to wake up. I don’t know why I’m telling you all this, but it feels good. Kind of cleansing.” She paused and lowered her arms. Sighing, she flopped back in her seat. “How are you feeling these past few days? You haven’t over-dosed in the shower or the bathtub.”
Catherine shrugged her shoulders. How did she feel?
“I guess I’m numb.” She admitted. “After the tornado and Daniel’s mood swings I sometimes don’t know what to feel, so I just study like a maniac to block it out. Joanne and Joey haven’t spoken much either. It’s like the whole world suddenly shifted a notch and everything is different.”
Penny nodded. “I know exactly what you mean.”
Catherine leaned against the back of the couch and closed her eyes. “I’m trying not to dwell on things. I need to relax and get myself back together.”
“Daniel will come around. Give him time.”
Catherine nodded, saying nothing as Penny continued.
“Even if part of him believes what Beth wants him to believe about you, in time he’ll learn what she’s really like. I could tell him right now. Joanne says that if she ever sees Beth again, she’ll swing her wide world of sports at her and propel her into China. Beth doesn’t stand a chance against all of us. Nor does Cave-Pig. We’re not afraid of them. If anything, he and Beth should be afraid of us. And Gail’s a spitfire. If she moves in, we’ll be indestructible. If those two low-lives ever show their faces again, which I doubt they will, they won’t stand a chance around all of us.”
Catherine remained silent.
Penny leaned over, slapped her fondly on the knee. “Daniel will come around. And, until he does, you’ve got us to lean on. Remember that.”
“Thank you.”
Penny smiled. “I’m serious. I think I can be a good friend, if given the chance.”
Catherine’s heart warmed. “I believe you.”
****
Daniel stood behind a fragrant lilac bush in the corner of Catherine’s yard near the street, and stiffened his shoulders. Catherine’s roommates had just left. Now was the time. Now, or never. He had to do this. He had to somehow find the strength to break her heart. It was the right decision. It had to be! Yet tears burned in his eyes and a fierce trembling overtook him. He fought back the tears, and, gasping, got his breathing under control. Then his head began to swim. He couldn’t think straight. Was this decision as firm as he’d believed? Looking through the lilac bush at the porch steps, he noticed a small cluster of daffodils growing near the bush he and Catherine had fallen into not that long ago after his “identity” crisis.
He could always pull off another set of petals and perhaps change his decision.
Something in his heart twisted. Ached so badly he couldn’t take another breath. How was it possible that a heart could hurt so horribly, and yet, if a doctor took it out of the chest and examined it, it could appear completely normal? How could anything so painful appear normal? But that was exactly what he had to do. To appear, if not normal, at least indifferent. Cold. Detached. It was the only way this could work.
And then Joey’s face appeared in his mind. And his long, disappointed mouth that mumbled the word “coward.”
Daniel shook his head. “That’s not it,” he whispered. “She can’t know about this. Not now. It’d ruin her.”
Then his mother’s face formed in his mind. Mumbling something which meant the same thing, although she’d never admit it. “Quit running. Now is the time, Daniel, quit running.”
Tears once again filled Daniel’s eyes. The shaking resumed. He stared at the house, at the still broken rail, at the flowers. He wanted to trot up those stairs, fling open the door, grab Catherine into his arms and twirl her in the air once again. Tell her he loved her. Ask her to marry him.
To marry him!
To marry a walking corpse?
For that was what he was becoming, day by day, moment by moment. How selfish, how utterly wretched would it be to ask her to stay in his life in any manner at all now?
Taking a deep breath, Daniel pulled back a wad of hair from his face, steeled himself, one last time, and pulled out his cell phone. He then made a call he could not turn back from.
****
The call came when Catherine was alone. She picked up her cell, tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and hoped against hope…
“Hello?”
“Hi. It’s me.”
“Daniel.”
Long pause.
“How do you think you did on your finals?” Daniel asked.
“Not bad. I doubt I aced them, but I did okay, Catherine said, her heart beating in her ears.
“Good. I always knew you’d do well if you could focus all your time on your studies.”
“All my time? What do you mean?”
“I have to talk to you. Could I come over?”
Catherine’s heart beat a little faster at the strange monotone to Daniel’s voice. She’d hoped that not speaking to him at all for the past few days would have helped lighten him up somewhat after the tragedy of not being able to perform. Maybe he finally needed her.
“You can come right over. I’m the only one home now.”
Silence. Then, “All right.”
“Well,” Catherine’s voice lightened, “I’ll be here. See you in a little while.”
“See you in a minute.”
The knock on the door five minutes later startled Catherine. Daniel must have called her from somewhere nearby. She rushed into the bathroom, suddenly panicky. She straightened her blouse, checked her hair. In the mirror a pale, anxious face gazed back at her. She had to calm down, had to…
The knock came again. Louder.
She took several deep breaths to relax. But her legs were quivering as she went to the door. She opened it with a big smile, then the smile left her face.
Daniel looked awful. His hair was dull and matted. There were tears in the knees of his jeans. His shirttail hung out, wrinkled. He looked at her from listless eyes with dark hollows beneath them.
“May I come in?” he asked.
“Sure, of course.” Catherine held open the door as Daniel stepped inside, his hands tucked in his pockets.
Catherine closed her eyes, fighting for strength as she shut the door.
She should have expected this. What had she been thinking? Dan
iel must still be in shock. The concert’s cancellation had to still be a horrible let down.
Daniel turned to her, but his eyes seemed to stray involuntarily to the floor. “I’m not sure how to begin this, so I guess I’ll just begin.”
A dull ball of dread seemed to slide against Catherine’s heart.
“Lift still wants us to tour with them. We’ll start this weekend. I don’t know how long the tour will last. Joey’s working on some things.”
Catherine nodded. She’d known this might happen. She’d prepared for it, or so she’d thought. He could be gone for months. But the tour should have made Daniel happy. At least slightly happy. There was no hint of anything remotely happy in his voice or expression now. He seemed indifferent to everything as he gazed at her.
“We can’t see each other any more, Catherine.”
A knot jammed in Catherine’s throat. “I know. It could be months. But we can still call each other.”
“There won’t be any calls.”
Catherine’s mouth closed, then, “I know you hate it, but if texting is easier…”
“We won’t be seeing each other, or talking to each other again, or even texting. Ever.”
Catherine froze. She hadn’t heard that word, ”ever.” She’d imagined it.
“But we can call, maybe only once a week or so, maybe even once a month,” she stammered, “It won’t mess up my studies. What’s wrong with that?”
Daniel’s hands came out of his pockets. He put them on Catherine’s shoulders. He leaned in until his face was a mere six or seven inches from hers. His once wondrous eyes were streaked red.
“You’re not listening. It’s over between us, Catherine. It never could have worked. You know that. I think we’ve both known it all along.”
Catherine shook her head, bit her lip. “Don’t say that.”
“I am saying that. We’re living two completely different lives. They go in opposite directions. We’d resent each other after a while. Maybe we do already.”
Catherine’s jaw dropped. The words came hot from her mouth. “It’s Beth, isn’t it? You believe all her lies. You think I’ll ruin you. Oh, if I only knew where that horrid woman was, I’d…”
