Need You Now

by Debbi Rawlins

  They both got carried away with the kiss, but when she started to straddle him, he stopped her and steeled himself against her wounded expression.

  “Now I have something to tell you,” he said, brushing his lips over the frown lines between her brows. “Before we do anything else.”

  She nodded, watching him with a wariness that made him want to hold her in his arms and lie his ass off. He wouldn’t, and not just because this was Melanie. He might be many things but he’d never been a liar.

  “I used to go to church with my mother and sister when I was a kid. In fact, I was a regular churchgoer until I was in my twenties. We had two churches outside of town and two preachers. They both had daughters, and everyone seemed to know where they were going, what they were doing and who they were doing it with.”

  “Lucas, you don’t have to worry—”

  He put a silencing finger to her lips. “This isn’t headed where you think.” His sigh brought the wariness back to her face. “I have a good idea what it’s like for you, and there’s something you need to know about me. Just in case it comes out.” He rubbed her arm. “I’m an ex-con. I was in prison for three years. They released me thirteen months ago.”

  She seemed surprised but not shocked. The blood hadn’t drained from her face; she hadn’t leaped off the bed to run and hide or throw up. She hadn’t even pulled away. But then, maybe his words still needed to sink in.

  “That’s why I’m so passionate about the Wild Horse Training Program,” he said when she remained silent. “It saved my life.”

  She blinked. “You trained mustangs.”

  “Yep. I was involved with the program for the last two years of my sentence. I also taught other inmates how to train the horses.” Relief poured through him that she was taking it so well, but he knew she had more processing to do. “I don’t usually broadcast that I’m an ex-con. Sometimes I’ll mention it if I think it might curb someone’s bias about the program.”

  “I would imagine you’d be a shining example of its success. But I also understand why you wouldn’t want to out yourself. People can be horribly nosy and judgmental.” Rolling her eyes, she added, “Even churchgoers.”

  “You’re taking this well,” he said, studying her calm expression. He reached for her cold hand and found where her nerves were hiding. “You’re better off staying away from me. If people hear you’ve been hanging out with an ex-con, it could be bad for you. Maybe even bad for your family, too. I don’t know.”

  “You paid your debt to society, didn’t you?”

  “Yep, but for a lot of folks a prison term isn’t good enough. They think you should pay for the rest of your life.”

  She tilted her head. “Did you murder anyone?”

  He snorted. “No.”

  “Steal? Rob a bank?”

  He shook his head, wondering where she was going with this.

  “Hold someone at gunpoint? Harm a child?”

  “No,” he said, his patience fraying. Obviously, she wanted to make a point. “And if I’d said yes to any of those things?”

  “I wouldn’t have believed you.” She smiled as if she thought he was the one being naive. “If you don’t mind my asking, what were you convicted of?”

  “Does it matter?”

  “It’s just...I can’t imagine what you could’ve possibly done to get three years.”

  “Aggravated assault.”

  “Were you guilty?”

  “The state of Wyoming thought so.”

  “That’s not what I asked.”

  He released her hand and rubbed his eyes. They were in bed, both naked, having this conversation. Shit. “Technically, yes.”

  “What exactly happened?” She shifted closer, picking up his arm and putting it around her.

  The trusting gesture made his chest tighten. “I told you how I’d bought a ranch and was fixing it up. A month after I moved in, I found out that a man named Cal Jessup had been trying to buy the place for years, just like he’d bought up every other ranch in the area. He’d been feuding over water rights with the previous owner. The old guy probably would’ve taken twenty bucks from me rather than sell to Jessup.

  “He came to me with a sizable offer. Of course, I turned it down, and from that minute on, I became the enemy. I didn’t get it right away. He was cordial at first, but when he realized I was there to stay, he started playing dirty. Little things at first, petty vandalism that cost me time and money I didn’t have. Or he’d quibble about property lines, and his lawyers would send me threatening letters.” He shrugged. “Most of it I just ignored. And then he went too far.”

  Lucas briefly closed his eyes, exhaling, forcing some of the tension out of his body. Memories of that terrible day still had the power to anger him if he wasn’t careful.

  Melanie cupped his face, her soothing touch helping to neutralize the demons. “We don’t have to talk about this now,” she said softly. “Or ever.”

  Basking in her gentle smile did the trick. The brutal image faded from his mind. “I want you to know. I need to tell you.” Struck by a sudden realization, he started to shut down. Explaining would be selfish. No one wanted to hear this, especially not someone as tenderhearted as Melanie. It was far kinder to let her think what she wanted.

  “Lucas?”

  “I was wrong about telling you....” He pulled her hand away from his face. “It’s not pretty, and there’s no way to clean it up.” He tried to roll over to get out of bed but she grabbed his arm.

  Her frown was as fiercely determined as her smile had been comforting. “I don’t need pretty. Life can be messy. Horribly messy. You, of all people, understand that.”

  Dammit, even at a time like this she could tempt a smile out of him. He wondered how many people witnessed this fearless and dogged side to her. “It would hurt me to explain.”

  After studying him for a moment, she shook her head. “No, you’re trying to spare me. While I appreciate the gesture, I’m not letting you get away with it.”

  “Melanie,” he said with a warning sigh.

  “Lucas.” She echoed his warning. “Just tell me.”

  He sat back and stretched his neck to the side, but the tension wasn’t going anywhere. “Jessup and I shared a watering hole that sat on our property line. It was part of a larger spring we both used for watering our animals. That summer was freaking hot, verging on drought conditions, and more and more mustangs were depending on that watering hole.”

  Rubbing his arm when he paused, she gave him an encouraging smile. He could see her heart in her eyes, not a trace of doubt. She wanted him to unload.

  That was about to change. Only thing he could do to ease the ugliness was to not paint too vivid a picture. “I’d been mending fences in the area. They’d been neglected for years and it was taking me a while. For two weeks I passed that watering hole every day until one particular Sunday. The next Monday I rode by and saw a chain-link fence around the whole damn thing. I knew right away it was Jessup. He was always complaining about the mustangs drinking his water. I was so pissed off I tried to pull the sucker down.

  “But I needed the bolt cutters that I had in the truck. On my way back with them I saw the dead mustang. You could tell he was an old fellow and he’d been trying to get to the water.”

  Her eyes widened in horror and she clapped a hand to her mouth. He’d left out how he’d known the horse had fought desperately for water. After four years the gruesome scene was still plain as day.

  “Jessup should’ve been the one locked up,” she whispered, her eyes moist. “Why you?”

  “I had most of the fence down when he and his hired man showed up. I admit, I lost my temper. I was cussing and made some threats about what I’d do if he put the fence back up.” Lucas shrugged. “He got in my face and I threw a punch. He went down l
ong enough for me to get ahold of myself. Jessup’s twenty years my senior and overweight.... I didn’t want to seriously hurt the guy.” He snorted. “Yeah, I did, especially when he got up and kept goading me. But I didn’t. I walked away.” Surprisingly, he was finding some relief in recounting the story. “I should’ve wised up when I saw his man standing back with his arms folded, watching me slug his boss.”

  “They set you up?”

  “It was obvious, at least to me. Can’t prove it.”

  “But three years for a single punch?”

  “Jessup and his man had a different version.” Edgy again, Lucas thought longingly about a cold beer. “It’s likely I gave Jessup a black eye or a bloody nose, but he looked a whole lot worse by the time he showed up at the emergency room. Somebody else had tuned him up pretty good. Wish it had been me, but hey.”

  A brief smile lifted the corners of her lips. “I’ve never struck a living thing in my life but I think I could’ve made an exception for him.” She sank against the pillows, letting the sheet slip below her breasts. “It had to be his hired hand, and they both lied.”

  “The real kicker was the bolt cutters and the rifle in my truck. Brought the charge up to aggravated assault.”

  “What? You didn’t threaten him with the bolt cutters,” she said, and he shook his head even though she wasn’t looking for confirmation. “And every rancher I know keeps a rifle in his truck in case he has to protect his livestock.”

  “Honey, you’re preaching to the choir.” Trying to control a smile, he nuzzled the side of her neck. “Ever heard that one before?”

  “I don’t know how you can joke. Three years of your life. And that poor horse.”

  “Don’t go there.” He leaned back to look at her. Misery darkened her eyes. “Dammit, Melanie, that’s why I didn’t want to tell you. You can’t keep thinking about this.” He caught her chin and held her still. “Do you understand?”

  “But don’t you want to just—?”

  “No, I don’t. I can’t. Letting it go is the only way I can find peace.” He released her chin, afraid he might be hurting her. “Anger and wanting revenge doesn’t help.”

  “You didn’t belong in prison,” she whispered. “You were innocent.”

  She’d never know how much her support meant to him. Before she’d asked about his crime, she’d accepted his prison term as his contrition. Refused to believe him capable of a heinous criminal act. Melanie not only believed in him, but she also accepted him, warts and all.

  His throat constricted, playing hell with his ability to swallow.

  She looked up when he touched her cheek, and she gave him the sweetest smile.

  “So what now?” he asked when he could trust his voice to sound normal. What happened next, tomorrow... It was up to her.

  “I say we stick to the plan.”

  “Refresh my memory.”

  With a mock glare, she said, “You leave before dark.”

  “And?”

  She laughed, burying her face against his shoulder, her blush warm on his skin. “We stay in bed until then.”

  Lucas clutched her hair and tilted her head back until he could look into her warm brown eyes. He wasn’t trying to embarrass her—she was beautiful when she blushed. But that wasn’t the only reason he couldn’t look away. He wanted to remember how her eyes hadn’t changed after she knew the truth. How she’d accepted him, believed in him.

  He lowered his mouth, tasting her sweet generous lips and then her tongue, pleased at her eager response. Bending her knee, she moved her thigh up toward his cock. She stopped short, but he knew it was a logistical problem and not hesitance.

  Anyway, he wasn’t in a hurry. The loving had happened too quickly the first time. He wanted to use this second chance to do it right, explore every inch of her body and give her pleasure. And if she wanted to stay exactly as they were, he wouldn’t mind that, either. It felt good just to hold her.

  She broke the kiss and smiled when he tightened his arm around her. “What you said earlier about preferring to keep your past private... It’s better you don’t say anything.” Her gaze flickered. “Yes, for me, but also your program. I’d like to believe no one would judge us—” she sighed “—but we have to be realistic. If the board has to be involved—”

  “I know,” he said, cutting her off because he could see she didn’t want to talk about this, and he didn’t, either. “I agree. We keep this to ourselves.”

  Smiling, she slid her arms around his neck and he held her close. He had to hand it to her—she didn’t seem naive about people being hypocrites, even decent God-fearing people. But he didn’t care about them. Something else was starting to gnaw at him. He hoped it wasn’t shock that had tempered her reaction. When the haze cleared and she was alone with her thoughts, there was no telling how she’d feel tomorrow.

  12

  THE NEXT AFTERNOON Melanie stood at the office window watching Lucas work on the new corral. Monday was a regularly scheduled day for her and the students to come to Safe Haven, and thank goodness for that. She’d barely made it through morning classes in a coherent state. She doubted that even the sophomore girls were as silly about their dates as she was being, replaying every detail from last night ad nauseam.

  Melanie really needed to get a grip. It sure didn’t help that he was working without a shirt. But she was an adult, a professional, and she needed to step away from the window. Go back to the desk. Better yet, check on the students working in the barn and quarantine stable, inventorying meds with Kathy. The farther Melanie got away from Lucas, the better. Shea would be arriving in about an hour, and there was still so much to do.

  She heard the door open and she guiltily turned around. “David? What are you doing here?”

  Dressed in his customary conservative suit and boring tie, his expression noncommittal, her boss glanced around the small office without answering. Not that it mattered. She knew with dreaded certainty that he’d heard she’d had Lucas over last night. That was the only reason for David to show up like this. He wanted to see for himself if anything was going on.

  Finally he decided to give her his attention. He found her waiting with her arms crossed and lifted his brows. She wasn’t happy and she didn’t care if he knew it. If this was about Lucas, and she couldn’t imagine anything but, it was none of David’s business.

  “I was hoping to talk to you before you left school today,” he said. “But apparently you were in a rush.”

  “You were in a meeting, and I left the same time I always do.” It was a tiny, tiny lie. More like a fib. But what was five minutes? “You could’ve called.”

  “You don’t always answer.”

  Tempted by sarcasm, she refrained from responding to the subtle reprimand. “Well, you found me. What can I do for you?”

  He smiled pleasantly enough before he moved toward the window.

  No. Not there.

  She tried to swallow but her mouth was suddenly dry. “I assume you came to see what the kids have been doing out here,” she said affably. “You should’ve come earlier for our session on animal husbandry. Right now most of them are helping in the barn and quarantine stable. I’ll show you—”

  “Do you really think it’s proper for that man to be working without a shirt?” he asked, frowning, and boy, did he not want to hear her answer. “After all, you have impressionable teenage girls here under your supervision.”

  “For heaven’s sake, he’s practically old enough to be their father,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Besides, the girls aren’t working anywhere near him.”

  The condescending lift of his brow didn’t bode well. Reluctantly, Melanie joined him at the window. “Dammit, Chelsea,” she muttered.

  Realizing what she’d said, she held her breath. It wasn’t anything horribl
e, but she never used that language. And David knew it. Great. She’d given him something else to blame on Lucas.

  She refused to look at David. “Chelsea is not supposed to leave her assigned area. She knows better. I’ll go deal with it.”

  David stopped her from leaving. She met his eyes, then glanced at the hand he’d laid on her arm. “I thought you knew better, as well,” he said, his touch turning a bit possessive. “You’ve done a lot of good work with the students here. If you remember, you met with opposition from some of the parents, but I supported you. You’ve expressed interest in expanding the program. I can’t fathom why you’d want to jeopardize all you’ve accomplished. Or hope to.”

  Panic and fear battled with anger inside her. She believed she grasped his meaning but prayed she was wrong. “You’re aware of how much I appreciate you going to bat for me.” Melanie moved her arm so he had no choice but to release her. “What I don’t understand is how Chelsea’s minor infraction could endanger a program we both know is invaluable to these kids.”

  “This isn’t about a student’s disobedience,” he said, studying her with an intense and unnerving curiosity. “If you truly don’t understand what’s going on, I strongly suggest you give it some thought.”

  She watched him adjust the knot in his tie, something he did when he was agitated. Perhaps he was trying to decide if she was being deliberately obtuse or whether he should give her the benefit of the doubt. Normally, she could read him more easily.

  Other than the reference to the kids’ tenuous Safe Haven project, he’d been vague and careful. He’d said nothing about her career or reputation being on the line, nor had he even hinted at the personal relationship he wanted with her. However tempted she was to force him to own up to the veiled threat, one of them had to back down. Unfortunately, she had the most to lose.

  Soon Lucas would be gone. She hoped that didn’t mean she’d never see him again, but was that realistic? Or just wishful thinking? Or perhaps crazy thinking, considering what he’d told her last night. She felt no differently toward him. If anything, he’d gone up in her estimation. He’d paid a huge price for doing the right thing, for doing what she herself would’ve done. At least, she wanted to believe she had that kind of courage.