Need You Now

by Debbi Rawlins

  She gasped when he spun her over so she was beneath him. No more teasing. He needed her too much, and from the wild look in her eyes, she was on the same page.

  “I want—”

  “Take it,” she whispered.

  He nabbed a condom and somehow lived through the long seconds it took to put it on. The whole time, he looked into her eyes, drowning and not caring. The pull to be around her, in her, was a force he barely understood.

  As he thrust into her wet heat, he took her mouth in a bruising kiss, and despite the danger of hoping for too much, all he could think was Mine.

  * * *

  SOMEHOW, THEY MADE IT to the prison and past the first security point on time. They signed in and presented their IDs. Even Lucas had turned over his driver’s license since it was a matter of protocol for any visitor. He knew all but one guard, who was new. Employees here at Wilcox tended to be lifers. Good thing he’d gotten along well with most of them. They hadn’t been surprised to see him. Obviously, word had spread that Lucas was the reason the warden was coming in on his day off.

  He lightly touched Melanie’s lower back, steering her toward the hall that led to the warden’s office. “You nervous?”

  “No.” She turned to him. “Should I be?”

  The door clanged shut behind them, and she jumped.

  He managed a smile, but he’d about leaped out of his skin himself. The sound vividly reminded him of lockdown. You never knew how or when the confinement ended. Whether you’d be stuck for hours or days without seeing the sun or getting any fresh air because some hothead had threatened a guard.

  As the hall veered right, he lowered his hand. They’d talked about keeping a professional front. No one needed to know how he felt about her. Hell, he wasn’t even sure how he felt about her. He had a damn good inkling. He just didn’t know what he should do about it.

  The institutional smell still got to him. But then, he could be two hundred miles away and swear the stink of disinfectant and desperation still clung to the air. He wondered if that would ever go away.

  He spotted a familiar figure coming toward them and grinned. “Hey, Charlie, how’s the arm?”

  The older guard had been too busy eyeing Melanie to notice Lucas. At the sound of his voice, Charlie scowled and rolled his shoulder. “It does just fine until some knucklehead reminds me I should’ve had that surgery by now.” He stopped in front of them and offered a toothy grin to Melanie.

  She smiled back, and man, if that didn’t put a twinkle in the old guy’s eye.

  He extended a hand to Lucas. “Good to see you, son. Usually I’m off today. I would’ve hated to miss you.”

  “I figured you’d retired by now.”

  Charlie snorted. “That ain’t gonna work out. I mention the R word and the missus starts making lists of everything that needs fixing.” He rubbed a hand over his bald pate. “Nooo, if I’m gonna bust my rump, I might as well get paid for it.”

  “Smart man.” Lucas clapped him on his good shoulder. “Well, we gotta go. We’re here to see Jack.”

  “Yeah, he’s back there. If you’ve got time before you leave, find me. Nice meeting you, ma’am.”

  Lucas got them moving again, then said to Melanie, who was watching him with a puzzled expression, “I didn’t introduce you on purpose. I start doing that with every guy who wants to shoot the breeze and we’d be here all day.”

  She resumed walking alongside him. “Jack?” she said. “As in Warden Fowler?”

  “Yep. Sometimes I call him Warden, sometimes Jack. Especially when I’m talking to someone like Charlie. He and the warden go way back. Why? Does it bother you?”

  “No, of course not, but I am surprised.”

  Another guard passed them. Lucas greeted him by name, and Roger mentioned how everyone still missed seeing him in the library.

  Melanie glanced over her shoulder. “These men are all guards, right?” She waited for him to nod. “This is crazy. They’re treating you like you’re a former frat brother.”

  They’d just reached the deserted reception area. The warden’s office sat in the back, and before Lucas could respond, the door opened. Dressed casually in jeans and a brown knit shirt, Jack walked toward them.

  “I thought I heard your voice. Always good to see you, Sloan,” he said. He shook hands with both of them and introduced himself to Melanie. He wasn’t much of a talker, friendly but to the point. “You mind heading over to the farm right away?”

  “Let’s go,” Lucas said, anxious to be outdoors. He honestly hadn’t thought coming back would bother him, though he suspected his unease had more to do with what Melanie might be thinking.

  “I hate rushing you folks but I promised my grandsons a day of fishing.” For a short guy, the warden moved fast.

  “Hey, we appreciate you taking the time,” Lucas said. “I’ll be honest with you, Warden. Melanie doesn’t need convincing. It’s some of her board members who aren’t sure.”

  “There always has to be someone in the bunch.” Jack smiled at Melanie as he held open a door for them. “So it’s your job to report back and win them over.”

  She nodded. “I’m going to do my best.”

  “I’ve had my secretary compile statistics on the lower recidivism rates, an accounting of the money the program brings in and an explanation as to how candidates are chosen to do the training. Hopefully, that’ll give you some help.”

  Lucas followed Melanie outside and deeply inhaled the crisp morning air. He’d always preferred the outdoors, but after being cooped up for three years, not much compared to blue sky and a mountain breeze.

  Jack was watching him, a small knowing smile deepening the grooves in his weathered cheeks. The warden didn’t miss much—good thing, given the nature of his job. Unfortunately, he’d also noticed the protective hand Lucas had absently pressed to Melanie’s back.

  Pretending their relationship was strictly professional was a smart idea. But he knew he’d screw up. After this morning, he desperately wanted to touch her, whether it was her arm, her face, her hair....

  “Oh.” Her eyes widened with delight at the handsome black stallion being led out of the stable for his training.

  “That young fella is going to fetch a nice price at next month’s auction.” Jack squinted against the sun’s glare. “So is the chestnut gelding coming out behind him.”

  “They’re beautiful. Both of them.” She reached for Lucas’s hand and entwined it with hers.

  He just smiled and squeezed.

  * * *

  BY THE TIME Melanie realized what she’d done, it was too late. The warden and the men leading the horses had seen her grab Lucas’s hand. She promptly let go and muttered, “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” he whispered. “I’m sure they would’ve figured it out anyway.”

  The warden graciously ignored her faux pas and went on to explain what to expect on the tour. She tried to concentrate on what he was saying, but she was distracted by Lucas’s comment. Why would anyone think they were involved?

  “...with the corrals and equipment sheds in the back but I’m guessing you’re more interested in the training,” the warden was saying, and she forced herself to pay attention.

  The stable looked freshly painted, and the barn roof was definitely new. All the buildings seemed to be in terrific condition. Better than Safe Haven, even with its recent infusion of cash. There was more lawn than gravel, something she envied, the grass neatly mowed and trimmed and still very green for late September.

  Warden Fowler explained that they had several areas for training, both outside and indoors, and led them toward a large building that looked like a warehouse. Near the double doors, two men wearing faded chambray shirts were unloading boxes from a trailer. They stopped to stare at Melanie.

  She managed
to give them a smile and felt horrible for feeling so nervous. Yes, they were obviously inmates, but she had nothing to fear from them.

  “All right, fellas, keep working,” the warden said drily. “We know you’ve seen a woman before.”

  “Not one this pretty.” The taller burly man gave her a crooked grin and pulled off his beanie.

  Melanie blushed, and Lucas slid his arm around her.

  Glancing at Lucas, the man’s face lit with surprise. “Hey, Sloan. I didn’t even see you.”

  “Yeah, I noticed,” Lucas said with wry, faint humor. “She’s taken. Find your own woman, Dawson.”

  The warden and the other inmate laughed.

  “That was low,” Dawson said in a gruff voice, though there was no hostility in his face. “I didn’t expect that from you.”

  “Sorry, buddy, I wasn’t thinking.” Grinning, Lucas lowered his arm from her shoulders. “You’re outta here soon, right?”

  Dawson pressed his palms together as if in prayer, briefly glancing skyward. “The good Lord willin’.” He cast an exaggerated look of fondness at the warden. “And with my friend Warden Fowler’s recommendation.”

  “So why haven’t you gotten back to work?” the warden asked, his stern expression not fooling anyone.

  “Yes, sir.” Dawson stuck the beanie back on his head. “We got some real good tack this time if you wanna have a look-see later.”

  “Monday,” Jack said, already moving on. “I’m going fishing.”

  “See ya, Sloan.” Dawson stooped to heft a box. “Hopefully on the outside.”

  “Call when you get out. You have my number.” Lucas was touching her lower back again and guiding her toward the double doors.

  “’Bye, pretty lady.”

  Melanie laughed and lifted her hand in a small wave. Lucas was smiling at her. “What?”

  “Nothing.” Nothing her foot. She knew that amused look of his, but she could hardly make an issue of it in front of the warden.

  “Those boxes the men were unloading are donations,” Jack said once they were inside. “The ranchers around here are good about sending over used jeans, boots and tack that’s still in decent condition.”

  “Nice that you have their support.” She glanced around, amazed at the huge arena, the rows of ascending bleachers on three sides.

  “Primarily the training is done outside. During inclement weather or if there’s a difficult stallion, we use this area.” The warden gestured to a man working with a paint. “We hold the auctions here, as well. On any given adoption day, it’s not unusual to have over a hundred people packed in here. Some are looking to bid, but a lot of them just come to watch. They like seeing what the prisoners have accomplished.” He paused, watching the trainer and horse with pride. “We’re small potatoes compared to some of the other prison farms, but we do all right.”

  “Well, damn,” Lucas muttered, and she turned and followed his gaze to another man on the opposite side of the arena running a currycomb over a roan colt. “Good for Diego. He finally got admitted into the program. Is this his first horse?”

  “Second, I believe.” They watched in silence for a few moments. “Too bad Bob isn’t here—Baker’s in charge of this particular program,” the warden added for Melanie’s benefit. “He knows the details better than I do. Naturally, I had to force him to take vacation this week,” he said wryly, then glanced at Lucas. “You probably know more than I do.”

  He shrugged. “Look, Jack, you gave us the official meet and greet, which we appreciate. Melanie knows enough about how the program works. If you don’t mind us poking around by ourselves, you should take off. Make Charlie babysit us if you don’t feel comfortable giving me free—”

  The warden snorted a laugh as if the notion was absurd. He glanced at his watch. “You know how strongly I feel about the program.” He looked at Melanie. “I’d hate to duck out early if I can help with something that might convince your people.”

  “I love seeing the program in action, and hopefully, my enthusiasm will carry over when I report to the board. But I agree with Lucas. Don’t keep your grandsons waiting.”

  Jack smiled. “Tell you what—you folks take your time and I’ll leave that paperwork in the reception area. And if you still have board members straddling the fence, feel free to have them call me. I’ll do what I can to put any fears to rest.”

  “Thank you,” Melanie said, knowing there was no way she could allow anyone other than Shea to speak with the warden. Ridiculous. A grown woman worrying about people knowing she had a boyfriend. Though she really didn’t know what she and Lucas were to each other.

  Right before the warden left, she overheard him quietly tell Lucas that if he had time, someone named Watson could use his advice because his public defender was an idiot. Lucas nodded and agreed to call as they shook hands.

  Once they were on their own, they sat on the bleachers and watched the horses and trainers go through their paces. Lucas told her what he knew of the prisoners, how they’d change as time went by, and she was very impressed with how much pride was in each one of them.

  And Lucas... He was amazing in so many ways a woman would have to be crazy or stupid not to want him. She was neither, and with sudden clarity she knew she had some changes to make. There was something fundamentally wrong in hiding her feelings for a good man like Lucas. It was time her parents and everyone else realized she was a normal, red-blooded woman entitled to her own life.

  They took the same route back to the office to pick up the paperwork the warden had left for them. The statistics were going to be helpful, especially for the board members who were on the fence. There wasn’t much new, aside from the setup, that she’d learned from the warden, but coming here had been tremendously valuable all the same. She’d never have gotten the feel of what the program accomplished in any other way.

  It was almost two o’clock when they finally climbed into the truck. Melanie was exhausted from too little sleep and information overload, but that didn’t stop her mind from racing with questions. None of which pertained to the Wild Horse Training Program.

  As soon as they’d arrived, she’d realized that she’d subconsciously been stewing, fretting that seeing him in the prison environment would be depressing. She’d never expected the opposite to be true.

  “Hey, pretty lady.”

  She turned to him with a laugh.

  “How’s my girl?” he asked, leaning over the console, his blue eyes full of sexy mischief.

  She reared back a breath away from his kiss. “Your girl?”

  “That’s what everyone in there thinks.”

  Her heart thudded. “And you?”

  “Me?” He slid a hand behind her neck. “I think I might kidnap you,” he murmured and brushed his warm lips across hers.

  “Keep that up and I might let you,” she whispered, her voice garbled against his mouth. More and more it seemed she had no willpower when it came to Lucas. No common sense. No self-preservation. The situation was becoming quite desperate, she thought vaguely when she heard a nearby car door slam and blithely ignored it.

  He startled her by breaking the kiss. His hand moved from her neck to cup the side of her face. “I’ve changed my mind,” he said, searching her eyes. “I want to show you my ranch.”

  * * *

  LUCAS KNEW WHAT he would find, and yet seeing the barn door sagging from its hinges, half the corral posts lying in the dirt and the grain shed leaning to the left still got to him. Aware that Melanie was watching him, he parked the truck in front of the modest brick house with the long porch he’d built himself. Peggy had always wanted a wraparound porch, but he’d run out of wood and money and figured he’d extend it later, after they were married.

  “We can go inside,” he said, opening his door. “But I’ll warn you, there isn’t much furnitu
re, and the kitchen isn’t equipped. A few basic cooking utensils, but that’s it.”

  “And here I thought you were going to whip me up a gourmet lunch.” She rolled her eyes and climbed out. “Oh, what a cool weather vane,” she said, staring up at the barn roof.

  He smiled. The place was falling down around them and she noticed the copper horse. “I want to have a look at the porch steps before we go inside, make sure nothing’s rotted. They should’ve had another coat of seal before...life got interrupted.”

  She came around the hood of the truck, put her arms around his waist and studied the front of the house. “Cute place. I love the green shutters. Did you do that?”

  Nodding, he pushed his fingers through her hair, liking how the sun brought out wisps of honey-colored highlights.

  Her eyes drifted closed for a moment. Then she tilted her head back to look at him. “If this gets too hard for you, we leave, okay?”

  “When I first got out, coming here was tough. I knew the livestock had been turned over to Jessup as restitution, and man, did that piss me off.” He surveyed the barn, which had doubled as a stable until he could build one. “But I’m fine. These are just things. They can be repaired or replaced.”

  She sighed. “It’ll take quite a bit of money, but then, you don’t have to rush, either.”

  “Money isn’t a problem. It’s not as if I’m loaded but I have a small inheritance from my grandmother. Enough to fix up the place and buy more livestock...if that’s what I decide to do.”

  “Your grandmother died while you were in prison?” she asked, her eyes wide.

  “She’d already been suffering from dementia by the time I went to trial. Kind of a mixed blessing since she had no idea what was going on. I still wish I could’ve gone to her funeral.” He saw the moist sympathy in Melanie’s eyes and let her go so he could check the steps. No use getting emotional along with her.

  “I’m so sorry, Lucas.”

  “Yeah, me too.” Crouching, he tested the wood’s condition. “It’s going to be warm inside. The windows are locked tight to keep out critters.”