That threatened to set me off again, but I manned up and held it back. “Yeah, well, don’t expect to see another episode like that soon. I’m not the crying type.”
He shook his head in amusement. “Always the tough guy. You don’t need to be anymore, remember?”
I snorted through my blocked nose. “I’ve blown my circus street cred to hell and shown these people I’ve been living with I’m human.” I waved out to the ring where no one was paying me any attention. “I think you can leave me with pretending I still have my tough guy dignity.”
He cradled my face in his hands and kissed me, deep, passionate, and with a sense of hunger that made my groin burn and my skin tingle. It was only because I couldn’t breathe, as my blocked nose shut off all air, that I pulled away.
“Much as I love your kisses,” I gasped. “Remember, I’ve been living on air? I kinda like it.”
We both smiled at the words I’d spat at him that night he’d first found out about my cutting.
“So, are you ready to leave all this behind?” Rhys waved around us. His tone was uncertain, as if he’d expected me to change my mind.
I stared around at the place that held so many memories and nodded. “I’m ready. Time to make new memories.”
We stood up, hand in hand, and made our way into the throng of people I was leaving behind, but would never forget.
Epilogue
Edinburgh was everything I thought it would be. Vibrant, noisy, and the best thing about it was it had Rhys in it. Two weeks ago, I’d been living in a motorhome in a circus and now I was in Rhys’s palatial spare room with a king-size bed and an actual wardrobe for the few clothes I had. Greta had insisted I take my circus costumes with me and my Air Dancer cloak hung on the back of the bedroom door like the robe of a boxer, ready to whisk off and wear.
There’d been plenty more tears when Rhys and I had left Trazellas, but they were part sad and happy. Greta was bringing the circus up to Scotland in a few months’ time, so we’d get together again then.
We were going to visit Rhys’s family in a few weeks’ time and while I was nervous about it, I looked forward to meeting them—and seeing the irrepressible pig, Bunter.
Rhys walked in behind me as I unpacked. “You settling in okay? The bedroom suitable?”
He pulled me against his front as his eyes surveyed my room and he kissed the back of my neck with warm lips.
I’d agreed to stay with him until we found the right place for me to rent and a studio that fit my needs for what I wanted to do business wise. He’d been a little put out when I’d said I’d rather have my own room to begin with, and we could play at sneaking into each other’s when the need arose.
Rhys wasn’t happy with the idea of my finding my own place, and from the manipulative gleam I’d seen in his eyes, he intended prolonging my time with him until I found it difficult to leave.
I could live with that. Every day that went by I was feeling more at home in my skin, and who knew what the future held?
I leaned into him, loving the way his body pressed harder against mine. “Everything is dandy. It’s perfect.”
He bit my ear gently. “I still wish you’d move into my room. Can I convince you maybe?” His hand brushed over my belly, down to my groin. My cock was half hard, and I chuckled.
“Baby, I need to acclimatise to everything.” I turned to face him, feeling his groin hard against mine. “And yes, I know you’ve worried I want a safe space to cut, and I won’t tell you that isn’t going to happen. This isn’t a quick fix ‘love conquers all’ situation and I’m still messed up. And sex wise, ditto. These fucking antidepressants make it difficult to get a hard-on, but we can work on that. I think this is a better solution short-term, so I can figure stuff out.”
He’d gone quiet, his eyes looking downward, and I nudged his chin to make him look at me. “Is that okay?” I asked hesitantly. “I know it’s a lot to put up with, but we talked about this before I moved in—”
He put a finger over my mouth. “It’s not that. It’s that you called me baby, which rocked, and you mentioned the L word. You’ve never done that before.”
My face flushed. Huh. That was true.
“Yeah, well, you know, we’re a couple now, and I like calling you baby. You say it to me so I’m returning the favour. And you know,” I shrugged awkwardly as his face creased in a smile, “I do, you know, love you. I thought that was a given seeing as how I—”
He stopped me right there by pushing me back onto my bed and straddling my body. His arse ground against my groin and I grabbed hold of his hips. His hands went either side of my head as he took control and took my mouth possessively, aggressively, and I loved every fucking minute of it. I moaned when he drew his mouth away from mine and stared down into my eyes.
“I’ll take that rather awkward declaration from you as a start,” he whispered as he fluttered kisses across my cheeks and temple. His eyes shone in delight. “And I don’t think we’ll have too much issue with the whole ‘can’t get hard’ issue. It feels fine from where I’m sitting.”
My answer was to draw him down for another kiss, closing my eyes as I took in the sounds of traffic outside through the open window, the scent of the man I’d just confessed to loving, revelling in the warmth of my soul as it basked in his adoration.
We’d be okay, Rhys and me. I was where I needed to be and while everything wasn’t perfect, and there were still things I needed to deal with, I knew that with him by my side, I’d make it.
Someone, I forget who, had once said, “Time is a circus, always packing up and moving away.”
Only this time, I left my past and my old life behind me, and I had a new circus now, with a man I hoped would forever be a part of it.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Susan writes steamy, sexy, and fun contemporary gay romance stories, some suspenseful, some gritty and dark, and others just plain ahhhh.
She loves being part of ‘stuff’ and embraces challenges, finding it difficult to say no to exciting ventures. That’s probably why she’s also Editor-in-Chief at Divine Magazine, an online LGBTQ e-zine, and she is a Charity Board trustee at The Being Me Campaign in London. The LGBTQI community and world diversity are the two things she’s truly passionate about, apart from her writing and her poor hard done by, eye-rolling, but incredibly supportive family.
Lover of angst and conflict, she enjoys putting her characters through the emotional wringer and bringing them out the other side with an HEA or at the very least, a HFN.
She’s passionate about research for her books and has stayed in a circus, taken lessons from a blind person on how it feels to be non-sighted, and travelled to a lighthouse with maintenance crew to see first-hand what it’s like inside. She’s also written a screenplay with Hollywood actor and heartthrob Nicholas Downs, with a view to taking her book, Sight Unseen, to the big screen. It’s a huge project, but she’s loved every minute.
Susan attained PAN status with the Romance Writers of America with her first M/M book, Stripped Bare. She’s currently a member of The Society of Authors in the UK and the Authors Guild in the US. She enjoys being a member of Queer Romance Ink, All Author, Book + Main Bites and the Paranormal Romance Guild.
Check out her website at www.authorsusanmacnicol.com for links to these sites and to sign up to her newsletter to get the latest news.
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