by Zelda Knight
"I have the area prepared,” Titania spoke once done. She placed the cigar on the rum glass to puff out a lovely ring of smoke. “I also can open pathways if need be, given my patron deity is Papa Legba.”
"How does that work?” I asked.
“Papa Legba is the guardian of pathways, one of the ways I speak to the dead, and can open gateways between worlds,” she explained. It was enough. Even if I couldn’t, maybe she could open up a gate enough for me to speak with my gods. I can see why the Song sent me the information to talk with her directly instead of someone else.
"Now, what do I need to do?” I asked.
“Now, we speak with anyone close by who wants to speak with us,” Titania said.
Just that easy, she made it sound so plain, and simple. See if anyone was around. See if any of my Gods would speak to me. One of the true Naga. The Naga we should be, the Naga I wanted to be. I took a long breath, felt a tight hug from Lou before she released me with just a whisper of love that wrapped itself around my frantically beating heart.
I entered the circle across from Titania, feeling the spark of magic over my body. I took in the foreign magic. I was breathing in the clean air, the spicy edge lacing everything within the ring. I blinked through the magic, it started foggy from my disuse, but I began to filter bits and pieces of auras through my vision. I could feel the twinges waterfall over my exposed skin, through my blood. The rush came through me- magic in its purist form. Oh, I missed it, the thrill of it all washing over me. I had dabbled, played, cast spells, and shifted, but this was levels above what I played with. I filled my lungs with magic, my soul, my everything. It took several minutes to adjust to feel normal, well, the new normal with magic this intense.
Titania took my hands, showing me the patterns of the general ritual to opening. Her rituals involve dancing, movements I didn’t expect, and patterns completely foreign but oddly familiar to me. They might be different culturally; we followed the waves of magic, the ebbs, and flows. I began to hear the music in the air from somewhere deep within the spiritual realm. Not the music of my people, drums, rhythmic drums. Patterns, chants, and other instruments I could feel ghosting over my skin, aura, and deep into my bones.
I began to awaken. Something slumbering inside of me began to awaken from a deep sleep. The serpent uncoiled, not just my Naga that I could be since I will always be the shift. Something I had forgotten began to stir. I began to wake up, something I had allowed to sleep. Titania came close. I could see her deep blue-purple magic-coated eyes in their full impact—God touched, like me. We were similar in that aspect.
"Your eyes are opening,” she spoke. “The gate is open.”
Her hand was wide with her arms, holding metaphysically and almost physically a gateway between the realms. I could see the outline finally of an aura. Pieces of the shifting cobalt, emerald, and gold veins shimmer around her. An atmosphere about time. It wasn’t as visible as it should be, but it was something. I began to see the outline of the gateway Titania held open. The simple doorway, nothing as unbelievable as I had imagined.
The gateway shimmered with a loud crackling noise. Nothing came out. I stared at the portal, nothing.
“Holy shit,” I heard Lou. I turned to see the man leaning against a staff puffing the cigar from the circle. His worn straw hat and simple clothing were utterly understated, but he stood in the middle of the ring, only a pair of steps from me. I never heard him arrive. He didn’t even seem to breathe except to take in the puffs of his cigar.
"Papa Legba, welcome,” Titania spoke. She bowed to the man, and I followed suit. Titania began to speak in rapid Spanish, hopefully explaining why we have called forth a deity to a backyard. Something not suited for him, I hadn’t set up anything suitable for a deity. I waited in reverence until Titania finished speaking. Papa Legba turned to stare at me with ancient eyes.
"They never stop waiting to speak with you, child,” the old man spoke to me. His deep voice wrapped through me; I could feel it over every part of my body. It was utterly inhuman. The voices of Gods hit people differently than others. He held back his power, not hurting us, but it affected us. “Reach out, and trust yourself.”
With that, the pop noise occurred, and the power level dropped. The man, cigar, and rum were gone, just leaving the cloying scent of smoke behind on the breeze. At a loss for words, I watched the area with the smoke fading.
"What the holy fuck,” Lou exclaimed. “Was that what I think it was?”
"Yes, Lou,” I replied, as my brain continued to process. Could it be true, I had not been stripped of my abilities. Was it all a lie? I dropped to the ground, slammed my butt to the grass in surprise. It came up too fast; it sent ripples through my back.
“No, Lou, you can’t cross the circle,” Titania spoke up. I didn’t know what Lou was doing. I didn’t know anything. I was whole, abandoned.
"Is she hurt? Check on her T,” Lou shouted, sounding way too close. I still didn’t move. I didn’t understand what it meant.
“I will, but if you break the circle, we will have to start from scratch, and the gate is open,” Titania spoke. Words kept washing past me, drifting like water over rocks. “We must proceed with caution in case something comes through.
“I will stay here, but please, take care of Devi,” Lou’s words came through.
I felt a hand on my back, doing something, checking me, something that would make sense in this whirlwind. Not alone, the Gods, they are here. I could reach them.
Those sons of bitches lied. Of course, they lied. Tears started streaming down my face, angel kisses drenching my face, shedding things in a positive light instead of the pain I had expected. Someone reached out and took my hand, an unknown hand. Not the familiar one of Lou. I looked to see rings; Lou never wore rings.
“Devi,” Titania spoke in a low voice.
"I’m back,” I replied in the same reverent tones. “It is not what I expected.”“It never is,” she gave as an answer, like it was a fact we should all know. I might not always understand, but I know now. That should count for something. It might not save me, but it gave me a sign of hope. I had to get up and do what I used to do. See if I could still talk to my Goddess.
“We are the playthings of the gods.”
By Roger Ebert
* * *
Kneeling on the grass, I felt restored. I was mediating, returning to my center. I reached out with my senses, all of them. I was feeling the heat around me. I could feel Titania relatively standing; still, Lou pacing wide circles, the plant life, the insects, the few animals, the heat fading from the earth below me, the magic pulsing, and the ebbs and flows of life. Understanding heat was part of my nature. I might be cooler than everyone around me. I could smell the world, feel the colors, and the magic. The glorious magic began to seep back into the world again.
‘Devishi,’ whispered on the wind. My name, my full name. The name no one in America called me, no one from this life knew. A name technically stripped from me. I went by Devi. Given it was familiar enough, I felt I could claim it without drawing attention to myself. ‘Where did you go?’
"I was banished,” I replied to the wind. To the air, to the world as a whole. “They stripped me of everything, sent me into the world as nothing. I survived and became something new.”
'Devishi, we always have been here. They had no power. We chose who hears us,’ the voice spoke. The voice I had always hear from home. The voice of the Goddess. ‘You have returned.’
"I am here,” I replied. I felt it deep in my bones that I have returned. “They are coming for me.”
'They are already here,’ the voice warned. ‘They need you; you are correct on what they need, you alone are our Voice,’
"They are in the city?” I asked. They came early. I should not be surprised. They would seek a location to search the ground, learn the area, and find any weakness they could use to come for me. I know what they needed. They needed me to listen and see what the Gods said. “You won’t sp
eak to them?”
'They are here, and no, we won’t speak with them.’
“So, they have figured out they need me and are willing to steal me to get what they want,” I spoke out loud. “I can’t go back. I am sorry. I can’t live there. You need a new Voice amongst the Nest.”
'You are our choice,’ the voice insisted.
"I can’t go back there,” I spoke. I paused before I found the correct phrase. “No, I could go back, but I won’t go back there. They treat us horribly and do such monstrous things to us. Why, why is this allowed? Why do you allow this to go on?”
‘We allow nothing. Humans have free will Voice,’ she replied. ‘We do not speak to them.’
“Back when I was there, they treat us women like animals. We were slaves. Worse, they treated the animals better. Even a priestess like me was abused, and—” I couldn’t continue. Tears dropped before I could touch the fragments of what forced memories attempted to bleed upward. The caves we lived in, under the ancient temples were so small, several of us had to cram into the little area, sharing what meager food we had. The fear, the dripping fear of who might be forced out that evening. I was praying to anyone that would listen, only getting that it was for a reason. To wait, patiently. And we did, we waited, survived for who knows how long. It was one of the reasons I didn’t know how old I was. Time didn’t feel real when we were in the caverns below the ancient temple.
'Traditions, the priests said it was tradition,’ I heard the words.
"I will never return to that tradition. Pick another Voice,” I spoke. I must have screamed, shouted. Something. I had arms wrapped around me from Titania, holding me in a hug or something to stop me. I heard Lou howl, slamming against the wall of a circle that shimmered where she hit the magical barrier. I jerked, as did Titania. I thought she could get through. The ring wasn’t supposed to be solid to us. Were we trapped?
"You can’t have her,” Lou screams through the growling. “Fuck you, whoever you are.”
‘You are our Voice,’ the Goddess spoke calmly once again.
"I can’t be the Voice,” I cried out again. I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t return, I couldn’t be that person, I wouldn’t. “I won’t go there. This is my home, here in this city.”
"What the hell are they saying to her?” Lou demanded.
“They keep repeating she is their Voice. I can’t tell if there is more than one or not. It is too loud,” Titania spoke over the repeating voice, all saying you are ours over and over. It wouldn’t stop. I felt the pounding through my head, soul, everywhere. Suddenly I was released, floating through the air.
Magic soaring through me, unlocking the pieces within me that I had locked, or I had thought were locked away. I began to shift, my legs becoming solid, turning back into a long serpentine tail. Scales rippled through my limbs, turning me from fully human into a partial snake. I felt the ground with the tips of my tail.
The magic cut off, dropping me from the air. The swirls stop, as the air becomes thick with humidity. I had to catch myself with my tail and hands before I slammed into the ground. I caught myself and reoriented myself. I used my tail to wrap around and curl. Titania was close, sweating and panting. I reached down to help hold her up. She finished closing the circle. The strange reverberating buzzing noise rang through. Lou ran in, running her hand over my scales, muttering my name to come to help me hold up Titania, who had fainted in my arms. Thankful, Lou took her to place her on the ground, allowing me to focus to shift back down to my human form. The forced shift into my Naga body had uncomfortably broken and reformed me. I might be healed again, but everything hurt. I needed to return back to my human form in order to handle one last situation.
"Lou, I will be shifting again. This will hurt. Please help her,” I spoke in tones foreign to my ears. I had to remember to talk in English instead of Hindi. My whole body changed in Naga form. My senses became more apparent. I could see further and see well through the night and feel the pressure changes. None of the Nest scents were in the region. They hadn’t been stalking my home yet.
I left the circle, recentered myself to ignore all the new information to start shifting myself correctly. Not being forced but smoothly and on my terms. I pulled the scales back within me, sucking back the height and tail and tearing apart the legs until I became fully human again. I lay naked in the grass. I ruined another lovely outfit, more a shame about the bra since finding one that fit properly was always a pain in the butt.
Lou lifted my head onto her warm legs to start giving me water. She used her bandana to wipe the sweat off my head and graced me with a beautiful smile.
“Hey,” Lou said.
"Hello, maay jaan,” I replied. Gods, she was beautiful. Her dark eyes only had a hint of the gleam of red from her hyena. I could feel it awake roaming inside of her, her teeth sharper, the tips of her ears pointed with fur. Even her short black and gold hair was shaggier than normal, with black fingernails in claws now. I stroked her cheeks up through her lovely hair.
“And here I thought talking to Gods was supposed to be like all spiritual and mediative and shit,” Lou laughed as she spoke. “That wasn’t quite as spiritual as I expected.”
"I am usually more reverent when I speak with the Gods.” It shook me profoundly how rude I had been, but being here, away from tradition, had taught me how to stand on my own, and become someone else.
“Darling, you politely said fuck off,” Lou replied. “Besides, what is with this whole cult thing and no consent?”
"Consent is still a modern concept in many cultures, Lou. You have to keep that in mind,” I spoke. The whole idea of consent didn’t always work in other places. But Lou was a modern woman, raised to stand loud, proud, and not take any shit from anyone. Her naval family made sure she could handle herself in all situations. She had tools many others had never imagined. She still taught me things about how to survive in the world to this day.
"Consent should be the most important thing,” Lou insisted.
"It’s not for the Nest. Power, control, knowledge were far more important. The people are pawns,” I spoke. “We are parts of the whole.”
"For what, they live in a fuck cave, hidden away from the world. You guys didn’t even have basic things,” she replied. “Electricity, Wi-Fi, phones, anything. I barely understand how they can control anything.”
"Magical control, not control of the world you see. They prefer to control through spiritual methods, not magically.” It was a different type of control, one that was completely different than others searched for. They wanted to win the battle of belief, which is harder to explain or win. Not that that was something one could or would win, but no one would ever win an impossible battle. “Can you help me inside?”
"Yeah, I settled Titania into a bedroom,” Lou explained. She shifted to stand up, helping me up. We staggered back into the house, drunkenly walking in without having a drop of alcohol which would have made the evening somewhat better.
“The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.”
By Maya Angelou
Lou and I settled into the seats around the kitchen table with the early morning light trickling in. I had the bloodstone in front of me, knotting each into necklaces with silver for purity and added protection. Lou dug through the eggs, sausages, bacon, and toast pile before eyeballing my barely touched meal. Sleep had come in fits; I didn’t want to wade through nightmares just waiting beyond the waking realm. I needed to be here, present in the moment. I could feel them hovering on the edge of the periphery. They were closing in; I could feel every shift they made.
“Are you going to eat anything?” Lou asked, sipping her juice.
"Maybe, I feel them close by and trying to wind these for anyone that helps. I don’t want a war, but I don’t know what else to do if they won’t take no as an answer,” I couldn’t imagine they would.
“I am going to start making calls for help.” Lou got u
p, kissed my head. I handed her the first bloodstone necklaces I had made to protect those who would help us. “Love you, Devi, don’t let them take you to save me. I can save myself.”“I can’t make that promise,” I replied. I wouldn’t make that promise. I couldn’t. She tilted my head, stared into my eyes before kissing me long and hard.
“Damn you, Basu.” She swore under her breath before leaving the kitchen to make her calls.
Once finished with the necklaces, I ate some food and drank my tea. Titania came in, her hair up in a messy bun with curls escaping everywhere and staggering from the magical hangover she must be feeling.
"We have tea, coffee, and food,” I said. I stood, showing her everything. She grabbed food and some water before sitting. I waited for her to get food and water in before starting to ask the questions I had bubbling up from last night. “Did you hear the Goddess?”
“I heard them all. There were many entities there,” she spoke finally.
“Entities?” I asked. “What does that mean?”
"There were Gods, spirits, and things I couldn’t identify,” Titania shifted in the seat. “I am not a full expert in your religion, so I don’t want to guess on everything that might have tried to push through the veil.”
“Ah,” I spoke. True, some deities wouldn’t come across as entirely human for those not of my faith or belief system. She wouldn’t understand. “It would take a while to explain, but you saw and heard others there, other than a snake Goddess.”
“Yes, there was an audience of many ancestor spirits,” she spoke. Ancestor spirits?
“Wait, ancestors?” I had to stop her there.
“Yes, I deal with the dead too. Spirits were traveling along the circle, pushing through, trying to speak. It made everything loud, hard to hear. The snake Goddess was the loudest,” Titania explained.
