by Autumn Grey
Shifting on his lap, I turn to face him. He groans and I can feel him getting hard under me.
“Should I sit over there?” I point at the space on the bench next to him.
He shakes his head and gestures for me to play.
I scroll through my mind, thinking of my favorite songs. Something to express what I’m feeling, what I feel for this boy. I can’t believe how strong my feelings for him have become in such a short time. He hasn’t voiced his feelings yet but I’m falling hard for him, which scares the crap out of me. The only people who have the ability to evoke these feelings inside me are my sisters, my mom and Grandma. And now Cole, but with him, it’s different. Everything about him lights me on fire. His kiss, his touch, and the way he looks at me.
I let my fingers hover on the keyboard, and then slowly lower them onto the keys. He slides his hand to the nape of my neck, his hold possessive, before resting his chin on my shoulder.
Humming softly, I start off with the notes of Dionne Warwick’s This Girl’s in Love with you. I learned to play this by ear after my grandma Phoebe sent an old record of Dionne Warwick’s to me for my birthday three years ago.
I let the last notes of the song trail off, singing the last of the lyrics softly. I’m quite relieved because Cole can’t see my face. He can’t read what I’m feeling and neither can he read my lips. I let my breathing slow down before turning to face him.
“So?” I let a smile cover the state of havoc I’m feeling inside. “Did you like it?”
His throat moves as he swallows hard, still staring at me as if I’m something. . .special.
“What?” I ask, squirming on his lap.
He brushes a finger along my throat. “I could feel you. What was the song about?”
I snag the corner of my lip and close the lid of the piano.
“It’s about a girl confessing to a man that she loves him.” I speak aloud the first few lyrics then stop when I get to the chorus. He gestures for me to continue. And I do, speaking the words of the chorus then pause.
He wraps his fingers around my wrists and peppers my skin with open mouth kisses on the scars.
Oh, God.
I’m not just falling for him. I’ve already fallen and I’m just waiting for him to catch up. I hope he feels the same way as I do.
His hands drop from my wrists and wrap around my bottom, pulling me to him. He presses a kiss on my stomach. Heat shoots between my legs at that simple, tender gesture. He looks up at me, a slow smile stretching across his face. His fingers shake as they move down my dress, under it and on to my thighs, skipping my underwear and circle my waist.
I need more. I need his mouth on more of my skin. I grab one of his hands and my dress drops back in place. I dart a look at the clock. We have over three hours before Dad comes home. If he comes home at all. “If you’re going to attempt hitting third base, we need some privacy.” And he follows me, his hand trembling in mine but the grin on his face. . .Jesus. It’s beautiful and confident with a trace of shyness. You’d think I promised him the moon and exceeded his expectations by delivering the galaxy on a silver platter.
Once we stumble inside my room, I flip the lock and pull Cole toward my bed. The sound of our quick breathing fills the room, mingling with the hurried sound of our muffled footsteps on the wood. My knees hit the edge of the bed and I turn around to face him, tug the beanie from his head and toss it on the bed.
“I love touching your hair. So soft,” I say making sure he can see my lips.
He grabs my chin between his thumb and index finger and looks into my eyes. “I have been dying to see you today. God. Snowflake. I just need to kiss you. Let me kiss you.”
His mouth is on mine, kissing me hard. Desperately. My fingers grip his hair while looking for something to hold onto. His hands grip my waist and flip me around. He lowers himself on the bed and pulls me to him without losing the connection between us. I love the way he desires me. I don’t care that he hasn’t said those three little words, but I feel like I belong with him. To him. My hands leave his hair, exploring the hard muscles on his back, his chest, his abs. I feel his muscles tense beneath my fingers when I move them further down, skimming the edge of his shorts. He sits upright without warning and rolls me over so that I’m lying on my back and he’s straddling me. His shaking fingers travel down, take the edge of my dress, and slowly pulls it up. He pauses and looks at me. We’ve never gone this far before and I’m nervous, but I want him to touch me so bad. Biting my lip, I raise my chin and nod. The dress is up and over my head before I can blink, which makes me giggle.
I grab the edge of his shirt and tug it up. He hooks his fingers around the edge and slides it over his head.
I. Can’t. Breathe.
I meet his gaze. “You’re beautiful.”
He laughs. “Thanks, I guess.” His eyes drop to my chest.
I touch his arm and his eyes swing back up to mine, dark, hungry. But the urge to cross my arms on my chest is getting stronger. “Say something.”
He licks his lips and swallows, returning his gaze back to my chest. “Jesus. Beautiful.”
I’ll take that.
His hand moves to his pants and I glance down to see him adjust the bulge they barely contain. My cheeks heat when he catches me watching.
“Um. . .have you ever done this before? Been intimate with a girl?”
He shakes his head. “You?”
“With a girl?” I can’t resist teasing him. “No. Not with a guy either.”
His mouth spreads into a wide grin as he bends down.
“Um. Cole.” I sink my fingers in his hair and tug his head up from my shoulder. He stares down at me with hooded eyes. “I’m nervous.”
He sits up immediately, but he doesn’t put any distance between our bodies. “I’m nervous too.”
I bite the inside of my cheek. “But you look so sure of what you are doing.”
“Your body is like my guide. I know where to touch you or kiss you by watching how you react to me and listening to what my hands tell me. I touch you the way I want to be touched.”
Oh wow.
He leans down and kisses the top of my right breast making this humming sound that vibrates into my skin. I shiver, whimpering.
He lifts his head. “Is this okay?”
I nod, smiling. “I love what you’re doing so far.”
He dips his head back and does the same thing with my left breast. I hold my breath and close my eyes, wondering where his lips will kiss me next.
His hands squeeze my breasts and he buries his face between them, his hot breath fanning my skin. His mouth moves down, tracing his tongue along my ribs, and nips at the slight rise of my stomach. My eyes fly open and my hips buck off the bed.
“Oh God, oh God, oh God,” I chant under my breath.
I bite my lip when I feel his lips skim the edge of my panties, moan when he blows a breath on my navel, groan and wiggle when he sucks on my skin there. My eyes fly open and I bolt upright when I feel a finger trace the material of my panties between my legs.
His head comes up and he bites his lip, running the tip of the finger back and forth in that place that burns for his touch. My head falls back and my body thrashes on the bed. It’s too much. I feel everything, everywhere.
“Is this okay?” His speech is slower and the words are barely audible, coated by lust. His hands pull back just as I start to feel this tingling feeling building up inside me.
My eyes flip open and I lift my head to look at him between my legs. “What happened? Why did you pull back?” I ask panting.
He looks unsure, it’s touching and extremely cute that he cares that much about my needs. But I want that finger back. I need to feel that magic again. I reach out, grab his hand and pull it back between my legs.
“Please?”
Confidence floods back into his features. He snags his bottom lip between his teeth and picks up where he left off. His movements are a mix of rough and too gentle now and I k
now he’s just as nervous and I am.
I wrap my hand around his finger and guide him, showing him what feels good.
Something is building inside me, and I can’t control it. Cole seems to read my body because that finger rubs faster, pressing harder. His lips kiss my inner thigh, nip a bit and with just one last push of his finger, my eyes close and I’m flying without wings, riding on what feels like a wave made up of so many emotions I could actually cry. My breathing calms slowly as I come back down from my high, and when I feel the swipe of a finger on my cheek, I open my eyes and stare into the most beautiful face in the world.
“Fuck. That was stunning.” He brushes my cheek with his thumb and then the other one.
Crap. I didn’t mean to cry. Why am I crying? It was the most perfect thing I’ve ever experienced.
“Wow. Your fingers. . .oh God.” I bury my face in my hands, too happy, feeling different than the girl who walked inside this room ten minutes ago. If his fingers can drive me wild like that, the thought of him inside me sends all kinds of images flashing through my head.
He tugs my fingers away and grins wide. “You came. And you are welcome,” he says with a smug smile.
My eyes widen, staring at the proud look on his face. “You’re cocky.”
“Thank you.” He groans and rolls to lie on my side, and turns to face me as he uses his hand to massage himself. “I need to go home and take care of him.”
“I could help you with. . .um. . .Batman. . .if you showed me what to do.”
His hand stops moving and he stares at me incredulously. “Batman?”
Oh God. “Yes.” His shoulders start to shake in laughter as he moves to sit up then turns to look at me. “I just don’t have words for you right now.”
He rolls out of bed and grabs his shirt from the floor, slipping it over his head. “We’ll have to work on showing you how to make me feel better.” He winks and walks to the bed where I’m lying, feeling as if my body doesn’t have a single bone left to hold it together. He plants his hands on either side of my head and leans down to kiss me softly. Gently. He pulls back and stares down at me. “I need to run. I promised my dad I would drop by at his office to help with the construction he has going. See you at ten?”
I raise my hands and link them behind his neck and pull him down for a kiss. “Silver lining. Knowing I’ll see you soon is my silver lining. Thank you for what you just did for me. I lo—” I bite my tongue so fast to halt those words from my lips. “I will miss you.”
He narrows his eyes on me, but he doesn’t call me out on my little slip. “Silver lining. I like that.”
I rise on my elbow to watch him stride to the window and disappear from sight. My eyes close automatically and I lose myself in a blissful sleep.
I jerk awake to the sound of pounding on my door and a deep, angry voice calling my name.
Dad.
What the hell? I bolt upright and hop out of the bed, feeling a bit disoriented.
Crap. The door is locked. I forgot to unlock it after Cole left.
I glance down at my body. Shit. I’m still naked, save for my bra and panties. I scan the floor wildly and find my dress at the foot of the bed. After slipping it on, I smooth my hair while dashing to the door, unlock it and swing it open.
“Why is your door locked?” His gaze scans the inside of my room suspiciously.
Crap. I scramble for an excuse, anything to make him go away. “I wasn’t feeling too well when I came in from the center. I locked the door so I could take a nap without interruptions.”
His scowl recedes a little and his eyes land on me. “Your grandmother asked me to bring some flowers for you. She mentioned you needed some for the garden. She forgot to give them to you the last time you were there.”
I nod, my shoulders sagging in relief. “Thank you. I’ll get to it right now.”
I skirt around him, scurrying down the hallway and toward the stairs, eager to put distance between us.
“Eleanor?”
Chills run down my spine at the coldness of his voice. I turn around slowly to face him and I suck in a breath when I see what he’s holding. My body sways and my hand shoots to the side, grabbing the wall for support.
“What is this?” He takes a step forward, Cole’s beanie gripped in his hand.
I’ve never fainted before, but today might be my first time. I watch him advance closer, his eyebrows dipped in a menacing glare. I press my shoulder on the wall and wrap my arms around my middle tightly to stop from itching the scars on my arms.
“Was he in your room?”
I can’t deny it, given the evidence in his hand, so I choose to keep my mouth shut. He pounces forward with his arm raised and I drop on the floor, curling into a ball to protect myself and wait for the blow to land, but it doesn’t come. I raise my head a little, shivering on the floor and look up. He’s looming over me, that fist curled at his side and instead of the furious expression on his face, I find something else. This look is completely foreign to me, it takes me a while to find the name for it. Resignation, mingled with another emotion I can’t describe. Pity? Sympathy? Love?
“Why do you choose to disobey me, Eleanor?”
What the hell is happening to my father?
The look is gone without warning. He bunches the beanie in his hands and throws it in my face. “If he can’t stay away from you, I guess I will have to look for a way to make him stay away.” He spins on his heel and stomps down the stairs without a backward glance, without even throwing a look towards my mom’s room.
A whimper finds its way to me, followed by the sounds of feet padding on the wood.
“Nor! Are you okay?” Elise asks, wrapping her arms around me. “I hate him so much. He yelled at Elon because she forgot to turn off the sprinkler on the lawn.”
“Really. I’m fine,” I say, pulling myself up from the floor while clutching the beanie to my chest. I need to warn Cole before my dad gets to him. I’d be stupid not to heed his warning. “I’m sorry he yelled at you and Elon.” I hug her tight for a few seconds then pull back and wipe the tears streaming down her face. “Want to help me work on the lawn? Grandma sent a few flowers we could plant around the fence.”
She nods. Before we head downstairs, I go back to my room and shove the beanie under my pillow. The tip of my fingers graze the cool metal of the penknife. I wrap my fingers around it, relishing the pain from the edges digging into my skin.
Growing up, I’d thought about reporting him to child services so many times, but I always held back. There was no way I was going to let anyone take away the people I love. Mom would probably end up in an institution. My sisters would be torn away from me and placed in the system. I’d heard some terrifying stories from a few kids in school back in Ohio, and that enforced my decision to keep quiet.
I would rather brave my dad, buy some time until I am old enough to move out, taking my sisters and mother with me. Which means going to college, working hard and getting a good job. He won’t be able to touch or yell at us.
Until then, I breathe in and breathe out. Repeat.
IT HAS BEEN TWO DAYS since I last saw Cole and it has been pure torture. I feel as though my dad is watching me at every turn. Paranoid, I know.
Since I told him what my dad said we have been laying low, no face to face communications, just texting. To make matters worse, Megs flew to California to spend some time with her dad.
Grandma opted to leave the shop closed today. She took Elon and Elise for a shopping trip to Jacksonville. I will drop by later to pick them up at her house.
My phone vibrates on the desk, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I smile when I see Megs’ name flashing on the screen. I press the button to answer.
“Oh my gosh! I’ve missed you. When are you coming back?” I ask, pulling my legs up on the chair and wrapping one arm around them.
She laughs. “Wow, I should stay away more often. It’s good to know you missed me. What’s up? You and Stormy
Eyes still having naughty sex all over the place?”
I choke on a laugh. “We haven’t had sex yet. And no. It’s been a little crazy over here.” I tell her what happened when my dad found Cole’s beanie.
“Holy shit! I’m sorry. I can’t imagine how hard it is for both of you. I haven’t seen Simon for a while and it’s driving me insane,” she says in a soft voice. “Your dad is such a dick. What’s his deal?”
“Other than that he has some sort of misplaced prejudice against Cole because his brother was deaf, I have no idea. Do you think it has something to do with his relationship with Cole’s mom?” I ask, since I already told her what Grandma told me weeks ago.
“Do you think?”
I sigh.
“Do me a favor, okay? Text Cole. Go out and have fun. Don’t let your dad spoil this for you. You two are the happiest when you are together. Life is too short. Promise me you’ll do that.”
I smile at her words. “I will. I’m just scared for him. But. . .ugh. I miss him so much.”
“Text him. Babes, I have to run. Text me and let me know how it goes. Love you.”
“I love you, too.”
After ending the call, I scroll down my phone contacts and stop at Cole’s name.
Me: I want to break some rules. Want to join me?
I stare at the phone, waiting for his reply, But nothing comes through. I head to the window to check if his car is in its usual spot. It is. Could he have gone for a run? As far as I know, he runs every morning. Or maybe he’s working on his drawings or something.
I bound downstairs and slip on a pair of blue flip flops and head out of the house. Stopping in front of Cole’s front door, I ring the bell and a voice yells that the door is open. I step inside the house and see Nick playing on the game console in the living room. He pauses the game and waves. “Hey Nor. You want to play with me?” Nick squints up at me, jiggling the controller in his hands.
“Where’s your brother?” I ask, walking toward him.
“Which one?” he asks. “Cole is in his room and Josh went to Portland to visit Uncle Ray.”
