by Autumn Grey
“Cole! You can’t do that to her,” Maggie says, desperation in her voice. “Think about it, sweetheart. You don’t really want to do that.”
“Cole, please. Don’t do this.” I plead again. When he continues to stare at me, I finally let the tears fall, which is his undoing.
He wipes his face with his hands. “I don’t want you to see me like this. This is killing me. If you love me, stay away. Write to me. Wait for me. Don’t give up on me.”
He turns and walks away before me or his mom can say another word.
Once we step out of the room and we collect our belongings, Maggie puts her arm around my shoulder and we walk to her car.
When we arrive home, my father is standing on the lawn, his hands on his hips. He usually doesn’t spend his weekends around the house. He finds any excuse to stay away from home. The rumor flying around the neighborhood is that he was seen with a woman in town. It’s no surprise, though. The thought of my father having an affair has crossed my mind in the past. I don’t even care. He can do whatever the hell he wants.
Maggie doesn’t even justify his presence with a greeting or a look. She mumbles a goodbye to me, and strides toward the door of her house.
I don’t bother greeting my father either. As far as I’m concerned, he doesn’t exist, even though he makes sure I know he does by his mere presence.
“I hear you went to visit him.” His voice is casual, but it doesn’t hide the underlying threat.
I stop and finally face him, feeling hate pour through my pores. “You put him there. But you will never take away what he and I have,” I say calmly, which surprises me given the hate I have for this man.
I walk away, feeling defeated instead of victorious for standing up to him. I still can’t believe that Cole banned me from going to see him.
I feel my dad’s foot falls thudding behind me so I hasten mine, eager to get away from him as fast as I can.
“Is that what you think, huh? That I can’t take him away from you?” His voice is still calm, cold. Taunting.
I whip around to face him, preparing my words for my last blow, then freeze as I watch him looking at me with narrowed calculating eyes.
“I put him where he is. I have the power to end his existence.”
Blood roars in my ears. Oh God, please don’t let him do this to Cole.
“Didn’t he tell you what happened? Or was he too much of a coward to admit that I am winning?”
What the hell is he talking about?
“Be careful, daughter. That boy’s life is in my hands right now. I say he jumps, and he fucking does.”
Blood drains from my face and pieces of what might have happened to Cole start to click in my head. “Oh, God. What did you do? Did you hurt him?”
He suddenly grins wide, triumph filling his features. “Atta girl. You’re getting it now.”
“Cole has never done anything to hurt you. Is it because he reminds you of your brother? Or did your father brainwash you, so you can’t see anything beyond hate?”
His gaze flickers to the Holloway house, softening a little and lingers for a few seconds. When he swings back to face me, his face is calculating. Hard.
He swivels around and stalks out the front door. I rush upstairs, the impact of his words swirling in my gut.
I can’t get enough air into my lungs. My thoughts run wild inside my head. Surely, he will have Cole killed in the name of revenge. He must have paid someone to hurt Cole. Maybe Mr. Taylor could really help him. Protect him.
But how? What happens when those officers don’t do their job? Maybe they are the same people who beat up my boyfriend.
When I get to the bathroom, I drop in front of the toilet and finally vomit, tears running down my cheeks.
For the first time in a long time, I feel truly hopeless and helpless.
“YOU’RE A JERK, COLE. A big one. I can’t believe you had Nor’s name taken off the visitor list.” Megs glares at me.
“That’s tough shit, man. Do you have any idea what the girl is going through?” Simon speaks the words for Megs’ benefit. He shakes his head.
I clench my jaw. Flex my hands to loosen the pain lodged in there as a result of a fight that happened three days ago between me and The Behemoth. A tall Hispanic guy with three missing front teeth and a Bronx accent. The last words he spat out before landing a blow in my gut were, “A gift from Stephen.”
I rub the right side of my jaw and flinch as my fingers move over the huge bump there. “Do you think I enjoyed telling her not to come back? You think I enjoyed watching her stricken face when she saw me limping toward her? As much as I hate her father, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that he was the one who was paying people to take care of The Freak. She already blames herself for what happened. I’m locked in here like a caged animal. I can’t bear to see the look of pity on her face.”
Megs throws her hands up in frustration. “Pity? That girl has never looked at you with anything less than adoration.”
Simon stares at me as if I’ve lost my mind. Maybe I have. “Aren’t you worried she’ll ditch your ass for treating her like that? Maybe some dude has been waiting in the wings for a chance like this, waiting to activate their stalker mode, swoop in and sweep her off her feet. She’s got that innocent vibe on her. Wickedly sexy. Guys love that shit.” He leans back in his seat, satisfied that he’s made his point. He cringes when I shoot him a glare. “What? She’s got them porn tits. She’s hot.”
Megs grabs her purse and whacks Simon on the head with it. “Really, Simon? Porn tits? You’re so not getting any tonight. Or ever.” She scoots her chair away from my best friend, glowering at him.
I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose with two fingers. I tip my head back, open my eyes and glance up at the ceiling, which was probably white at one time, but is now almost gray.
Simon just hit me with my worst fear. Losing Nor. What the fuck was I thinking?
Someone touches my arm. I tip my head forward and meet Simon’s eyes.
“So what happened to the Behemoth?” He stares at my knuckles, which are raw and red from the fight.
“Someone let him in my cell. Luckily, I have picked up a few moves while inside this hell. I have learned to fight dirty. I won. I have my medals to prove it.”
I subtly lift the bottom of my T-shirt. “Just one broken rib this time.”
“Yeah. That and a black eye.” Megs stares at me with wide eyes. Her eyes lower to my covered midriff, then up at me. “This looks bad. Are you in too much pain?”
I shake my head. “It was worth it. I broke Behemoth’s jaw and a couple of ribs.” I grin. She grimaces. Simon locks his jaw and averts his eyes from me. “Do you understand now why I didn’t want Nor to see me like this? I don’t know how long Stephen will do this. I don’t have any proof to show he’s been sending them.”
“So, what are you planning to do with Nor? She’s getting desperate. You know how determined she is when she gets that way. She will turn every rock to look for a way to see you.”
My back straightens and I narrow my eyes are on Megs. “What is she up to? Has she told you anything?”
She scowls at me. “I’m not even going to justify that with an answer. Do you think you can ban my best friend and then expect me to tell you anything?”
I glare at her. Jesus. Nor is definitely up to something. I glance at Simon. He shrugs.
“Don’t look at me for answers. I’m with Little Miss Sassy over here. You had better be very good at apologizing when you leave this place.”
I purse my lips. “I will fucking woo her. I will compose a damn sonnet if I have to, just as soon as I murder her father first.” Rage burns through my veins and my hands curl into fists.
“That sonnet had better be fucking stunning. Better than Shakespeare.”
The visiting time draws to a close and my friends leave. Afterwards, when I get to my room, I lay in bed obsessing over Nor being swept off her feet by some guy. I fucking hate
my best friend for putting those images in my head.
Turning on my side on the hard mattress, I close my eyes and imagine wrapping my hands around Stephen’s neck, squeezing and watching life fade from his eyes. And I feel peace settle over me.
THE LAST TIME COLE ASKED me not to go see him, I had a hard time accepting his orders. Really, how can you tell someone you love they shouldn’t come to visit you? How do I even begin to not see him for the next eight months? I’ve gone through the first three stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining. Well, I’m not going to let myself get depressed and accept his decision in any way. I want to see Cole more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life.
I have a plan. I just need to find Mr. Taylor first.
I glance down at the letters on my lap. I hadn’t received Cole’s letters in a while, so I was pleasantly surprised when I open my mail box and found two letters inside.
My gaze flickers to the antique wooden box that holds the other letters he sent. About nine so far. The title on the envelopes is, “Open Me When. . .”
I pick the one closest to me and flip it open, reading his words written in confident scrawl. My heart crawls up my throat immediately and I have to blink hard to keep the tears at bay.
My Snowflake, When you feel like we need to break up, remember the silver lining. I’m an ass for asking you to stay away. Wait for me just a little bit longer. Just a little longer.
I love you.
Cole.
I smile, and carefully open the next one.
Open me when you need to know how much I love you. Go to the mirror. That girl staring back at you with big green eyes and freckles on her nose. . .that is the girl I love.
I love you.
Cole
God.
Cole.
I wipe the tears from my cheeks and fold the letters, then rearrange them inside the antique wooden box I bought a while back to keep gifts and letters from Cole. Then look up in the mirror directly opposite to where I’m sitting on the bed.
I miss him so much I need to see him soon. Lately, Grandma has been feeling ill. I paid a visit to her last Thursday, and Mr. Taylor dropped by for a visit. I asked him how Cole was doing. Someone beat him up again. Taylor has asked a few trusted guards to keep an eye on him, but somehow the attackers find a way to get him alone.
A few weeks ago, I overheard Maggie and my dad talking downstairs in the foyer.
“Stephen, please. You need to stop hurting him. You said you love me. Do you hurt the person you love? Cole is a piece of me.”
My dad growled and said, “He took you away from me. If you weren’t pregnant with that. . .him. . .” he stopped and took in a long, deep breath. The next words that came out of his mouth made me realize that my father had gone mad. “You and Benjamin are no longer together. But you still refuse to come back to me.”
“We were kids, Stephen. We didn’t know what we wanted.”
“That’s where you’re wrong!” he bellowed.
Maggie had tried to talk to him, to dissuade him, but he’d gotten angry and shoved her out of the door.
My father had spat something in a low voice before slamming the door shut.
I clear my head to get rid of that memory and focus on a plan to see Cole.
I STARTLE AWAKE, THE STIFFNESS in my arms sending pain through my body. I try to stretch my arms but some sort of weight holds them down. Lifting my head, I squint in the dark to see Cora and Joce snuggled at my sides. It was almost ten o’clock at night when we finally arrived home from the hospital. Nor didn’t want the girls to sleep alone, so they ended up in her bed. As soon as Joce’s little body hit the mattress, she held up her arms for me and I fucking cried as I scooted between her and Cora. I pulled them to me so that their heads were on my chest. I held them as sobs racked their bodies until they fell asleep. I must have dozed off as well, unaware when Nor left the room.
Carefully, I slide my hand out from under the girls’ bodies and inch out of bed. The room is dark so it takes a while for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. Nor must have decided to turn off all the lights and went to sleep elsewhere in the house since I took up her place on her bed.
Once I find my bearings, I shuffle to the door, turn on the light in the hallway and pull my phone from my pants pocket. I turn on the camera and set it to night mode, tiptoe back to the bed and snap a picture of my daughters. They look so adorable, sprawled on the bed with their faces relaxed in sleep.
According to the clock on the nightstand, it’s past one o’clock in the morning. Turning around, I head out of the room and walk downstairs. My breath stalls when I see Nor’s petite frame curled on the couch, her focus on the shopping channel running on TV. Suddenly, she lifts her head and looks over the couch but then averts her face quickly, wiping her cheeks. She twists her body slightly to the side and turns on the small lamp on the side table.
Shit.
I can’t stop looking at her. Even when crying, she looks so damn beautiful.
“The girls are asleep.” I shove my balled up fists inside my wrinkled pants pockets to stop myself from walking over and pulling her into my arms. She looks so heartbroken, so scared. I glance around for her sisters. They arrived a few hours ago after we came home from the hospital.
“Elon and Elise are already in bed,” she says, as if reading my mind.
I nod, my thoughts momentarily wandering to Stephen. My hands clench tighter and I want to bust some balls with my fist, just thinking about that sick son of a bitch.
He completely ruined my life and made Nor’s life a living hell. I really need to know what happened, then I can track down that bastard. When I was in prison, I tried to stay away from trouble as much as I could. But if trouble followed me, I dealt with it without hesitation. I learned fast how to use my fists. I also learned how easy it was to choke the life out of someone. Watch life fade from their eyes. I never killed anyone, but it didn’t stop me from showing them I could do it without blinking an eye. I came so close to losing my own life several times. I learned that respect had to be earned.
I earned it.
Pain shoots from my cheek and I realize my jaw is clenched too tight. I pull my hands from my pockets and sign, “I have to go.”
Nor nods once. “Thank you for today.”
We stare at each other for several seconds, the air heavy with our loss. My brother. Her husband. I turn and walk toward the door.
After putting on my shoes, I glance over my shoulder one more time and my fucking chest explodes with pain.
I can’t leave her like this. Her shoulders are shaking and her head is bent, her hair covers her face, hiding the pain tearing her apart. She’d held herself together the entire afternoon after Josh died, never allowing herself to show any weakness.
Pushing away from the door, I stride back and sit on the couch before pulling her in my arms. I expect her to push me away, but she doesn’t. She wraps her arms around my waist, hugging me tight and then tucks her head into my chest.
Jesus. Feeling her body shake against mine breaks me. I wish I could absorb her pain through my skin.
“I got you, Snowflake,” I say, kissing her hair. “I got you.”
My words unlock something in her. She lets herself go and she cries. I continue to hold her, tightening my hands around her and comforting her with words. Holding Nor like this fills my heart, reminding me how good we used to fit together.
Leaning back, I comb her hair back and just stare at her, taking in her tear-filled eyes, pink nose scattered with freckles. Flushed cheeks and snot running down her nose. My fucking heart trips on itself, overriding my brain.
She has never looked more beautiful.
“Tell me about my brother. I feel like I missed out on knowing him these past nine years.”
She bites her cheek, softly smiles then wipes her cheeks with her nightgown.
“He loved the girls so much. He taught them how to fish,” she signs. She tells me how Josh freaked out when her wate
r broke, that he fainted when he saw Joce pop out of her. Woke up and fainted again when he saw Cora. She laughs. I tighten my hands, a lump forming in my throat. I should have been the one there welcoming my babies in to this world. “He was the best friend I could ever have asked for. He was so good to me and the girls, even though staying with us meant him losing any chance of meeting someone who loved him as he wanted to be loved.”
Then she starts to sob again. I have so many questions running through my mind, but I push them to the back of my head and tighten my arms around her.
“Shhh. It’s okay. I’m here,” I say, rubbing her back in circles.
Nor lifts her head from my chest and looks at me. She raises her hand and softly touches my jaw. Every nerve in my body is centered on her fingers, lessening the ache of losing my brother, of missing out on my children’s lives, of losing Nor. I fucking hate how much I crave her touch. We still have a lot to talk about, but no one has ever touched me like she just did seconds ago, since her.
Nor shifts on my lap, leaning forward without breaking eye contact. She kisses my jaw, my cheek. When her lips brush against mine, her eyes fall shut and she exhales hard. My fingers are gripping her hips, moving up to cup her face. I shudder and groan when she sucks my bottom lip into her mouth.
“Fuck, Nor,” I breath into her. My heart’s beating fast inside my chest. Her hands are touching me everywhere, fast, desperate.
She leans back and stares at me. “Kiss me, Cole. Just, please kiss me. I need to forget for just tonight what I lost. What we lost.”
I’m so eager to erase the crippling pain in my chest. Eager to feel Nor again. So I give her what she wants because it’s what I want too. What I frantically need. Her lips on mine. Her skin on mine. Quenching the hunger that is still buried in me even after all this time. Within seconds, I’m kicking my shoes off and she’s lying horizontal and I’m on top of her. I wedge my leg between her thighs and throw her arms over her head, arching her lower body up, grinding her covered pussy on my jean-covered crotch.
