Bree took all of this in and looked at the three of them. No matter what, they were a family and they were together at this moment. Meeting Todd’s eyes in the mirror, she saw the same determination to make things work in his expression. She nodded her agreement, silently understanding that they’d come to a truce for now. “Thank you.” She mouthed, acknowledging his concession.
xxx
Todd was sitting on the porch, watching the spectacular show afforded by the Northern Lights as the green, white, and red streams of light tangoed in the blackened sky. The sight prompted him to philosophically reflect on the bigger picture, which was that his newfound family was part of a greater universe, a greater plan. He needed to anchor the day’s events to something and he figured that thinking of it in the greater scheme of things might just help, just as the beer that he was nursing was helping him settle. Sipping slowly, thinking even slower, he reviewed the day’s events.
Amber was wonderful. Within minutes, no seconds, she’d tugged him in all the right places and put a tag on him that claimed him as hers, instead of the other way around, as parents are want to do. He’d had many firsts that night - first knowledge and sight, first interaction with his daughter, first dinner and first bath and first bedtime story. He’d been unequivocally pleased when she’d requested a kiss and hug goodnight – another first.
He’d always expected that he’d be a father one day but just hadn’t settled with the right woman. Hell, he’d had the right woman, but she’d gone and left him seven years ago without telling him she was pregnant. In the silence offered by the unoccupied porch, the cover of darkness aiding it, he could acknowledge the bitterness he felt at the loss of the years he could’ve had with Amber and that it was eating at him. He’d had enough bitterness growing up. His dad hadn’t been around and had left him and his siblings with a mother that was self-absorbed and incapable of looking after them, so he had to step in and be mother and father to both his siblings and himself. Then along had come Bree. Bree had breathed new life and hope into him. She’d shown him another side of love, of belonging, innocent fun, and acceptance. Being exposed to her family, as intimately as he’d been, coming to this farm for dinners, Sunday lunch, and just to hang around had proven that there was normalcy out there and not just on TV.
It had been great until his father had died and crumbling under the weight of the financial responsibility and the demands required by his family, he’d caved and gotten as snowed under as the land in winter. So, he understood why she refrained from confiding in him initially. He also understood why her parents and grandparents had kept it from him too and didn’t encourage her to involve him in her life. But, he couldn’t understand why they remained secretive when they knew that he’d cleaned up. Why it took her parents’ death to make her come back and start involving him in their daughter’s life was hard to fathom. He looked out into the dark and acknowledged the anger that he felt towards Bree, Daniel, and Moira. He’d been to the farm many times. How could they greet him, make small talk with him, discuss business, and keep such a secret? Anger bubbled, belied by his still form.
“It’s a cold night for a man to be pondering out on a porch.” The lyrical rumble of Daniel’s voice reached out to him, a white flag calling a truce. “Then again, that man must have had quite a day to do such sitting.” The wooden bench creaked as Daniel sat on the opposite end.
“You could say that,” Todd answered, wanting suddenly to wring the old man’s neck.
“I imagine that you have some questions for me, Todd,” Daniel’s expression was wary, remorseful. “And I’m offering explanations. You’re entitled.”
“Funny that you say that, Daniel,” Todd couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice, spitting the other man’s name out like a filthy word. “I was just sitting here and thinking how you could look me in the eye all these years, call me a friend, and lie to me”
“I acknowledge that we lied to you,” a feminine voice replied. Moira joined them, and shook her head at the seat that Daniel offered, pulling over a chair to sit right next to Todd. It never paid to show a man that you were intimidated or weary of him, no matter the circumstances. “I had my part in it too and I’ll take the blame along with my Daniel.” Moira took a breath and continued, “For what it’s worth, we’re sorry. But it was neither our tale nor our secret to tell. All we could do was try to talk some sense into our son and granddaughter. And we did that, every chance we could. Even when we mourned the passing of our child, we thought of you, Amber and Bree. It was hard to lie to you, to ‘look you in the eye’ as you say, but we didn’t know what else to do.”
“It’s hard being a parent, Todd, and when you’re a grandparent, you’re not necessarily less involved emotionally, just less mandated to be involved.” Daniel interjected. “You raise kids, being participants in every aspect of their lives only to have to butt out when they think they’re old enough.”
Noting that Daniel sounded weary and old, so like his age but unlike his character, Todd allowed for some of what they said to register. He felt older, wearier too and could only manage a nod at them in response.
Taking that as encouragement, Daniel carried on. “Then your grandkids come along. For us, that was Bree. Because they lived with us, she was ours in more ways than just a grandkid. But, when she got pregnant, things changed in this household. The arguments we had with Bree’s mother and our son were fiery.” Daniel’s voice found surer footing. “We never agreed with the way they wanted to deal with the pregnancy or with how they treated Bree.”
“How did they treat Bree?” Todd inquired.
Moira answered, “They made living with them unbearable, punishing her - not physically, but emotionally - for what they saw as betrayal of the values they’d raised her by.”
“I can imagine that it can’t be easy finding out that your teenage daughter is pregnant. So it was probably just shock and disappointment,” Todd’s tone and the wave of his hand were dismissive.
Moira tried another angle. “Todd, do you remember what it was like with your mom and dad?”
“What’s that got to do with anything?” Todd’s bark was defensive; they were tiring him out.
“Now, now, don’t get yourself into a twist,” Moira replied, “I’m just trying to paint the picture for you.”
Moira continued, urged by his silence. “Well, it was pretty much like that for her too. As soon as they left Alaska, they isolated themselves from her - she even gave birth to Amber on her own and we only found out afterwards. When she was discharged from the hospital, she took a taxi home with her new baby and found an empty house because her parents had gone to work. They were self-absorbed, more concerned with their disappointment and how the pregnancy would affect the esteem of others. They punished her by neither showing her love nor giving her financial support. She was a young mother fresh out of high school and working any job, she could get where she could also look after the baby, while trying to study to create a better future. Her parents were not rich, but they were comfortable enough that they could’ve helped her out.” Moira had to stop when she no longer could keep her tears at bay, feeling the pain of knowing that someone she loved dearly had suffered and that she’d been unable to help.
Handing her a handkerchief from his pocket, Daniel took over, observing that some of the steam the boy had been bottling up had begun to dissipate. “We found out about things after the first summer we went down to see Amber. Bree had moved out and was living in a shoebox that served as bedroom, nursery, kitchen, and bathroom. It wasn’t in the best of places and it makes me angry to think of it, but there was hardly a thing to eat in the place. Our Bree was raised right so the place was clean, but it’s easy to keep a place clean that has nothing in it. Bree was sleeping on a couch someone had thrown out and had Amber in a cheap cot that she’d scrimped and saved for. The fanciest thing she owned was the laptop we gave her when she graduated from high school and she used that 3G business we bought as well so that she
could do her studies online to become a teacher. She didn’t tell us what was going on, because she was afraid that we’d treat her the way her parents had.” Daniel felt his own eyes moisten and silent tears, revoked by past pain, slipped slowly down his weather-worn cheeks.
“We do okay, Todd,” Daniel said, wiping the tears away roughly with his hand. “You know that. Life in Alaska is hard and chews up the money as fast as you make it if you farm, but we’d managed to save a bit. So, we cashed that in and used our time in Columbus to set Amber up. We got her a better place, not fancy, but safer, a bit bigger, and some basic furniture. We paid for her studies and put a bit of money every month in her bank account, so that she could buy some food, some things for the baby and so on. She’s a good girl and we trusted her and she hasn’t let us down. Yes, she could’ve told you about Amber sooner and yes, we spoke to her about it often, but the poor girl was going through so much with her own parents and trying to get by that we couldn’t press. We were scared that she’d cut us off and of what would happen if she did. She was like a deer caught in the headlights and we were too scared to make a move, so we did what we could.”
Moira moved to sit in between the two men, taking a hand of each man in one of hers. “Todd, we never saw our son again until his funeral – we were that disappointed in him. The first time we went to see Amber and saw what they’d done, we were so angry that we went straight to them and had a very, very unpleasant argument.” Shutting her eyes, she pushed the memory away before she carried on. “The next time I saw the boy I bore unto this earth was when he was put into the grave. So, things aren’t as simple as they seem.”
Todd wasn’t made of ice and he knew what it was like to see someone you loved, someone who disappointed you once they’d gone from the earth. He wiped the tears from his own face and tugged at their linked hands until he had her wrapped in his arms, patting her back as she sobbed and grieved. Over her head, his eyes met Daniel’s moist ones. “I think that there’s been enough dwelling in the past and enough blame to go around for all of us.” Gently pushing Moira away, he cradled her face in his hands and kissed her on the cheek. “I’m sorry you had to go through that again to give me my answers, but I’m glad you did because it helped me put things into perspective. Thank you.”
With a teary smile, Moira responded, “Then it’s been worth it. You are a fine man, Todd.”
Daniel threw a smile at the woman of his heart and then a serious expression at Todd. “So, what is this perspective you've gotten?” He looked questioningly at Todd. His voice held a firmness that hinted at protectiveness. “Todd, as much as we want to do what’s right for you and Amber, we can’t let it be at the expense of Bree’s happiness. She’s been through too much already.” Daniel’s voice held warning.
“I get that now. I don’t want to hurt Bree.” Todd ran his fingers through his hair, his habitual act when thinking or frustrated. “I won’t deny that I’m still hurt and angry at her for keeping things from me. I would’ve helped her. But,” he continued, before Daniel and Moira could interject and get defensive, “I do know what it is like to have to go it alone, without parents that don't do what they should. It doesn’t lessen the hurt, the anger, but it does help me put a foot forward.”
He met both of their gazes, “I want what’s best for Amber and at the moment, that means stability here in Devil’s Peak with both of her parents and her great-grandparents. The plain truth is that if Bree’s unhappy, being the only sure thing that Amber’s had in her life, it will make Amber unhappy, and I don’t want that. I realise that Bree and I have to work together, and seeing as we’re being frank, I’ll share with you that she and I came to that agreement earlier today when she told me about Amber.”
“That’s a perspective that we can live with.” Daniel breathed a sigh of relief. “I’ll repeat what I said at dinner. You’re welcome here anytime and we’ll do our bit to help you kids - whatever it takes to make this work”
“Thank you,” Todd shook Daniel’s hand in the age-old masculine gesture of understanding.
Daniel sat back in his chair and lit his pipe, puffing in satisfaction born out of resting after an eventful day, “So what’s next?”
“What’s next is that I take my first vacation from work and spend it with my daughter and her mother. I’ll help them settle in and show Amber a bit of Alaska. I’ll take things one day at a time. Speaking of day, the winter one’s are short and I wanted to discuss Bree’s plans with her so that we can work out an itinerary of sorts. I don’t know much yet about being a dad, but I can do an itinerary.” God knows he does enough of them for work; he can do a super one for his daughter. He’d show her the best of Alaska that he could. “And speaking of Bree, where is she?”
Daniel looked at him sheepishly, “Bree’s fast asleep in Amber’s room. She read another bedtime story after you kissed Amber goodnight and couldn’t keep her eyes open. The poor girl’s worn out from the trip.”
Aah… Todd caught on, “And that created the perfect opportunity for the two of you to corner me.”
“Well, you know we meant well,” said Moira the guilt of the naughty etched in her blush. “And we’re old; we can’t wait for you young people to catch on to things properly. I need to see things put right before I meet my maker.”
“That’s bull, Moira. Old, yeah right!” Todd let out a laugh and joined in by both Moira and Daniel, let it roll. “Using your age when I know that you can do most things better than younger folk is just downright manipulative. Meet your maker. Huh!” It felt good to laugh after the day he’d had and he let it go. Moira and Daniel must’ve felt the same because before long, the three of them were wiping at tears again, but this time, the tears were born of laughter and relief.
Chapter 3
The next morning Todd visited the Ramsay farm because it felt odd to have met his six year old daughter the day before and not see her upon waking up. Warming his hands on the coffee mug, he bid farewell to Moira and Daniel who conspicuously found a long list of chores that were waiting for them outside on the farm-side of the property. Amber was still sleeping the exhausted sleep, born of experiencing too many emotions and change.
So, in the twilight haze that constituted the late Alaskan morning, Todd and Bree were alone in the large farmhouse kitchen. He elected not to tell her the details of the discussion he'd had with her grandparents. Intuitively, feeling that it would embarrass her, which was self-defeating. He’d lain awake for hours the previous night and had made the decision to do whatever it took to help Amber acclimate to her newly extended family and her new home, which meant working closely with Bree. He wanted to give Amber what he’d never had - an active mother and father, a warm home, and an integrated family. Although he had twisted the options, rung them out then twisted them again, the only feasible option seemed to be marriage. To his mind, that was the first step towards attaining stability. Of course, he was still furious with Bree, but he had to put those feelings aside for the sake of his daughter. He’d loved Bree once and perhaps in time, could forgive her and they could become friends again.
He couldn’t deny that he was still attracted to her. Just looking at her sipping at the steamy liquid across the table had him panting internally and sent his thoughts into the gutter. In fact, the table held some interesting prospects if you added Bree and his imagination into the equation. So, it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to be married if it meant that he could see her every night and have Amber in his life full time. His own relationship with his part-time father had been tempestuous at best and he didn’t want that for his own child.
He’d make the best of the cards he’d been dealt, but it was too soon to play his hand. She was still skittish and he had to woo her, play the game, and get to know Amber. The rest would follow. He was determined to walk away a winner.
“So, I was thinking that we could work out a schedule of sorts,” Todd interrupted the silence. “That way, I can spend time with Amber and show her some of the sigh
ts and be involved in settling her in and preparing her for school. It might also give you some time to get settled; reacquaint yourself with the town and old friends. What do you think?”
Bree didn’t really know what to think. She was dumbstruck by his lack of anger and eagerness to work together. Gone was the frosted reproach of the day before and what she’d supposed would be the biggest hurdle, had turned out to be a non-issue. Not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth, she eagerly took the bait, “Sure that sounds great. In fact, it sounds perfect. I have already enrolled her and filled out all of the forms. Everything has been submitted.” She stopped rambling and took a moment. “I’ll be teaching at the school too as I’m taking over for Laura, who resigned to stay home and look after her baby.”
“So, you’re a teacher, huh?” He asked with genuine pleasure for her. He knew that she’d qualified as a teacher, but couldn’t tell her without informing her of his confidential chat with her grandparents the previous evening. “Your studies have paid off then. I’m happy for and proud of you, Bree. Well done.”
“Thanks.” She was once again puzzled. What had brought on this change, first his decision to work amicably with her as a parent and now praise? “Things have worked out quite nicely. I start my first day at the pre-kindergarten class the day before Amber starts school. So, when she starts school, I’ll be just across the playground if she needs me. I’ve also arranged a tour of the school for her, she will meet her new teacher, and the principal the day before school starts so it won’t be so foreign to her. If you want, you could spend the morning with Amber and then bring her over to the school and be part of the tour and meetings?”
“Sounds good,” Todd agreed. “What about in between then and now?”
Home for Love (An Adult Contemporary Romance) Page 3
