by Virlyce
“Shut your mouth!” Zollstock roared.
Lindyss laughed. “Or what? You’ll use your puny army to fight against ours?” she asked. “Didn’t you receive any reports on the size of our army? You should’ve recruited some more villagers.” She tilted her head and smiled. “Oh right. I forgot. All of them came over and joined our kingdom.”
Zollstock’s body shook as his face turned red.
Lindyss giggled. “Well, it’s to be expected,” she said and shrugged. “You can’t even get your children to listen to you, why would a nation?”
“All troops forward!” Zollstock yelled as spittle flew from his mouth. Metal clanked as the infantry shouted and charged ahead of Zollstock.
Lindyss turned to Exzenter. “Do it,” she said. “Drop it right on top of them.”
Exzenter’s eyebrows knit together. “Isn’t this a bit … excessive?”
“You want to set up an alliance between our kingdoms, right?” Lindyss smiled. “Just do this one little thing and I’m sure negotiations will go smoothly.”
Exzenter sighed and nodded. He spread his arms open, and wind rushed towards the approaching army, encircling them. Streams of blue light flowed into the time mage’s body from a pile of mana crystals behind him.
Dustin gaped as he walked up to Zollstock and Mina. “That’s Exzenter,” he said. “The strongest human time mage. And that’s a tremendous amount of mana he’s manipulating. The scale of that spell must be huge. We can only hope our soldiers reach him before he finishes.”
Zollstock frowned. “Time mages aren’t offensive. Is he trying to warp all our soldiers away? Is that even possible?”
Dustin’s eyebrows knit together. “It seems larger than that, he—. Watch out!” Dustin tackled Zollstock and Mina forward. Hundreds of little portals appeared above the army and blotted out the sun. Dozens of large portals appeared above the little ones.
Exzenter released his breath and wiped his brow. “I know I’m not religious, but may god have mercy on my soul,” he said and clasped his hands together.
The army screamed and cursed as thousands of brown objects fell from the sky, splattering their bodies. They raised their shields above their heads and wept as sulfurous fumes invaded their nostrils. Some of the objects were dry and brittle, others were wet and stuck to their armor and hair.
Mina screamed as she covered her head. “This is disgusting!” she shrieked as Dustin vomited next to her.
“Forward! Forward!” the soldiers yelled, pushing and shoving each other to escape the torrential downpour. The brown storm started to let up as fewer clumps fell.
Then it happened.
The large ones came.
Boulder-sized turds fell from the sky and splattered on impact. Skeletons cackled as they crawled out of the fallen comets and pulled soldiers down to the ground while embracing them. A symphony of wails and shrieks filled the air, peppered with the sounds of retching and splashing.
A tear leaked from the undead leader’s eye. “It’s beautiful,” it said and sniffed. “Truly the epitome of strategic warfare.” It turned to Exzenter. “Thank you for making this happen. I can die happy now.”
Exzenter sighed and shook his head. “All those wonderful dragon stool samples,” he said and sniffed, “wasted on this.”
The storm passed, and the sun illuminated the brown battleground as the portals vanished. Wails and sobs rang out as the skeletons systematically stripped the army of their armor and weapons while tying the soldiers together. A few spells flew through the battlefield, but a retaliation of brown goop put an end to that.
Lindyss coughed after the skeletons finished. “Everyone who wants a bath has to join Konigreich as a citizen of our kingdom. You’ll be given fresh undergarments and food along with drink,” she said and glanced at Zollstock. “The rest of you will have to wait here until our party is over.”
Zollstock opened his mouth. “That’s—”
“Or … we can come to an agreement between our two nations,” Lindyss said, interrupting him with a smile. “What do you say? But say it from far away. You stink.”
***
The moon shone overhead as Mina walked out of the plaza towards the forest. Tafel and Vur were sitting against a tree, leaning on each other with bloated bellies. Mina opened her mouth to speak but closed it when she saw Tafel’s face. Her daughter was smiling with her eyes closed. Mina’s eyes grew wet, and she loosened her grip on her cup. She sighed, took a swig, and walked back towards the plaza.
Interlude
Snuffles sniffed the cluster of mushrooms in front of him. The ground shook, and the leaves on the trees rustled. Snuffles turned away from the mushrooms and peered into a gap between a pair of trees in the forest.
The shaking stopped, and Snuffles stared into the distance for a few more seconds before turning back to the mushrooms. He dug them up with his snout and ate them. He let out a squeal and arched his back while extending his front hooves forward like a cat. He walked under a tree and yawned while curling up into a ball.
The shaking resumed, and a howl rang out, followed by a bird’s shrill cry. Snuffles lifted his head and squinted in the direction of the shaking. A few seconds later, the shaking stopped. He tilted his head to the side and lowered it again, closing his eyes. His breathing slowed, and his mouth fell open a tiny bit every time his stomach rose. Drool pooled in his lower mouth and leaked onto the grass.
Ear-splitting howls echoed through the forest as a bird shrieked. White flames sprang up in the distance and smoke rose into the air. Snuffles’ eyes shot open, and he climbed to his feet. He stared in the direction of the sound with his eyes glowing. A sky-blue light spread out from his forehead and wrapped around his body like a web as he let out a squeal that drowned out the howls. The tree trunks in front of him cracked, and the trees toppled over with a crash. The forest fell silent as the flames disappeared, only leaving behind a trace of smoke in the air.
Snuffles snorted and trotted in the direction of the sounds. He arrived at a clearing with charred craters and deep gouges in the earth. On the left side of the clearing was a pack of wolves with silver fur and red eyes. Patches of burnt fur and skin peppered their coats. Across from them, on the right side, was a phoenix, roughly the same size as Snuffles. It was dark blue with white flames dancing around its feather tips. Dark-red gouges dripped blood onto the ground beneath the bird. The two sides remained motionless as Snuffles meandered into the clearing, eyes still glowing. He turned his gaze on the wolves. They flinched, and their hackles rose as they bared their teeth at him.
Snuffles snorted. He turned his head towards the phoenix. One of its wings were torn and hung limp at its side. The phoenix met Snuffles’ eyes and didn’t move. White flames flickered around its body. Snuffles tilted his head and approached the phoenix. The wolves growled and stamped the ground, but Snuffles ignored them. The phoenix took a step back and then another step as Snuffles got closer.
A wolf howled and dashed towards Snuffles, its eyes glowing red. Snuffles stomped the ground with his front left hoof. A web of cracks spread throughout the clearing. The lunging wolf leapt backwards and stared at the ground before looking at the boar in front of it, growling. Snuffles snorted and roared at the pack of wolves. He glared at them with golden glowing eyes, and a faint image of a dragon’s head materialized above Snuffles’ body. The wolves’ ears flattened against their heads, and their hackles lowered as they crawled onto their bellies. The biggest wolf let out a bark, turned around, and sprinted into the forest. The other wolves scrambled to their feet and followed.
The image of the dragon faded away, and Snuffles directed his attention towards the phoenix. It shivered and tried to flap its wings, but only its good wing moved. It let out a soft cry as Snuffles walked closer to it and stopped in front of its body. Its silver eyes stared at Snuffles, unblinking, as the boar bent his knees and motioned towards his back with his head. The phoenix tilted its head and took a tiny step forward. Snuffles nodded and l
eaned towards the phoenix. It hesitated before grabbing onto Snuffles bristles with its talons and climbed onto his back.
Snuffles trotted out of the clearing towards the direction he came from. Other beasts looked at the pair but didn’t approach. Instead, they knelt on the ground as Snuffles walked past. The two arrived at a cave that Snuffles liberated from a behemoth bear a few days prior. Its corpse was still frozen at the entrance, and the phoenix gaped at it as they passed by.
Snuffles stopped at a bed made from moss and grass. He crawled onto his belly and tilted the phoenix towards the bed. It slid off and turned around, blinking at Snuffles. He snuffled and nudged the phoenix with his snout before nodding and moving to the entrance of the cave. The phoenix sat down, tucked its head under its wing, and fell asleep. Snuffles watched the phoenix’s chest rise and fall a few times before he curled up into a ball and lowered his head. His eyes stopped glowing, and he yawned before falling asleep.
***
Sounds of slurping and munching permeated the cave. The phoenix opened its eyes and saw Snuffles chewing on a bear paw at the entrance. It stood up and winced as it looked down at the gouges in its chest. The majority of the wounds were clotted, but a few areas still leaked blood.
Snuffles’ ears twitched, and he turned his head towards the phoenix with a piece of meat in his mouth. He walked forward and placed the chunk of flesh in front of the phoenix. The phoenix stared at him without moving, and he nudged the meat with his snout before snuffling. The phoenix pecked it and tore off strips of meat.
Snuffles dug a hole in the ground. A chunk of ice materialized in it as his eyes glowed. He pointed at the chunk of ice with his hoof and then pointed at the phoenix. The phoenix tilted its head, before its eyes glittered. It spewed white flames at the chunk of ice, melting it into a pool of water. Snuffles took a few sips before motioning towards the phoenix with his head. It finished eating the chunk of meat and waddled over to drink the water. Snuffles sat down and observed the phoenix’s wounds as it drank. It waddled back to the bed and blinked at Snuffles before tucking its head under its wing.
Snuffles waited a few moments before leaving the cave, freezing the entrance with a block of ice before he left. He wandered around the forest, looking for herbs that cured injuries. Vur had pointed out all kinds of plants and their functions as they wandered the forest together during Vur’s reading craze. Snuffles wandered and gathered as many plants as he could, careful to not crush them in his mouth as he carried them back to the cave. The ice blocking the entrance vanished, and the phoenix raised its head. It stared as Snuffles walked past it towards the pool and dropped the herbs into the water.
Snuffles approached the phoenix. It flapped its good wing and screeched as Snuffles nudged it towards the pool and pushed it inside.
It struggled and flailed, flinging water everywhere, but Snuffles wouldn’t let it climb out. After a few moments, the phoenix stopped struggling. The gouges on its chest had stopped bleeding, and there were traces of new feathers on its torn wing. The phoenix deflated as it looked at Snuffles, lowering its head. The phoenix chirped and floated in the water. Snuffles grunted and trudged back to the entrance of the cave to eat some more meat.
The phoenix climbed out of the pool as Snuffles was finishing up a portion of the bear. It shook its body, flinging water droplets out of its feathers. It preened itself before approaching Snuffles who had curled up into a ball. It tugged on his tail with its talons and gestured in the direction of the bed. Snuffles raised his head before tilting it to the side. The phoenix tugged on his tail again and hopped towards the bed. It stood next to the moss and stared at Snuffles. Snuffles climbed to his feet and trotted over before curling up on the bed. The phoenix sat in between his front and back hooves and snuggled against his belly before tucking its head under its wing. Snuffles closed his eyes and fell asleep.
***
Snuffles dreamed he was a blue, female, baby bird. He was sitting in a nest which was on the peak of an average-sized tree in the forest. There were five red chicks huddled together on the opposite side of the nest. In between him and the red chicks was a grown red phoenix with its head under its wings. Snuffles recognized the phoenix as his father. His mother hunted for food as his father watched over the nest, defending it from would-be predators. His brothers and sisters ignored him and stole food from him whenever possible.
He dreamed that days, then months, passed as he got bigger. Feathers started to poke through his downy fluff. One day, while his mother was hunting, a wyvern flew towards the nest and his father flew up to confront it. The five red phoenixes waited until his father was engaged in battle before lifting Snuffles and tossing him over the edge of the nest.
He flapped his wings, slowing his descent, but he was unable to takeoff into the air. His wing crashed against a branch, and he tumbled to the ground. He tried to chirp, but no noise came out. Only tears.
He crawled to his feet and scratched the tree trunk, but his father was still engaged in battle and couldn’t hear him. A badger passed by as he tried to climb up the tree to no avail. It charged him, and he flapped his wings while clawing at the badger. It ignored his strikes and pinned him to the ground as its mouth lunged for his throat. He struggled and a burst of white flames erupted from his body, launching the badger. It screeched as it was blasted two meters away, and it turned to run away.
He watched the badger flee before tilting his head up to look at the nest. He couldn’t see the treetops from the bottom. He lowered his head and chirped as tears fell from his eyes. He tried to fly, but his flight feathers hadn’t fully developed yet and he could only get a foot off the ground. Rustling sounds came from the bushes nearby. Snuffles took one last look at his birth tree before turning to flee.
Days passed as he lived in foxholes and hunted rabbits to survive. Some days, he wouldn’t eat anything at all. Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months. He didn’t know where he was. He couldn’t remember where his birth tree was. He learned to fly, but couldn’t find any traces of his home or his family.
One day, as he was sleeping in a foxhole, a pack of dire wolves found him. The wolves outnumbered him, and the alpha tore his wing before he could take off. They attacked him, ignoring the white flames dancing around his body. His body got heavier and heavier as the wolves harassed him. His eyes glowed silver, and a ball of white flames expanded outwards with him at the center. His vision went black.
Snuffles opened his eyes and saw the phoenix staring at him, tears in her eyes. She blinked and wiped away the tears with her good wing. Snuffles blinked back and nudged her chest with his snout. She tucked her legs under her body and leaned her head against his belly with closed eyes. He snuffled and closed his eyes.
20
Tafel and Vur were sitting on a blanket underneath a tree with a basket of food beside them. Lindyss was busy negotiating with Zollstock and Randel inside of Konigreich’s castle. Exzenter had teleported the human king to the kingdom, much to the misfortune of the king and his privacy.
“Where’s Snuffles?” Tafel asked.
Vur shrugged. “He disappeared a while ago, but Mom said not to worry about him since he’s strong,” he said and sighed.
Tafel thought back to the time she heard a father tell his son that his favorite duck had run away after coming back from the butcher. Tafel patted Vur’s shoulders. “I’m sure he’s doing fine,” she said and nodded. “Maybe he found a girlfriend.”
“But he only has the dragon class; what if he gets attacked?” Vur asked. “I hope he’s okay.”
Only…, Tafel thought as she grabbed Vur’s hand. “We can go look for him together if you want.”
Vur shook his head. “If he’s alive, he’ll come back. If he doesn’t come back, then he got eaten.”
“That’s kind of bleak.”
Vur shrugged. “That’s what Leila says. The strong eat the weak. But don’t bully the weak just because you’re strong.”
The undead leader’s skull pop
ped out of the ground by their feet. “That’s a good policy,” the leader said. “This Leila sounds pretty smart.”
Tafel blinked at the skull. “Were you here this whole time?”
The leader nodded and laughed. “We’re everywhere,” it said. “How else are we supposed to stop crimes?”
“Everywhere?”
“Except inside the outhouses. We stay outside the outhouses.”
“What about the baths…?” Tafel asked, her cheeks turning pink.
“Don’t worry,” the leader said and grinned. “There are female skeletons too.”
Tafel shuddered. “That’s a bit unsettling.”
“It’s fine,” the leader said and waved his hand. “We don’t have eyes.”
“But you can still se—”
“Oops, gotta go.” The leader’s head vanished back underneath the ground. A voice floated out of the hole it left behind. “Mistress is calling.”
Tafel stared at the hole and sighed. She turned to the basket of food and bit her lower lip. “Suddenly, I’m not hungry anymore,” she said. She tugged on Vur’s hand. “Do you want to go to the adventurers’ guild?”
“Sure.”
***
The adventurers’ guild was located in a small building by the entrance to Konigreich. It had two floors and a wooden exterior. Vur pushed open the door and the two walked inside. A few men were drinking alcohol and sitting by the tables in the corner. Food, water, and shelter were provided to the citizens for mana crystals, but alcohol had to be bought with gold. A couple of the men raised their eyebrows when they saw the two’s short statures, but they paled and looked away after seeing Vur’s eyes.
“What’s wrong, Jack? You look like you saw a ghost,” a man said. He turned around in his seat. “Oh.” He turned back, hunching his shoulders as he drank.
“H-hello,” the receptionist said as he wiped his brow. He wore a white dress shirt and had thick rectangular glasses.
