by Bree Wolf
“I believe a kiss is in order,” Edmond said, a mischievous gleam in his eyes as he looked at his friend. It made Rosabel wonder if the mistletoe had even been there earlier when they’d left for the ball. She couldn’t recall it had. Had Edmond put it up to force them into a kiss?
Casting a careful glance at her husband, Rosabel thought he was fuming with anger barely held in check. As his eyes shifted to her for a second, her hands began to tremble, and the breath caught in her throat. Was he angry at her? Or had he figured out the same thing she had just realized, and his anger was directed at Edmond?
Waiting for his approach, not knowing what to expect, but strangely curious, Rosabel was taken aback when her husband bowed to her formally, saying, “I bid you a good night, my lady.” Then he walked off, heading for his study.
Dumbfounded, Rosabel stared after him. Her eyes clouded, and her head fell as she realized the meaning of his actions. How he must hate her! She was not the wife he wanted. She was but a substitute, a poor one at that. And he could not even bring himself to kiss her. Feeling a sting deep in her heart, Rosabel turned to go.
“Do not mind him,” Edmond spoke up. “It will take some time. But do not give up. I beg you.” His eyes were imploring, and Rosabel couldn’t help but nod. Shocked, she realized that she had come to care for her husband. How could this be?
When Rosabel finally lay in bed, the tears she’d held back all night ran freely down her cheeks, wetting her pillow. Exhausted after the emotional turmoil, she only relaxed when sleep finally claimed her.
***
Grabbing the small vase on the mantle, Graham hurled it at the wall, watching in satisfaction as it shattered into a thousand pieces. And yet, the heat that burned in his heart did not dissipate.
A knock came on the door.
“Enter!” he barked.
When Edmond peeked his head in, Graham saw red. He grabbed the nearest item in sight, which happened to be the decanter, and hurled it at his friend’s stupidly grinning face.
Barely able to duck out of the way, it hit the doorframe right above Edmond’s head, glass shards and liquid hitting the wall in a deafening explosion. “How dare you?” Graham snarled. “How dare you force my hand? How dare you interfere?” His breath coming in heaving rasps, Graham’s hands raked through his hair, and he felt a painful tug on his scalp as he pulled.
Closing the door, Edmond lifted his hands in surrender, carefully stepping around the shards scattered across the floor. “Calm down!” he cautioned, his usual smug smile replaced by earnest concern. Graham couldn’t stand to look at him. “Leave me alone!” he bellowed.
“So that you can destroy the rest of your study?” Edmond snapped. “No! Whatever is bothering you, tell me! What happened tonight?”
Graham spun around. “You! You happened!” Again his hands raked through his hair, eyes frantically searching for a way to repair the damage, the damage to his life. “Everything was fine until you interfered!”
Edmond laughed, and Graham felt the desperate need to punch him in the face. “Everything was not fine!” his friend objected, unaware of the threat lying in wait. “You at Camden Hall, her at Westmore, you call that fine? I saw you tonight when you came walking up the stairs. You looked,” he stopped as though searching for the right word, “untroubled. I haven’t seen you like this in years. Why didn’t you kiss her?”
Staring at his friend, Graham shook his head. Through gritted teeth, he forced out the words, “I do not force myself where I am not wanted.”
Nodding, Edmond grinned. “But you wanted to, didn’t you? Is she the first woman you wanted to kiss since my sister?”
Graham froze, a thick lump forming in his throat. “This is none of your business! Get out! Now!”
Edmond shook his head. “You can’t scare me, brother! I know you better than anyone else on this sodden planet, and I won’t leave until you admit why you didn’t kiss her tonight!”
Hands balling into fists, Graham knew if his friend didn’t leave soon, it would come to blows. “I told you why!” he snarled.
“And I told you you’re lying!” Edmond objected once more. “At least to yourself. I know quite well why you ran away.”
Cursing the heavens, Graham slumped down in his chair, all fight leaving his body. “Then tell me. Tell me and leave!”
Leaning forward, Edmond rested his hands on the desk, gaze focused onto his friend’s face. “Because you’re scared. You’re scared that she will refuse you. That she does not return your affections.”
Graham’s head snapped up. “Affections?”
A slow smile curled up Edmond’s lips. “I suppose you’re the only man in England who finds it highly inconvenient to be in love with his wife.”
Pushing back the chair, Graham shot up. “I am not …”
“Not yet, maybe,” Edmond interrupted. “Give it time.”
Chapter Eighteen - In the Dark of Night
Not knowing how to meet her husband’s eyes after his open rejection the night before, Rosabel dreaded each step that took her closer to the breakfast parlour. Oh, if she could only stay in bed and pretend none of this had happened!
As the footman opened the door, she took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and with her head held high walked into the room to find Georgiana sitting in her usual place, looking at her with round eyes. Her husband’s chair was empty.
Smiling at the little girl, Rosabel strode forward. She brushed a hand over her head and took the seat across from her. “Good morning, Georgiana. How did you sleep?”
As one maid poured her tea, another approached her with a silver platter in her hands, a folded sheet of paper on it. Frowning, Rosabel took it and began to read. With each word, although there weren’t many, her eyes grew bigger. That coward! She thought. He had snuck away in the middle of the night, blaming some unforeseen business that had come up. In her heart, Rosabel knew the truth. Once again, he was avoiding her. And once again, she didn’t know how to feel about it.
A part of her rejoiced at being spared an awkward and highly uncomfortable meeting after the happenings of the previous night. And yet, she couldn’t help but feel like he was insulting her again. He didn’t even have the decency to look her in the eyes after clearly telling her that she displeased him as his wife. He had not uttered a word of apology, nor did the note contain one. What was she to do? He fled in the dark of night from his own house, and she was supposed to keep up pretences? The world was far from fair.
Remembering the little girl across from her, munching on her muffin, Rosabel felt bad. Georgiana would be heartbroken to learn that her father had abandoned her once again. How ought she tell the child?
As the door opened once again, Rosabel looked up in surprise, seeing Edmond stride into the room, the usual gleam in his eyes. As her gaze met his, he actually winked at her. Rosabel couldn’t stop the smile curling up her lips, but she shook her head at him nonetheless.
“Good morning,” he beamed, taking his seat next to her. “How did you sleep?” Again there was that twinkle as though he was referring to something highly inappropriate…and enjoying every moment of it.
“As well as expected.” Her face once again serious, she handed him the note. “Then I received this.”
He took the letter and his voice dropped a little. “A love letter?” But then his eyes flew across the page, and the smile withered away and died a slow death. His lips pressed into a tight line, he brought his fist down on the table with a sudden blow that rattled the cups in their saucers. “Damn that fool!”
Both, Georgiana and Rosabel, looked up in surprise. Realizing he had an audience, Edmond regained his composure quickly. He put away the letter and smiled at Georgiana. “Care for a sleigh ride in the snow?”
Georgiana’s mouth fell opened, and her eyes shone like the morning star. “Oh, yes, please! Can I?”
As Rosabel found her looking at her, waiting for permission to go, a sweet warmth spread from her heart into every fibr
e of her being. She truly was the child’s mother now, and she could not have been happier! If only her husband weren’t such a−
Instantly, she called herself to reason. Such thoughts served no purpose.
Instead, she returned her daughter’s smile and nodded.
“Great!” Edmond clapped his hands together. “You better go and bundle up. It is freezing outside. I’ll wait for you in the hall.”
Georgiana ran from the room, too excited to ask why her father hadn’t come down to breakfast. When they heard her small footsteps echo on the marble staircase, Edmond pushed back his chair and turned to Rosabel. “I am so sorry. I never thought he would do this.”
Rosabel waved his concern away, concentrating on buttering her muffin. “Well, neither did I, and yet, I cannot help but feel I should not be surprised.”
Edmond frowned. “Why?”
Rosabel turned to look at him, hoping to silence him on this subject once and for all. “Because I have never seen him or myself the way that you do. But I am hoping that after everything that happened today and before, you will find the need to alter your idealistic impression of us. It serves no purpose.” Her eyes looked at him imploringly. “We are who we are. I cannot change who I am, and neither can he change who he is. It would be best for all of us to accept reality.”
His shoulders sinking a fraction, Edmond leaned one arm on the table. “I admit that this,” he pointed to the letter with a scowl on his face, “does not help my case, but neither does it dissuade me to pursue it. On the contrary, it strengthens my resolve.”
Rosabel shook her head. “Why? Why are you so insistent? Do you truly believe that this is what Leonora would have wanted?”
Edmond shrugged. “To be honest, I do not know. But I believe that wallowing in misery is no way to live. And while you,” he smiled at her and that twinkle came back to his eyes, “seem to have found a place for yourself, a place that holds love,” he glanced at the doors through which Georgiana had left, “Graham has none of it. He might not be at a loss to fill his days, but he has nothing to fill his life with. And while I understand that his recent behaviour does not endear him to you, he is like a brother to me, and it pains me to see him in such low spirits.”
Rosabel nodded. “I understand that you cannot give up on him. But I feel obliged to point out the futility of your endeavour.”
A boyish grin came to his face. “Duly noted.” He rose from his chair, and Rosabel realized none of what she had said had altered his mind in the least. “If you’ll excuse me, my lady, I have an engagement to honour.” And with that he bowed to her and strode from the room to meet Georgiana.
Chapter Nineteen - Leonora’s Diaries
While Georgiana and Edmond faced the cold, Rosabel retreated to her room. As she entered, her eyes fell on the upper drawer of her vanity, and without thinking, she walked over and pulled it open, revealing Leonora’s diaries. Would they contain answers?
Settling into her favourite armchair facing the bay windows, Rosabel watched tiny snowflakes dance on the air, free to go wherever they chose. The sun caught in their minuscule crystals causing them sparkle like diamonds. Eyes gliding over the snow-capped trees and hills outside her window, the only word that came to Rosabel’s mind was beauty. How could her eyes perceive something so stunning while her mind rolled over in turmoil? Would outside and inside ever walk hand in hand?
Her gaze still fixed out the window, Rosabel’s fingers slowly traced the small lines running every which way across the cover of one of Leonora’s diaries. The leather was soft to the touch, almost like a living being welcoming her caresses. Intrigued beyond self-control, Rosabel turned the cover, her eyes settling onto the page, reading the first words without comprehension as her mind reminded her that she had just crossed a line.
… I never thought I’d find true love. I’ve heard people speak of it, and yet, deep down my heart never truly believed it existed. There is no other way to describe the surprise I feel at now experiencing it myself. Like a unicorn stepping off the pages of a fairy tale, one morning suddenly standing out in the gardens among the rose bushes, as though it had always been there.
But it is true. I blink, and the unicorn is still there. Only thinking of him makes my heart beat faster. The sparkling blue of his eyes. The tender curl to his lips as he smiles at me. The soft touch of his hand as he helped me into the saddle.
But as glorious as this feeling is, I know it can never be. Why would love torment me this way? I, who never believed true love existed, am destined to suffer a doomed love. How cruel fate can be!
Rosabel frowned, wondering again what it had been that had Leonora and Graham both deem their love one without hope, without future. Even from the first day.
Reading on, Rosabel could not discover anything new. Leonora was torn between the glorious feeling of love in all its facets and the hopelessness it faced.
Forgetting about the midday meal, Rosabel read and read. As Bridget stuck her head in, wondering whether her mistress was suffering some ailment, Rosabel just assured her that she was fine and sent her away. Nothing in the world could tear her away from the pages in her hands. Like someone hunting for lost treasure, the fever of the chase had completely taken her over.
… His father does not approve. I always suspected as much, but hearing G. confirm it, still brings tears to my eyes. Although my mind had been expectant of it, my heart had still hoped. Now all hope is lost. G. assures me that he will not give up, that he will find a way to receive his father’s blessing. Although G. did not speak of it, I am aware of the match his father strives for. I cannot compete.
There was something that eluded Rosabel. As much as she had learned about Leonora and Graham’s situation, she was certain that there had to be something she was overlooking. Something that would have everything make sense. Why had Graham’s father disapproved of him marrying Leonora? She had been a duke’s daughter. What other match could he have preferred? And besides, from what Rosabel had been able to piece together, from snippets heard here and there, the late Dukes of Kensington and Cromwell had been good friends, like their sons were today.
… I know I am to blame. I should not have allowed him. I should have kept my wits about me. Now I am to pay.
And yet, regret is not the only feeling within my heart. Part of me rejoices in the triumph of our love. A small triumph, one enjoyed in silence and never shared with the world, but still a triumph. Only no one else will see it as such. To the world, I will be ruined. My family will be ruined. Oh, God, what have I done?
“What did you do?” Rosabel asked the words before her eyes, feeling the pulse hammer in her veins. The kinship she felt to this woman, this woman she had never met, scared her, and yet, it made her heart beat with sympathy and the need to understand. Not that she could have changed the outcome of the situation or altered Leonora’s fate, but still Rosabel thought if she could only understand, Leonora would appreciate her effort.
… He promised he would find a way. A way to save me. To save us. I believe him, and yet, I do not believe such a task can be accomplished. Not without severe losses. Losses that may by far exceed the gain.
But G. insists I put my trust in him. And so I wait. Only, time is of the essence.
From the many entries, Rosabel had read so far, a suspicion arose. Deep in her mind a small voice began to whisper, and with each page she turned, it grew louder and louder.
Leonora had been with child…before she had gotten married.
Rosabel felt for the young woman, imagined her fears and wished she could have been there to assure her all would be well.
… Today I received a letter. I still cannot believe what it said. My mind is numb. Never would I have thought G. would consider such a solution. A solution that solves but one problem and leaves the other as hopeless as ever.
How can he agree? How can he suggest such a thing? Part of me can only see the evil of his plan. And yet, there is another part, smaller but slowly growing bigg
er, that sees the wisdom of his words. It is a sacrifice for us both, and yet, it will ensure confidentiality. Nothing will be revealed. I will not be considered ruined. But I will lose the love of my life forever.
What should I do?
More confused than ever, Rosabel closed the diary as she spotted a horse-drawn sleigh approach over the far hill. Remembering Edmond and Georgiana’s outing, she hastened downstairs and had warm tea prepared the minute the two burst into the entrance hall, snow falling off their clothes, leaving little puddles in their wake.
“You must be freezing,” she exclaimed, pulling Georgiana’s coat off and rubbing her cold hands. The girl’s cheeks were rosy, and snowflakes still clung to her hair. She looked like life itself, and yet, there was a sorrow to her eyes that instantly froze Rosabel’s heart.
Georgiana knew.
Glancing to Edmond, Rosabel caught his eyes. As he read the question on her face, he nodded in answer.
He had told Georgiana that her father had once again abandoned her. Certain that he had not used these words, Rosabel could still see in the girl’s face that no matter how Edmond had phrased the news, her heart understood its essence perfectly.
***
Unfortunately, not long after her husband had fled Westmore Manor, Edmond took his leave as well. Saying their goodbyes, for he did not steal away in the middle of the night, Edmond assured her that he would not give up as though such a promise would ease her heart. She thanked him, nonetheless, and watched as his horse carried him down the lane and vanished soon after behind a grove of oak trees. When would she see him again?
