by R. J. Sable
“Oh?” He raised his eyebrow at me. “How come?”
“Jake’s birthday,” I mumbled awkwardly.
“Why would you go to Newcastle for that?” Jason scoffed, clearly unhappy.
“It’s his twenty-first,” I almost whispered, not meeting his gaze.
Jason was more than displeased with Jake’s reaction to the winter break revelations.
“So what?” He frowned. “He’s a dick, Jamie.”
I winced at his harsh words. I didn’t like Jason saying things like that, no matter how true they were.
“Jason, please,” I pouted. “He’s still my brother.”
Jason sighed with frustration in response.
“We’re all going up,” I said, trying to explain. “I thought maybe you would want to spend some time with Ben?”
“That’d be nice,” he admitted with a sigh. “I’ll check with Benji and get back to you.”
I smiled at him and kissed his beautifully sculpted lips before turning back to focus on my revision notes.
I was fully immersed in my copy of ‘Vathek’, adding notes to the vast array of scribbling which already filled the margins on almost every page, barely aware of anything around me.
“You’re chewing on your tongue,” Jason chuckled from beside me, drawing my attention from my dog-eared book and up to his lips, which were currently pulled up into a handsome smile.
“Was I?” I raised my eyebrows at him, feeling my lips quirk up to match his.
“You always do when you concentrate,” he grinned.
I smiled up at him, touched that he’d noticed such a small detail. The twins did it too, I always laughed at them for it. I wasn’t aware that I made the same stupid face.
“It’s very cute,” he added when he noticed I was blushing.
I shook my head in amusement and leaned over to kiss him.
“Time for lunch,” he said against my cheek as he pulled me against him.
“It’s okay, I’m not really hungry,” I shrugged, burying my face in the crook of his neck. I knew he wouldn’t be happy. He was always trying to get me to eat more and I didn’t want to argue with him about it.
“Jamie,” he said, the irritation obvious in his voice. “You need to eat.”
“Please, Jason, breakfast was massive,” I tried to reason with him.
“It was,” he conceded. “But you didn’t eat it all.”
I hadn’t been oblivious to the glares Jason had given me when I put the other half of my omelette into a Tupperware tub in the fridge, but I had been glad that he decided not to comment. Clearly, he had changed his mind now.
“Come with me,” he demanded. “Just a salad, okay?”
I sighed inwardly. I knew he just wanted to be nice, he was still feeling guilty that I hadn’t put much weight back on but it wasn’t through lack of trying. The trying being on the part of Jason and my brothers over the Christmas break.
“Okay,” I conceded grumpily, collecting up all my notes and following him towards the refectory. I revelled in the feel of his hand against mine, despite my semi-grumpy state, because I could never get enough of the tingles that radiated through my hand from his touch. It was the charge of electricity that kept my heart beating.
“You grab us a table, I’ll get lunch,” he smiled, brushing his lips against my forehead and planting a soft, warm kiss there before he turned towards the cafeteria.
“Jason-” I started my protest but he quickened his pace with a smug grin, leaving me on my own to frown at his retreating profile. I really needed to get him to stop paying for everything.
I spotted Jason meandering through the crowd and waved so he could see me. He beamed at me across the busy food hall and made his way through the masses to sit with me. He had a plate piled high with chicken, green beans and new potatoes for himself and handed me a gargantuan bowl of salad. I raised my eyebrow at him but he valiantly kept his face impassive. The salad was loaded with seeds, avocado, and vegetables of all sorts. To top it off, the whole thing appeared to have been bathed in olive oil. I’ll never be able to eat all this.
“Jason, it’s massive,” I frowned. “I don’t think I’ll be able to eat it all.”
“Just do your best, please baby, for me,” he pleaded, his eyes penetrating mine and imploring me to do as he asked.
I sighed inwardly and lifted my fork to make a start on my dressing with a side of salad. It tasted good, I’ll admit that, but there was just so much of it. I felt like I’d barely made a dent in it by the time Jason had wolfed down his food. My brothers had rubbed off on him, he now swallowed his food whole just like they did.
I kept my eyes on my plate even though I knew Jason was watching me. He talked about what he was planning for the athletics club whilst I ate and I was glad that he wasn’t pressuring me. I liked hearing him talk about things that were important to him. He got so lively and animated and his eyes lit up, highlighting the shades of emerald green.
“I… I don’t think I can eat any more,” I apologised, pushing the huge bowl away from me.
I watched Jason grind his teeth slightly before answering me. “Jamie, you’ve only eaten half,” he sighed, running his hand through his hair.
“I really wasn’t that hungry,” I said quietly, my eyes on my hands in my lap.
“Jamie, look at me,” he demanded, reaching over to take my hands in his. I obliged, my eyes lifting to meet his. My pale blue to his intoxicating cerulean and celadon mix. “I only want what’s best for you.”
I nodded slowly, acknowledging his intent. I knew that, I understood it. What I didn’t understand was his determination to feed me.
“I ate as much a I could,” I pouted.
Jason sighed. I could hear his irritation increasing. “Tell me something, Jamie,” he started, flexing the muscles in his jaw before he continued. “If Ian, or one of your other brothers, had put that in front of you and told you to eat it, would you have eaten it all?”
I averted my gaze and looked down at our hands, entwined together. I didn’t answer. I didn’t need to. Jason knew that I would have. Surely he understands why I would have done as they said? I wouldn’t have had any choice.
“Exactly,” he sighed, obviously interpreting my lack of response correctly. “So why won’t you eat it for me?”
I blinked up at him. That was really unfair. What did he expect me to say? Because you won’t punish me if I don’t eat it. Well, he might punish me, but not in the same way. Orgasm denial – that I could handle. My brothers’ version of punishment – not so much.
“It’s fine,” he sighed, pushing his chair back and starting to clear the table.
“Jason, I-” I started to apologise but he walked away again. I could see the tension in his shoulders and hated that I’d caused it. Maybe I should have just forced it all down to make him happy.
I watched Jason stalking back towards me, he rolled his shoulders and some of the tension disappeared. I lowered my gaze again as he got close, nervous that he was mad at me.
“Come here,” he said gently, pulling me up from my chair. He drew me into him and rested my head under his chin. I felt him breathe out against my scalp and his breath warmed my skin as it passed through my hair. “Sorry, baby. I just worry about you. It kills me to see you a little underweight.”
“I’m sorry,” I said against his chest, enjoying his arms around me. “I know it’s important to you, I’ll try harder, I promise.”
“Thank you,” he kissed me appreciatively, rewarding my obedience by licking my bottom lip and making my knees tremble. “Come on, I’ll get you a coffee before we go back to the library.”
“Can I get the coffee, please?” I asked, attempting to flutter my eyelashes.
“No,” he shrugged.
“Please?” I pouted, tugging his arm gently.
He turned to me and smiled, planting a chaste kiss on my forehead. “No,” he grinned. “Do you think you’ll ever just do as you’re told?”
I knew he was joking but I’d heard similar statements from my brothers for as long as I could remember. I felt my shoulders and eyes dropping in unison as I muttered a quiet apology.
“Hey,” he sounded worried. “Please don’t do that.”
I looked up at him in confusion. “Do what?” I asked, prepared to apologise again and mentally kicking myself for never doing anything right.
“Adopt the submissive, scared persona you use around your brothers. You never need to be like that with me.”
“I don’t understand,” I shook my head. He was talking like I shared my brothers’ leanings towards multiple personality disorder.
Jason handed me the cup of coffee he’d just paid for and kissed my cheek, wrapping his arm around my waist and guiding me to the side so we could stand and talk outside the library.
“When you’re with them, you’re always apologising. You’re always scared. You never argue back and you never make eye contact,” he breathed, as though the physical act of speaking this out loud was causing him pain. “I know why you’re like that. You don’t have to explain,” he said quickly as I opened my mouth to justify my behaviour. I was just being respectful. It wasn’t my place to argue with them. “But I will never treat you the way your brothers do, baby. I promise.” He stressed the last two words and brushed my cheek with his thumb. “I love you.”
I smiled. “I love you too.” I appreciated the sentiment of his words but I resented the implication. My brothers may not represent a conventional family but I loved them. When you considered everything my family had been through, the fact that we were as close and cared for as we were was practically a miracle. So what if they’re strict? At least I know they care for me.
I was interrupted from my introspection when my phone vibrated. I pulled it out and checked it as I followed Jason into the library, both of us discretely hiding our takeaway cups behind our bags.
“Oh, crap!” I uttered as I read the text, earning myself an angry glare from a passing librarian.
“What’s wrong?” Jason asked.
“Nothing, I just forgot I have that doctor’s appointment in an hour. I just got the reminder.”
“Doctors? Are you ill?” He asked, his voice laced with concern.
“No,” I grinned, feeling my cheeks burning slightly.
Jason raised his eyebrow quizzically.
“This is the first appointment I could get,” I explained.
“For what?” He returned to whispering, his eyebrows still furrowed as I followed him to the study area.
“To save us money on condoms,” I blushed, unable to look up and meet his gaze.
Jason chuckled as I sat down next to him, his eyes lighting up once more. “Oh that,” he grinned, putting his hand on my jean-clad knee. “I can’t wait.”
“Why?” I asked curiously. I don’t see what difference it makes.
“There’ll be nothing between us,” he leant closer and whispered in my ear. “You’ll feel everything as you slide up and down my dick.”
My breath caught in my throat. Oh my God. I can’t believe he’s talking like this in the middle of the library. Embarrassed as I was, I couldn’t ignore the throbbing between my thighs. In his usual psychic fashion, Jason began inching his fingers up my leg, ever closer to the delightful throbbing.
“And when I come inside you, I’ll be the first and last man to mark you as my own. Won’t I?” He prompted, his voice a low growl in my ear.
I found myself incapable of answering as his hand reached its destination and began brushing over the seam of my jeans. The friction was both excruciating and delightful and I had to battle not to let out the moan of pleasure that was threatening to break free.
“Won’t I?” He urged, pushing his fingers deeper and eliciting a gentle whimper from me.
“Yes,” I breathed, shutting my eyes tight and hoping nobody around us would notice my crimson cheeks. I can’t believe he’s doing this in public. Why am I not stopping him? I raised my hand to halt his, worried that somebody could see, but Jason used his other hand to remove my hand from his.
“No, baby,” he chided, squeezing my hand gently and putting it back on top of the table.
“Jason, somebody might see,” I whispered desperately, glancing around at the spattering of students using the large room.
“Nobody can see, baby,” he soothed, his fingers working quickly and rhythmically against the seam of my jeans.
My breathing was becoming highly erratic and my skin was burning all over. It was all I could do to stay still and not squirm in my seat to try and increase the pressure on my oversensitive clit.
Jason leant in closer and kissed my cheek, his lips travelling back to my ear where he gently sucked my lobe into his mouth.
“Jason…” I breathed, unsure of whether I was going to ask him to stop or to strip naked and take me on the table.
Jason chuckled and withdrew his hand. I automatically pouted and his grin broadened.
“Get on with your studying, baby,” he soothed, kissing my lips gently. “I’ll take you to the doctors in time for your appointment.”
He turned away and focussed on setting his laptop up. I could see the slight smirk tugging at his lips and frowned across at him, watching the smirk grow. I sighed audibly with both exasperation and immense sexual frustration, trying to ignore the unsatisfied throbbing between my thighs and focus on my lecture notes.
Chapter 6
Monday, 14th January 2013
Jason waited for me outside of the doctor’s room with a big smile on his face but his expression changed as he noticed the one on mine. I saw him open his mouth to confront me but I shook my head. I didn’t want to have that conversation right now. I shoved the piles of pamphlets into my bag with a huff and took his waiting hand.
We walked in relative silence into town. Jason rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb, giving me the space and time to think through what I needed to say but letting me know he was there for me. I appreciated it, my brain was a maelstrom of emotions and I didn’t know where to begin.
We dropped my shopping off at halls before packing an overnight bag and heading over to Jason’s flat.
“You want a cup of tea?” He asked as he finished unpacking his two shopping bags.
“Yes, please,” I said eagerly, delighted by the prospect. Tea was just what I needed.
“Okay,” Jason nodded, kissing the tip of my nose and making me smile. “Go chill on the sofa, I’ll bring you one in a sec.”
By the time he brought me my tea, I was already sprawled out on the sofa, trying to ease some of the tension out of my shoulders. Jason sat down next to me and pulled me onto his knee, facing the television. He began massaging my neck and shoulders, his talented fingers teasing out every knot and soothing every sore muscle.
“Thank you,” I moaned appreciatively as he pulled me off his knee and into his side before passing me my cup of tea.
“Anything for you,” he smiled, kissing the top of my head. “You want to tell me about it?”
I could hear the caution in his voice. I knew I couldn’t avoid talking about it forever; Jason always got information out of me one way or another. I sighed deeply and took a sip of my tea before I began.
“I got a lecture from the doctor,” I complained, annoyed by the whine in my voice.
“What about?” Jason asked, even though he probably knew what it was about.
“My weight,” I grumbled. “She gave me a massive lecture and accused me of having all sorts of eating disorders. It took me twenty minutes to convince her I didn’t need counselling,” I sighed again and took another sip of my tea for strength.
“How much do you weigh at the minute?” He asked, running his fingers up and down my arm gently in a reassuring gesture.
“109 pounds,” I said quietly, feeling myself blush. I felt Jason’s grasp tighten around my arm and knew that he was angry. “I was 105 before Christmas!” I explained.
“Jamie, that’s h
ardly anything,” he shook his head in frustration. “I weigh 190 for Christ’s sake.” He took a deep breath and when he spoke again he sounded calmer. “What does that make your BMI?”
“Eighteen-ish,” I said quietly. I knew it was too low. I knew I needed to put weight on, but it wasn’t like I’d done it on purpose. I ate everything I was given over the winter break. I didn’t go days without eating or make myself throw up, I ate when I was hungry and I didn’t when I wasn’t. Surely, that was how it was meant to work?
“Jamie,” Jason said, his voice weighted with concern. “That’s low. I can understand the doctor’s concern.”
“I know!” I half shouted. I didn’t mean to snap at him I was just tired of being lectured about my weight. Shouldn’t my weight be mine to control? Not my brothers’, not Jason’s and not the doctor’s. “I’m sorry,” I apologised immediately. I didn’t want to lash out at Jason.
“I’m just worried about you.” He stayed silent a while before he spoke again. “You know if your weight get’s too low it will mess up your running, right?”
“It will?” I asked, hearing the shock in my voice. I hadn’t really thought about that.
“Yep,” he nodded. “Weighing less is an advantage up to a certain point, but once you cross that line, your body doesn’t have the energy it needs to supply your muscles with new fuel or repair the damage to them.”
I blinked and tried to take in the information. I had no idea. I liked running, I was proud of it. I knew I’d gotten into running because of my brothers but it was still one of the few things that I considered to be my own because my progress was up to me, not anyone else.
“I don’t want that to happen,” I shook my head.
“I don’t want you to get sick either,” Jason said, taking my hand in his and squeezing it gently.
“I don’t know what to do,” I admitted. The newspapers and glossies were full of miracle diets and ridiculous exercises that were supposed to magic away the pounds. Nobody ever talked about how to gain weight. The doctor just told me to eat more, which I had inwardly rolled my eyes at. I’d put on four pounds in a month and that was only because I’d been force fed enough food to feed two of my brothers at every meal – and that was saying something because they all ate enough food to feed a small country.
