Stronger with You (With You Trilogy)

by R. J. Sable

  I nodded and told her about the laser tag and Karl’s victory over Ian which had her grinning. I gave her vague details about the evening’s activities, unsure of how familiar she was with my brothers’ birthday rituals and traditions.

  “Did they tie Jake up?” She laughed. Clearly she was more familiar with them than I was.

  “Yeah,” I nodded glumly. “I found him in the shower this morning.”

  “Bless him,” she laughed. “Is he okay?”

  “I think so,” I smiled weakly. “He had enough energy left to try and start a fight with Craig at least.”

  “Sounds like Jake,” she shook her head with a smile. “There he is,” she grinned and stood up suddenly, seeing Karl and Matt approaching us. Karl didn’t seem surprised to see her at all so I figured he must have known she was coming.

  He scooped her up off her feet and lifted her up for an unusual display of affection. He kissed her and I watched Matt make pretend faces of disgust behind their backs.

  I smiled happily at them. I loved seeing them like that, they were so perfect together. I followed the three of them into the restaurant to a very large table that seemed to have been made up just for us. I noted that there were nine chairs so somebody must have known that Elise would be coming.

  The rest of my brothers filed into the room just before eight and I noticed that Jake and Craig both avoided making eye contact with me, not that I was surprised. Danny sat on my left and Matt on my right.

  “Sleep okay, Jellybean?” Danny grinned.

  “Yeah, could have done with a few more hours, though,” I smiled at him.

  “Jake didn’t make too much noise then?” He laughed, glancing at Jake.

  “You knew he was in there?” I scowled.

  “Of course,” he smirked.

  I shook my head at him. Were all of them in on it? Stupid question, of course they were.

  “You two switched shirts last night, didn’t you?” I accused, looking back and forth between him and Rick on his other side.

  “How dare you accuse us of such a thing?” Danny said in mock protest.

  “Would we do something like that?” Rick shook his head firmly.

  “Don’t tell Ian,” Danny whispered conspiratorially, his face behind his glass of orange juice.

  “Pfft!” I scoffed. “Firstly, I’m not keeping secrets for you two. Secondly, if I noticed, then there’s no way Ian missed it,” I grinned wickedly and glanced over at Ian who was most definitely watching the three of us.

  “I didn’t,” he shook his head with a grin. “But Jake did, so it doesn’t matter.”

  “I did what?” Jake asked, his eyebrow raised.

  “You missed the fact that the twins switched shirts last night so that Danny didn’t get shitfaced when you kept making him drink shots,” Karl smirked.

  Jake turned his head to the twins and gaped at them, his mouth hanging open. “You bastards!” Jake accused, his lips curving up in a smile.

  Rick reached over and slapped the back of his head firmly but fondly.

  We fetched plates of food from the breakfast buffet and ordered more freshly squeezed orange juice. As my brothers all noisily tucked into their food, I stared around at them. I noticed Karl wasn’t actually eating, he was just staring at Elise and had the strangest goofy expression on his face. Ian had noticed too but he carried on eating as he observed them.

  Eventually, they broke off their silent exchange and Karl banged his spoon against his glass of orange juice. The others all looked up as Karl stood up at the table. They kept on eating but all had curious expressions on their faces.

  “We have an announcement,” Karl declared, pulling Elise up gently to stand by his side. He positioned himself behind her, all the while looking straight into her eyes. He wrapped his hands around her and rubbed her stomach gently before glancing around at us all with the biggest, goofiest grin I have ever seen.

  “No way!” The twins declared in unison.

  I gaped at them open-mouthed and literally heard the penny drop as my brothers all caught on.

  “Yep!” Karl grinned. “I’m gonna be a Dad,” he said proudly, there may even have been a hint of a tear in his eye.

  There was a lot of rustling and chair scraping as my brothers all rose to congratulate the two of them. Ian hugged Karl firmly – I’d never actually seen them hug before – and slapped him firmly on the back, clearing his throat slightly as he congratulated them. I rushed over to give Elise a hug as soon as I had the chance.

  “I’m so happy for you!” I grinned at her and she grinned back, rubbing her stomach with her eyes full of wonder.

  I was the last to hug Karl, I squeezed him so tightly I thought my arms might snap.

  “Aunty Jelly. Got a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?” He grinned, squeezing me and lifting my feet up from the floor.

  “Aunty Jamie?” I offered, pouting slightly.

  “Not a chance,” he grinned, setting me down again.

  “You’re going to be an awesome Dad,” I beamed at him. I meant it. I knew Karl had a short temper but never with Elise. I’d not heard him raise his voice at her or seen him threaten her ever. I don’t think she’d let him live it down if he did. They were going to be amazing parents. I’m going to be an aunty!

  “When’s Carter Junior due?” Matt asked, his hand still wrapped around Karl’s shoulders.

  “Around the beginning of July,” Elise smiled.

  “Am I getting a niece or nephew?” Danny demanded.

  “Too soon to tell,” Karl grinned. “But it better damn well be a boy,” he warned Elise with a grin.

  “If you say that one more time, I’m going to turn your testicles into a paperweight,” Elise warned him.

  Karl grinned but I could tell he was nervous. Not about his testicles, they were often the target of Elise’s threats but they were obviously still functioning since she was pregnant. No, I could tell he was nervous about the prospect of having a daughter.

  “Not a bad twenty-ninth birthday present,” Rick grinned. The twins’ birthday was the fifth of July.

  “Yeah, ‘cos that’s what we were aiming for,” Karl scoffed.

  “Well your aim seems to be spot on otherwise,” Danny winked.

  “Daniel!” Elise scolded him.

  He shot her an apologetic smile and she shook her head, doing her best not to laugh and failing miserably.

  By the time breakfast was over, my face hurt from grinning but I still couldn’t stop. The same seemed to be true for all of us. Even Jake, whose wrists were an angry red. I’d never seen my family so happy.

  After breakfast, we gathered in Ian and Jake’s room so that he could open his presents. I held the small packet I’d gotten him in my hand nervously. He’d already opened most of the presents. I didn’t really feel like going through this. I’d had to get him a present, it would have been rude not to and I’d seen something that I thought he’d love.

  When he’d done opening the other presents I handed the packet over to him with my eyes on the colourful wrapping paper rather than on Jake. I sat back onto the floor by Danny’s feet, playing with my shoelaces as I listened to the others talking about their drunken antics.

  “She give you a freaking stapler?” Ian laughed as he looked at the present Jake had opened.

  “I dunno,” Jake answered, sounding a little confused.

  I smiled weakly but didn’t look up. I figured they could work it out for themselves.

  “Oh, awesome,” Craig said appreciatively. “For making guitar picks, right?” Craig asked.

  I nodded again without looking up. Those were the first words Craig had spoken to me since my inappropriate comment earlier that morning.

  I’d made him some guitar picks already. I bought a few damaged second hand CDs really cheap from the market, choosing only bands that I knew he liked. I’d used those CDs to make picks. I’d also superglued pictures of my brothers and a print out of some jellybeans to various bits of plastic and made hi
m a set of Carter family picks.

  “Damn, Danny you look like a pit bull in this picture!” Craig laughed tossing the pick at Danny so he could have a look.

  “That’s not me! That’s Rick,” Danny scowled.

  The two of them bickered over it as usual. I knew for a fact it was Danny in the picture because I’d gotten it from his Facebook page. He’d uploaded and tagged it himself.

  “Whatever,” Rick shrugged, pushing his twin off of him. “Even as pit bulls we’d still be fit as fuck.”

  The others laughed and I couldn’t help but smile. Talk about cocky. I watched Jake looking at the picks out of the corner of my eye. I couldn’t figure out what he was thinking. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he looked a little ill.

  Jake bolted suddenly and we all cringed as we heard him throwing up violently in the bathroom.

  “I bet he wishes he’d managed a few more push ups,” Karl laughed, absently stroking Elise’s stomach as she sat next to him.

  “I’m not sure if it’s just his hangover,” Craig frowned. “I’ll check him out.”

  Craig decided that Jake needed to sleep for a bit, which only seemed fair. I doubted he’d slept for more than five minutes in the shower. I went for a run with Ian and the twins while he slept.

  Ian told me we’d be leaving at one and had even said Jason could meet up with us in town for coffee before we left. I’d called Jason to let him know. His voice instantly warmed when he heard mine and I could hear him grinning when I’d given him a time and a place. I love that man.

  Chapter 18

  Monday, 10th June 2002

  I pulled my school polo shirt over my head and straightened the collar. I don’t want to go to school. Jake had kept his distance since Ian had caught on to what he’d done. Any time he even got close to me, one of the others had shoved him away. I knew he’d be looking for revenge and he’d have the perfect opportunity at school.

  When I walked into the kitchen, I froze. On the table was a beautiful bunch of flowers in a very familiar crystal vase. That vase only got brought out once a year and every time I saw it I wanted to rip my heart out of my chest so that it wouldn’t hurt any more. I guess I’m eight now. I kept my eyes down as I walked into the kitchen, climbing up onto the stool by the island and sitting silently.

  Craig placed a bowl of bran flakes in front of me and I gave him the sign for thank you without looking up. I could feel the tension in the air, nobody else was talking either and it just made me feel worse. My brothers all stood or sat around the island, each of them looking at the flowers.

  I couldn’t eat my bran flakes. My tummy felt like it was inside out. I looked at the flowers in silence with my brothers. They were so beautiful and colourful. I knew Mummy had been beautiful too, she was in all the pictures around the house. She was smiling in the pictures. Smiling with Daddy, smiling with Ian as a baby, smiling with the whole family, but not with me. There’d never be a picture of Mummy smiling with me because I took her smile away forever.

  Ian cleared his throat and the silence was broken. Some of my brothers made funny sniffling noises like they had colds and they all stepped away from the island and returned to their breakfasts.

  “Aren’t you hungry, Jelly?” Ian asked, making the sign for hungry on his tummy.

  I shook my head, still looking at my cereal bowl. Ian sighed and took the bowl away from me, handing it to Jake to finish. I climbed down from the stool and signed to Ian that I was going to the toilet. He followed me to the bathroom and told me to brush my teeth as well. I nodded and did as I was told.

  The twins walked with Jake and me to the school gates before they continued on to their own school. They didn’t say anything, they just waved us off with their identical glum expressions. I watched them walk away, wishing they could stay because I didn’t want to be alone with Jake. He stood by my side, waiting until they were well out of sight.

  I didn’t look up at him, I knew he was scowling at me. As soon as the twins rounded the corner, he grabbed my arm and pulled me through the school gates and behind the bushes into the herb garden. He dropped his schoolbag and kicked me hard in the shins. I fell to the ground and wrapped my hands around my legs, pulling them into my chest and tucking my head in.

  He didn’t stop, he just kept kicking me. I didn’t beg him to stop, I didn’t cry out. Today of all days, I knew I deserved it. I knew what I’d taken from Jake and I knew he hated me.

  I heard him breathing heavily once he stopped. I didn’t look up, I stayed in my ball and listened to him picking up his school bag and walking away. My arms and legs were throbbing with pain, but not as badly as my back. I knew I’d have a few bruises. I wondered if Ian would notice them this time. Sometimes one of my brothers noticed, sometimes they didn’t.

  Sometimes Ian got mad at Jake, sometimes he got mad at me. I didn’t understand the pattern behind the blame but it wasn’t worth telling Ian what Jake had done in case I was judged to be in the wrong.

  This time I knew Ian would blame me. It was all my fault after all. I sat on the ground, slowly stretching and rubbing my arms and legs until the pain subsided a little. Eventually, the bell rang and I had to go to class. At least the pain on the outside made me think less about the pain on the inside.

  As the day went on, I was more and more glad that I didn’t have to talk. I knew nothing I could say would stop Jake being mean to me. They didn’t find me at break time because I’d stuck my hand up to volunteer to clean the board. They’d found me at lunch but I’d been expecting that. I couldn’t have eaten anything anyway, my tummy still felt bad.

  For the first time ever, I wasn’t looking forwards to going home from school. I knew the others were mad at me too and I didn’t want to face them. I didn’t think they’d handle it in the same way Jake did, but it still hurt lots to see them so sad.

  Dinner was just as silent as breakfast had been, except Matt was already at work as usual and his place was empty at the table. I ate some of my dinner because Ian sounded angry when I shook my head when he asked if I was hungry. The food made my stomach twist but I ate all the peas and carrots to make him less angry.

  Once we’d all done our homework, the twins took Craig into the gym to spar and Ian told Jake to go with them. That left me on my own with him in the kitchen.

  “Come here, Jelly,” Ian said. He sounded tired but not tired, his voice was strange.

  I walked closer to him, looking at the writing on his t-shirt. It said ‘London Triathlon’. I traced the letters with my eyes as I waited for him to speak. Instead, he picked me up and carried me on his hip into the lounge. Sitting down with me on the sofa so that I was sat across his lap facing him.

  “You know what today is, Jelly?” He asked, his voice still funny. He didn’t sound happy though. He sounded almost like a robot.

  I nodded sadly, unable to take my eyes of his shirt for fear the tears would come out. Ian let out a long breath and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me to his chest. I could hear his heart beating.

  “Look at me, Jelly,” he ordered, pulling me away again and keeping his hands on my shoulders.

  I tried to force myself to look up at him, but I didn’t want to see his face if he was sad or angry with me. I was hurting too much already, I didn’t think I could take any more.

  “Please, Jelly,” he added, softer this time.

  Ian hardly ever said please. If he wanted something done, it got done without asking twice. Everyone knew better than to slack off or make him say it again. We did what our older brothers said. That was the rule, and Ian was oldest so we all did as he said. Saying please was a huge thing for Ian and I wasn’t about to disobey.

  I forced my gaze up to meet his and, the moment I saw his gunmetal blue eyes, I felt tears leaking from my own. It wasn’t because Ian looked sad, he didn’t. If anything he looked worried. He’s probably worried about how upset the others are, I thought to myself as my heart clenched painfully in my chest.

  “Jelly… J
amie-Lea…” He started but he shook his head and took one hand away from my shoulder to rub his temples. “Did you talk at school today?”

  I shook my head. I’d given my teacher the note Ian had written. I hadn’t read it but whatever it had said the teacher had obviously understood and hadn’t asked me any questions or asked me why I wasn’t speaking.

  “Do you think you might start talking again soon?” He asked, putting his hand back on my shoulder and squeezing it gently.

  I made the sign he’s taught me that told him I didn’t know and he gave me a tight smile.

  “It would mean a lot to me if you could try and talk today, Jelly,” he sighed. “Today is a hard-” He stopped and took a deep breath. “It’d just be easier on everyone if you could talk again.”

  I blinked up at him. I didn’t like seeing Ian like this. Ian was the strong one. When he was home everything was better. He made sure we were all okay. When Matt or Karl were in charge they looked after us too, but they didn’t laugh or smile much. They were always angry or stressed out. Ian was happy and playful, even though it was often intermittent with his military persona.

  “I just… we need to know you’re okay. Really okay,” he kissed my forehead. “It’s our job to look after you, Jelly. You know how important it is to us that you’re safe, right?”

  I nodded slowly, my heart cracking open a little further because he was being so kind and caring. I wanted him to yell and scream at me, to tell me how I ruined the family and stripped them of their happiness. But he didn’t. Instead, he was worried that I wasn’t okay.

  Ian pulled me to his chest and I rapidly rethought my silence. It gave me strength but I didn’t need that strength with Ian being strong for me. He needed to be strong to take care of all of us and right now he was too busy being worried about me.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered. The words felt funny as they rolled off my tongue after a week of silence.

  Ian took his arms from around me and tilted my chin up to look at him, he was smiling now. “There she is,” he chuckled. “My chatterbox little sister. I missed you.”