by R. J. Sable
I wouldn’t want them to know either if I was in his shoes. He would never ask me to lie for him but he was silently asking me not to tell anyone unless they asked me outright.
“Okay,” I nodded and smiled, trying to reassure him. “Is she coming here?”
“Yeah,” he smiled back, relaxing a little. “Her train should be arriving soon, I thought we could meet her in town.”
I nodded excitedly, noting that Jason hadn’t said much since he joined us in the kitchen. He just sat brooding, seemingly lost in his own little world.
“You okay?” I asked him as we waited for the bus.
“Yeah, just got stuff on my mind,” he frowned, running one hand through his hair.
“Want to talk about it?” I offered, squeezing his hand gently to let him know I was here if he did.
“Tonight,” he smiled tightly, squeezing back.
I nodded and followed him onto the bus. At least he was intending on letting me in, even if it meant I had to worry what was up with him for the rest of the day.
Craig seemed nervous as we stepped off the bus by the train station. He kept popping his knuckles and making me cringe. I thought it was cute that he was nervous, he was usually just so calm all the time, even when he was angry or upset he maintained a calm and collected exterior for the most part.
His eyes lit up as I studied his face and I followed his gaze to see who he was looking at. He took a few steps forwards towards a woman who was approaching us. She was thin but elegant, with long, flowing, blonde hair, so fair it was almost white. Her big grey eyes scanned the room nervously, looking over her shoulder periodically like a scared bunny.
Her eyes found Craig and they shone brightly, her lips curving up in a broad, perfect smile, a little pink colouring her otherwise pale cheeks. She let Craig hug her, squeezing him back gently. She fit perfectly under his chin so I figured she must have been a little taller than me. They exchanged a few words and smiled happily at each other before Craig took her hand and guided her over to me.
Now I knew what Ben had meant when he said it was weird seeing Jason acting “boyfriend-y”. I was not used to seeing Craig hold hands with a woman, or look at one with big, gooey, doe eyes. It was both amusing and endearing.
“Jelly, this is Isabella,” he smiled proudly as he looked down at her. “Bella this is my kid sister, Jelly and her friend Jason.”
“My boyfriend,” I sighed, shaking my head in exasperation.
Jason just laughed and shook Isabella’s hand. She seemed nervous about shaking his hand and I wondered if Craig had miraculously managed to find somebody who was more shy than I was. Than I used to be.
“Nice to meet you, J- is Jelly your real name?” She asked awkwardly.
“No,” I smiled. “My name’s Jamie-Lea, but you can call me whatever you like.”
“I’ve heard a lot about you,” Isabella smiled shyly. Her voice was so quiet I could barely hear her over the noise of the bustling crowd around us.
“Don’t believe a word he says,” I laughed happily, curious to know what Craig had said about me.
Now that I’d met her, I really understood why Craig didn’t want my brothers to know about her. They were loud and intimidating and would probably terrify the life out of her. I suggested we could go back to Jason’s and have coffee and cake and she seemed to relax at the prospect. The plan was a to bake a cake together.
“Can you eat cake right now?” I asked Craig teasingly as we stepped into the apartment.
“I’ll make an exception for you two,” he grinned, brushing the strand of hair Isabella was pulling on behind her ear and out of her reach. The simple gesture seemed to relax her a lot and made her smile in a way that brought her face to life.
“Bella,” Craig sighed as he watched her check her phone again. He held his hand out expectantly. “It’s okay, I promise.”
She seemed hesitant but handed over her phone, which he turned off before pocketing. I frowned at him curiously but he gave me a look that quite clearly told me it was none of my business and I didn’t press.
Jason and Josh obviously didn’t bake much because their kitchen was bare of many of the essentials. I sighed pointedly as I searched through the last of his cupboards and didn’t find what I needed.
“Want me to take Reed and get a few bits and bobs from the shop?” Craig asked, pulling on my ponytail playfully.
“Yes, please,” I beamed. “Try and cheer him up as well, will you?” I pouted. “He seems a bit grumpy.”
“Yes, boss,” he grinned, kissing me on the forehead and turning to hug Isabella before he disappeared to the lounge to fetch Jason.
I put the kettle on and turned my attention to Isabella, smiling at her as I pulled mugs and teabags from the cupboard. I quizzed her about Craig and she slowly started opening up, especially when I asked if she’d heard him play guitar.
Her eyes lit up and she beamed from ear to ear. She nodded enthusiastically and began telling me about him playing for her. It was the most words she’d spoken since I’d met her and I sat listening and laughing as she chattered on. Once she loosened up, she was hilarious, she had a wicked sense of humour and when the boys came back they walked in on us in fits of laughter.
“You two seem to be getting along alright,” Craig grinned, leaning over to kiss Isabella gently.
I jumped up to kiss Jason, who still looked a little distracted but not quite as grumpy, and kicked into baking mode with Isabella to whip up a cake.
We had a lovely afternoon and I was really sad to see the two of them go, but I was delighted to have met Isabella. I very rarely had any interest in meeting any of my brothers’ female acquaintances but this seemed different, more significant.
Once we’d waved the two of them off in a taxi, Jason pulled me into the apartment, wrapping his arms around me possessively and holding me tight against him. He didn’t speak, he just held me, and I got the impression that he needed to touch me, to feel me. He needed the contact to cheer him up, just like I sometimes needed his delightful scent to keep me calm.
I didn’t speak either, I just stroked the back of his neck as he held me and enjoyed his strong arms around me.
“I’m sorry,” he breathed after several minutes. “I know I’ve been a bit of an ass today.”
“I was just worried about you,” I reassured him. “You seemed so sad.”
He sighed and let me go, taking my by the hand into the bedroom so we could curl up on the bed together. “Jamie,” he cooed, as he stroked my hair.
“Jason.”
“You need to move in with me,” he said decidedly.
“What?” I asked in shock, pushing up on my elbow. “Are you serious?” I was completely caught off guard by this curve ball. What happened to not wanting to push me? His face was set in a deadpan expression and it was clear he wasn’t messing around. He’d been brooding all day and this was the result? It didn’t make any sense.
“Jason, I-” I started to protest but he cut me off.
“It makes sense, Jamie,” he nodded firmly. “You’re here most of the time anyway and then I’ll always know where you are and know that you’re safe.”
“That’s not the point, Jason,” I said, frowning because this felt all wrong. “You don’t need to always know where I am. You sound like Ian.”
I didn’t mean to upset him, it just came out. I knew comparing him to my brother wouldn’t make him happy but I was right.
“It’s not like that, Jamie,” he urged. “I need you here. With me. It’s where you belong. Don’t you want to be here with me?”
“Of course I want to be with you, Jason,” I sighed, pushing up from the bed to stand up and try and get my thoughts in order. “That’s not what this is about. I’m only eighteen.”
“It doesn’t matter how old you are, Jamie,” he shook his head. “I love you and I want to come home to you every night.
“It’s too soon, Jason,” I pleaded. Why can’t he understand? I needed to find my own place in the
world, to find out who I was away from my brothers before I merged even further into Jason’s world.
Jason looked heartbroken. He rested his head in his hands and wouldn’t look up at me. I knelt down on the floor beside his legs. I hated that it was my fault that he looked this way, that I couldn’t give him what he wanted right now.
He seemed to be having quite a strong reaction to my answer. He’d known for months that I was unsure, I’d told him that I didn’t think I was ready. Why try and force the issue now?
“Jason, please, I don’t want you to be mad at me,” I pleaded, resting my head on his leg.
“I’m not mad at you, baby,” he sighed after a while. “I just… sometimes I…” He broke off again and pulled me up so that I could crawl onto his lap and wrap myself around him. I squeezed him tight with my arms and legs. Jason was usually the strong, playful one. He cheered me up and kept me safe, I needed him to be that person for me.
“I do want to live with you one day, Jason. I promise. I just need a bit more time. I need to be a bit more independent first, do you understand that?” I asked gently, stroking my fingers up and down his back.
“I do,” he nodded sadly. “I just love you so much, it makes me a crazy person sometimes.”
“I make you crazy?” I smiled, hoping to lighten the mood a little.
“Crazy about you,” he smiled back, a small smile, but a smile nonetheless.
“Is this what’s been bothering you all day?” I asked tentatively.
I felt him tense beneath me. There was still something he wasn’t telling me. That unfamiliar emotion was on his face again.
“Jason, what’s wrong?” I asked, my heart beating rapidly in my chest.
“You can’t leave me, okay?” He said uncertainly. “No matter what, you can’t leave me.”
“Jason… what are-”
“I can’t lose you, Jamie,” he shook his head.
“Please, Jason, just tell me what’s wrong,” I pleaded.
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes tightly before he began speaking. “Last night, when I took Shana home,” he started, holding my hands in his.
I felt my heart clench in my chest because I didn’t like where this was going. I didn’t like it one bit.
“She was really drunk, Jamie,” he said urgently. “She didn’t know what she was doing.”
“What happened?” I said weakly, my voice barely a whisper because I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear his answer.
“She kissed me,” he sighed, running his hands over his face.
“She kissed you?” I repeated, blinking rapidly and hoping I was having some sort of cruel nightmare.
“It didn’t mean anything, Jamie. I swear,” he said, his voice desperate and concerned.
I immediately crawled off his lap, shaking my head, refusing to accept it. They kissed? I felt physically sick. First he demanded I move in with him then he dropped this bombshell. It was too much, my brain couldn’t cope.
“I need to go,” I blurted, grabbing my bag and moving towards the door.
“Jamie, no!” Jason shot up from the bed and blocked my path. “You can’t leave me, Jamie. I’m sorry, baby, please believe me.” His voice sounded broken and weak and it killed me, but I was hurting too.
“I’m not leaving you, Jason,” I reassured him, taking a deep breath and wishing I’d never asked what was wrong. “I just need some space.” I needed to think. Needed to get away from him because the room felt like it was closing in on me.
“You can’t leave, Jamie,” Jason pleaded, still blocking my escape via the door.
“Are you going to make me stay here?” I asked with a little more venom than I intended.
“If that’s what it takes,” he said resolutely.
“And you think my brothers are controlling,” I scowled. Again, I didn’t mean to hurt him but I was so angry and upset.
He looked mortified and took a step back, the hurt evident on his face. I was too furious to apologise. I pushed past him and made for the door as quickly as I could.
“Jamie, wait,” Jason caught up with me as I opened the front door.
“No, Jason,” I shook my head, brushing away the tears on the back of my hand. “I just need some space right now. Please, just give me some time,” I sniffled, begging him to give me what I needed.
He looked broken and distraught but backed off and nodded sadly, retreating back into the hallway, his eyes never leaving me. I turned around and walked away, unable to look back because if I did, I would have run back into his arms and that would have hurt even more.
Chapter 25
Monday, 11th February 2013
I’d spent the whole of the night before and well into the early hours of the morning crying my eyes out down the phone to Alex and being provided with an unending flow of tea from Adam. I had my two best friends in the world there for me, to listen to my pathetic sobs and give me their reassurances, and I was eternally grateful. It didn’t make a bit of difference though. Jason had still betrayed me.
I had been so certain I could trust him after everything he went through with my brothers. Is that why he was so quiet yesterday? Because he was worried Craig would find out and kick his ass? I wouldn’t have wanted Craig to do that either way, I may have been upset at Jason’s betrayal but I still loved him and I wouldn’t have wanted Craig to hurt him.
My overwhelming feeling was one of inadequacy. I must have been lacking in something if Jason was forced to look elsewhere. I felt like I’d let him down as much as he had let me down.
“Let’s get you some food,” Adam smiled at me as we walked into the halls after lectures were done for the day.
I’d listened in the lectures and made notes but my head hadn’t really been in it. I’d been like a robot, doing what I knew I was meant to and answering questions when they were asked, but only from a sense of duty. There had been no emotion involved.
“I’m not really hungry, Adam,” I shook my head. I hadn’t been hungry all day, I felt mostly sick.
“You’ve not eaten all day, shorty,” he said gently. “You need to eat something.”
I looked up at him, prepared to argue, but he shot me his best boyish pout and pleaded with me relentlessly until I caved and let him make me baked beans on toast. The ultimate comfort food.
My phone started ringing as I did the dishes. Adam kindly took over and I answered it, seeing that it was Craig that was calling.
“Hi, Craig,” I said, doing my best to sound cheerful.
“Hi, Jellybean, you okay?”
“Could be better,” I said honestly. I knew he’d be able to tell I was lying if I tried.
“Want to talk about it?” He asked.
“No, it’s alright,” I said gently, knowing that he’d be furious if he knew what Jason had done. He’d probably be on the next train over to kick his ass, the rest of my brothers in tow.
He stayed silent a while, as though he was contemplating forcing it out of me, but thankfully he didn’t.
“It was really nice seeing you this weekend,” he said happily.
“It was,” I smiled. “I really like Isabella.”
“She liked you too,” he said, I could hear him grinning. He wasn’t whispering so I figured he was away from my brothers.
“She’s a bit shy though isn’t she?”
“Says you!” He scoffed. “She can be a little shy. She’s just gone through some shit, but she’ll be alright.”
He didn’t seem to want to elaborate so I didn’t press it.
“You both got home alright then?” I asked.
“Yeah, I’m at work on a break at the min,” he explained.
“Okay, cool,” I nodded.
“I just wanted to make sure you were eating.”
What? Why on earth would he want to check that I was eating? I wondered if this was a continuation of his anorexic model lecture.
“Why?” I sighed with exasperation.
“Because Jason called me,”
he explained.
“What?” I asked in shock. “Why?”
“He told me you’d walked out on him and he said that last time you two fell out, you didn’t eat anything,” Craig said matter-of-factly.
“He told you that?” I asked in shock.
“He did. Have you eaten?” He persisted.
“I just had beans on toast,” I reassured him.
“Good. Are you going to forgive him any time soon? Because I’m going to have to block his number if he doesn’t stop ringing and texting me,” he laughed.
Jason and his death wish tendencies. He must have been insane ringing Craig after what he’d done.
“Craig, I-” I started, not really sure how to handle this.
“You can hardly hold this against him, Jelly. You know that right?” He sighed.
I felt like I was in some sort of alternate universe where it was okay to cheat on your girlfriend and my brothers weren’t insanely overprotective nutters who’d once beaten up my best friend for hugging me.
“He told you?” I choked, tears welling up in my eyes again.
“Yeah, when we went to the shop yesterday,” he said nonchalantly.
“And you didn’t murder him?” I said, barely able to contain my surprise.
“Should I have?” He laughed, clearly amused by my pain.
“They kissed!” I almost shouted, annoyed that my brother wasn’t being protective on the one occasion I would have approved of it.
“No, Jelly,” Craig laughed again. “She kissed him, that’s a big difference.”
“But-” I started.
“No buts, Jelly,” he cut me off curtly. “Should Isabella be annoyed at me because that slag tried it on with me in the bathroom?”
“No,” I admitted.
“It’s no different. Jason pushed her off,” he said flatly.
“He did?” I asked, taken aback by this new information.
“Didn’t you give him chance to explain?” He asked. It was his turn to sound shocked this time.
No, I hadn’t, I realised, feeling terrible. I’d just stormed out like a child and left him there. This was horrible. Why hadn’t I given him chance to explain? I should have trusted my faith in him, trusted that he loved me and wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.
