She smiled at him, mouth still pressed nervously to her knees, still rocking with nervous energy.
He stilled, taking in that smile for a moment, and then he seemed to relax. His relief tugged at the corner of his mouth. He looked at her, looked away, then grinned and draped his feet over the edge of the dock, focusing his attention on the lake. He rubbed one hand at the muscles along the base of his neck, probably soothing away some tension.
And she watched him steadily the whole time. She couldn’t seem to take her eyes off him, this man that she suddenly realized she’d never stopped loving.
After a long moment, he leaned back against his hands and looked over at her. “Beautiful.”
He said it like he was talking about the weather, and the gentle lap of the water whose color today fell somewhere between mint and sea. He could have been talking about the soft twittering of birds and droning of bees all around them, or the team of ducks that paddled along the distant shore.
But the way his eyes skimmed over her, caused both her smile and her rocking to grow. “It is.”
He shifted. And just that one subtle move had his arm brushing up against hers.
Her heart threatened to pound itself right out of her chest.
Those wonderful blue eyes were focused right on her now. No escaping, even if she’d wanted to.
“How was your trip?” she managed before her throat tightened off.
He nodded. “It was good. But”—his brow furrowed a little—“I kept hoping to hear from you and never did.”
She kept her attention fixed on him. Hoping it would reassure. And yet wanting to be honest also. “I needed to make sure you were coming back.”
“I told you I was.”
“I know. I just…needed to be sure.”
He took that in and mulled it over for a long time before he gave her a nod of understanding. His voice was raspy when he finally spoke. “So are you going to keep me in suspense until it kills me?”
She chuckled. She couldn’t help herself. “I wouldn’t want that.” This time she propped her chin on her knees.
His focus seemed to sharpen on her face. “You wouldn’t, huh?”
She shook her head subtly, still simply enjoying the freedom to take in her fill of the handsome man. And if he was tortured by a little waiting, it was nothing more than he deserved. His cologne tantalized her, and she inhaled it subtly. It was one she’d given him their last Christmas together. It suited him—sporty, and fresh, and clean.
He shifted again, and this time she found herself curled into the curve of his hip with one of his arms propped almost behind her. His gaze swept over her hair, her brows, her cheeks, her lips. It seemed to get stuck there and he wetted his own lips and leaned a little closer before lifting his gaze to hers. “If you don’t want me to kiss you, you’d better stop looking at me like that.” His words were whisper-soft and almost got lost in the breeze, but she heard them as though they’d been spoken directly to her soul.
She uncurled herself then, and leaned a little closer to him, as though having any sort of blockade between them, was simply too much. She offered him her own whispered words. “Then maybe I should just keep on looking at you like this all evening.” She tilted her head and smiled at him.
The breeze caught at her hair and swept a strand across her mouth.
Landon leaned close and brushed it back behind her ear. “I need to hear you say it, Zai.” He kept his hand cradled against her cheek, his thumb brushing gentle strokes against the corner of her mouth.
She wanted to lean in to his palm and simply let him kiss her silly, but she forced herself to take a calming breath and think through the muddle of elevated emotions. “A lot has happened since we talked at the store that day. I wanted to talk to you at the party at Salem’s, but everything conspired against me.” She wrinkled her nose with a giggle.
Mouth tilted up, he said, “Tell me now.” His thumb still stroked distracting caresses.
“Mom told me that a long time ago, Daddy had an affair on her.”
That set him back far enough that she almost wished she hadn’t told him.
He dropped his hand into his lap, looking out over the water. “I’m really sorry to hear that. I never would have pegged that in their relationship.”
Zaire leaned closer to him, pressing one hand to his chest and sweeping her finger across the stubble on his chin. “They both said they’ve come a long way since then. Mom took him back, mostly for me, but insisted that he had to come to church with us every week. And somewhere along the way, Daddy realized that he needed Jesus.”
Landon still looked troubled and wouldn’t meet her gaze, but he did lift one hand to cover hers where it rested on his chest, rubbing it softly. “I’m glad to hear that.”
Zaire touched his chin and returned his focus to hers. “Daddy reminded me that no relationship would ever be perfect. And that when we give our lives to God we are made new because God has reconciled us to Himself, just like He wants us to reconcile with each other.”
Landon was holding his breath now. She could tell because his chest wasn’t rising and falling beneath her hand.
She leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. “I want us to have a new start, Lan. But”—she hurried on before the light of excitement in his eyes could carry him away too far—“I want us to take it slow. Get to know each other again. Give ourselves time to make sure we really want to go through with this.”
The light in his eyes dimmed, but only by a fraction. “I can do that,” he rasped. “I’ll give you all the time you need.”
“I appreciate that. The old Landon wouldn’t have. He would have pushed for everything to happen right now.”
Landon chuckled. “Yeah, I guess he would have,” he agreed.
Zaire turned her head slightly and dropped a kiss against the thumb that still caressed her.
His gaze dipped to her mouth again. “So, does this new arrangement allow me to kiss you? Or am I simply to be tortured all night, wanting one.”
Zai grinned. “Torture sounds like fun.”
His lashes lowered playfully over his gorgeous blue eyes.
She laughed, put one hand behind his neck, and drew him down to her. She let all the love she was feeling pour into the kiss she offered him, and she heard a low groan escape him as he tugged her closer and slanted his mouth across hers.
The kiss grew in intensity until Landon pulled back and smiled ruefully at her. “That’s probably enough of that, if we really do plan on renewing this relationship slowly.”
Zaire felt heat sear her cheeks. Here she had been trying to mandate that they take things slow and she’d been more than happy to keep right on kissing him.
He jumped to his feet and reached a hand down for her. “How about we get some dinner? Airplanes don’t offer anything but a little bag of nuts anymore. I’m starving.”
Zaire was suddenly hungrier than she’d been in a very long time. “Yes. Dinner sounds lovely.”
Landon laced his fingers with hers, but when she would have started for the house, he pulled her to a stop and drew her close in front of him. “I’ve missed this.”
Her brows lifted. “This what?” she teased.
Humor didn’t soften his expression when he answered, however. “We used to do this a lot. Sit here on the dock, surrounded by nature and”—he grinned—“sharing intimate moments.”
Zaire let the memories of those times wash over her for a moment before she gave a double pump of her brows and offered, “We’ll have to get back into practice.”
And Landon chuckled softly. “I’ll be looking forward to it. I like soft kisses and birdsong.” And with that, he drew her in for another soft kiss that lingered on far longer than either of them planned.
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EXCERPT
Shiloh Finn stared at herself in the rearview mirror of her little car, trying to work up the courage to drive the rest of the way to Micha’s place. If she didn’t get going soon, everyone who passed her was going to have tales to tell throughout the town.
She’d thought she was doing well. Hadn’t even been nervous when she left her place, but the closer she’d gotten to Micha’s the more her hands had shaken, till she’d finally pulled over to the side of the road.
Micha was entrusting her to watch Quinten on her own for the first time ever. What if she blew it? She, after all, was the woman who had walked away from her newborn son and headed to Europe to… She wasn’t even sure what she’d thought she might accomplish over there. Maybe in the wake of her parents’ deaths she’d somehow thought she could escape all her pain if she could just travel far enough, but obviously that hadn’t been the case.
But now—tonight—she had a chance to change all that. A chance to really be part of her son’s life again for the first time in a long time.
And that thought terrified her. Not because she didn’t want to be part of his life. But…was she worthy to be part of his life? That was what weighed on her. Made her break out into a cold sweat at just the contemplation of it.
That and the fear that she might do something wrong and jeopardize his life. What did she really know about taking care of a kid? Sure, she taught kids just a bit older than him all day long for a living, but…
A flash of red and blue drew her focus, and she groaned. “Just perfect.”
Behind her, Officer Phoenix Reardon, sat speaking into the mic in his patrol car, lights flashing. Across the street she saw the lace of Mrs. McMurphy’s curtains flutter. The woman was obviously peering out at them, though Shiloh couldn’t see her from this distance.
Shiloh rolled her eyes at herself, moved the big bag of toys on the passenger seat out of the way, and reached for her license and registration in the glove box. “You are the biggest idiot in the world, Shi.”
She was ready and waiting with all her paperwork by the time Phoenix strolled up to her window. She knew him fairly well, because ever since he’d come to work in Riversong, he’d been coming to the same singles Bible study she attended at Riversong Community.
He dipped his chin in greeting. “Shiloh.”
“Hi Phoenix.”
He waved aside her paperwork. “You weren’t doing anything wrong. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay?”
“Oh.” A bit of relief eased through her and she turned to tuck the registration back into the glove compartment and return her license to her wallet. “I’m okay. Thanks for checking on me. I’m actually headed to Micha’s to watch Quinten.”
Phoenix glanced down the street and she knew that he was considering on the fact that Micha’s house was just about a quarter mile down the road, around the next bend. He turned back to her, face filled with question. “Did you run out of gas?”
She shook her head, feeling like more of a fool with every passing second. “No.”
“Engine overheat, or anything like that?”
Again, a shake of her head.
Phoenix hooked his thumbs into his duty belt and simply studied her for a moment. But after a few long seconds he lifted his hands and backed away. “Alright. If you say you’re okay, I’ll leave it be. You have a good day now.”
“Phoenix?”
He stopped and turned toward her. “Thank you.”
His brow furrowed again.
“For caring enough to stop and make sure I was alright.”
Understanding lit his features. “That’s what I get paid for.”
She suddenly remembered her plans for the weekend. “Hey, I was going to call you later today anyway. I’m having a few people from church over on Friday evening, and I wanted to invite you.”
His lips thinned, though a touch of humor lit his eyes. “Let me guess. Kacy is going to be there?”
Shiloh took a sip from the coffee cup in her cupholder to give herself time to think. He was obviously onto them. She and her sister, Salem, and their friend Zaire had concocted to try to get Phoenix interested in Kacy, but apparently he was having none of it.
After a long moment, she gave him a smile. “Kacy is one of the people I’ve invited, yes.”
Phoenix shook his head. “Y’all just don’t give up. I’ll be there, but I’m not interested in a relationship.”
“Okay.” Shiloh raised her palms. “I’ll put out the word. We’ll back off.”
“Thanks.” He tipped her a nod and headed back to his patrol car.
Shiloh checked her mirrors, and started driving again before she remembered just exactly why she’d been parked on the side of the road in the first place.
She blew out a breath. “Okay God, please help me today. I may not know how to be a good mother, but I sure love that little boy and want to try.”
She parked in the driveway and hadn’t even made it out of the car yet when Quinten sprinted out of the house.
“Mommy!” he exclaimed with glee.
Shiloh smiled. “Hi, bug. How are you?”
“Good. Whad’ya bring me?” He peered around her, trying to see past her into the interior of her car.
Shiloh started to laugh, but at that moment she lifted her gaze to encounter Micha’s drilling brown glower. He stood on his porch, arms folded. And he definitely wasn’t happy with her.
She swallowed and patted Quinten on the head as she shut her car door. Leaning down she said softly. “Maybe we should look at what I brought you a little later.”
“But I want it now!” A full pout threatened to break out on his face.
“Quinten!” There was no give in Micha’s address. “Come back into the house. Now.”
Feeling like a chastised puppy, Shiloh kept her focus on the walk as she followed her son into the house.
Micha remained on the porch for a few seconds, hoping some of his frustration would ease. She meant well. He got that. But she couldn’t keep bringing Quinten presents every time she came over. The house was already overflowing with all the new toys she’d give to him since she’d come back into their lives.
He pushed out a breath. He needed to deal with this, and deal with it now. He glanced at his watch. He had five minutes before he needed to leave for his hospital staff meeting.
He stepped back into the entry, and pushed the door shut.
Both Quinten and Shiloh jumped when the heavy wood door banged into place. That gave Micha pause. He had shut it a little too hard. The woman just made him crazy.
Even now, she stood there looking at him with her big blue eyes like a puppy with its tail between its legs. He wanted to hug her and scold her all at the same time. But he’d been easy-going about this issue long enough.
He cleared his throat, steeling his emotions. “Son, go upstairs for a minute while I talk to your mom.”
“But I want—”
One meaningful look and his son’s words died mid-sentence.
“Yes, dad.” With a longsuffering sigh, Quinten took the stairs as slowly as humanly possible.
Biting back his humor, Micha waited until Quinten disappeared into his room at the top of the landing and shut his door. Then he returned his focus to Shiloh.
She swallowed so hard he could see her throat work.
He softened his stance, easing his hands off his hips, but jumped right into the subject at hand before her big blue eyes could make him change his mind. “We’ve talked about this before. You can’t keep bringing him toys every time you come over.”
Her shoulders slumped. “This again? They’re just a few trinkets. Stuff to help him know I love him.”
And that right there was part of the problem. Love wasn
’t about gifts and platitudes for past wrongdoings. It was about spending quality time together and simply supporting one another—serving one another.
He swallowed and made himself say the harsh words. “You can’t buy someone’s love, Shi. No matter how badly you messed up in the past.”
She gasped. “I can’t believe you just said that.”
He felt like a cad. “I can’t either. But I’ve been wanting to say it to you for weeks now. I want Quinten to love you because you have a good relationship. Not because you ply him with gifts every time you show up.”
“I’m not trying to buy his love.”
Micha wasn’t going to give on this. “Aren’t you?”
She opened her mouth like she was set to respond, but then snapped it shut again. She looked away, seemingly unable to meet his scrutiny for another moment.”
“I’m not trying to be harsh, Shi. I just want you and Quin to have a good relationship for many years.” He grabbed his coat from the closet and swung it on. He heard a sniff and froze. He lifted his gaze.
Tears hung in her eyes like plump rainclouds about to burst.
Perfect. He gritted his teeth. Did she know how much he wanted to pull her into his arms and sooth away her fears?
She would be a great mother if she could just get over her fears. He glanced at his watch. One more minute.
He gave into the impulse and stepped closer to her. He cupped her face and swept the tears from her lower lids with his thumbs. The gesture was as natural as breathing, which surprised him. But he didn’t have time to dwell on feelings for the mother of his child, right now. “Listen, Shi. I’m sorry I’ve hurt your feelings. But it really has to stop. Not only for Quinten’s sake, but for yours too. I want a better relationship than that for you two.”
Her lower lip quivered, and oh man he wanted to kiss away her sadness. He released her abruptly and stepped back. “I have to go. We can talk more about this later.”
And with that, he fled the house before he could give into the temptation to find out if those full lips of hers were really as soft as he remembered.
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