by Alison Kelly
‘Er—yes. Well, thanks for the good wishes, Doug. Would you put Bart back on?’
‘Yes, pet?’ Bart’s amusement was thick in his voice.
‘I’ll kill you. I swear to God I’ll break every bone in your miserable body…’
‘I’ll see you when I get home, darling. Bye.’
‘Bart…Don’t——’ He hung up in her ear.
She slammed the receiver so hard against the cradle that she snapped off the disconnecting bar. Lisa’s eyes went wide with shock before she erupted into giggles.
‘Shut up, Lisa! This isn’t funny! Your father is going around telling the whole district that I’m pregnant.’
‘What are you going to do? You can’t very well deny it.’
‘I’m going to call my brother and get him to make some arrangements and then I’m taking the first bloody plane outta this place!’
* * *
Alessandra tossed the sleeping-bag into the back of the ute and then checked to see she hadn’t forgotten anything. Two blankets, plastic groundsheet, a box of tinned supplies, her knapsack with a change of clothes, toiletries and a paperback. That ought to cover it, she thought.
‘You’re nuts,’ Lisa said for what must have been the tenth time in an hour.
‘I’ve been told that by better judges than you, kiddo.’ Alessandra smiled and opened the door to slide in behind the wheel.
‘What if I need to get in touch with you or something?’ Lisa asked, still trying to talk her out of going camping alone without telling anyone where she was heading.
‘Lisa, I’ll be back the day after tomorrow. Drew said he’d telex the money today; that’ll give it time to reach my account in town. Nothing is likely to crop up that’s going to require my attention, believe me.’
‘Dad’ll freak when he gets back and finds you gone.’
‘Good. If I don’t tell you where I’m going you don’t have to lie to him.’ She gunned the engine to life and for a moment felt guilty for causing the concerned look in the young brunette’s eyes. ‘Relax, I’ve been travelling the world alone for nine years and nothing’s happened to me yet’
‘Yeah, but you weren’t pregnant by my father then. That alone makes this an act of awesome stupidity!’
Alessandra slid from the cabin of the ute and wiped rivulets of perspiration from her brow. This was where they’d first made love. Memories crowded her head and it was some minutes before her mind could turn away from them.
To her left was the old storage shed that she remembered; beyond that, partly concealed by scrub, was the road. To her north, just over the rocky rise some five hundred yards away, was the creek. With a sigh she tugged her shirt free from the waistband of her jeans in the faint hope she might feel cooler, then turned to lift the box of supplies from the back of the ute.
She laid the folded blankets across the top of the twelve-inch-square cardboard carton and placed the groundsheet on top of the blankets. She mopped her brow again and blew her fringe away from her face, but, damp from the heat, it fell back to her forehead and stuck. Picking up the box, she headed north.
Although tempted to have a swim before going back for the rest of her things, Alessandra didn’t give in to the deliciously cool temptation until forty-five minutes later, when everything she needed was unpacked under a shady tree. Then, after quickly stripping off all her clothes, she waded into the blissfully refreshing water.
The sun was past its noonday peak and, keeping it behind her, she eased into a slow, relaxing backstroke. She was pregnant. She, Alessandra Elizabeth MacKeller was pregnant! Her laugh burst into the heat-heavy air with joyful lightness.
Alessandra had just finished dressing and was running her fingers through her damp hair to restore it to some semblance of order when the sound of a horse against the quietness startled her. She turned and saw Bart watching her from a distance of about ten feet.
The sight of him accelerated her heart’s beat. He sat astride his horse, his hands resting on the pommel of the saddle. His natural virility never ceased to amaze her. He was the sexiest damn male she’d ever known. Her heart hadn’t stood a chance since the day she’d arrived and found him grooming his horse.
‘How did you find me so fast?’ she asked. She’d half expected him to come after her, but had counted on it taking him at least until tomorrow to locate her.
‘I saw your truck near the old shed on my way back from Doug’s. I nearly stopped then, but I figured you wanted to be by yourself. When I got back to the house Lisa told me what you were doing.’
Knowing this conversation had been bound to come sooner or later, she’d crossed her fingers for later, and in a two-horse race she’d backed the loser. She searched his face in an effort to glean some clue as to his mood, to no avail. She watched him dismount, wondering how he could make such a simple action seem so sensually complex. Everything he did seemed designed to send both her heart and libido into overdrive. He also had the knack of pushing her temper to full throttle.
‘All through broadcasting my condition to anything with a pulse?’ she asked, and was further irritated by his amused smirk and reply.
‘You never said you didn’t want anyone to know. I figured it was best to head off any gossip before it got distorted. I didn’t think it would bother you.’
‘It won’t.’ She didn’t quite achieve the nonchalance she’d aimed for and took a breath to steady her voice. ‘I’m going to Sydney as soon as I can contact my brother…’
‘So Lisa said. And what happens then?’ he asked. ‘Or don’t you think I have a right to know?’
The tight tone of his voice tore at her soul. Oh, God, how she loved him. How she wished his offer of marriage had come from his heart and not his sense of morality.
‘Of course you have a right.’ She hooked her fingers into the waistband of her jeans, trying to overpower the urge to run and throw her arms around him. ‘It’s just that I need time to think things through. I need time to sort out about doctors and hospitals and whatever else pregnant women have to do…’
‘Don’t worry about medical bills,’ he said. ‘This is my baby too. I intend to support it.’
His eyes narrowed, daring her to argue.
‘We can work that out later. Right now all I know is that even though this pregnancy wasn’t planned, I want this baby.’ She smiled in an effort to stop the burn of threatened tears. ‘I’m sure I should apologise or something for complicating your life.’ She shrugged. ‘But the truth is I’m not sorry about this.’
‘You complicated my life long before you told me you were having my baby.’
‘You mean between you and Lisa?’ She gave him no time to respond. ‘I know you think I set a bad example for Lisa, but it was unintentional. And I’m sorry you were angry about my not telling you she was using contraceptives, but I didn’t think it was my place. I still don’t.’
‘I wish she’d felt she could have come to me,’ he muttered, staring intently at his hat as he spun it between his hands. ‘I feel as if I’ve let her down, somehow.’
‘Get fair dinkum!’ Alessandra exclaimed, which brought his head up. She pushed her hair off her forehead and sighed. ‘Bart, I don’t know any teenage girl who wouldn’t feel scared to tell her father she wanted to go on the Pill. Heck, I didn’t even tell my mother until I was twenty-two!’
‘How old were you when you told your father?’
She bit her lip. ‘I’ve never told him. Even now I think telling him I’m pregnant will be easier.’ She closed her eyes as she pictured her father’s loving face. ‘I know he’ll stand by me and love this grandchild just as much as he loved all the others, but——’ she faltered as she swallowed back the emotion clogging her throat ‘—he’s going to be so disappointed. I’m his only daughter and he’s been saving for my wedding since I started dating.’
‘You don’t have to deprive him of a wedding, Alessandra,’ Bart reminded her.
‘I’m not going to marry you,’ she stated firmly.
‘Why?’ he asked, placing his strong hands gently on her shoulders.
His touch sparked flames of tenderness within her which forced her gaze to his face. He was watching her as if expecting to be able to read the answer in her soul. Frightened that he might, Alessandra jerked herself free.
‘Tell me why you don’t want to marry me,’ he insisted.
Trick question, she thought. She wanted to marry him more than she wanted to breathe, but she wasn’t going to let him marry her for the wrong reasons.
‘I won’t marry you,’ she said quietly, turning away. ‘I have my reasons.’ She swallowed a sob. ‘I can’t marry you…’
‘Why not?’ he pushed.
‘Because I…’ Oh, blast! she thought, feeling her throat tighten. ‘Because I don’t believe in marrying someone just because you happen to be having his baby!’ she shouted, swinging around to face him.
‘So it’s not because you’re anti-marriage, then?’
His face was devoid of expression and his conversational tone scraped against her tightly wound nerves.
‘Of course not! Have I ever said I’m anti-marriage? No. So why assume I am?’ she demanded. His casual shrug had her clenching her fists.
‘Well, I figured that was why you refused my proposal…’
‘Proposal? “I know what to do. We’ll get married” isn’t what I’d call a proposal, mate!’ she told him, poking his chest for emphasis. ‘A proposal is, “I love you, please say you’ll marry me…”’
‘Alessandra, I love you. Please say you’ll marry me,’ he echoed without missing a beat.
For a fraction of a second the need to believe the pleading look in his eyes was so strong that she nearly said yes, but at the last instant her brain kicked into gear.
‘Bart, be serious.’
‘I am being serious.’ He lowered his lashes, just for an instant, then clear blue eyes again sought hers and there was no denying the desire she saw in them.
The heat of his gaze seemed to melt her capacity for comprehension. His words were sliding in and out of focus in her head. She wanted to believe him, but only yesterday he’d said they were finished. Bart obviously saw the doubt in her face, and she watched, unable to move as his head came nearer. She wanted to tell him to stop, but the memory of how his mouth tasted was causing her lungs to seize and her tongue to fail.
‘Maybe I can make it clearer this way…’
His lips were warm and gentle and very, very persuasive. Even as her mind told her that he was simply saying and doing whatever he thought it would take for her to agree to marry him her body ignored it and her arms crept over the solid strength of his shoulders. Wave after wave of love washed over her as his strong hands held her as if he would never let her go.
She wondered how she was going to find the strength to deny herself this man for the rest of her life, because there was no way she could accept what he offered. He didn’t really love her and it wouldn’t be fair on him. Or on her, living each day in the fear that at some point Bart would again realise he’d made a mistake and regret it. She’d sooner not have him than have him feeling trapped. Knowing this, she still didn’t break the kiss; instead she poured every bit of emotion she had into it. She increased the tempo of her tongue and demanded Bart’s meet it, she crushed her body against his and then ran her hands feverishly over his back and shoulders. There was nothing about him or the sensations he created in her that Alessandra would not remember for the rest of her life. This final kiss was going to have to last her for the rest of her life.
The push of her hands as she freed herself caught him off guard and she moved out of reach before he could stop her. Tears burned down her cheeks, but because she was fighting so hard just to speak, she didn’t have the strength to wipe them away.
‘Bart, I…’ He took a step towards her. ‘Stay there! Pl…please? I know you feel…responsible for what…what’s happened. But I also know you…feel that what we shared was…sordid or…or something. I won’t marry…you because you feel guilty…or…or because you think it’s the ri…right thing to do. It wouldn’t work. I couldn’t make you happy…’
‘You silly little fool!’ he said through clenched teeth and reached her in a stride to grasp her shoulders. ‘You’ve made me happier than I ever imagined I could be. And I want to marry you because——’
‘Because I’m pregnant…’ she insisted shakily, nodding her head by way of contradicting Bart’s slowly shaking one. ‘You vowed…that…’ She paused as tear-induced hiccups forced her to take a deep, calming swallow of air. ‘You vowed that if ever you got a woman pregnant you’d marry her.’ She looked up to find him watching her intently. ‘It’s a noble but dumb sentiment, Bart.’ She tried to smile and knew it hadn’t come off. ‘That’s not the basis for a good marriage.’
‘You’re absolutely right,’ he agreed. ‘It isn’t. So I made a new vow—only to propose to the woman I love. If she happens to be pregnant——’ his voice had become husky with emotion ‘—it’s an added bonus, not a prerequisite.’
She wanted so badly to believe him, but shadows of uncertainty hovered within her.
‘But just yesterday you said you wanted to…to end things between us,’ Alessandra stammered, and again Bart shook his head in denial.
‘I love you, Alessandra,’ he insisted, taking her face between his hands. ‘How many times do I have to say it before you believe me? Hell’s bells, doesn’t the fact that I’ve been boasting to all and sundry that you’re having my baby show you I’m not ashamed of anything that’s happened between us?’
Although Alessandra questioned her own ears, her eyes told her to trust them, because Bart’s face was emitting so much love that only an idiot would still have doubts. A smile began winging its way from her heart and she mopped the dampness from her face to give it room to emerge.
‘I said I didn’t want things to continue…at which point you jumped the gun——‘ he smiled ‘—as usual, and wrongly assumed I was bailing out.’ He let go of her forearms and hugged her against his chest.
Alessandra felt him place a light kiss on the top of her head, but its effect blazed right through her blood stream as he continued.
‘I intended to say that I wanted the relationship to become permanent. I’ve known for weeks I wasn’t going to be able to let you leave. Last night, I was going to have another crack at proposing…’
She lifted her head. ‘Last night, all you wanted to do was jump down my throat.’
‘I was thrown by Lisa’s announcements of going to LA and everything else. I’d only just come to terms with the idea that I had to stop riding shot-gun for her and allow her to take responsibility for her own life, only to discover she’d started without my permission.’ He gave a sheepish grin and stroked her cheek. ‘It was just like the time I bought her a sweater for her twelfth birthday only to find it was too small. Despite the very obvious fact that she’d begun to blossom into womanhood, I’d continued to think of her as my little girl.’
‘Fathers do that,’ she told him, wanting to remove the traces of self-doubt she’d heard in his tone. ‘Especially good ones,’ she assured him, touching his cheek with a hand that trembled with love. Silently she prayed that she could be one fifth as good a mother to their child as Bart would be a father. ‘Lisa is a great kid; you’ve done a wonderful job of raising her. She loves you very much and she knows everything you’ve done for her has been motivated by that same emotion. She’ll be OK.’
‘That’s what she said after she’d read me the riot act,’ Bart said. At her puzzled look he explained, ‘She told me I was a prize “drongo” and it served me right that you’d left. She said I had lousy timing and that proposals of marriage shouldn’t be made prior to declarations of love.’
His gaze burned with passionate intensity, and the rush of heat through her body almost buckled her legs.
‘She…certainly…said a lot,’ Alessandra stuttered, her eyes searching his to see what else Li
sa had revealed.
‘She sure did. Some of it was real interesting, but I’ve never put much store in hearsay.’
‘What…what exactly did she say?’ Alessandra asked shyly.
‘I wouldn’t repeat it unless I knew it to be absolutely true,’ he hedged, his eyes dancing in expectation and hope. It was that hope which gave Alessandra the strength to speak.
‘Well, if she happened to say that…that I love you,’ she said boldly, lifting her chin to give her words added clout, ‘it’s true. I love you with all my heart and soul and——’
He claimed her mouth in a kiss that was pure passion and she clung to him with every bit of strength and emotion she possessed. When they drew apart he was breathing hard and wearing the biggest grin she’d ever seen.
He cradled her face in his hands. ‘If you had an inkling of how much I’ve wanted to hear you say that, you’d beg forgiveness for making me wait so long.’
‘A girl has her pride, you know. I didn’t think you felt the same way.’
‘Why is it that women’s intuition never works to the man’s advantage?’ he asked, swinging her into his arms.
‘Why do men bury their feelings so deep it requires an emotional explosion to bring them to the surface?’ she countered.
‘If they’re like me,’ he said, stopping beneath the tree where she’d set up camp, ‘it’s because they’re afraid that a woman more beautiful and intelligent than they’d ever dreamed existed will think they’re crazy. I was terrified I was reading too much into your actions. I hoped I wasn’t, but I couldn’t face the possibility of being wrong.’
The insecurity reflected in his words made her ache. He’d been unsure of her! She lifted her hand and traced the outline of his mouth, never taking her gaze from his eyes.
‘Lisa is right. You are a drongo.’ She smiled and kissed his nose. ‘You couldn’t tell how I felt about you? Considering the way I threw myself at you, it’s a miracle I’m not in a full body cast! For a smart man, you can be awfully slow on the uptake, Bart Cameron.’
