“And what if I don’t let you do that, Zane? I’m not a little girl. I’m a woman.”
Shanna felt the flip-flop of her stomach and the wetness in her nether regions and experienced the red heat creeping into her face again. She looked down to avoid Zane seeing the reality of it in her eyes. Zane, as though he knew already, said that he would not let her hide as he placed his finger under her chin. He gently but firmly lifted her face so she could look into his eyes as he made himself heard.
“Well, I guess we will have to cross that bridge when we come to it. Have no doubt that this is an adult relationship that we have and there is nothing ‘little girl’ about the way I see and want to be with you. However, I think you need to make the first decision right now. Now that I have laid it out there and told you this is how I am, you need to think. If you do not believe that this is something that you might work with, then I guess now’s the time to say so. I think you and I both know you are wiggling in that seat right now because you like it. It excites you as much as it gives you some anxiety. Both essential things to make this work.”
“So I guess this is one of those defining moments, huh? Zane, if I hear this right, I need to be okay with you assaulting my bottom.”
“Spanking. Yes, ma’am, among other reasons, but honey, you don’t have to agree, you just have to know it will happen. I am not asking permission, it is who I am. I am asking if you are willing to see if we do well together, even after you know what that will entail.”
“You know the reason why I am asking is, even if I might be okay with trying this out with you, I am worried about it being too much. I mean, it’s not that I have ever done this before, or let a man do this to me. I don’t think I have ever come across someone who did this. What are you actually saying? I say something you don’t like, do something you don’t like, you’ll just break out and start beating on me?”
Shanna didn’t know why she put up an argument. This was what she wanted, had always wanted. She wanted that man who said No and took nothing less. She wanted him to love hard and take her in hand, but when it was presented to her, the reality was a bit scary. I should just tell him. Nevertheless, she didn’t and it didn’t seem to matter, she thought. He watched her eyes dilate and her breathing become shallower. He assumed that she battled the realization of her arousal associated to the enormity of the whole package he presented. If he had only known the rest of the story, the road ahead would have been smoother.
“Sunshine, you are an intelligent, professional woman, and that excites me. There is nothing that you could do that would make me belittle the person you are. I am not just going to start smacking your butt whenever I take the fancy. It is just you and me. If there is anything that we do, that you do not see anyone else doing out in public, then the public is not going to see us do it. Humiliation is not the name of the game, nor am I ever out to give others a show of our private affairs. I don't mean I won't give you a swat as a reminder or attention getter, but that is normal around here. I will do my best not to embarrass or take away from that which you are. In this relationship, I would never damage your reputation or hurt you. I can see that you are a bit curious and maybe a bit excited about a man who will take care of you. There are definitely good spankings that I know you will crave when we explore that part of our relationship. Can we just play it by ear and see how it goes?”
“Zane, I have only known you a few days, not even a whole week. What if I am on the rebound or not woman enou—” Shanna’s voice died off and her head went down to examine the steering wheel in front of her.
“Enough? Were you just going to say you wonder if you are woman enough for me? Listen to me and hear me good. You are probably smarter and more polished than I will ever be, but I am a man who knows his mind. I know that you get my motor going. I like you Shanna, and I want to know where this ride might take us. Just give it a chance to see if it might work out. I think you will be surprised.” His voice got hard, “And don’t ever talk down about yourself.”
“I am not a pushover and I don’t keep regular hours when I work. I don’t take orders well and I don’t keep the house clean consistently.”
“Do you smoke? Do you drink to excess? Scare little children and small animals? Are you a serial killer? No? Then, honey, the rest comes with time. I don’t expect you to trust me right away, but I do expect you to respect yourself by keeping yourself safe and healthy. What I do promise is you will never know a day of doubt that you are essential to me, to my life.”
“Okay. I am not so sure about this, but I am willing to just play it by ear and see how it goes.” Shanna internally pleaded with her traitorous body to take it slow as this could, without much effort, turn into more than she bargained.
Shanna reached down and rubbed her tummy again and it wasn’t lost on Zane. He had seen it before when she was aroused. She did it when he kissed her the other day and when he had dressed her down for rudeness earlier in the day. She liked it more than she let on. Hot damn.
“So, can I look at more cars?” Her voice was more subdued and requesting. Zane knew Shanna did not recognize the change in her demeanor, but he did and logged it in for future use.
“You bet.”
“Okay, where next?”
“Go across the street. Hey, look at this one.” Zane pointed out a small sporting number in blue, parked right next to them.
“Oh, I like that. Let’s get out and read the sticker price. No, wait, I am not buying anything here. Why did you do that, Zane? I like this car.”
“Let’s look at the sticker, the interior, and the price,” he reasoned. Then let’s go compare.”
“Good thinking.”
Shanna wrote down the relevant things, and went to the next car lot and looked at another. They searched out another dealer but the price was more and they could not bring it down much. Zane was surprised at Shanna’s way of negotiating: using her linear thinking she created a solid logical plan of why her way made sense. She surprised him often and he told himself he should stop being surprised and just expect that she was universally well-put together, mind, body, and soul.
He felt that swelling in his chest with pride that whether she understood it yet or not, she was his and he was going to work on making it good for them and more permanent. Annoying as it was, the thought of forever made his heart pump faster, beating a tattoo in his chest. His head, on the other hand, screamed at him to put on the brakes. This is too soon, son, to be thinking about forever. So far, his heart was driving the boat. The problem was he was worried about running aground.
Finally, they stopped to have a glass of iced tea and to discuss the options before them. It was getting late and they both wanted to make a decision. Zane offered to go home and try another day. Shanna chose the first car, in the lot of ‘The Jerk’ as she referred to him because she just could not imagine not having her own car and the price was the best. Driving a rental car was making her more nervous than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. She giggled because that’s something that Zane would have said.
As they got up to go back to the first lot, Zane said, “Shanna, let me negotiate with him. You are already irritated and that is going to cause mixed messages sent back and forth, and he is not going to get us the deal we could get.”
“It is going to be my car, I should negotiate.”
“Stubborn aren’t you, sunshine? Look, baby, let me start and if it is not going how you would like, step in and I will back off, okay? Please? Can you trust me on this?”
“Ugh. The feminist side of me should be angry, but the practical side of me wants a good deal. Fine. But I am not happy about this.”
Zane reached over and kissed her, and swatted her bottom with a grin.
“Hey, what was that for?”
“Which one?”
“Both.”
“The kiss was because it made me happy, and the swat, probably because it made me happy too.”
“Really, spanking me made
you happy?”
“Oh, sunshine, that was a playful swat that I do love to do. I promise, though, once I spank you to get your attention, there will never be confusion as to which you got. Interestingly enough, you chose the little swat to be upset over instead of the kiss. Good to know.”
“People kissing, normal, people swatting each other’s butts, only normal in men’s sports. At least in my world.”
“But, you have returned to my world, Shanna, the world you grew up in. Think about it and what that world really believes in and you may be surprised what changes in your world now that you are back home.”
“But you don’t do that normally, right? I mean, you don’t really spank hard or anything.”
“I wouldn’t count on that, sunshine. I am as polite as the next guy is, but if you give me any real trouble, you might find yourself longing for the little swat. My younger sisters have a few stories to tell and a girlfriend I once had might chime in as well.”
“Please don’t tell me you are abusive. I would be so disappointed.”
“No, of course not, but I have expectations like everyone else. I expect compliance within some boundaries, same as you, on how others treat me or behave in my presence. You’ll figure it out.”
Shanna laughed nervously because she wasn’t sure that they’d just rounded a corner in their relationship or if she had misread cues here. “Like you thinking I was rude this morning.”
“Yep, like that. And you were rude.”
“What if I didn’t want you to swat me for real?”
“Honey, let go of it. I don’t know. It is who I am and I think it is who you are as well. Let’s wait to deal with it until we have to answer the question. You need to know, I won’t compromise who I am with you or anyone anymore. I spent enough years hiding the fact. Will you just trust me for now?”
“This won’t be an issue, so we won't be having that discussion.”
“On the discipline or the trust?”
“Both.”
A knowing smile spread across his face as he walked her into the salesman's office.
“We would like to drive that cute little number right over there.”
Forty-five minutes later, they were driving off the lot in separate cars to drop off the rental and take home Shanna’s new one.
Shanna had to admit the salesman almost peed himself trying to sell that car to Zane. It was funny and she was actually surprised she wasn’t as angry about it as she would have been a mere two hours ago. Shanna filled out the information as they haggled and if the salesman was surprised that she had put only her information he didn’t say a word. The sale was about fifteen minutes of real paperwork. They would come back Monday to finalize the deal and get the detailing done, but closing time meant the salesman was happy to complete Monday. Soon, they had dropped off the rental and were on their way home.
“You did a good job back there, Zane.”
“You too.”
“Yeah, because the sum total that I did was fill out paperwork and sign.”
“Sunshine, sometimes, less is more. Besides, it was the most important part.”
“Well, thanks, that was a good deal you got me. You do well with people. How are you at reacquainting people to the saddle?”
“Ah, now that, my dear, I am excellent at that. It is what I make my money on, well most of it. You about ready to get in the saddle?”
“Um, I think so. I haven't been on a horse for years, but I have always loved it. So can I swing by sometime in the next week to see if there is any hope of becoming a rider again?”
“Well, how about riding Thursday because I am pretty busy until then. I can take you to the stables and get the preliminaries done first.”
“Great. Here we are, back to your pickup truck.”
Zane grinned at her.
“What? Did I say something funny?”
“Nope, I like that I am beginning to hear some of that local terminology coming through.”
“Huh? Like what?”
“Pickup truck, most say one or the other, we tend to combine it here.”
Shanna laughed. “See you on Thursday. What time?”
“I’ll call you to finalize the time.”
Keeping up the pattern of the day, he reached over, kissed her firmly, and left with a wave and a grin. And as she had done every other time after he began to walk off, she touched her lips with her fingers and licked the spot he kissed and grinned.
Chapter Five
The next five days came and went without a call from Zane. Ultimately, Shanna went about her daily routine that she was fast establishing. She went to the clinic and let painters and carpenters in to configure the clinic to make the workspace better. They were going to send her an office manager who did everything else in the clinic but see patients. She conferred on certain things, but overall she had a free hand at setting things up. She stopped in to one of the clinics near the hospital a few times to see if there were any tricks of the trade they had discovered, and would share. Shanna was ready for some fun by the time Thursday rolled around the corner.
There were no phone calls, no text messages, nothing from Zane the whole day. She knew she could have called him, she believed he had said he would call so she should let him, just in case he had changed his mind. After all, she didn’t really know him that well yet and it was obvious she didn’t know him as well as she thought she did. She ignored the thought that she was possibly the brat that Zane had recently begun to call her because she knew she was being stubborn. Still, she did not call him.
Friday came and went without any calls so Saturday, bright and early and with great irritation, she set up a time to ride and visit with Sandy Davis, an old classmate’s home stables. She had a good time on horseback and learning about other classmates while she reacquainted herself with the saddle. Sandy was divorced and seemed a bit overly interested in her relationship. She asked plenty of questions about Zane and told Shanna she had dated him right out of high school even though she was a year younger than he. She had ultimately gone to the same college as Zane. She said he graduated and they went their separate ways. She had hoped that when he was done with the rodeo, he would come home and marry. Shanna groused about him being untrustworthy and Sandy just smiled and reminded her men had their own creed and what a man thought trustworthy women did not. On Shanna’s way home, she stopped at the diner in town to grab an afternoon glass of tea and some homemade cookies.
She looked up and saw a group of men coming in the door teasing each other as they began sitting at a table in the corner. She recognized one of the men by the way he walked and the raven’s wing blue-black hair that was dull from dust right now. Shanna tried to make herself as small as possible and not look in their direction, even though it was not a large place.
“Hey, honey, do you want me to take your things over to where Zane and the others are?” asked Missy, the waitress.
“Oh, no, I wouldn’t bother them. I don’t have a lot of time.”
The server started to walk over to the Gideon boys’ table with her cookies and iced tea.
“No,” Shanna said a bit louder and the waitress stopped in the middle of the floor and turned back to her confused. “I know they won’t care, are you sure? Did you two have a tiff?”
Embarrassment at the intrusion, the renewal of anger at being stood up, the overall feeling of not fitting in had overwhelmed her at that moment. She did not notice Zane move to get up as she stood up with force, grabbed her bag, and said, “You know what? This should cover the damn order, the interference I hope was on the fu-freaking house.”
Shanna slammed out of the diner and thought as she did that she would not be able to go in there again. Damn, she really was beginning to settle things again. She tried her hardest not to cry. The emotional onslaught was causing her a thunderstorm in her chest and she was overwhelmed with the demand to sob. Could it have been a mistake that she had come back? Maybe they are right when they said you could never act
ually go home again. She had always thought it signified because you have changed. Maybe it meant all things have changed in every way. Damn Zane Gideon for getting her into this mess. Trust was a two-way street and she was tired of it being only one way.
Shanna didn’t hear the door slam behind her because her slam was still ringing in her ears. Just as she reached the car door and tried to fiddle with the keys, a warm body pushed up behind her, pinning her between long muscular arms and the car door. She had parked in front but at the far end of the lot. She experienced a moment of fear before she was grabbed firmly from behind and flipped around, causing her to squeal in a protest she didn’t entirely understand but instinctively released. Suddenly her face was in his chest. She knew who it was from his scent and his pure essence. The feel of him was better than she had remembered and the strength of his body was the undoing of her. Tears of hurt and embarrassment flowed down as Shanna mentally tried to pull away while her traitorous body did not want to move. Her tears were rolling quickly though. The dam began to break as she heaved a ragged breath.
“Hold on, sunshine. Hey,” his voice low and tender next to her ear. “What’s wrong, baby? Hey, slow down, quit fighting me, Shanna.”
The pressure of his kisses on her hair and her temple was sucking out all coherent thought and making her a puddle of warm salted caramel.
Drawing on the last remnants of self-preservation she said, “Please, let me go, I need to go home.” Her tears renewed.
“No, ma’am, not until you tell me what was the problem in there. Missy almost lost her breath she was so upset. She set your things down on my table and walked to the back. What happened? You are all tied up in knots and you are obviously not all right.”
Cowboy Welcome Page 5
