"I'm not sure." The child finished laying out the last of the silverware before moving toward her father again. "What if he ruins our picnic?"
"Hey, have a little mercy here," Tyler told her before darting a frowning glance at the coals. "I'm new at this."
"We can tell," Cait muttered. "Can't we, Kels?"
Kelsey giggled again. "We sure can."
Tyler felt his throat close. No matter what happened after this, he would still have the gift of his daughter's laughter to add to his pitifully small collection of memories.
Conscious that both Kelsey and Cait were watching, he stood with his hands on his hips and evaluated his options. An oven mitt hung from the grill's handle, along with a long fork with two tines.
"Help me out, Kels," he pleaded in an exaggerated whisper. "What the dickens do I do next?"
Kelsey seemed to have forgotten her earlier wariness as she said, "You sorta spread them out in the bottom."
"Uh-huh. Spread them out in the bottom." He eyed the fork and mitt warily. "How?"
"With that," Kelsey said, pointing to a sad-looking twig with one singed end propped against one of the wooden planter boxes.
"Mmm, very clever. The latest in high-tech implements, I take it."
"I beg your pardon," Cait said with an affronted toss of her head. "I'll have you know I made that wonderful implement myself."
He was acutely aware of the encouragement in her eyes and the hard thump of his heart beneath his sweatshirt. "I beg pardon, ma'am. I stand corrected."
Tyler wiped one hand on his jeans before retrieving the makeshift poker. One eyebrow lifted as he turned toward Kelsey. "This thing really works, huh?"
Kelsey bobbed her head. "Most of the time."
"Now what?" he asked Kelsey.
She grabbed the oven mitt and held it out to him. As she did, she moved closer and said in her bossiest tone, "Now be very careful, or you'll burn your hand the way Mama Cait does sometimes."
"Oh, yeah? What does she do then?"
Kelsey dimpled. Leaning closer, she whispered, "When she thinks no one is listening, she says a lot of really bad words."
Tyler's gaze slanted toward Cait. "Shame on you, Mama Cait," he chided.
"It's cathartic," she said with a wave of her half-eaten carrot. "You should try it sometimes."
"What makes you think I haven't?"
With Kelsey's help, he did as he was told. Now and then the child issued an imperious command. The father patiently obeyed.
Cait nibbled on the end of her carrot stick and watched the slanting sunlight play over the strong bones of Tyler's face. She was beginning to like him very much, especially when he allowed himself to be teased the way he was now.
Who do you think you're kidding? she thought. It was more than liking. She had fallen in love all over again.
"C'mon, you two slowpokes," she said past the sudden sweet lump in her throat. "I spent all morning slaving in a hot kitchen to make the world's greatest hamburger patties. I don't know about you, but I would like to eat at least one before the sun goes down tonight."
Kelsey giggled and sneaked a peek at her father before protesting to Cait, "If you spent all morning in the kitchen, how come you were taking a bubble bath when I got home from Sarah's house?"
Cait knew that she was turning pink and hoped Tyler didn't notice. "So I spent a few minutes in the tub. Big deal," she muttered, but inside she was smiling. Maybe they didn't know it yet, but father and daughter had just taken a very large and important step toward each other.
* * *
Chapter 11
« ^ »
"How about pepperoni and mushrooms?" Tyler suggested over the top of the menu he had damn near memorized.
"Yuck," Kelsey muttered. "I hate mushrooms."
"Okay, scratch the mushrooms. How about pepperoni and black olives?"
This time Cait made a face. "I hate black olives." Tyler closed the menu and folded his big hands carefully on top of it. They were very clean, with very short nails and prominent knuckles.
"Green olives, then," he asked with a glint of challenge in his eyes.
Cait managed to keep a straight face. "I hate those too."
"Why am I not surprised?" he muttered in an exceedingly dry tone that Kelsey seemed to find hilarious.
"We usually have pepperoni and anchovies," she said between giggles.
Tyler sat back and shook his head. "God help me and my unsuspecting stomach."
Kelsey and Cait exchanged looks. "Poor Daddy," Kelsey murmured as she reached over to pat his hand. "Just wait and see. You'll like it."
He found himself looking at Cait. She was smiling, but her eyes were shiny with unshed tears. He tried to return her smile, but he couldn't.
It had been three weeks since he'd received permission to visit Kelsey. He had seen her every Monday after his appointment with Shuffler and twice on successive Saturday mornings.
This was the first time she had called him Daddy.
* * *
Tyler usually left Cait's house well before Kelsey's bedtime. This Monday night, however, they had gotten involved in looking at some family albums that Cait had taken from Crystal's house after her death. Before they knew it, it had been time for bed.
Always the opportunist, Kelsey had talked Tyler and Cait into going through the biggest album one more time before she had to settle down.
It was the first time Tyler had been in her bedroom since Christmas Eve. Cait was there, too, perched on the other side of the bed. To a stranger's eye the scene would seem routine—a mother and father tucking in their child for the night. To Tyler it was a miracle that he didn't quite trust, even now.
"How old was I in this picture?" Kelsey pointed to a color print on one corner of the page.
"Three, I think," he told her after studying the faded likeness. "You were furious because your mother wouldn't let you wear your cowboy guns to nursery school."
"Cowboy guns? I had cowboy guns?"
"Yep, with genuine fake mother-of-pearl handles."
Kelsey's eyes grew bright with excitement. "Where are they now?" she asked with touching eagerness.
"I don't know, baby." He had a damn good idea, however. Crystal had been furious when he'd given their adorable and very feminine child the guns he had always cherished.
"There's another box of your mother's stuff in the attic," Cait told the child with a smile. "Tomorrow we'll see what's in it, okay?"
"How about right now?"
Cait tousled the child's silky hair. "Enough stalling. It's nearly twenty minutes past your bedtime."
"Just another five minutes, please?" Instead of turning her hopeful look on Cait, however, she turned to Tyler.
"Okay with me—if Mama Cait agrees."
Kelsey's pleading gaze swung toward Cait, who chuckled. "She knows a soft touch when she sees one," Cait told Tyler with an affectionate shake of her head.
He raised one of his eyebrows in the wry, extremely masculine gesture she was coming to know intimately. "Who, me?"
"Yes, you, Tyler McClane," she insisted. "You would spoil her rotten if I let you."
"What's wrong with five minutes, anyway?" he asked with a grin.
She glanced at Kelsey's bedside clock. "Nothing's wrong with it," she told them both. "Unfortunately, we've used it all up arguing."
Kelsey protested profusely. Tyler groaned and tried to look indignant. Cait simply grinned. With a dramatic sigh, Tyler closed the album and placed it on the nightstand before he got to his feet and smiled down at the dainty little girl.
"Sorry, baby. Looks like she's outfoxed us again."
"Darn," Kelsey muttered through a grimace of disappointment.
"School tomorrow, remember," Cait said as she lifted the blanket and waited for the little girl to scoot deeper into the warmth.
"Night, baby," Tyler said with a smile. "See you next week."
"On Monday, for the movies," Kelsey reminded him solemnly.
"Monda
y, for the movies."
A gleam came into Kelsey's eyes. "Can Sarah come, too?"
Tyler felt his gut knot. How did a man tell his daughter he could be arrested for even speaking to her little friend?
"Not this time, baby."
"Next time?" bargained Kelsey.
"Kelsey, sweetie, don't badger your daddy," Cait chided gently. "He wants to spend time with you."
"And you, too. Right, Daddy?"
Tyler's gaze shifted toward Cait and held, longer than politeness allowed. But he found that he liked the level way she looked at him, even when the strain around her eyes told him that she was upset. And he liked the way her eyes smiled an instant before her lips did.
"Right," he said very softly, very firmly. "I come to spend time with both of you."
Cait felt warmth flutter through her as she bent her head to kiss Kelsey good-night. "Night-night," she murmured as she smoothed the coverlet to Kelsey's chin.
Kelsey wound her arms around Cait's neck and gave her a bear hug. "Night-night, Mama," she murmured. "Today was fun, wasn't it?"
"It sure was," Cait said with a smile. "Did you remember to thank your daddy for taking us for ice cream?"
"I forgot," Kelsey whispered before darting a glance over Cait's shoulder. "Thank you for the ice cream," she said in a dutiful tone.
"You're welcome, Button."
Kelsey's small mouth grew thoughtful. "My nose didn't really look like a button when I was born, did it, Daddy?"
He touched the tip of her nose with his fingertip. "Maybe not, but it sure was cute."
Kelsey giggled. "Night-night, Daddy." She lifted her arms toward him for the first time. As he gathered her close to his chest, Tyler felt something tear inside him, releasing a flood of deep feeling that was nearly too much for him.
"Night-night, Button. Sleep well."
Even though his voice was low and even, it had taken on a definite hoarseness. And his broad back was stiff with the emotions he was fighting.
Cait fought down the urge to rest her hand on the proud angle of his neck and let him know without words that he wasn't alone. But she didn't dare.
This was a battle Tyler had to fight alone, and she had to let him. Turning her back, she walked to the window and opened it an inch or so.
As she did, she gazed at the sky. The stars were unusually bright, and the air had a soft feel to it. A night for lovers, she thought as she drew the drapes closed. She turned to find Tyler smoothing Kelsey's hair.
"I wish you could be here in the morning when I wake up, like other daddies," Kelsey said in a drowsy little voice. Already her thick blond lashes were drooping.
Tyler struggled to keep his emotions under control. So do I, baby, he thought. You don't know how much. It wasn't only the desire to be there for Kelsey that tore at him, however. It was also the idea of having a family life again, a real family life, without restrictions and limitations and rules. A life where he could be as affectionate with his daughter as he wanted without worrying about what others might think.
He sensed movement beside him and glanced sideways to see Cait standing there. More than those things, even, he wanted a life with this woman. With the woman he should have made his wife a long time ago. He felt his face freeze.
"I'll wait for you downstairs," he said as he brushed past her.
Cait knew a moment of surprise. She had expected him to say goodbye and leave. "I'll just be a minute."
Cait sat on the side of the bed and listened to the quiet thudding of his boots as he went down the stairs. Nothing was easy, she thought.
She and Tyler both loved Kelsey. Kelsey loved her Mama Cait and was very quickly coming to love her father. The problem was between Cait and Tyler. Every time they were together, the tension between them grew worse. Even though he hadn't touched her once since that day in the kitchen, she was more aware of him than ever.
She knew that staying indoors too long made him edgy. That he was very careful never to be alone with Kelsey, even though the two of them had never said anything more about the conditions governing his visits. And she knew that he never talked about his years as a doctor, even if she or Kelsey brought up the subject.
Those things she knew because she cared about him. Because she loved him, she wanted him to make love to her again. And she wanted to make love to him.
Fighting a smothering frustration, she leaned over to brush a kiss on Kelsey's forehead. The little girl stirred but didn't wake. As always, Cait left one small light burning before she left the room.
She found Tyler in the den. He was standing by the fire, watching the flames. In the orange glow his cheeks looked gaunt. His mouth had taken on the hard, forbidding line that she hadn't seen in weeks.
"I think Kelsey's down for the count," she said as she slid the double door closed behind her and turned the key in the lock.
"Does she still have nightmares?"
She crossed the room to close the drapes and switch on the desk lamp. "Very rarely, and usually only when she goes to bed overly tired," she said as she settled herself into a corner of the couch.
His head came up, and he turned to look at her. "Like tonight?"
"No, but she was getting there." He nodded but said nothing. Cait ran her hand along the top of her thigh. "Would you like some coffee before you go?"
"What I'd really like is a double Scotch."
Cait glanced at the eighteenth-century hutch that doubled as a bar. "Help yourself."
"No, but thanks for not reminding me that I would be breaking parole as soon as I took the first sip."
Cait shifted her gaze to the flames. They ate at the logs with an insatiable appetite that wasn't to be denied. "Is it so bad, being on parole, I mean?"
"Not as bad as prison."
"From what I've heard about our wonderful penal system, I'm not sure anything could be as bad as that."
"You're wrong." She looked up in time to see his face twist.
"Tell me."
Tyler drew a deep breath. Cait couldn't seem to look away from the emotion building in his eyes.
"Not being able to practice medicine. That's worse." He spread his hands and looked at them. "Knowing that every day I lose some of my skill. That there are new procedures I don't know, new techniques I might never know."
"What happens if you don't get your license back?"
"I don't know, Cait," he said in a tired voice. "I don't think about it much anymore. I can't. I would go crazy if I did."
She sensed that he was drawing inside himself again, shutting her out. Not this time, she thought. Without taking time to worry about the consequences, she left the sofa cushions and went to him. He stiffened when her hands found his shoulders and rested there, but he didn't move away.
"Try to be patient. It'll work out. You'll see. After you're cleared the way you should have been at the first trial, the rest will fall into place."
"There's something else, Cait. It's about the trial." He moved away, breaking the contact of her hands.
"What about it?" She tried to ignore the sudden dread making a hole in her stomach.
"Jess wants Kelsey to testify again. For me, this time. Lamont insists on it, and Jess seems to think she's my only hope."
Cait went very still. The familiar shapes and colors of her favorite room seemed to sharpen until they seared her eyes. "Jess may be right."
He stared at the fire. His back was straight. Asking for anything was difficult for a man with his pride.
"Do you think she can handle it? Do you think she can get up on the witness stand one more time?"
Cait took a moment to think. "I don't know, Tyler. I'm not sure Hazel knows yet. She's made terrific progress, especially in these last weeks. But I know her nightmares were all mixed up with her memories of the trial, too." Cait noticed that the room seemed very quiet all of a sudden.
"I don't want her hurt, Cait. I can't stand that."
"I know. And I can't stand to see you hurt," she whispered softl
y. "You don't deserve it. You never did."
It took him a moment to master his emotions. He was having to do a lot of that lately. When he had himself under control again, he turned to face her. "I can take it."
"So can Kelsey."
"She shouldn't have to."
"You can't protect her from the consequences of her own actions, Tyler. You shouldn't even try."
He leaned against the fireplace, arms spread, and crossed his ankles. A contemplative look tightened his face as he stared at the scuffed toes of his boots. "It's damn hard being a parent."
"You know what? I think every parent I've ever had in my office says that to me sooner or later."
He saluted that with a brief glance. "Have you said it?"
"Just about daily when Kels first came to live with me. Now I have it down to once or twice a week."
He grinned, but his eyes were bleak. "Sometimes I think I'll never get the hang of it. Like tonight. I know I'm too easy on her, but our time is so limited."
"You're afraid she won't love you if you deny her something she wants or discipline her for misbehaving."
"Yeah, that's about it."
Cait strolled toward him, her arms crossed. "I felt the same way, even though professionally I know very well the dangers of raising a child without limits."
His grin was crooked. "Sometimes I think about getting into the truck and heading for Mexico. No more Shuffler, no more Horseshoe, no more worries that I'm a worse father now than I ever was."
"Why don't you?" Cait asked softly.
He shrugged. "I've asked myself that more than once. If it weren't for Kelsey…" He left the sentence unfinished as he turned to look at her.
Cait smiled. "Even if it weren't for Kelsey, you wouldn't run."
He raised his eyebrow very slowly. "No?"
"No. You're not a quitter, Tyler," she murmured with deep conviction. "No matter how stacked the odds might be against you, you don't give up."
She took his hands in hers and kissed each callused palm in turn. His fingers clenched around hers.
"You may not be able to practice medicine anymore, but you're still the same man who wanted to make a difference. Try to be patient. If it can't be medicine, you'll find another way to contribute. I know you will."
PAROLED! Page 17
