by S M Stuart
E xxx
Yes, I was crying again. Who wouldn’t at such an emotional farewell? I didn’t think Seth had seen this. He would’ve pointed it out to me when he first told me of his suspicions that Elizabeth had killed herself. It was obvious that she didn’t expect to come home that evening.
Do I have the nerve to show it to him?
CHAPTER 18
Undisclosed Location: January 2094
“Time to go,” the Comms unit ordered. Celeste touched her earpiece to activate the response mode, “Received and understood.”
She stepped into the cobbled square and mingled with the crowds, constantly glancing around the area to check the position of her team and ensuring they weren’t drawing any unwanted attention.
Despite the vast improvement in international relations since telepathic-twinning evolved, there were still a few hot-heads around who thought they could stir the discontented into violent action against the establishment. Occasionally, she was dragged from her cosy office in the City to lead a field operation. Her talents for de-coding, problem solving, and reading people had taken her to a higher grade than simply a desk job and being married to one of the most experienced field officers had its advantages. Often they could be placed in ‘couple’ scenarios without the need for pretence – it also added an exciting twist to their real marriage!
Celeste smiled and put her hand to her still-flat stomach. When this project was completed, she would have to tell Jonathan, and her bosses, that field work would soon be off the agenda. She couldn’t risk another miscarriage. Anyway, a noticeably pregnant woman always attracted too much attention.
Raised voices brought her out of her reverie. Damn! She’d let her mind wander and now had lost sight of two of her team. She couldn’t risk using the comms link to check their whereabouts. Her instincts were pointing her towards the disturbance but she knew that if she or any other team-members approached the area they would all be at risk. She opened a black parasol and raised it over her head, ostensibly providing shade from the afternoon sun. Her team would recognise the signal to pull back and reassemble at the safe house. She wandered around the square for another five minutes to ensure her action had been noticed by those who understood it.
***
“Does anyone remember seeing Daniel or Nikita leave the square?” Celeste looked at each of the group in turn. Everybody’s face wore the same concerned expression. Two team members missing for over three hours without any comms response could only mean they’d been compromised. All their colleagues could hope for now was that they had simply gone to ground until they could find a safe way out. In the meantime, the project would be suspended until Daniel and Nikita’s fate was confirmed.
Six weeks later:
“Celeste, it wasn’t your fault. How many more times are we going to go through it all?” Jonathan was at the limit of his patience. He’d been her staunch supporter during the investigation which had found no blame attached to any individual for the loss of the two agents during the aborted operation. Daniel and Nikita had been caught up in a brief skirmish that had nothing to do with the team’s target. Local authorities were dealing with the issue and the department had to withdraw entirely for fear of being exposed during the clear up.
The official findings meant nothing to Celeste. She would never forgive her momentary lapse in concentration as she’d indulged in her maternal musings. This pregnancy had cost the lives of two of her people – people she was supposed to be protecting.
CHAPTER 19
Ellingham: 2 August 2110
Can’t be time to get up already!
“Desirée. Breakfast is ready.” Mum was knocking on my bedroom door.
“Coming, Mum.” I made sure Elizabeth’s Handi was safely tucked away in my bag then pushed the bag under my bed. I still hadn’t decided if I should share my latest discovery with Seth but I couldn’t see how to avoid doing just that. I’m a rubbish liar, even if it’s only by omission!
“Morning, Dad,” I said, as I sat at the breakfast table. “Sorry. Again. About the other night.” I swiftly added hoping that my apology would halt any further discussion – at least until after my hypno session.
“Good morning, Dez.”
Good, we’re back on pet-name terms. I thought.
“When you have finished with Mr Grey, this morning, I would like to have a chat about that.” Dad continued in his formal tone.
Not off the hook then!
“Would you like to sit in on the session to see what Mr Grey makes of it?” I offered politely, hoping he would refuse.
“I might consider that. I shall ask him if he feels it appropriate.”
Well done, Dez. That dodge failed spectacularly! I could only hope that Alvin might put Dad off with some excuse about patient/ therapist confidentiality but I wasn’t too hopeful.
“Dez.”
“What?”
“Pardon?” Mum looked at me with a bemused expression.
“Sorry – pardon.”
“No, I wasn’t correcting your manners,” she sighed. “I was wondering what you were asking?”
This was getting confusing. She’d said my name. She was the one doing the asking – wasn’t she? Though when I came to think of it, the voice had sounded odd, not really like Mum’s at all. It had been merely a whisper and, now, I couldn’t place where it’d come from. I suppose it must’ve been inside my over-crowded head but it had sounded so real. Maybe it was the same as last night when I’d thought someone had been calling to me in my sleep.
“Sorry, Mum. My mistake. I thought you’d said something to me.” I’d be on my guard from now on. I couldn’t risk being sent back to the clinic. I had to keep my reactions under control.
Mum raised a finely-shaped eyebrow in silent query but didn’t pursue it any further. Our truce was holding and I felt closer to her than I had in a long time.
“No preocupe a mi amigo. Un día que sabrá el corazón..” That was definitely in my head and it sounded familiar. Yes, it was like that other night when Mum had been so angry with me and I’d no idea what she was saying. But now I heard it clearly in my own head and how could I understand the meaning? “Don’t worry my friend. One day she will know your heart.”
“Thank you, Rosa.” This was Mum but she wasn’t speaking – at least not to us. Rosa was her PT – these were their shared thoughts.
Right. Now, I’m getting really freaked. I understand Spanish?
“Excuse me,” I said. “I’d better get ready for my session.”
I must’ve looked as queasy as I felt because neither of the ’rents reminded me I hadn’t had any breakfast.
This was more than I could take in. I’d thought that maybe I was going out of my mind, hearing voices that didn’t exist. Now I discover that I can tap into Mum’s thoughts and those of her Argentine PT. Did that mean all the voices were real people, having their own PT conversations? I’d become a telepathic eavesdropper? But where was my unique PT? Maybe it was the voice that kept calling to me. Okay. Well that just meant I’d got to find a way of tuning into her – convinced it was female by the tone of the voice. Of course it also meant I had to tune out the rest of them – Oh, yeah, easy peasy!
***
When Alvin and Ms Thorogood arrived, Dad was in his study taking an important call so missed his opportunity to sit in on my session.
Seems therapists aren’t the only ones doing weekend overtime! Fate was on my side for once.
“How’ve you been?” Alvin asked, gently stirring his coffee. I found myself following his movements, mesmerised by the circular rhythm.
“Dez?” Ms Thorogood’s concerned voice got through to me.
“Sorry?” I said. “I was miles away.”
“I was asking how you’ve been since our last session.” He put the spoon on the saucer and sat back to sip his coffee.
“Mm … Where to begin!” I tried to keep calm as I went over recent events. When I mentioned the unintentional eavesdropping i
nto Mum’s PT conversation – that had them looking uncomfortable for a while! But I couldn’t bring myself to recount the awful dream/memory of the murdered couple in Paris. That would’ve brought Elizabeth’s diary into the equation and I wasn’t going to break Seth’s trust.
“Well, I didn’t expect a reaction so quickly,” said Alvin. “And certainly not one so dramatic! This is new territory for me, I have to admit.”
“Oh. Does that mean you can’t help me any more?”
“I don’t have any experience of this particular situation,” he said. “But I haven’t heard of anyone else having it either, so I think we’re breaking new ground here, Dez. If you want to carry on and you trust me to look after you, I don’t see why we shouldn’t continue and see if we can rationalise your PT access. It’s your decision.”
“I can’t handle the constant babbling. Not when it gets too loud, anyway. Sometimes it’s bearable but often it’s just too much. I’ve got to find a way to control it – or even switch it off again. Please, Alvin, help me be normal.”
“And what’s your perception of normal?” asked Ms Thorogood.
That made me pause. I’d lost my idea of normality the night of my party when the anticipated PT connection failed and I started down the path of self-indulgent misery, anger and desperation. It was time to set myself back on track and deal with whatever was needed to get things sorted.
“To start with,” I answered. “I think I’d feel more normal if I could keep the voices in my head at a reasonable volume. At least, then, I could hear the conversations outside of it!”
We all smiled at my attempt at levity. Alvin asked me to settle down for my next hypno session. He guided me through the relaxation and towards the trance-like state where he could prompt my subconscious to handle the chattering inside. I grinned at the suggested picture of me ushering the uninvited guests into a large room. I could sense my hands shifting in my lap as, mentally, I gently pushed the last one through the door and closed it behind them. Although the murmuring was still present, it was much quieter.
“… four, five.” I was awake again, registering Alvin’s last words as he counted me back to full consciousness.
“That was quick,” I said. I looked at my watch – an hour gone already. “Oh! Not as quick as I thought.”
“We did have a lot to try and accomplish today,” Alvin said. “I hope it’ll help but don’t be surprised if it doesn’t kick in straight away. It should get easier over time. It’s better to handle things in small chunks rather than attempting everything at once. Today I concentrated on dulling the voices. Next time we’ll see if we can find a way to isolate your PT if he/she is there. And I’ve every confidence you do have one, now that we’ve seen your telepathic abilities. So don’t worry. Call me if you have any problems.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re doing really well, Dez,” added Ms Thorogood. “You’re a natural. Isn’t she Alvin?”
“You’ve certainly taken to the therapy very quickly,” said Alvin. “Especially when you consider the swift reaction to your first session. Hopefully, we’ll soon have you ‘normal’ again.” This last said with a grin and quote gestures. I smiled in response. I was beginning to understand that there’s no such thing as absolute normal – just varying degrees of it.
So long as I get on the scale of normal – that’ll do me!
CHAPTER 20
Ellingham: 2 August 2110
Well you needn’t look so bloody worried!
I’d just told Seth my latest discovery that I was a telepathic-eavesdropper, amongst the other weird stuff like remembering being murdered! He hadn’t taken it as well as expected and was currently pacing around the room, chewing his lip and looking as though he wanted to make a run for it.
“What’s the matter with you?” I asked. “I thought you’d be pleased that I’m not actually having a mental breakdown!”
“I am. Really, I am,” he protested. “It’s just a lot to take in.”
He came to a stand-still and looked at me.
“Can you tell what I’m thinking now, then?” he asked, frowning.
“No. It’s not like that. Things just come to me. I’ve avoided deliberately tuning in, in case they all start shouting again.” Didn’t he trust me with his thoughts? I broke eye contact with him to hide the hurt, but he knew me well enough to sense my feelings.
“Sorry, Dez.” He came to sit beside me on the cosy two-seater sofa, a favourite of his mother’s. His bulk took up more than half the seat – was he growing bigger on a daily basis? He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me towards him. With his free hand he threatened to tickle me and I couldn’t help squealing.
“Friends?” he asked.
“Only if you don’t tickle me!”
“Deal. But stop sulking, okay? It’s weeks since I’ve seen you really laugh, Dez. Even if tickling is a naff way to do it I’m gonna bring the old Dez out.”
That did make me smile. If anyone was going to find the old me, it was Seth. I savoured the moment, imagining a future filled with similar comfortable scenes of Seth and me cosied-up together. Samuel came in and wasn’t able to hide the brief pained expression as he saw us in a pose that he and Elizabeth had shared on the same sofa. I quickly pulled away from Seth.
“No, don’t mind me,” Samuel said, gesturing with his hand to keep me sitting where I was. “It’s nice to see you two on good terms again.”
I wasn’t trying to listen but before I knew it Samuel’s thoughts were in my head: “God, Lizzie it still hurts.” The pain was so raw, so tangible, it made my chest hurt and my throat burn.
“You all right, love?” Samuel asked. He must’ve seen my reaction but I didn’t dare tell him the truth. Seth realised that I’d probably had another telepathic sound-bite and answered for me.
“She’ll be fine, Dad. Just an after-effect of the hypno session. She gets a few emotional tweaks while the treatment settles in.”
“Oh! Oh, right then.” Samuel nodded, relieved that he hadn’t done anything to upset me.
“We’re off for a walk. Some fresh air’ll do her good, don’t you think?” Seth said.
“Yes. Good idea, lad. And when you come back I’ll expect you to stay for tea, Dez. It’s been a while since you’ve sampled my delicious ‘Cottage-pie a la micro’!”
“Thanks, Samuel. Yum, yum,” I laughed, glad that the awkward moment had passed relatively unnoticed.
“See?” said Seth, as we reached the garden gate, “Told you we’d get you laughing again.”
“Do you think I’ll be sorted in time for next term?” I asked. The summer break wasn’t going to last for ever and I was beginning to feel nervous about going back to the Academy if my mind was still going to be susceptible to everyone’s thoughts.
“’Course you will,” he reassured me. “Whatever happens, you’ll cope. Look how well you’ve managed so far.”
“Huh! I’ve been a miserable, self-absorbed, pain-in-the-arse. And I’m probably going to stay that way for a while – so be warned.”
We walked in companionable silence until we reached the town park. We stopped at the gate and nervously looked at each other. Ellingham Lake was partially within the park boundary and it was this path I’d run along that rainy night.
“Actually…” “Do you …” we said simultaneously.
We both grinned self-consciously.
“Ladies first,” Seth offered.
“I was going to say, do you mind if I walk down to the lake on my own – just for a few minutes? I’ll be back before you know it,” I added quickly, before he got too uncomfortable about the idea.
“And I was going to say, on this occasion, I’d prefer to walk up to the woods. I’ll wait on a bench up there if you want to go to the lake,” he replied.
“Well, that’s settled then. See you in a few.”
I realised that I’d been able to keep calm most of the afternoon. The noise in my head had been bearable, almost quiet at t
imes. Was that the hypnotherapy working or just the comforting presence of my best friend keeping it at bay? I wouldn’t question the cause, I’d simply enjoy the relative peace. The path meandered along the edge of the park’s botanical gardens and finally came to the lakeshore. After the last few dry days the ground was firm underfoot and I felt embarrassed at the thought of my slipping in the rain, rolling down the banking and giving poor Seth and his dad the feeling of déjà-vu when they found me there.
Reflections of the afternoon sun made the lake’s surface shimmer like a vast silver-blue cloth studded with countless diamonds. With very little wind to churn the water’s surface, it resembled a pool of mercury, lazily lapping at the lakeshore. I could smell the pine resin of the conifer trees and the earthy warmth of the oaks. Despite the awful memories this lakeside held, it was still one of my favourite places – especially when it was so peaceful, so beautiful in the summer sunshine. I sat on the trunk of a fallen spruce tree. One of the park sculptors had worked it into a surprisingly comfortable bench overlooking the lake and the countryside beyond. It was well-used and highly-polished from the years of walkers’ backsides resting on it. I could almost ignore the voices chattering in the background of my mind even when one occasionally became clear above the babble. I wouldn’t allow myself to take any notice. I’d find a distraction to push it away. That’s why I wanted some time here – away from everyone else – where I could practice tuning out the noise.
***
The trees are dripping even though it’s not raining. I’m glad I have my sturdy waterproof walking boots on. I’ll have to remember to keep my head up so that my waxed hat can keep the drips out of my jacket neckline.
The path winds up the valley side under the closely-packed conifers and the mist swirls around the tree trunks like an old horror movie. Under here the daylight barely penetrates. I expect to see werewolves come crashing through the undergrowth at any moment. I shiver at the frightening thought – childish but almost believable in this setting. There’s nobody else about at this time of year. The lead mining museum is closed and the woodland is quiet. I feel like we’re the only people on the planet.
