Of course, sometimes Hardy women made their own messes. Roxie flashed back to Andy’s face as he saw her in the costume. Shock, hurt, confusion. It was almost the same expression Mamere had on her face when she’d seen the smoked out kitchen. Roxie’s secret had been like a fire for Andy, burning away his sense of security. And she hated herself for that.
She stood up to help Mamere clean, and felt her knees shaking underneath her. It wasn’t just the end of her lie, it was the end of their relationship. He couldn’t possibly trust her after all of this.
Chapter Seventeen
I love you - I am at rest with you - I have come home. ―Dorothy L. Sayers
Roxie reluctantly shut off the water and got out of the shower. The apartment didn’t seem to have the biggest hot water heater, but tonight it didn’t have more than a gallon to spare for her. Or maybe time had passed faster than she’d noticed as she stood under the spray and tried to forget everything that had happened.
Trudging into her bedroom, she pulled on clothes, not bothering to see if the pieces matched. Right about now, Andy would have been knocking on her door for their first real date. Roxie’s heart squeezed so tightly in her chest that she sat down on the bed. She had no one to blame but herself, and the knowledge only made her pain sharper.
After a few minutes, she slid her feet into old, fuzzy slippers and headed for the kitchen. She’d make some hot tea, wrap herself in a blanket and read on the couch. She wasn’t even going to brush her hair. She was going to pretend she was ten years old and her Mama was in the kitchen making dinner.
Roxie filled the tea kettle and set it on the stove right as there was a knock. Probably Alice coming to ask about the fire. Roxie sighed. After she and Mamere had worked on the kitchen a little, Roxie had suggested that they leave it for the night. She called her aunt to come stay with Mamere, and then came home to shower. She didn’t want to think about the bakery until the morning, but she knew she couldn’t avoid the reality of the smoke damaged kitchen.
She swung open the door. Andy stood there, looking like he’d just gotten out of the shower. She couldn’t help noticing he was dressed in a Hugo Boss suit, tie and wingtips, as if someone had gotten a handle on his mismatching wardrobe.
He looked down at her fuzzy slippers. “Need a few more minutes?”
“Uhh?”
His gaze traveled up her worn out jeans, her raggedy running shirt, and to the top of her disheveled, wet hair. “I have the feeling I’m early.”
“Wha?” Roxie hadn’t moved a muscle.
Andy closed his eyes for a second. “I’m such a jerk. I didn’t think about the fact you wouldn’t want to go out tonight. I’m sorry. Let me just―”
She held out a hand, trying to form words that had meaning. “I didn’t think you were coming.”
“I know. You’re probably exhausted. I wasn’t thinking.” His face had gone red.
“No. I mean, I didn’t think you were coming after you found out I was the cupcake.”
His eyebrows went up. “Why not?”
“Because I should have told you.”
He shrugged. “And when would you have done that?”
All the tiredness she’d felt just minutes ago was gone, and adrenaline coursed through her system. She was getting another chance and this time she was going to do it right. “Will you come in?”
She shut the door behind him and motioned to the couch. “Just a second.” Walking sedately to the hallway, Roxie carefully closed the door to her room. Stripping off her clothes with lightning speed, she pulled items from her drawers. A skirt. No, A dress. No, nice pants and a soft sweater. After a few panicked seconds she was dressed again and then walked calmly to the bathroom where she slowly shut the door. Raking a brush through her curls, she slathered her hands with hair product and tried to undo the damage she’d done by leaving it to air dry after a hot shower. She worked feverishly until she was satisfied she wasn’t the hag Andy had seen when he first opened the door.
When she came into the living room, he was standing by the bookcase. He turned, holding a volume in his hands. “Wow,” he said.
She wasn’t sure if it was a compliment or a statement on the difference between her first and second appearances.
“I thought about telling you so many times,” she said. “But before all of those times, I purposefully kept my mouth shut.”
She sat down on the couch and took a deep breath. “When we met, I thought I was a pretty strong woman, but all it took was getting back in that suit to make me feel like I was nothing. When you brought me sweet tea that day, I f―” Roxie stopped herself and tried to organize her thoughts.
Andy sat down next to her, not interrupting.
“I liked you from the very first moment I saw you, and then when I saw you in the hallway, I was desperate to keep you from knowing that I was the woman who had been mauled by the little kid. I was embarrassed that you might find out I had such a crappy job, and not even getting paid for it. I wanted you to see me for who I was.”
“I wouldn’t have thought―”
“I know.” Roxie took his hand. “That was what was so wrong. Even after I got to know you better, I still kept the secret. You’ve always, from the very first moment, shown me what a wonderful person you are. I didn’t trust you. And I couldn’t believe that you would ever give someone like me a chance.”
Andy shook his head, his eyes on their linked hands. “Roxie, I was going to tell you tonight at dinner, but maybe we should have this conversation now. You’ve kept secrets from me, but I’ve kept a secret from you.”
She sat back a few inches. That wasn’t in the list of possible responses she’d expected.
“I had some genetic tests done this summer. Mark and I carry a gene that causes major issues, including mental disabilities.”
“I don’t understand. You look fine.”
“Autosomal non syndromic mental retardation is the official label they gave Mark, but I carry the gene in its recessive form. My mother also had it as a recessive, and so did my dad. They didn’t know there was a fifty-fifty chance that one of their children would be affected, and it worked out that one of us was, and one of us wasn’t.”
“Oh,” she said.
“You didn’t tell me about being the cupcake, but I never told you I carried this gene.”
“But when would you have?” She almost laughed at the thought.
“As soon as I knew I was falling in love with you.” He said it so calmly that at first she’d thought she’d misheard him.
“And when was that?”
He started to smile. “Maybe when you stomped on my toes while we were dancing. Or maybe when you quoted Homer to me in the original Ancient Greek.”
Roxie thought of all the secrets she’d kept from him, all the words she’d wanted to say and hadn’t. “I’m not the romantic type,” she started.
“I know, this is really fast.” He straightened his shoulders. “You should let all of this settle before deciding whether to move forward.”
“No, that’s not what I meant.” She felt as if she were balanced on a wire but she also knew she was done hiding from Andy. “I was going to say that I’m not the romantic type. I never believed people who talked about love at first sight, or insta-love. I didn’t think it was possible.”
He nodded. “I think you told me it was all hormones.”
“Oh, right. I remember that speech.” Roxie couldn’t help laughing a little. “I was so defensive. I knew what had happened, but I was in denial.” She took a breath. “See, when you brought me that drink, I fell in love with you. I could barely see your face and couldn’t even talk to you. But my heart was completely lost.” The last few words were nearly all breath. She knew she was taking a terrible risk.
He moved just an inch, then sat back again. “Are you sure you don’t want to think about what I said? That’s some really important news.”
“It is,” she said. “But I won’t walk away from you. Life is
complicated and messy. My grandmother is going to need a lot of help. If you’re not scared away at the fact I can’t be the average girlfriend, I think we―” That was as far as she got before he kissed her.
Wrapping her arms around him, Roxie let herself kiss Andy without any lies between them. She couldn’t believe that after all she’d done, all the mistakes she’d made, and all the chances she’d thrown away, he was still here.
He ran his hand up through her hair and murmured something against her cheek. Roxie didn’t bother to ask him to repeat it, but he said it again. “Kettle.”
“Hm?” Her eyes wouldn’t seem to open. She never wanted to move from where she was in his arms.
“Kettle. Tea kettle.” Andy lifted his head. “Not the fire alarm.”
“Oh!” She jumped up, finally hearing the shrill whistle. The kettle was spitting hot water all over the stove and Roxie quickly took it from the heat.
As she returned to the living room, she couldn’t help be a little disappointed that he’d moved from the couch. He held out a little white box and her heart stopped in her chest.
No, it wasn’t that size. It was more rectangular and flat. Roxie felt herself start breathing again and hoped he hadn’t noticed her shock. “What’s this?”
“Open it.”
She took the box and lifted the lid. Inside was a black leather bracelet like the ones she wore, braided and held with a clasp. In the middle was a silver charm shaped like a star.
“Have you ever heard the poem Sea Fever by John Masefield?”
“Maybe. It sounds a little familiar.”
He took the bracelet from the box and fastened around her wrist. “Alice said something to me one day when I was at my wit’s end. I didn’t know where to turn or what to do. All I knew was that my future was as dark as night.”
“She said to look for a star?”
“To pray for direction. And I did, and I got an answer.” He touched the star. “The night we watched the play, you told me that you were learning to see beauty down here below, under the heavens.”
She nodded. She’d spent all her energy up in the ether, trying to live suspended between heaven and earth. She’d never wanted to live down on the ground, with the mere mortals.
“I learned to look outside myself, to seek guidance. I know it’s not always going to come like a sign from heaven, and most of the time it comes from someone else. For me, that someone is you.”
Roxie swallowed hard. That seemed like a huge responsibility. “And what if I’m wrong?”
He laughed out loud. “You’re not going to be my Magic 8 Ball.”
She heaved a sigh of relief. The charm shone in the light, pale against her skin. “I don’t remember that poem.”
“I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky, and all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,” he recited, taking her face in his hands. “I have everything I could ever want, Roxie. I’ve got the tall ship. But I need a star to steer by.”
As he kissed her, Roxie realized how much love there was in her. She’d never seen it before. Although she’d always thought it was loyalty or duty or stubbornness, it was love. She couldn’t live her former life in Philadelphia or spend her days translating Homer. She might not even get the chance to bear a child. But she could love the people around her with all her heart. She could be their star to steer by.
Chapter Eighteen
What matters most is how well you walk through the fire.—Bukowski
“Mark, could you these napkins to the far tables? I’ve got to make a mocha.” Roxie glanced over at him and smiled. “You sure make my day easier.”
“Just my job,” he answered and headed for other end of the café. His apron was spotless and although he hadn’t wanted to let go of his backpack, he’d really taken to the idea of keeping it in the row of metal lockers in the kitchen.
Roxie gazed around at the open, sunlit space. The Natchitoches Urban Renewal Program had given Mamere a grant to rebuild Sunshine Bakery. Even though the smoke damage had been cosmetic, the grant had been extended. The kitchen was updated, the tables and chairs all matched, and the best part was the new espresso machine. The drive-through window had been an easy addition since the alley had an easement between the two buildings. Sunshine Bakery was doing better than it had in a decade, and Roxie hadn’t even had to get into the cupcake suit. In fact, she’d hung it in the back as a permanent reminder of how far they’d both come in the last six months.
“Hi, Roxie,” a little voice called and she turned to see Aurora run past Alice and through the open door. Her little T-shirt read ‘I Carry Your Heart With Me (I Carry It In My Heart)’ and her curls were in tiny pigtails.
“Love the e.e.cummings quote, but these pigtails make her look like she’s five,” Roxie said, picking her up. “She looks so big.”
“No, I look so big.” Alice grimaced, running a hand over her belly. “I look like a house.”
“Oh, come now. You only look like a trailer, not a full house.” Roxie couldn’t help teasing Alice. Twins had been a surprise that nobody had expected. “Don’t worry. You only have four hundred and eighty five days left. Oh, no, that’s only if you’re an elephant.”
“That’s exactly what I feels like.” Alice glanced around. “Have you seen Paul? He was supposed to meet us here.”
“No,” Roxie looked toward the sidewalk. She loved the new glass windows that went from floor to ceiling. “But there are Ruby and Bix.”
They waited while Ruby guided Bix into the bakery. His eyesight had gotten dramatically worse in the last few months and he had been talking about getting a guide dog. Roxie wondered what Mr. Darcy would think of a dog in the bookstore.
“Hey there, Cupcake,” Bix said, giving her and Alice a kiss on the cheek.
“She’s not fond of that name, dear,” Ruby said.
“Oh, I’m over it.” And Roxie was. She’d learned that the costume was just a costume, and she was always going to be ‘Cupcake’ to half the town. “Hey Bix, how can you tell which one of us you’re talking to?” Roxie asked, shooting Alice an innocent look.
“One of y’all is as big as a house,” he said.
Alice’s exclamation was interrupted by Paul and Andy coming through the door. Roxie waved, surprised to see Andy in the middle of the day. He’d been working on a project and they’d only been able to see each other in the early mornings when they ran together.
Andy came to give her a kiss and as she turned her head, she noticed Mamere right behind them. “Oh, I thought you were with Edilia Moore. You said she had a watermelon pickle recipe she wanted to try.”
Mamere didn’t answer, but simply shrugged, smiling.
Mark came up behind their little group and said, “Now, Andy? Should I get it now?”
“Get what?” Roxie looked around. The customers were all watching, as if they expected something important to happen any minute.
“Right, buddy. Now is the time,” Paul said. He put an arm around Roxie and said, “I have something for you.”
“Okay, but maybe I should get everybody some coffee so we’re not all standing in the middle of the bakery.”
“No, sha, you let him give it to you now.” Mamere’s voice was shaking and Roxie had the sudden fear that something had happened with Edilia.
“Maybe we should―”
“First, open this.” Andy handed her a little white box. “Please.”
Again, it wasn’t that kind of box. It was like the first, rectangular and flat. She took off the lid and saw a leather bracelet inside, braided like all the others. But the charm in the middle was no simple charm. Roxie put a hand to her mouth as Andy took the bracelet from the box and knelt in front of her.
“Roxie Sunshine Hardy, will you marry me?”
She reached out and touched the intricate silver ring in the center of the bracelet. “Yes, of course.”
The room exploded with cheers and they were hugged simultaneously by three or f
our people. Aurora was waving both hands in the air and Mark was clapping. “Bomb diggity,” yelled Bix and he kissed Ruby, then Roxie, then Ruby again. Mamere wiped tears from her eyes and had to find a chair.
“I told you the apartment was special,” Alice said to Paul. He didn’t answer, just kissed the top of her head, then Aurora, then Alice’s stomach, twice. After a few minutes of chaos, Andy untied the leather around the ring. “I had it inscribed. I was going to try and find something from Homer, but this one made more sense with… Well, with everything.”
Roxie took it from him, her hands trembling. The silver band was decorated with tiny vines and flowers, and on the inside was written ‘Home Is Where The Heart Is’.
“Pliny the Elder,” she said, blinking back tears. As she slipped the ring on her finger and wrapped her arms around him, Roxie realized her home and her heart had never been apart, no matter how far she’d traveled. Wherever she’d lived, she’d carried it within.
Kissing her hard, Andy drew back and grinned. “I was going to get you a cupcake charm, but Paul advised against it.”
She laughed into his shoulder for a moment. “I’m over it. I really am.”
“Good, because I think we need someone on the sidewalk to bring in the customers,” Mamere said.
Roxie shot Alice a look. They’d have to dispose of that terrible suit. It was time that Sunshine Bakery retired the Cupcake from circulation. It had served its time, and so had she.
Looking up at Andy, she couldn’t help but wonder at the way life unfolded. This man had been in her future from the beginning, and she hadn’t even had a hint. He’d appeared, seemingly out of the worst possible situation, and had given her the gift of true love. She put her hand on his cheek and he bent his head, whispering something into her ear. She didn’t quite catch it over the sound of her heart, but she felt the truth of his words deep in her bones, an echo of the very first day they’d met.
Along the Cane River: Books 1-5 in the Inspirational Cane River Romance Series Page 97
