Rose’s stomach clenched so hard that she instinctively put a hand to her waist. Her heart thudded in her ears. “Oh?” she said, holding his gaze. She knew his type. If you showed fear, he’d won. The battle was lost.
“Yep.” The man was smiling so big Rose could see his back teeth. “I’ve always thought Paul Olivier had bad judgement. Look at his wife. He could have picked anybody. But maybe he’s got that low self-esteem. Maybe he needs to surround himself with folks who aren’t as successful. Prob’ly makes him feel better.”
Rose felt anger flare up at the idea. Paul was humble, true. But it wasn’t some false humility designed to make himself look better. And Alice was more than a match for Paul. She glanced at Blue and bit back her responses. Blue’s father was hoping to cause drama and she wasn’t going to give it to him.
“Poor judgment. That’s what he’s got. And lazy, too. He didn’t even poke around a little to see who this pretty new nanny was. It took me all of five minutes.”
Blue said nothing but Rose saw his hands clench.
“Imagine how surprised I was to hear she was recently making the rounds as a volunteer for Mothers Against Drunk Driving in Baton Rouge.”
Rose’s breath caught in her throat. She felt a stab of real loss and wondered at it. She and Blue had only known each other a few weeks. Nothing about their romantic relationship was real. They were only neighbors. She looked up at him, part of her suddenly desperate to remember the moment before everything changed, how the sun cast half his face into shadow, how he’d laughed so easily moments before, the feel of arms around her, his kiss on her hair. Any moment now he would turn and she would see the disappointment in his eyes. Then there would be the gradual retreat from her. He was too kind to ignore her right away. It would be slow and gentle, but the walls would go up just the same.
“Disappointed? I think it’s wonderful she volunteers,” Blue said. He didn’t look at her.
“Not as a volunteer, you dummy. It was court ordered community service. That’s what happens when you get a DUI,” Lee Chalfant said. He practically spit the words in his glee.
Rose made herself focus on Blue’s face, watching for the moment he put everything together. His father didn’t quite have the facts right, but they were close enough. Court ordered community service was not the sign of an upstanding citizen. Being not particularly religious had been her worst fault so far, but now he knew the truth. She was a criminal.
He looked from his father to Rose, and fury flashed in his eyes. Rose steeled herself for what was coming. She deserved it, all of it.
Chapter Twelve
“The past beats inside me like a second heart.”
― John Banville, The Sea
“If you have nothing else to say, I’d appreciate it if you left us to enjoy our breakfast,” Blue said.
“What did you say to me, boy?” His father stepped closer. “If you want to associate with criminals and drunks, that’s your choice, but your practice is gonna go down the toilet.”
“I’ll take that chance,” Blue said. He hadn’t moved an inch.
“Ifo pa démanjé shak démanjézon,” his father said, sneering. “It’s convenient that she’s lives upstairs with you and I admit she’s got a nice―”
“That’s enough,” Blue said. His voice was quiet but there was a tone that Rose hadn’t heard before.
You don’t have to scratch every itch. Rose stood up. She didn’t need to hear the rest of the conversation to understand what his father was insinuating.
“Don’t go,” Blue said, glancing at her. “We were having a nice time here on the bench. As soon as my father goes on minding his own business, we can enjoy the morning again.”
There was a long, tense moment where no one said anything. Lee Chalfant straightened his vest and smoothed back his hair. “We’ll discuss this later, boy.”
“That’ll be fine.” Blue nodded, as if to send him on his way.
Lee Chalfant looked to Rose, narrowed his eyes, then turned on his heel.
Blue watched him go, then lowered himself to the bench. His movements were slow, like those of an old man. She sat next to him, not knowing what to say.
“I’m so sorry,” Rose choked out. “Alice wanted me to tell you but I didn’t see why. I guess she was right.”
He reached out and took her hand. “Was she? He still would have found out. That’s what he does, dig up dirt on people and then use it against them. His power rests on knowing the secrets people carry.”
Rose had a lot of secrets. “I― It’s not quite what he said. It’s complicated. Hard to explain.”
He turned to face her, their knees touching. “Rose, do you want to tell me the story?”
She should say yes, lay it all out for him. Her conviction was just, and the deaths of those children were on her conscience, even though she wasn’t the one driving. Their mother’s face flashed through her mind and her resolve crumbled. She didn’t want Blue to know she was responsible for inflicting that kind of pain on another person. He loved children, loved Aurora and the twins.
“No,” she whispered.
“Then let’s not discuss it. I don’t think it’s relevant.”
“I’ve caused a huge problem between you and your dad,” she said. “I don’t know how to make it better.”
To her surprise, he laughed, bitterness in his voice. “That showdown has been brewing for months, maybe years. He’s been trying to run my practice since he retired, and I’ve been letting him dump cases on me that nobody in their right mind would take. He acts like he has my back, but when I fail, he’s there with a grin as big as a possum eating a sweet potato.”
Rose squeezed his hand. After the trial, she’d lost almost all her friends, been dumped by her fiancé, and was fired from her job, but nobody was crowing over her. It was a terrible thing to imagine someone rejoicing in her failure.
“I never should have moved back here. Somehow I thought if I gave him what he wanted, he would be happy. But he’ll never be satisfied. Not until he’s rubbed every last bit of independence out of me.”
“Oh, Blue.” She felt a deep well of sadness open up at the thought of him leaving. She wished she knew the words that would keep him here, with her, but then hated herself for thinking it. The man had to distance himself from an abusive parent and her need for a friend was a far second.
“Sorry,” he said, straightening up. “You’re a trooper. All this is dumped in your lap and you’re not running away screaming.”
“Well, ditto,” she said. “You got some of my ugly background dumped on you, too.”
He glanced up, as if something had just occurred to him. “Your fiancé called off the wedding because of your DUI?”
“It wasn’t a DUI but… yes.” Rose didn’t want to lie, but didn’t want to explain, either. Maybe letting him believe she’d been caught drunk driving would be easier.
He frowned, clearly confused, but then seemed to decide it wasn’t important. “Better than after the wedding, I guess.”
Rose felt her heart squeeze in her chest. That was just what Richard had said. Was it better? At least she could have had the wedding she’d planned, with the Big Band orchestra and the calla lilies and the sweeping fields of Kentucky bluegrass as background to the rows of bridesmaids and groomsmen.
“I’m sorry. That was a horrible thing to say. There’s no scenario that makes it better.” He wiped a hand over his face. “Stupid platitude.”
“Stupid broken engagement.”
“Stupid big mouth,” he said.
She laughed. “Oh, it’s not so bad. I kind of like that mouth.”
He cocked his head. “You do?”
“Let me make sure,” Rose said, pretending to examine him. She started to give another teasing response when she glanced up, meeting his gaze. The laughter faded away. He was looking at her in a way she hadn’t experienced for years, the way a man looked at a woman before he kissed her. She gave her head a slight shake, as if to call
him back to reality. He wasn’t thinking clearly. He couldn’t possible mean it.
He came closer, and Rose felt her heart start to pound. She should move back, but she didn’t. It had been a very long time since anyone had kissed her and she missed it. She missed the rush of adrenaline and the way time stopped completely. Or perhaps she really missed knowing that someone liked her enough to put their lips to hers.
“Blue,” she whispered and heard the question in her own voice. This wasn’t in the plan.
He hesitated, and then took her face in his hands and kissed her. She expected it be a kiss full of frustration and sadness, a kiss meant for another woman, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t a shy peck, or the passionate kiss of desperate lovers, either.
It was honest and straightforward. It was real and solid and warm. Just like Blue.
After a few moments he leaned back and Rose slowly opened her eyes.
One side of his mouth jerked up, as if to say he shouldn’t have done that but it was too late to take it back. He let his hands fall from her face.
Rose waited for him to speak. She didn’t want him to say anything because she was sure he was going to apologize. When he simply held her gaze, a softness in his expression, she felt a warmth spread outward from her heart, bathing her in happiness. It was nice, kissing on a bench in the sunshine.
It was one of the nicest things to happen to her a very, very long time.
“Well,” she said finally.
“Well,” he agreed.
She glanced around, noting the pedestrians on the boardwalk and the shoppers coming and going from the little businesses in the historic district. “I don’t see Alice or Paul.”
“Very poor planning on our part,” he said.
Rose swallowed a laugh, feeling her face go warm.
Not knowing what else to say, she picked up her book and found the page she’d been on before his father had shown up. Blue followed her cue and did the same. After a few moments, she stole a glance at him, feeling shy for the first time since they’d met. The kiss had been completely unplanned and she wasn’t sure what it meant. Maybe nothing at all. It was an unexpected bit of happiness in a life that had been anything but happy lately. It was nice.
She shouldn’t overthink it. It was just a kiss. Nothing more. Nothing less.
***
Blue kept his eyes on the page, but none of the words filtered through the fog in his brain.
What was he thinking? He’d kissed her. One moment Rose was talking about her DUI conviction, and how her jerk of a fiancé had left her at the altar. The next he’d had her face in his hands.
He turned a page and pretended that his heart wasn’t jackhammering in his chest. He was clearly losing his mind. She’d tried to warn him, tried to signal that he needed to think twice about what he was doing. He’d ignored everything but that yearning to feel her lips against his. And then after, when she’d looked at him in a “what have you got to say for yourself” way, he couldn’t find the words to explain. It was a moment of weakness. He was still human, broken heart and all.
Rose shifted on the bench and he glanced at her. She hadn’t seemed angry, or annoyed. In fact, she’d given the impression that the kiss wasn’t unwelcome at all.
He drank the last of the cold black coffee in his cup and tried to get his thoughts in order. Standing up to his father had been a long time coming and the fall out would be serious, probably more than he could even predict. Blue grimaced, hating that he’d dragged her into his family problems, then muddied the waters of their friendship. The fake relationship had been just a game, just for fun, but the kiss had been serious.
She looked over and gave him a quick smile. She didn’t seem to be upset.
He felt a flash of gratitude. Rose wasn’t the type of woman to let anything simmer under the surface. If she was angry, she’d let him know. If she felt taken advantage of, she’d push back. If nothing else, Rose was honest. He could trust that she wouldn’t hide her feelings from him.
***
“Le soleil s’est couché , mon couer se cassé, le soleil s’est couché sur moi.” Rose finished singing the folk song and sighed. She’d always liked that song, sad as it was. The sun’s gone down, my heart is broken, the sun’s gone down on me. But now it very nearly made her cry.
She looked over at Alice. “I think she’s asleep,” she whispered in Creole.
“I think you’re right,” Alice agreed.
Rose carefully placed Emily Jane in her bassinet and tucked the light, knitted blanket around her. It occurred to Rose that she’d spoken more Louisiana French in the past month than she had in five years before. Her sister had grown up speaking it, too, but had married a man from Texas. Here in the apartment above By the Book, Alice preferred that Aurora and the twins heard only Creole, just like in their own home. Rose had been more than happy to fall back into her first language, finding its lilting tones comforting, like a tangible memory from her childhood.
“I’m going to take Aurora and head downstairs for story time,” Alice said. “And you,” she said, picking up Miss Elizabeth. The tabby had followed them to the apartment from the bookstore, probably to escape Mrs. Bennet, the yowling Siamese. “You don’t live here anymore, silly.”
Alice looked over at the babies sleeping in their bassinets. “If I see Blue, I’ll let him know you need company.”
Rose let out a soft snort. “Aren’t you afraid your lovesick nanny will get distracted and neglect your children?”
“Not at all. Plus, Elizabeth will keep you two in line.” She gave Rose a wink.
She pretended not to understand what Alice was saying but made a note to tell Blue his theory was being disproved yet again. He’d been so sure they’d get a reprieve from the hints, but the only thing that had changed was a shift in the direction of the comments. Sly matchmaking had veered left toward suggesting future baby names, only pausing momentarily at wedding planning.
“Anyway, I’m sure this peace won’t last, so just call downstairs when they’re up.”
“Ever the optimist,” Rose said. She bent down to Aurora’s level. “See you at lunch?”
“See you soon, baboon,” Aurora said in English.
Alice rolled her eyes, “Oh, that Bix. He’s got a whole list of little goodbyes he’s teaching her.”
“Hm. Baboon isn’t my favorite endearment.” Rose gave Aurora a quick hug. “But I’ll live with it.” She thought for a moment. “Better swish, jellyfish.”
Aurora grinned at her, waved, and a few moments later they were out the door. Rose wandered back over to the pair of pale green bassinets in the corner of the large living room. Elizabeth’s dark, wispy hair was sticking out in all directions and she was breathing deeply. She’d spit up all over herself earlier and the outfit she’d been wearing was in the wash. Rose had been a little sad to see it go. The white onesie had read “It’s been a terrible, no good, very bad day.” A perfect quote for the colicky baby, really.
Now Elizabeth’s little black Tshirt read “I Am Haunted By Humans” in what looked like old newspaper lettering. Rose had wondered out loud whether The Book Thief was appropriate babywear but Alice had only laughed, telling her that Charlie was afraid the girls would be stuck in pink and wearing romantic poetry if she didn’t keep them in literary gear.
Rose had only met Charlie a few times since she’d come home, and only briefly as she’d arrived on her shift and Rose had taken the girls upstairs. The young woman had been dressed in battered red converse, a worn Tshirt and jeans, and wore a perpetual smile. The bright pink streak in her hair made her seem younger than she was, or somehow flightier, because Rose was surprised to find out that Charlie was one of the top programmers at Paul’s company. She’d recently graduated with honors and come back home, where her boyfriend lived, and her happiness surrounded her like a bubble.
“What do you think about Jordan? I like that name.”
“Why are we picking boy names? You’re just assuming our children a
re going to be boys.”
“There better be at least one. You can have your girl, but I need a boy.”
Charlie was living the perfect life Rose had lost through her own bad choices: the great job, good degree, close circle of friends, and the handsome boyfriend. Alice said they expected an engagement announcement any day.
Rose forced back a stab of jealousy. Just because she was alone didn’t meant that she had to be a bitter old hag that wanted everyone to be as miserable as she was.
Leaning over Emily Jane’s crib, Rose had to admit she wasn’t completely miserable. Not really. The baby shifted in her sleep and Rose tugged her little shirt down, wondering if she was feeling a bit of draft on her tummy. The pale green shirt had a little dandelion puff and the words, “A person’s a person, no matter how small.” Rose rested her palm against the baby’s chest, feeling her tiny heart beating quickly against her hand. The Dr. Seuss quote was truer than anything she’d read recently, and on Emily Jane it had even greater meaning.
Just that morning, Alice and the girls had been downstairs when a customer complained loudly about the babies’ noise. Rose admired the way Alice had acknowledged the older woman’s criticism while calmly explaining how By the Book was child friendly and open to people of all ages. Of course the woman was mortified when she’d realized that Alice was the owner and her children had every right to be there. They could make whatever noise they wished and customers could like it, or leave. Of course, Alice and Paul didn’t bring crying children into every establishment and certainly not out to a nice restaurant. Rose had watched them on quite a few evenings in the month. But no matter how careful parents were to the feelings of others, the fact remained that children weren’t welcome in many public places. They weren’t quite considered people, really.
Rose ran a finger lightly over Emily Jane’s tightly curled fist. She was a miracle, a gift, but not many people saw it that way. Especially when they realized Emily Jane had a twin. Even more when they saw Aurora toddling around. Rose had heard quite a few shocked exclamations over the age of Alice and Paul’s children. Some people were well meaning and their expressions of dismay were easy to shrug off. Other comments were meant to humiliate and wound Alice. Sometimes they implied the girls would suffer from lack of attention, as if Alice had tossed Aurora out the window as soon as the babies were born. Sometimes they mentioned how nice it was that Alice could afford to have as many she liked, as if she were gaming the system somehow, or advocating that everyone have three kids under three.
Along the Cane River: Books 1-5 in the Inspirational Cane River Romance Series Page 110
