by Cari Quinn
Noah rested his chin on his chest, closed his eyes, and whispered, “Don’t say that to him. For God’s sake, don’t fuck with his head like that.”
“I told you, I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. Or you. And whether you’re gay or bi or a purple Martian who gets off humping rocks, I don’t care.” There was no prevarication in her tone, she was looking at him without flinching or glancing away or anything the net said to look for in liars. But most of all he trusted his gut. The Hayley he knew wasn’t a liar, wasn’t a manipulator.
Hayley hadn’t challenged him or forced him to do anything. No, Max took that leap all on his own. Noah stuffed down the hope that maybe, just maybe, it meant something to Max, that maybe it was Max’s way of coming out. No, that wasn’t it.
She shook her head. “No, but I’ve jumbled everything up. I’m so sorry, Noah.” Her shoulders slumped. “I guess this weekend wasn’t such a great idea.”
“I don’t regret a second.” He feathered his fingers through her hair so she couldn’t hide behind it. “Sure, things have changed with Max, but maybe they needed to. And I sure as hell have enjoyed being with you.”
“I’ve enjoyed it too.” She sniffed, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.
“The truth is I’ve been half in love with you since I met you. Max has been too. Either one of us would love to continue dating you. I’m pretty sure Max has been imagining your kids already. My point is, I don’t want you to think we used you for our own amusement last night or this morning. Our main goal was making sure you were satisfied. That you enjoyed yourself and lived out your fantasy.”
“Thank you.”
He lifted the robe hanging on the back of the door and wrapped it around her. “I need to go check on Max. Will you still be here once we’ve got things straightened out?”
“Of course. I’ll wait as long as you need me to.” The warmth of her hand on his chest eased him. “I need to check my email anyway.”
He pressed a kiss to her forehead, wishing she’d stay forever, but at this stage, he couldn’t figure out how that would be possible.
CHAPTER NINE
Leaving Hayley in the bathroom to dry her hair, Noah walked into the bedroom, hoping to find Max, only to find it empty. The bed was still rumpled, the pillow on the right side still contained the dent of Max’s head, that would still smell of Max, now mocked him. How his world, that had been so joyful this morning, suddenly tilted on its axis and dumped him on his ass so quickly?
He snagged a pair of jeans and a worn UBC t-shirt from his dresser and ran down to Max’s bedroom, only to find it empty too. Shit, he’d run. A clank of metal drifted upstairs. Max was in the kitchen. Thank God, he still had a chance.
Max was loading the dishwasher when Noah arrived in the kitchen. Like Noah he was wearing a pair of jeans, but Max hadn’t bothered with a shirt. Noah indulged himself as Max leaned over, his muscles rippling along the graceful curve of his spine, the denim hugging his ass like a second skin. Max had always had one of the best asses he’d ever seen. Noah had spent many afternoons, ignoring his teachers, instead fantasizing about biting the taut skin, parting the cheeks and licking around Max’s ass, lubing the tight hole.
God, what he’d give to bury his dick in Max’s ass.
Yeah, like that was ever going to happen.
Maybe he made a sound because Max straightened quickly and faced Noah, though he never looked directly at Noah, instead staring past him for a second before it zipped to the fridge, to the floor, then settled on the microwave.
Oh fuck, he’d left his fly button undone. Noah loved it when Max did that. It was like an invitation to fantasize about what hid behind the denim and zipper. Noah carefully pushed those thoughts aside and focused on Max. “Are you okay?”
“I owe you an apology. You were right. I should have given you some warning of what I was going to do up there in the shower.”
“Yeah, you should have.” With a little forewarning I may have been able to shutter my emotions better, and been able to anticipate that you’d freak out if I reacted.
“So we’re okay?”
“I’ll always be your friend, Max. You can talk to me about anything.”
“Thanks, but there’s really nothing to say.” Max shrugged. “I kissed you. You kissed me. It was a game, that was all. Just like that weekend back in high school.”
Fuck, don’t do this, Max. Don’t shrug off what we both know you felt. How I still feel. “A game, huh?”
“Yeah. Don’t pretend there was more to it than there was. I was doing it because we promised—”
“—that we’d fulfill Hayley’s fantasy. Yeah, I got it.”
Wow, Max was wading neck deep in denial. Max returned to loading the dishwasher, restacking dishes he’d already loaded, his movements careful, precise. A sign he was hanging on by a thread. “Has Hayley left?”
“She’s still upstairs.”
“Good.” He moved two bread and butter plates from the bottom rack to the top.
“Max, we need to talk about this.”
“I told you, there’s nothing to talk about.” The two bowls that had held the strawberries and blueberries were carefully nestled where the bread plates had been, the three plates still sticky with syrup were added, then moved one rung over, and over again. “I’ll drive Hayley home when she comes down.”
“We’ll see what she wants.” It would probably be better for Hayley to take a cab home rather than be subjected to the drama playing out here. Besides, he was afraid that if Max got behind the wheel, he’d either wrap the vehicle around a hydro pole or get on the 401 and never be seen again.
When Max removed the filled cutlery rack and started reorganizing the knives along the back, the forks in the middle, the spoons in the front, where normally he shoved them in randomly, Noah had had enough. He grabbed the plastic rack and tossed it in the sink. “Damn it, Max, stop this. Talk to me. Stop trying to pretend nothing’s happened.”
“I told you, I’m fine. I don’t need to talk.”
Fuck this. “How about I talk, and you listen then, huh?”
Max stalked to the sink and retrieved the basket. “You’re gonna talk anyway. So say it and then leave me alone.”
Noah drummed his fingers on the counter. What tack should he take? “I think after Hayley said she wanted to see us together, you figured ‘what the hell, it’s not like we haven’t kissed before.’ I think you thought it would be a lark.” He was winging it, but it sounded right, “I think you weren’t expecting to feel anything when you kissed me.”
Max wasn’t looking at him, but Noah could tell from the way his hands stilled over the cutlery that he was listening.
“But I think you did feel something. I think it meant more to you than a game. I think you got into the kiss. I think you got aroused. I think you wanted to bury your cock in my ass again, and I think now you’re scared. You’re confused. Which is totally understandable, Max. But hiding that fear away, pretending it didn’t happen doesn’t help. It just makes it worse. Trust me I know. I’ve been there. It doesn’t get easier. It’ll burn away at your gut, and it’ll keep burning until you question everything you believe about yourself.”
Max finally faced him, resting his hips against the counter, and folded his arms across his chest. “You know what I think? I think someone’s full of themselves. I think you want me to be love with you, you need me to be in love with you, because you can’t even figure out what team to play on and I’m your safety net.”
If you truly believe that then I’ve lost you forever. As a potential lover, but worse, as a best friend.
As much as he wanted to stagger over to the breakfast bar, slump onto the end stool, and bury his face in his hands, he forced himself to stand there, as if Max’s statement hadn’t been a slap in the face.
He raced through things he could say, ranging from “stop joking” to falling on his knees and begging for Max to reconsider. Neither of which would work.
“
I can’t control what you think, but I do know what I saw.” What I felt thrusting against my dick. “But if that’s how you want to play it, fine. I’ll find somewhere else to live and I’ll move out.”
There was no way he could face Max after this. It had been tough enough remembering seventeen-year-old Max’s hands on him, but that kiss had reminded him of everything he was missing. Of everything he couldn’t have. “I’ll have my lawyer contact yours to dissolve M&M equally and you can find a new carpenter to work with.”
Max choked. “Wait. I didn’t say you had to move out. And now you’re talking about dissolving the company too?”
“You don’t really expect me to stay after that safety net crap, do you?” Come on, Max, react. Fight me. Let out all the fear you’re bottling up before it festers and destroys you. “You are my best friend, Max. But obviously you see me as a charity case.” He kept his voice spiteful, praying he was taking the right approach. “Now you see me as a threat to you having Hayley to yourself, I’m just a fag who can be kicked to the curb.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake. You’re the one who called us both fags. I’ve never called you that before. I’ve never even thought that way about you before. I’ve always stood up for you. I’m the one who told you about Hayley’s fantasy, I’m the one who suggested the threesome. I wouldn’t have mentioned it, or invited you, if I was threatened by you.”
Finally. finally, a reaction, though he wasn’t quite sure Max was aware he’d let his guard slip yet. “I know,” Noah said quietly.
But Max didn’t hear him. “Okay, so the lines are a little blurred right now, with me—” his voice faltered, “—kissing you.”
Lines can blur so easily, can’t they? But it gave him the opening he needed, the blade to peel away the raw edges. “That’s exactly why I have to walk away, Max. What guy wants his lover to hang around with a guy he’s played tonsil-hockey with right in front of her. Will you tell her you’ve fucked my ass too?”
“Stop it!”
“You don’t need to worry, Max. Hayley’ll choose you over me. After all, she thinks you were just acting when you kissed me.” He stroked his lips. He didn’t even have to pretend to remember the feel of Max’s kiss, it was burned indelibly into his memory.
“I don’t think you being pan scared her off,” Max faltered, his gaze locked on Noah’s fingers as if he were remembering the kiss too. “I think she was turned on.”
Yeah, she was turned on. And so were you.
Max stabbed his fingers through his hair, setting it standing up on end. “You don’t know she wouldn’t choose you over me. You don’t know she’d choose either of us.”
Noah dropped his hands to his side and shrugged. “But as fun as the threesome was, it’s over. Done. You knew it had to end, didn’t you, Max? That eventually Hayley’s going to want to settle down, same as you. She’s not going to want me, is she? A guy who enjoys fucking other guys as well as women? No. She’ll want you. A good Catholic boy with a stable family, a nice house in a good area. Yeah, you’re pure gold, Moretti.”
Shit. And there it was. The real truth. The one he’d been denying all these years.
Max would never admit he felt anything for another guy. For him. To Max, Noah would always be the third wheel. “Whereas me? I’ll always be that awkward pity invitation you set an extra chair out for at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners because you feel sorry that I don’t have any family. If you and Hayley have kids, you’ll have them call me Uncle Noah, but won’t have an explanation for why I keep hanging around.”
Aw fuck, he did have to leave.
“Anyway, I’m going to find somewhere to live and get out of your hair.” Ottawa, maybe. Or Montreal. Claim a table at one of the restaurants on Crescent Street, and watch the world go by.
He couldn’t stop himself from stroking Max’s cheek, following the curve of his ear, memorizing it. “She’s right, you know. I do love you. I have for a very long time. And maybe you were right too—maybe I have been using you as a safety net.”
“That weekend,” Max scrunched his eyes together for a second before meeting Noah’s gaze again, “when we...fooled around. Were you in love with me back then?”
He nodded, a jerky movement that hurt his neck.
“I didn’t know. I just figured we were experimenting, that it was a one-shot deal.”
“I know. I didn’t realize you didn’t feel the same as I did for a long time.” God, it made him sound so pathetic. “But then you wouldn’t talk about it later, and you went out and started dating Emily Johnson. Like the next weekend, as if doing it with me was something dirty you needed to expunge from your memory.”
Max dropped his gaze. “I was ashamed. I knew it was wrong—thought it was anyway, damned freaking church doctrine. And then I did it with Emily a couple months later, it...well, it was pretty good too. And considering I’ve just never met any other guy who I even considered sleeping with since then, I figured what we did was just part of being a horny teen. But today, when I...kissed you...I’ve never felt like that about a guy before. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t breathe, I had to get out of there.”
“I know.”
But you still haven’t said you love me back, and it kills me to know you don’t feel the same way. Or at least want to continue pretending you don’t. I understand about the need to hide your true self, but you don’t have to hide around me. Ever.
“You’re right. I liked kissing you.” Max whispered, his voice as broken as Noah’s soul.
Noah stroked Max’s jaw, loving the rough stubble rasping his fingers. “I’ll keep your secret safe.” And so will Hayley. Because, though I forgot for a minute, she’s not one to spread gossip. To betray a trust. You two will suit. You’ll get married and have lots of fat babies with thick dark hair, and be happy together.
“What if I said I wanted you to kiss me again? That I wanted you to do more?”
His voice failed him so he crushed his lips against Max’s, his teeth nipping his bottom lip until Max relaxed his jaw, allowed him entrance. Noah memorized the feel of Max’s body, his chest hard and hot against his, the slide of his palms over Max’s spine, the rippling of his muscles beneath his fingertips. He memorized Max’s taste, a strange combination of coffee and hint of mouthwash. He memorized how their hips fit together, and the feel of Max’s erection grinding against his.
He should give Max a warning, tell him to make him stop, because now he’d started, he couldn’t stop. He wanted this man, he wanted this intensity. But that would mean breaking the kiss. Which would give Max an opportunity to pull away. Just another thirty seconds of bliss, another minute, he bargained. Besides if Max wanted he could stop all this—but Max’s tongue was now in his mouth, his fingers were digging into his biceps, holding him in place, not pushing him away in disgust.
At that thought, Max released his hold on Noah who braced himself for a whole world of hurt.
Except Max didn’t pull away, instead he worked his hands between their bodies. The sound of a zipper being lowered rebounded off the stainless steel backsplash. The warmth of Max’s hand as he gripped Noah’s cock had Noah choking back a curse. Fuck yeah. Oh fuck yeah. Noah’s jeans hit his ankles, cool air from the AC unit swirled around his now naked ass. Without breaking the kiss, he kicked them off, the thump of fabric told him they’d hit the fridge.
Max stroked the length of his shaft, his thumb swirling the liquid bead over the taut head. All strength abandoning him, Noah slumped onto the kitchen stool. Max followed him down, continuing to his knees to nestle between Noah’s outspread legs. Seconds later, Max’s mouth replaced his hand, his tongue painting the head, swirling, taunting, teasing.
Noah hissed at the scrape of teeth along the shaft. He dug his fingers into his thighs to stop himself from grabbing Max’s hair, holding him in place and thoroughly fucking his mouth. Last thing he wanted was to make Max gag. Talk about a mood spoiler, especially if he ever wanted Max to go down on him again.
Moa
ns filled the kitchen, though whether they were Max’s or his own, Noah wasn’t sure.
While he’d fantasized far too many times about this exact moment, none of his fantasies matched the reality, the talent, Max displayed. Oh, his rhythm fumbled occasionally as he figured out how to breathe and suck dick at the same time, but holy crap the man knew how to work his sac. And the sight of Max’s lips closing around his shaft, his cheeks hollowing with each suck, was a freaking work of art.
His balls drew tight to his body. A familiar zing tingled at the base of his spine. Knowing he was close to losing it, he tugged on Max’s head until his cock was released.
“No! I want to finish you.” Max tried to take his shaft in his mouth once again, but Noah shook his head.
“You can, but you’re not ready for me to come in your mouth, not yet.” He placed Max’s hand on his shaft, closed his fingers over Max’s hand and tugged hard. Once, twice, and a thick rope of his come spurted over Max’s chest, again, and again. It tangled in his chest hair, dripped down his belly, the white cream accentuating Max’s tanned skin.
Max swiped a finger in one of the long strings, lifted it to his mouth. Fuck, he loved the sight of Max’s tongue licking his finger, savoring his essence. Then Max lifted his long lashes and looked at him. Noah’s heart sank at the confusion in those beautiful brown eyes.
Once breathing didn’t hurt anymore, and he was sure his legs would support him, Noah stumbled over to the downstairs bathroom, dampened a towel, returned to wipe off Max’s chest.
Max had flopped onto the barstool beside Noah’s, his expression bewildered and lost as he passively accepted Noah’s attentions.
“Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking.” Please don’t be considering running away, or worse. Be strong, Max. Accept this. Accept us.
Max blinked. Blinked again. “What have I done?”
Good, there was strength to Max’s tone, shock, which was understandable, but not weakness or self-hatred. Should he keep it light? Or play the strong silent type? What did Max need right now? Unsure if he was responding correctly, he ventured, “I’d say you just joined the rainbow brigade.”
