He high fives me.
Another guy hands Marco a can of whipped cream, and I shake my head as everyone screams.
Valerie’s gonna kill me if she sees me doing this, but Marco is already putting whipped cream on this girl’s navel.
“I can’t, man,” I say, shaking my head again. “Forget it.”
He finishes putting a lime wedge in the girls mouth. “Fine, fine,” he says. “Just take a regular shot and take the lemon.”
I roll my eyes as he hands me a shot. Before I can think anymore about it, I take the shot, feel the burn down my throat, and I go for the lemon slice.
Except this girl pushes it away with her mouth at the last second and grabs me by the neck.
She’s kissing me, and by the time I realize what she’s doing, she’s let go and I take a step back.
She sits up, looks around with a smile, and everyone is screaming again. I don’t even think this girl can even see straight.
I notice who’s past her, on the other side of the room.
Valerie.
Looking like I just stabbed her in the back.
I see the tears in her eyes. She turns around and leaves.
I stumble through the front door and outside. I’m pretty sure she came through here. She has to be around here. Maybe she ran down to the sidewalk and is walking home. I have to find her.
But instead, I see my car pulling out of the driveway further down, the headlights in my face. My hands pat down my pockets. But I didn’t put my keys in my pant pockets. I put them in my jacket. Which Valerie has on.
Shit, I think. I run back inside and look for someone’s car to borrow. I run up to Marco again. He’s with another guy named Eddy.
“Dude, let me borrow your car.” I see they’re playing a different game now, but I don’t care.
He hardly looks at me. “For what?”
“Valerie took my car. I gotta find her.”
“No way, man. You think she’s gonna wreck it on purpose like those girls do on TV?”
I look around in frustration. I don’t have time for this. “Can I borrow your car, yes or no?”
“I’ll drive you,” Eddy says. He’s a few feet away. I don’t know him very well, but I nod and we head off.
“I can drive if you don’t mind. I know where her house is. She’s probably heading there,” I say as we get to his car.
“No offense, man. But I can smell the alcohol from here. No way I’m giving you the keys.”
“And how many drinks have you had?” I ask as I head around to the passenger side. It is his car, I guess.
“None.” We get in, and he turns on the car. “I’m just here with my older brother.” I give him a second look.
We leave the driveway. “She went left,” I say, pointing.
“I bet she’s pretty mad at you, huh?” he says, glancing at me. I’d rather he keep his eyes on the road.
“Look, can you just step on it? She can’t be far from here.”
I’m on the edge of the seat, staring out the windshield for any sign of tail lights. This road is pretty solitary but there are a lot of dangerous curves. I grab the side of the door as this kid maneuvers one like a blind person.
I’m starting to get a bad feeling about this. I think of how many drinks Valerie had with me, not to mention if she went and had more after she left.
I just can’t believe she would do something like this. She’s not that kind of girl. She wouldn’t do something this stupid. We just need to find her before—
I jump when I hear the crash. It’s like a huge clap of thunder right after a flash of lightning, but there is no lightning. The booming sound travels through the air within a fraction of a second.
“What was that?” Eddy says, looking at all of his mirrors and slowing down some.
Dread fills my stomach, and all of a sudden, I’m more sober than I’ve ever been in my entire life.
“Valerie. Hurry, I think it was Valerie,” I barely hear myself say.
Fourteen
We round another curve on the road before we find her.
My car. We’re still kinda far away. I can’t read the license plate, yet but I can tell it’s my car.
It’s no longer in one piece.
It looks about half the size, and the shock of seeing that paralyzes me because Valerie is supposed to be inside of that car. Eddy pulls onto the side of the road until we’re about fifteen feet behind it.
I sense him staring at me, waiting for instructions on what to do now.
I have to know if she’s okay. I finally regain control of my hands and feet, and I push open the car door and run to her.
But before I can even get to her, my mind is already telling me what I’m not going to find.
Valerie alive.
She just couldn’t have survived this, my mind says. My car is no longer a car. It’s wrapped around a large pine tree. I slowly walk around, taking in the side of the car. I can’t bring myself to look at the driver’s seat yet. Instead, my eyes go to the hood. It’s peeled back. There’s glass everywhere, mostly from the windshield but also from the windows.
Eddy comes up to me but stays back a few feet. He’s on the phone, describing where we’re at and what road we’re on to someone.
My eyes finally go to her. The first thing I notice are the tears, still wet on her cheeks.
And that her eyes are half open but looking at nothing.
She’s sprawled across the dash, but she’s facing in my direction. Her face is covered in blood. Her head, her hair, blood. I take a few more steps towards her. I could reach in and touch her from here because there’s no window glass left, but I can’t. It’s hard enough to see her like this. That’s when I see that she hadn’t worn a seatbelt.
And I wonder what she was thinking when she was driving. Right before she…
This can’t be her.
It can’t be Valerie.
Why didn’t she put on her seat belt?…
I hear sirens coming closer and closer.
Then someone is talking to me, but I don’t understand what they’re saying. All I can do is look at her.
I feel someone’s arm pulling me back a few steps. Two firefighters manage to open the door, and they’re getting her out. They’re going to hurt her.
“Stop!” I yell. I try to stop them, but someone’s holding me back by the waist.
“They need to get her out. There’s nothing you can do,” I hear. I think it’s Eddy. I think he’s the one holding me back.
“Son, why don’t you come with me?” There’s an officer here, and because of him, I can’t see what they’re doing to Valerie.
The officer leads me several feet away and starts asking me questions, but I can’t answer.
Eddy answers. He tells the policeman our names and why we’re here and who is in my car. That that is my car. I just stare at the ground, not believing that this nightmare is my new reality.
Valerie is wheeled past me. In a black body bag. I realize I’ll never see her again. Not alive. She’s gone forever. And it’s my fault.
I don’t go to the vigil our school holds for Valerie the following Monday. I know not to go see her parents. I don’t know how I’d be able to face them.
But I go to her funeral. I just have to say goodbye to her.
I feel the whispers and stares as I walk into the funeral home. I’m in a black suit among a large sea of black, but it’s pretty obvious everyone knows who I am. I try to stay on the edge, but it’s not long before Valerie’s parents notice me. I’m trying to get closer to her, to the casket.
It’s closed because…
I can’t think about that.
“What are you doing here?” her dad asks. He’s trying to keep his voice down, but everyone within about ten or fifteen feet can still hear us, it’s so quiet.
I glance around him and see Valerie’s mom is by the casket. She’s standing in front of it, crying quietly. Miranda comes up behind her and leans on her shoulder.
I
look back at Valerie’s dad. “I just want to see her. Please.”
“You did this. You don’t get to see my daughter.”
I look down and try to keep it together. “I swear I didn’t—“
“Get out. Now. Before I call the police. And maybe they’ll finally take you where you deserve.”
I look at her casket one more time. Not believing she’s in there. Her body’s in there. Valerie is gone forever. And even though the investigation confirmed that she had been driving my car drunk, I’ll never forgive myself for not finding her in time, before she got into my car. And because I can never forgive myself, I can never forget what I did to her.
I turn around and leave.
Fifteen
I’m just thinking what a crap place this is to die and how perfect that is for me when I hear it.
“Stop.”
I’m so deep within myself that I almost fall from how startled I am. I immediately turn around to see who just did this. Who ruined this.
I can’t see much of her because of the darkness, but I can tell it’s a girl.
That girl.
The one from a few weeks ago. And I don’t even know what to say because how is she even up here right now? How did she find me?
“Please don’t,” she says. I see her swallow as she comes closer a step at a time, like in the movies, where someone is threatening to jump if the other person comes any closer and the other person is trying to get closer in a non obvious way, but it’s pretty obvious.
I feel the wind bite at my cheek. I might as well get down. I can’t do this now. Not in front of this girl. I start to hate her. For interrupting the peace I was about to get.
I jump down and slip on my shoes. I wipe away at my eyes. I shake my head. Nobody else was supposed to be here right now.
“Are you okay?”
What kind of a question is that, I want to say.
I try to go past her, but she blocks me off. I keep my gaze on the ground, the sky, anywhere but her face.
“What do you want?” I finally ask.
“I know what you were about to do.” She whispers it, like it’s one of those things that shouldn’t be said aloud. Because it is. “It’s not worth it.”
I stare at her. She’s just an inch or so shorter than me. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” I’m just walking past her, when she grabs my arm.
“But I do.” If I turn, I’ll be face to face with her, so I make sure not to. “You can’t…not while there’s still at least one person in the world who cares about you.”
“Oh yeah? Who?” I demand. I’m in her face now, not caring how close I am to her. I want to scare her. Because it means she’ll leave me alone. But she doesn’t even flinch. I’m breathing hard and wondering why she isn’t calling me a jerk and leaving or something.
“I care about you.” She says it like it’s the most serious and important thing in the world. And it makes me blink, and my mouth falls open a little, and I look her up and down, wondering who this girl is.
“You can’t care about me. You don’t know me,” I say a few seconds later. “You don’t know what I’ve done.”
“It doesn’t matter. I can tell you’re a good person.” We’re still in the same position. Me half turning, about to walk away but turning back towards her. Her turned towards me.
“How do you know I won’t hurt you right here? Right now?” I indicate the roof with my hands and look around for a second. “We’re here alone. Who would know?”
She’s not taking a step back like I thought she would.
Instead, she takes a step forward. And she kisses me.
She doesn’t stop. I don’t even know her name, but she doesn’t stop moving her mouth against mine. And then I realize I’m kissing her back. Hard. I have no idea why, but I need this.
It feels like taking a drink of water after being outside all day on a hot afternoon.
Her arms are around my neck, making sure I don’t leave or pull away. My hands find their way to her waist and her back, and I don’t want her to leave either.
There’s no space between us. I have no idea who this girl is, but I need her right now.
A minute later, or maybe several minutes later, I don’t know, she finally pulls away gently. We’re breathing heavily and looking into each other’s eyes. I see surprise in her face. I’m sure I look the same way. But there’s no regret there. Or inside me.
She takes my hand. “This isn’t in the stars for you. Not tonight. It’s not your time.” She shakes her head as she says it. And then she’s leading me back downstairs.
Nothing happens.
I stop at my apartment, and I look back at her. She gives me a small smile as she walks past me to her apartment just down the hall from me.
I’m at my door, ready to go in, but I can’t tear my eyes off of this girl. She opens her door.
“Good night.” She slowly closes her door behind her, and I do the same. I crawl into bed.
My head hits the pillow, and I feel some kind of peace. The stifling weight is still inside of me, but I feel part of it leave as I close my eyes and fall asleep. Not all of it. But part of it. And I rest for the first time in a long time.
I wake up several hours later.
I have no idea what time it is. I grab my phone. My alarm is gonna go off in a few minutes so I can get ready for work.
I think about last night.
It feels like a dream, but how could my head make up something like that?
If it really happened, I’m here because of her. This girl whose name I don’t even know. And she doesn’t know mine. And yet we kissed. I’m still not sure how I feel about that. I have no idea what to make of everything that’s happened.
Was it real?
Two days have passed, and I haven’t seen her anymore. Not her car. Not her coming in or out of her apartment, lugging a stack of things. This girl is just gone.
And I start to go crazy again, thinking it must have all been in my head after all. Too good to be true.
A nightmare. Because how can I go through something like that, meet someone like her, and then have her be gone? Someone that actually gave a crap about me and whether I jumped or not.
Was I ever even on that ledge? Or was it all a sick realistic hallucination?
I guess it makes sense that I never found out her name. It just didn’t happen. It’s me and will only ever be me. Me and this intense weight inside of me.
Crap. I’m late for work again. If I’m not careful, I’ll get a warning, and I can’t afford to lose this job, even if it’s just one more thing in my life I can’t stand.
Not because I hate the job. It’s okay. It’s just I can hardly bring myself to get out of bed. For any reason.
I’m about to open the front door when I turn around and go to the kitchen counter. My car keys.
I grab them, jog to the door again, and swing it open.
I almost run her over.
That look of surprise crosses her face again, and I have no idea what to think.
Is this real?
“Hi,” she says. “We met a few days ago.”
I’m still just staring at her.
“On the roof of this building.”
Sixteen
So this girl is real, then. But I’m still confused as hell.
“Sorry. Is now a bad time?” she asks, her smile fading.
I finally open my mouth to talk. God, she must think I’m a mute. Well, maybe not after the way I yelled at her the other night. And then groaned while she was kissing me.
“Uh, sorry, it’s just that I’m late for work.” I glance around awkwardly, but my eyes settle on her again.
Her mouth opens then closes then opens again. “Oh. Sorry. I didn’t realize. I’ll just talk to you later, then? What time do you get home?”
I can’t even remember the last time I went out with a girl. Because I haven’t. Not since Ariana. Is that what this is?
“Um, I’ll be hom
e around eight, I think.”
God, this is awkward as hell. For both of us. I can tell.
“Okay. I’ll talk to you then.” She’s turning around to leave, and I’m remembering that I need to get my ass to work, when she turns back around. “I’m Naomi, by the way.”
“Carlos,” I manage, and I watch her walk away as I frantically lock up behind me. I run down the stairs and to my car, unable to get her name out of my head on my way to work.
I have no idea what I’m supposed to say to this girl—Naomi—when I get home. Should I go knock on her door? Is she going to come knock on mine? We never really said how that would work, not that we said much at all to begin with.
I’ve never met someone like her and especially not like that, with me about to…and then kissing a total stranger.
What do you say after that?
Before I know it, and probably because I’m dreading the not knowing what’s going to happen tonight, my shift is over and I’m heading home. It’s just now getting dark outside. The sun is setting on my drive home, and I can’t help but stare out my window at it every few seconds.
It’s beautiful. It reminds me of Valerie. How can the world keep on being so beautiful even without her here? It just feels wrong.
Is getting to know this new girl wrong too? I have no idea. I don’t even want to think about that. I tell myself what happened the other night was just both of us being crazy and not thinking. That’s what it was. You don’t start a relationship like that.
I pull into the apartment parking lot and find a parking space not too far away from the stairwell that leads to my apartment.
I take my time walking up the stairs, not sure if she’s going to be there waiting for me. Or expecting me to go find her.
But when I get to my front door, I see a small folded note on my welcome mat. The standard gray mat every apartment has.
I pick it up and unfold it, keys in my hand.
When you’re ready, can you knock on my door?
—Naomi
I open my door and put my phone and keys on the counter, not bothering to lock the front door. I take off my shirt and wipe the sweat off of my chest and face. My car’s AC hasn’t been working great. I looked at it the other day, but I can’t figure it out. My dad would have known just how to fix it.
Letting Go (Changing Hearts Series Book 3) Page 7
