by L. Wilder
“You almost got yourself killed. Things are not fine, Tommy.”
Dad always called me Tommy when he was trying to make a point. It always got under my skin, but I tried to just let it go so we didn’t have another one of our rounds about the club. “I’m standing here, aren’t I? I’m good. Not moving home because I had a run-in with an asshole with a twitchy finger.”
“You wouldn’t have to worry about assholes with twitchy fingers if you were working here with me.” He held up his hands high in surrender as he cackled, “I’m just saying.”
I shook my head and answered, “It ain’t gonna happen, Pops, so just let it go.”
“The invitation is always there. You are welcome here anytime.” He gave me a light pat on my shoulder and said, “Let’s go inside and get you some dinner and a shower. Your mother made your favorite.”
I nodded and followed him into the house. Mom had moved some of the furniture around trying to make the tiny house look a bit bigger, but her effort hadn’t made much difference. It still felt small, but it was home. I smelled the dumplings simmering in the kitchen and my stomach promptly started to growl with hunger. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a real home-cooked meal, so I eagerly walked into the kitchen. I pulled out a chair and sat down at the same round table we had when I was a kid and waited for mom to finish making my plate. As I sat there, I realized it was much quieter than it used to be when I was growing up. I missed the sounds of my sister Molly shouting from her bedroom telling my mom that she’d be there in a minute and the loud rumble of dad’s football game blaring from the TV down the hall. There was always some kind of commotion going on around us and sitting there in the silence made me a little homesick for the way things used to be.
Mom placed the steaming bowl of chicken and dumplings in front of me and asked, “You want some sweet tea?”
“Did you make it or did Dad?”
“I did.”
I smiled and replied, “Then, yeah. I’ll take some of yours.”
She laughed as she poured me a large glass. “His isn’t that bad. He just doesn’t put enough sugar in it.”
“Mom, it tastes like he made it with a dirty sock and then added a bunch of lemon and sugar so he could hide the funky taste. It’s bad, and you know it.”
She sat down beside me as she shook her head. “I don’t know what he puts in it, but you’re right. It is pretty bad,” she admitted, leaning forward and placing her elbows on the table to rest her chin in the palms of her hands. She just sat there, silently staring at me as I shoved a huge helping of dumplings into my mouth.
After a few long seconds, I finally said, “Something on your mind, Mom?”
“No. I’m just soaking you in. It does my heart good to be next to you.” She smiled. “Don’t mind me, honey. You won’t understand until you have a child of your own.”
“That’s not happening anytime soon, so I’ll just take your word for it.”
Her eyebrows furrowed. “There’s no special girl in your life? As handsome as you are, you should have the pick of the litter.”
My gut twisted into a knot as Cassidy came flashing through my mind for the first time in weeks. I wanted to keep it that way, so I decided to avoid her question by asking, “How’s Pip doing?”
Neither of them had mentioned her in the last few phone calls, and I hadn’t seen hide nor tail of her since I’d gotten home. Usually she was right up underneath us making sure everything was as it should be, and not seeing her had me worried that something was wrong.
“She’s fine. She locked herself away in her room earlier tonight so she could watch her show without your father interrupting her every five minutes with one of his silly questions.”
“She doing okay?”
“I don’t know. She’s hanging in there. She’ll never admit it, but she’s had a rough go of it these last few months. She’s starting to forget things … can’t remember things that just happened a few days ago. One day, she couldn’t remember my name. That one got to her bad. It got me, too. I felt so sorry for her, which only made her mad.”
“You think she’ll remember me?”
“Only one way to find out.” She smiled. “But I feel certain that she will remember you. I mean … you were always her favorite around here, but I was the one always doing for her. You were the one always whining.”
I raised my hand in defense and chuckled. “Hold up! I was talking to her about things, not whining. And I actually listened to her when she gave advice. That’s why she loved me,” I boasted.
“You’ve never listened to anyone, Thomas, and you know it. But she loves you. Always has and always will.”
After I took the last bite of my dumplings, I stood up and took the bowl in my hand. “I’m gonna go see her before she goes to bed.”
After putting my bowl in the sink, I started for my grandmother’s room down the hall. She’d moved in with my folks a couple of years back when her health started to decline. Even though she wasn’t as strong as she used to be, she’d never lost her spirit and fussed anytime mom tried to help her. After hearing that she’d become forgetful, I found myself a little uneasy as I tapped on her door. When I walked in, I found her sitting in her favorite recliner with her eyes glued to the television screen. I was surprised to see how frail and weak she looked. Her skin had become almost translucent, and dark veins and bruises covered her thin, frail arms. I’d seen lots of old people throughout my life, but I’d never thought of my Grandma Pip as old or elderly until that moment. It pained me to see her look so feeble and weak. When she noticed me standing in the doorway, her eyes lit up and a wide smile spread across her face. She remembered me.
“Thomas! Is that really you?” she beamed.
“Yeah, Pip. It’s me.”
“Well, it’s about damn time. I thought you’d forgotten about me. I was beginning to think the next time I saw you would be at my funeral,” she teased.
I leaned over her and kissed her lightly on the forehead. “Ah, don’t be like that. You know I could never forget about my favorite gal. Besides, you’ll probably outlive us all.”
“God, I hope not. I’m ready whenever the good Lord’s willing.”
I sat down beside her. “It’s good to see you. How are you doing?”
“From the looks of it, I’m doing better than you,” she scoffed. “What’s with the sad eyes and that hair? Looks like you haven’t been to the barber in months.”
I ran my hands through my hair, brushing the long strands from my eyes. “Just tired. I’ve been on the road for a while.”
She frowned sternly. “Don’t go trying to pull the wool over my eyes, young man. I may not be as keen as I used to be, but I always know when you got something weighing on you. And from the looks of it, you haven’t gotten a hold of it yet.”
I leaned back in my chair and spent the next half-hour telling her everything that had transpired with Cassidy—how I’d fallen head over heels for her even though I knew she was in love with someone else … and that someone else just so happened to be the president of my club. I explained my reasons for leaving and told her that I’d take the last few weeks to sort through my shit, but when I looked at her, I could see the wheels turning in the back of her mind.
She sat quietly, listening to my entire story, only nodding from time to time to let me know that she was paying close attention to everything I was saying. Once I was done, she sat there staring at me intently as she thought about everything I’d said. Finally, she eased herself forward, looking at me square in the eye, and proclaimed, “Not so sure you really loved that girl, Thomas. I mean, it’s obvious that you cared about her—probably cared a great deal for her. But loved her? No … I’m not so sure about that.”
“I loved her. There’s no doubt in my mind.”
“No, Thomas. Not this girl. She wasn’t the one. You’d know it if she was. When you find the girl that grabs ahold of your heart and holds on so tight that it makes you feel weak yet stro
nger at the same time … a girl that captivates your every thought, your heart and your soul, to the point that you feel like you can’t breathe without her … when you actually ache for this woman, then you are in love, Thomas. And when you find a love like that, you don’t walk away from it. You fight for it. No matter what it takes, you fight for that love and you hold on to it with everything you’ve got.”
I banged on Charlie’s door for the second time and shouted, “Let’s go! Move it or lose it. We’re gonna be late!”
“I know! I’m coming!” he grumbled.
I scurried down the hall while tugging my hair into a ponytail and called out to Hadley, “You’ve got three minutes, squirt! We need to get rolling.”
I looked over at the clock, and it seemed to be mocking me as I rushed around gathering the kids’ backpacks and lunches. No matter how hard I tried, our mornings were always hectic. Mainly because I was always anxious and pushed them to hurry up knowing that if we were late in the morning, even by just a few minutes, we would be scrambling for the rest of the day. It didn’t matter how hard I tried to get us caught back up; something always kept dragging us back down.
“Can’t we just take the bus today?” Hadley whined. “I’ve still got some math homework to finish.”
“You know the answer to that. Now, grab your stuff and let’s go. Louise will be leaving in five minutes.” I grabbed my purse and headed for the diner. Before I closed the door, I yelled, “I’ll meet you downstairs. I’ve got to go clock in!”
When I walked into the small diner, I wasn’t surprised to see that every seat had already been taken and there was a line out the door. The breakfast rush started early and didn’t let up until late in the afternoon. It had taken some time, but I was finally getting used to the nonstop stream of customers that came to eat at Daisy Mae’s. It was located in the middle of downtown Memphis and known for having the best lunches in town, so it was always packed. I was constantly on the move from the minute I clocked in until just before closing every night.
At first it was hard to manage all my hours at work. I needed the hours, so I managed to convince Louise to let me work more than one shift several days during the week, but that meant I had even less time with the kids. When they weren’t in school, they were either stuck waiting for me in the hotel room or sitting in one of the back booths doing their homework. They were miserable, and honestly, I was worse off than they were. I hated not being with them, especially after all we’d been through, but I finally lucked out when the cook Cyrus told me about an apartment above the diner that was for rent. Apparently, he was friends with the owner, and after putting a good word in for me, he was able to get me a good deal on it. When I first saw it, I was surprised by how small it was, but I couldn’t complain; it was something I could actually afford, and it was even furnished. Well, partly furnished. After paying the first two month’s rent upfront, we were still doing okay, so I splurged a bit and bought the kids some new mattresses and some bedding, along with a few odds and ends to make it feel more like home.
I was adjusting my apron when Cyrus stuck his head out of the small serving window and shouted, “Louise is waiting in the car out back.”
“Shit,” I mumbled under my breath.
Louise took her grandkids to school each morning and I was thrilled the day she’d actually volunteered to take Charlie and Hadley along with them. There was just one catch: she wasn’t one to wait around. If we were late, the kids would miss their safest way to school. She had her positives, but overall, she was a real piece of work. I wasn’t sure if she actually owned the diner, but she ran it like she did. She was much older than her brother Cyrus with a wide girth and a constant snarl, and she was quick to remind everyone that she was the one in charge in and out of the diner. She expected things to be run a certain way—her way—and she was quick to crawl up your ass if you screwed up. I was just about to rush back upstairs to fuss at the kids when they both came up behind me.
I let out a sigh of relief. “Louise is already waiting for you out back.”
“Of course she is,” Charlie groaned. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a collared shirt with his baseball cap pulled down low over his eyes.
“Hey.” When he turned back to look at me, I smiled and said, “Hope you have a good day.”
He rolled his eyes and sassed, “Whatever.”
Normally he was such a sweet kid, always trying to do what he could to help when things got tough. In the mornings, he just couldn’t help himself, and the grumpy, hormonal teenager came roaring to life. I tried to be understanding. He and his sister had been through so much, so most mornings, I would just ignore it and hope that he’d be better in the afternoon.
I waved goodbye, but he just ignored me and walked out of the back door. Noting her brother’s bad mood, Hadley gave me a sympathetic look and said, “Hope you have a good day, too. See you after school.”
“Okay. Check ya later, squirt.” I smiled and watched as she followed her brother out to meet Louise.
As soon as they were gone, my morning turned into a blur. Customers kept rolling in one after the other, and by the time my break rolled around, I was exhausted. My feet were killing me and the muscles in my legs were throbbing as I took my cup of coffee over to one of the empty booths in the back of the diner and sat down. Thankfully, my spirits were lifted as soon as I counted up my tips for the day. All things considered, I was doing alright. With Detective Brakeman’s help, I’d gotten the kids enrolled into a good school and found us a safe place to stay.
I was still worried that trouble would find us, but after talking with Cyrus, I felt better about the situation. I hadn’t been working at the diner long when he approached me. While Louise seemed tough as nails, Cyrus had a softer side to him. He was a big guy, tall and burly, but he had a sweet smile. He was handsome with his dark hair and coal black eyes, and I liked the little gray bristles in his goatee. Apparently he’d been watching me with the kids and knew something was up, but he didn’t ask questions. He just slipped me a card with a strange phone number on it. He told me to call it if I ever ran into any trouble, day or night. He promised that I was safe there at the diner, and I believed him … at least for the time being.
When my break was over, I went to the kitchen to gather up the day’s trash and headed out back. I walked out into the alley, but stopped in my tracks when I found a man sifting through the dumpster. When he saw me, he stopped moving and just stood there, frozen in place. He was dirty, covered in dark soot from head to toe, and his clothes were all tattered and torn. The temperature had dropped over the past couple of days, and I knew he had to be freezing. He was a mess, but it wasn’t his appearance that got to me. It was the deep sadness in his eyes that tugged at my heart.
The large bags of garbage were getting heavy in my hands, so I took a step forward, doing my best not to scare him as I headed towards the dumpster. Once I got closer, he took a step back and said, “Umm … My name’s Sam. Me and Cyrus go way back … and he said it’d be okay for me to come by after lunch from time to time.”
I’m not sure what it was, but something about the kindness in his voice drew me to him. Without thinking, I smiled and stammered, “No need to rush off. Why don’t you let me get you something to eat. Maybe a burger and a cup of coffee? My treat.”
His eyes dropped to the ground as he answered, “Better not do that. I don’t think Louise would like it.”
“Let me worry about Louise. Besides, the lunch rush is over. No one will even notice that you’re there.”
“You sure?”
“I’m positive.” I tossed the garbage bags into the dumpster and headed back towards the door. When I stepped into the diner, I looked back and I was pleased to see that he was following me. I led him over to the corner booth in the back of the restaurant where I’d always taken my break. It was off to the side, and I hoped it would limit the amount of stares he’d get being there.
Once he was settled, I asked, “What do
you want on your burger?”
“Anything is fine.” He smiled.
“I’ll be back in a minute with your coffee. Let me know if I can get you anything else.”
When I put his order in, Cyrus glanced over at my guest and then turned back to me with a disapproving look, but he didn’t say a word. I decided to just ignore him and reached for the pot of coffee. I filled the cup full and took it over to the stranger. Without adding sugar or cream, he took the warm drink in his hand and brought it up to his mouth for a long drink. I was about to head back to the kitchen for his food when he pointed to the name tag on my uniform and asked, “Your name’s really Hazel?”
I was just about to tell him my real name when Hadley and Charlie walked into the diner, reminding me that I couldn’t trust anyone, not even a homeless guy I’d found rummaging through a dumpster. I smiled and answered, “Afraid so. I was named after my grandmother. What about you? What’s your name? Do you live around here?” The words were out of my mouth before I’d had time to even think.
“I guess you could say that. I’ve lived in Tennessee my whole life. Grew up a few miles from here. Traveled all around the world while I was in the service, but always felt like this was my home.”
“You were in the service?”
“Over thirty years in the navy. Some of the best years of my life … some of the worst, too.”
“Maybe you could tell me all about it someday.” I smiled.
“Sure. I’d like that.” He beamed.
“Me, too. I’ll be right back with your lunch,” I told him as I headed over to the front counter to say hi to the kids.
Before I even had a chance to speak, Charlie groaned, “I’m starving. They had some kind of noodle crap for lunch today and it sucked.”
“Yeah, I’m hungry, too,” Hadley chimed in, giving me one of her pouting looks. “Can we get something to eat?”
“Sure thing. I’ll have Cyrus make you both a sandwich.” While reaching for Sam’s burger, I turned to Cyrus and said, “Need a couple of club sandwiches for the kids.”
