“Anna, I believe your grandma is making pancakes for breakfast this morning. So let’s hurry downstairs so we can have some.”
Anna jerked the covers over her head. “Grandma’s gone. Poppy said so.”
Grace pulled them gently aside. “I was talking about my mother, Grandma Hostettler.”
Anna just lay staring at the ceiling as her eyes filled with tears.
Grace wanted to take the child in her arms and offer comfort, but she’d tried that last night and Anna had become hysterical. So she just stood there feeling as helpless as a newborn calf. When a knock on the bedroom door sounded, Grace hurried across the room, hoping it was Cleon. Martha stood in the hallway.
“I came to see if Anna wants to help me feed Heidi and Fritz,” Martha said, peering around Grace and into the room.
Anna shot out of bed before Grace could offer a reply. “Can I hold one of the puppies again?” Her pink flannel nightgown edged with fancy lace hung just below her knees, exposing her bare legs and feet, and her long brown hair was a mass of tangles. But for the first time, Grace saw a hopeful expression on her daughter’s face.
Martha leaned down so she was at eye level with the child. “As soon as we’re done feeding the dogs, you can hold a puppy.”
“Let’s go then!” Anna started out the door, but Grace caught her arm. “You can’t go outside dressed like that. It’s cold, and you need to put some clothes on first.”
Anna hurried back across the room, flipped open her suitcase, and removed a pair of jeans and a turtleneck sweater.
While the child dressed, Grace stepped into the hallway to talk to Martha. “I looked through the clothes Anna’s grandfather packed for her, and she’s got nothing to wear to church except for some fancy dresses and blue jeans. I wish I still had some of the dresses I wore as a child, but they were passed on to Ruth after I outgrew them, and if they were still in good condition, they became yours.”
Martha tipped her head. “All my childhood clothes are gone. Once I couldn’t wear them anymore, Mom gave them to one of our younger cousins.”
“I guess she’ll have to go to church wearing one of her fancy dresses,” Grace said, “but tomorrow I’ll get busy and make her a few plain dresses.”
When Cleon stepped into the Hostettlers’ kitchen, he realized that they’d already eaten breakfast and that Grace and her mother were doing the dishes.
Grace turned to look at him, her eyes puffy and rimmed with dark circles. Apparently, she hadn’t slept any better than he had last night. Cleon had bedded down on the floor of their unfinished living room, using the sleeping bag he’d kept there for times when he’d been working late on the house and had decided to spend the night. Besides the fact that the floor was hard and unyielding, his only source of heat had come from the stone fireplace that had been completed a few weeks ago.
Cleon had lain awake for hours, mulling things over and fretting about the secret Grace had kept from him. When he’d finally succumbed to sleep, he’d slept fitfully and much longer than he should have. Since today was Sunday, and he would be expected to be at the preaching service at the home of Mose and Saloma Esh, he had to go to the Hostettlers’ in order to get cleaned up and dressed for church. He’d also intended to get some much-needed breakfast.
“We’ve already had breakfast, but I’d be happy to fix you something to eat,” Judith offered, making no mention of where he’d spent the night. Why hadn’t Grace offered to fix his breakfast? She was his wife, after all.
“I’ll just have some coffee and toast, but I can get it myself,” he mumbled.
Judith shrugged and turned back to the sink, but Grace didn’t say a word. Was she angry with him for sleeping at their new house? Well, he was the one who had a right to be angry, not her. If it weren’t for Grace’s deception, everything would be fine, and they would have slept warm and toasty in their bed together last night.
Cleon glanced around the room. “Where are the others?” What he really wanted to know was where Grace’s English child was. He’d had such a brief encounter with her last evening, he couldn’t even remember if he’d been told her name.
“Roman’s out in the barn getting a horse hitched to the buggy, Ruth is upstairs changing into her church dress, and Martha’s helping Anna get ready.”
Cleon pulled his fingers through the beard he’d begun growing since his marriage and ambled to the stove. He didn’t know how he could go to church and act as if everything was okay when his world had been turned topsy-turvy, yet he had no legitimate excuse for staying home. So he would do the right thing and drive his wife and her daughter to church, but he didn’t have to like it.
The ride to church seemed to take forever, and it wasn’t because the Eshes lived far away. Fact was, Mose Esh’s place was only a couple of miles from the Hostettlers’, but the tension Grace felt between Cleon and her made the trip seem twice as long. Her husband kept his gaze straight ahead as he guided their horse and buggy down the road. He didn’t say a word. Except for an occasional deep sigh, followed by a couple of sniffs, Anna was quiet, too.
Grace wasn’t sure what she should say to others in their community about the daughter they didn’t know she had, and she didn’t know how well they would accept Anna or how well Anna would accept them. When they pulled up to the Eshes’ barn, she climbed down quickly and reached for Anna. Then, forcing a smile, she took the child’s hand and led her toward a group of women who stood on the front porch talking with Mose’s wife, Saloma.
“Now who’s this little girl?” Saloma asked as Grace stepped onto the porch with Anna.
“She … she’s my daughter.”
“Your what?” Saloma’s mouth dropped open, and several of the other women gaped at Grace as if she’d taken leave of her senses.
Grace needed to explain Anna’s appearance, but she didn’t want to do it front of the child. She was relieved when she spotted Ruth and Martha talking to some of the younger women nearby. “Excuse me a minute,” she said, stepping off the porch with Anna in tow. “Would you two look after Anna until church starts?” she whispered in Ruth’s ear.
“Don’t you think it would be best if she stayed with you?”
Grace shook her head. “Not while I explain to Saloma and the other women who Anna is.”
“She can come with me,” Martha spoke up. “I’ll introduce her to Esta Wengerd and some of the other children who are close to her age.”
Grace blew out a sigh of relief. At least one problem was solved.
Chapter 22
As Grace stood in the hallway outside Martha’s open door, staring at her sleeping daughter, a lump formed in her throat. Anna had been with them almost two weeks, and she still hadn’t accepted Grace as her mother. The child barely looked at her and spoke only when spoken to. Yet Anna seemed to have accepted Martha fairly well, even sleeping in Martha’s room and spending all her free time in the barn with Martha and the puppies.
Anna continued to ask for her poppy and often complained because she wanted to watch TV and wear blue jeans instead of the plain dresses Grace had sewn for her, but she’d done better in church yesterday than she had two weeks ago. She hadn’t squirmed so much on the hard benches and had even frolicked around the yard after the noon meal with her new friend, Esta, and some of the other children.
Grace had been relieved that the other women at church had been kind and understanding about the situation when she explained it to them. If only her husband and father could be that accepting.
She released a heavy sigh. It didn’t seem fair that the two men she loved most seemed so unforgiving, and it wasn’t fair that due to Anna’s unwillingness to accept her, she was still being deprived of her daughter’s love. Grace’s only consolation was that Anna was here and didn’t cry for her Grandpa Davis as often. Maybe in time, the child would adjust to her new surroundings and learn to love Grace.
Maybe with prayer, Cleon and Dad would decide to forgive her, too.
For the last t
wo weeks, Cleon had kept his distance—going to his folks’ place to tend his bees early every morning, making honey deliveries the rest of the day, and sleeping on a mattress in the middle of the living room floor in their future home, rather than at the Hostettlers’ house with Grace. She wondered if anything would ever be right between them again.
When Grace entered the downstairs hallway a few minutes later, she met Ruth, who had just come in through the back doorway.
“Shouldn’t you have left for work by now?” she asked her sister.
“I was getting ready to head out when Cleon stopped me.” Ruth handed Grace an envelope. “He wanted me to give you this.”
“What is it?”
“I don’t know. He said he was on his way to town and asked if I would see that you got it.”
Grace’s heart raced with hope. Maybe Cleon had forgiven her. Maybe he wanted to make things right between them.
“Well, I’d better go, or I’ll be late getting to the bakeshop.” Ruth gave Grace a hug and went back out.
Grace stood in the doorway and watched Ruth guide the horse and buggy down the driveway. Then she took a seat on the sofa and opened Cleon’s note.
Dear Grace,
I’ve spent the last two weeks thinking about our relationship and wondering why you didn’t love me enough to tell me about your previous marriage and the child you had given up. I can’t say how I would have responded if I’d known the truth sooner, but I know how I’m feeling now. I feel betrayed, hurt, and angry. I need more time to deal with this, and I can’t do it here where we see each other every day.
I have an opportunity to expand my honey deliveries to some places in Pennsylvania, so I’ve decided to catch a bus and head there. Ivan will care for my bees while I’m gone, and it will give me a chance to think things through.
As Always,
Cleon
Grace gulped on a sob as she crumpled the letter into a tight ball. What if Cleon never came back? What if—
“Daughter, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
Grace looked up and saw her mother standing over her, a worried expression knitting her brows.
Releasing more sobs between every couple of words, Grace shared the letter Cleon had written. “I’m afraid I may have driven him away, and now nothing in my life will ever be any good.”
Mom took a seat on the sofa and gathered Grace into her arms. “God brought your daughter back to you, and that’s a good thing.”
Grace nodded.
“After your visit with the bishop the night Anna arrived, he offered you words of comfort and acceptance.”
She nodded again.
“The people in our community have been friendly to Anna and tried to make her feel welcome.”
“Jah.”
“You need to trust God with Cleon. I’m sure that in time your husband will come around, too.”
“I—I hope so.” Grace sniffed. “Anna may have been returned to me, but she doesn’t accept me as her mother. She doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me.”
“She needs more time to adjust and get to know you better.”
Grace reached for the box of tissues sitting on the table next to the sofa. She dabbed her eyes and blew her nose. “That doesn’t solve things between Cleon and me. I’m afraid he might decide to leave the Amish faith and begin a new life in the English world without me.”
“That’s ridiculous. Cleon would never leave the faith or risk a shunning by deciding to do something so unthinkable as to dissolve your marriage.” Mom gently patted Grace’s back. “He’s strong in his beliefs, and I’m sure that deep down, he loves you. Just give him some time to sort things out, and soon he’ll be home again.”
Grace moaned. “Dad’s angry with me, too—not only because of the secret I kept from you, but because he blames me for that magazine article Gary Walker wrote.”
Mom shook her head. “Now how can that be your fault?”
“I’m the one who told Gary about our break-ins. I figured he’d forgotten about it because I’d heard he had gone to Pennsylvania to write some stories about the Amish there.”
“I see.”
“I was as surprised as anyone when that story came out, and when Dad told us about the article and picture the bishop showed him, I believed it would be best to admit that I’d spoken to the reporter.” She lifted the tissue to her face and blew her nose again.
“But there were details in the article that you never mentioned to the reporter, right?”
Grace nodded. “That’s true, but if Gary is the one responsible for our break-ins, he would have already known everything that happened to us.”
“Or someone else might have told him.”
“Like who?”
Mom shrugged. “I don’t know, but others in our community knew about the break-ins. One of them might have spoken to the reporter and told him the details you left out.”
“Maybe so. All I know is when someone makes a decision about something important, the way I did when I allowed Wade’s folks to take Anna, it can change their life forever.” Grace slowly shook her head. “That’s what happens when people don’t think about the effect their decisions will have on others. If I’d known that giving up my little girl and keeping it a secret would have affected my family so much, I would have done things differently.”
“That’s how life goes—we learn and grow from our mistakes.”
“And hope we don’t make them again,” Grace murmured.
“We shouldn’t merely hope. We need to ask God to guide us in all our decisions.”
Grace nodded. She knew Mom was right, for if she’d sought God’s will in the first place, she wouldn’t be in the mess she was in right now.
“Martha’s gone to Kidron with your daed to look at a pair of beagles, so why don’t we hire a driver to take us to the Wal-Mart store in Millersburg and get your daughter some appropriate shoes?”
Grace shook her head. “I don’t feel like going anywhere, Mom. Why don’t you and Anna go? It’ll give you a chance to get better acquainted.”
“I don’t think staying home feeling sorry for yourself is going to solve anything. I really wish you’d come along.”
“I’d rather not.”
Mom shrugged. “All right then. Maybe some time alone is what you need.”
A short time later, Judith and Anna were on their way to Millersburg in Donna Larson’s car. As soon as they entered the Wal-Mart, Anna pointed to the mechanical horse inside the entrance. “I wanna horsey ride!”
Judith gave the child’s hand a gentle tug. “Maybe on our way out.” She’d hoped, as Grace had suggested, that this would be a chance for her and Anna to get better acquainted.
“I wanna ride the horsey now.”
“Not until we finish our shopping.” Judith grabbed a shopping cart, scooped Anna into her arms, and placed her inside the cart.
“I don’t want new shoes. Let me out. I want out!”
“You might get tired if you walk. It’s better that you ride inside the cart.”
Anna scrunched up her nose and crossed her arms.
Judith sighed and headed for the shoe department. Anna needed a sturdy pair of dress shoes, and they had to be plain and black. The other day, they’d looked at the boot and harness shop run by their friend Abe Wengerd but found nothing in Anna’s size.
A short time later, Judith found a pair of appropriate-looking black shoes for the child and was about to move on to do some other shopping when Anna shouted, “I don’t want these shoes! They’re ugly, and I won’t wear ’em.”
Judith drew in a deep breath and prayed for patience. “I know you’re upset about the shoes, and I understand that being left with strangers has been hard on you, but I won’t tolerate such outbursts, Anna.” She bent over so she was at eye level with the child. “Do you understand?”
Anna nodded but said nothing. She sat like a statue with her arms folded, staring straight ahead.
Judith gritted h
er teeth and maneuvered the cart down the toothpaste aisle. When she finished the rest of her shopping, she went to the nearest checkout stand, paid for her purchases, and pushed the shopping cart toward the door. They’d no sooner left the checkout counter when Anna started hollering, “Horsey! Horsey! I wanna ride the horsey!”
“Shh. I told you before you mustn’t yell.” Judith wondered what the other shoppers must think seeing a child dressed in plain clothes carrying on in such a manner. Amish children were taught at an early age to behave in public. But of course, none of the people staring at them had any idea Anna hadn’t grown up Amish. How different things might have been for all of them if the child had been a part of their family from the time she was a baby.
When an ear-piercing buzzer went off, Anna let out a yelp. Judith halted outside the first set of doors where the scanners were located. She figured the security alarm had been triggered because the clerk who’d rung up her purchases had forgotten to remove the security strip from one of the items. A few seconds later, a clerk rushed over, demanding to see Judith’s receipt and then searching her packages. Throughout the entire process, Anna fussed and cried for a horsey ride, which only caused Judith further embarrassment.
When the clerk found nothing in any of the packages, she turned to Judith and said, “You’d better let me see that purse you’re holding.”
Her forehead wrinkled. “Why would you need to see this? I didn’t buy it here. It was a gift from my sister who lives in Indiana, and I was carrying it when I came into the store.”
“Our scanners are set up to check for security strips on things going out of the store, not coming in,” the clerk said. “Now, are you going to let me see that purse, or do I need to call my supervisor?”
Judith’s head began to pound, and as Anna’s screams increased in volume, she felt as if she could shriek at someone herself. Gritting her teeth, she handed over the purse.
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