He swallowed. “I didn’t mean for the light to keep you up.”
“It didn’t.”
“Couldn’t sleep?”
She backed away. “Goodnight.”
Unable to say anything, he watched her exit the office and close the door, leaving it only a crack open as he’d had it.
Three nights. They’d been home from the clinic three nights. How was he going to survive? The pain medicine Doc had given him wasn’t doing a bloody bit of good. He’d never ached like this in his life. He rubbed his chest over his heart.
It was over between Kaycee and him. Over. He’d hurt the only woman who’d ever known him at all. He’d turned his back on the only woman who’d ever meant anything to him. All because he’d expected the worst. Fuck! Not only had he expected it, he’d accepted it. Christ knew he didn’t deserve another chance.
With a shaky hand, he used the mouse to save the reply he’d been working on and shut down the computer. He turned the office light off on his way out.
Under a blanket, Kaycee lay huddled on the very edge of the bed. Like the previous nights, the bedside lamp glowed low.
Sweet beaded his brow. He wanted to hold her. Even more, he wanted to tell her how bloody sorry he was. But he’d spilled his guts at the clinic, and she didn’t want to hear more from him. Still, he crouched down beside the bed. “You need anything before I lie down?”
“Nope.” Kaycee’s gray eyes closed. “I don’t like taking your bed…”
“No worries. You’re welcome here…” Trailing off, he swallowed hard. “I’ve got to get up early anyway.”
A tear slid down from the corner of her closed lids.
“Christ, don’t cry.” The one thing he couldn’t take was her tears. He felt so bloody responsible for them. Hell, he was to blame. He let out a shaky breath.
“I’m not.” Her lips trembled. “I just don’t feel so well.”
“I know… I’m bloody sorry.” Miller knotted his hands into fists as not to touch her. She didn’t want that. “Luv, I know you were told to stay here in case you were needed…but if you want to go home now, I’ll make the arrangements… I’ll cover any return flight…”
“No.” Kaycee swung up. “I don’t want you to spend another dime on me. What we had was never about money.”
I’m marrying John Ashlan. He’s a man who can give me everything I want.
“I know.” Though Emily had wanted only what money could buy her, Kaycee had wanted only him.
Her face flushed. “I loved you.”
Chest constricted, he groaned. “Kaycee, please…” Don’t think that way. Not in the past tense.
“But, you didn’t love me… And that’s okay. I knew you didn’t love me…” Her lip trembled while she nodded. “I knew it.”
If only he’d told her how he’d felt. His chest constricted making it hard to breathe let alone speak. He’d made so many bloody mistakes where she was concerned. So many bloody mistakes.
“I just need a couple days to rest. To clear my mind.” She wiped her cheeks. “I think it’ll be best for me to try and find a place in town to stay until Constable Morgans says I can go. I’m thinking about asking Connor.”
“No.”
She jerked at his tone. Her arms came around her body.
A tic kicked-started in his jaw. That, he couldn’t allow. No matter what, he wanted these last days with her here. At least with her here, he could look at her, know she was safe.
“I’m too tired to argue now.” Again, she wiped her face.
“Save your money. Mum wants you here too.” He pushed to his feet. “Try to get some sleep.”
Miller slowed before he rounded the house. Kaycee and Connor sat on the porch. He could hear them talking. He shouldn’t listen but he couldn’t pull himself away. A week had passed since Kaycee had been hurt. Traumatized by that bastard. A week since he’d made the worst mistake of his life.
He exhaled slowly. He’d been avoiding Kaycee. It was for the best. No way did he want to add any discomfort and strain to the remainder of her stay.
“Really, I’m doing much better.” Kaycee attempted to reassure the doc. “What I went through wasn’t…wasn’t as horrible as what Doug put me through.”
What bullshit the Yank was shoveling for the doc. What she’d gone through shouldn’t have happened. She’d bloody suffered something awful. All because of his bloody insecurities. He should’ve never let her out of his sight, especially after that bastard had shown up.
Bloody fuck.
“You want to talk about anything, I’m here.” Footsteps sounded on the porch. “I’m a bloody good listener.”
“Are you sure you want to listen to me ramble again?”
Miller moved closer. Another reason he’d been avoiding the Yank was because he didn’t know what to say. What to ask. Christ what he wouldn’t give to be open the way his brothers were. Neither one of them had ever had trouble running their mouths.
He placed his hand on the house to brace himself for what might be coming.
“Eh, sheila. The sooner you get it all out, the sooner the healing will start.”
Kaycee was silent a long moment. “Craig said Doug let him…let him use me…” Her voice grew weaker. “Looking back, there were nights I thought something wasn’t right… Isn’t that just awful that I didn’t realize?” Her voice broke. “It makes me mad and so sick to think about.”
Trembling, Miller rubbed at his tight chest over his heart. He listened to movement on the porch. He listened to the doc console her the way he wanted to. Bloody fuck. Unable to listen to more, he went around to the front entrance. In the kitchen, he poured a glass of cool water, only to have it slip from his weak hand. The glass broke, spilling water everywhere. “Fuck!”
“Miller Eugene…”
He turned his head to look at his mum. “Sorry.”
“Sit down, I’ll clean it up.” Her tone softened with her gaze.
“I can clean up the bloody mess.” He dropped a rag down to sop up the spill. As the door opened and closed, he knelt to collect the big pieces.
“Let me help you…” Kaycee reached for a chunk, but he caught her wrist.
A jolt of longing went through him at the feel of her skin. He’d missed touching her so damn bad. He watched as her breath quickened. After holding on too long he let her go.
“No. I’ve got this.” She had no business handling the sharp shards. When she straightened, he kept collecting the glass.
“Miller, I want to see you in your office. Right now.”
He looked up at the doctor.
“Right now.” The doc nodded toward the doorway. “Maree and Kaycee can finish up.”
“All right.” Reluctantly, he dropped the broken glass into the trashcan and led the way to his office.
Connor closed the door when he entered behind him. “Where’s the sling? Why haven’t you been resting?”
“The sling gets in my way.” Miller sat on the corner of the desk. “I don’t have time to rest.”
Connor collected the empty medicine bottle from his desk and tossed it back down. Tightlipped, the doctor waved to his shirt. “Take it off. I want to look at your wounds.”
“My injuries are fine.”
“Christ, M. I’m a bloody doctor. You were the one seriously injured, not Kaycee.”
On a growl, Miller stood. “That’s bullshit! She was kidnapped and tortured!”
Connor held up a hand. “Yes, she suffered abuse and mental anguish, but physically, you were the one put in jeopardy. Do you remember the blood loss, the stitches? This dislocated shoulder?”
“Bloody fuck! Keep your voice down.” They’d all promised him not to tell Kaycee what had actually happened. She was safe. That was all that mattered.
“Fine. Let me see your wounds.”
He clenched his teeth. If the constriction in his chest would ease up, he’d be bloody fine. Still, he undid the shirt buttons so the bloody nosybeak doc could have a look.<
br />
“Miller, you’re sweating and shaking. Have you slept since you left the clinic?”
“Some.”
Connor shook his head and shook it again when he got a look at his shoulder. “It’s bloody swollen. Are you in pain?”
Miller glared. “Eh, my chest is killing me.”
The doctor groaned and let the shirt fall back into place. Forcefully, Connor set about doing his shirt back up. “I want you to wear the bloody sling until I tell you different. A dislocated shoulder is serious business. If the ligaments are damaged, you can wind up with surgery or need therapy. There could be permanent damage to the joint itself. You could lose the use of it, and then how will you work? The shoulder needs rest to heal.”
Miller continued to glare. He’d heard the doctor well enough before he’d left the clinic.
“You need to rest. Sleep at night.” Connor stepped back. “The pain killers weren’t for your emotional duress. They were for physical pain from your injuries. Now, where’s the bloody sling?”
In his bedroom, Miller handed the doctor the sling and held still while it was fitted on him. “My arm is useless in this contraption.”
“Good. The point is to keep the injured shoulder immobile. If you want to bloody well use that shoulder for the rest of your life, you’ll wear the bloody sling.” Connor folded his arms. “Now besides for Kaycee, how are you doing emotionally?”
“What?”
“In self-defense you stabbed and killed a man.” The doc clasped his good shoulder. “How are you coping with that?”
“That bastard had kidnapped Kaycee and been trying to kill me.” For a moment he closed his eyes. There’d been only one chance. And no choice. Considering the man had been firing a gun, he’d done what he’d had to do. “I don’t need a head doctor.”
“If you ever need to talk about it, you’ve my number.”
He nodded his thanks, wishing he’d talked to Kaycee about a great many things. Eh, if he’d known how to open up…she’d have known how much she’d always meant to him.
After a friendly clasp to his shoulder the doctor left him, only to stop in the kitchen where his mum and Kaycee sat at the table.
“Maree…” The doc shoved his hands into his pockets. “I need you to call me if Miller doesn’t rest. He needs to wear the sling for his shoulder to heal.” He withdrew a bottle and handed it over. “You’re in charge of these from now on. Please follow the directions.”
Miller ground his teeth together. The bloody bloke had gotten his mum involved.
“Kaycee, maybe you can talk him into following my orders.”
The Yank’s eyes widened. “He’s a grown man…surely he can follow your orders.”
“You’d think, wouldn’t you?” Connor speared him with a hard gaze before turning back to Kaycee. “Luv, call me if you need to talk. I’m always available.” He clasped his mum on the shoulder. “Luv, if I never get another Thorn under my care while I’m still in practice, it’ll be too soon.”
At the door, he glanced back. “M, I’ll swing back by when I make my rounds.”
Under his mum’s scrutiny, he followed the doctor out.
Another week in Australia, and she’d be crazy. How would she ever get through four and a half more weeks? It’d been over a week since the scene with Craig. Ethan had explained she had to stay in the country for six weeks to make sure all the proper legal papers were filed.
It had seemed excessive, yet she didn’t argue. Besides, it was best to make sure everything was taken care of before she left. Another ticket to the outback would be expensive.
So her time had been spent resting mostly. Several times Connor had made a trip out to check on her. She’d explained physically she was fine and mentally she was holding up better than even she’d expected. No blame ate at her soul. Not even a single nightmare had woken her at night. That hadn’t been so in Doug’s case. Nightmares had terrorized her for months on end.
Officer Morgans had said Craig was dead. She wondered if that had eased her subconscious. People in their graves shouldn’t have power over another. Craig wasn’t going to get any from her. She’d learned she was a survivor.
Maree came into the kitchen and sat in her usual spot at the kitchen table. Maree didn’t greet her. A strain had developed between them. Kaycee considered taking her drink outside to finish it.
She sighed. It’d have been best to stay in the rental property. Only she hadn’t been up to facing the demons there. Those first few days had been rough. So, she’d allowed Miller to insist she stay at his home. Maree’s home.
Again, she sighed. No more backing down from facing things. Time to get this out in the open. First she’d talk to Maree. Then she’d talk to Miller. She needed to. Today she was in a better mindset. And in no way did she want him to feel guilty about what had happened. He wasn’t to blame. Craig had been a madman.
“Maree?” She couldn’t continue to stay there with this breach between them. It wasn’t fair to Maree.
“Yes?” The woman looked up from her puzzle.
“If you have something to say to me, I wish you’d just say it.”
“All right.” Maree removed her reading glasses. “Then I will. I think it’s time you leave.”
An ache slammed into her middle. The discomfort, the sadness, mixed with embarrassment. Kaycee lowered her gaze. “Of course. I’ll…”
The older woman cut her off. “Let me finish. Your behavior surprised me.” She shook her head, almost sadly. “I can’t believe I was wrong about you. What you told me about your relationship with your husband. How ugly it turned out for you.”
“Maree…”
“And you’re sitting here allowing the recent incidents to control you, your future. In the hours that man held you…did it really compare to what your husband put you through?”
No. No it didn’t even come close. “Maree…” She took a breath. “Miller left me before…”
Maree waved a hand. “That man who took you twisted everything around to hurt my baby. It’d have taken that bastard less than an hour to find out what would bring my son down. People talk.” Maree’s eyes darkened. “There’s not a person in this region who doesn’t know about Emily picking another over Miller. There’s not a soul around here who doesn’t know Denae left him standing alone to face every native within ten hours of here.” Her lips tightened. “My son can be proud. And there’s no fault in that.”
Kaycee’s mouth dried out, she swallowed for moisture. She didn’t want Maree to stop. Though Miller’s mom had told her many stories about him, these hadn’t been among them.
“But you know what?”
Kaycee gave a small shake of her head. “What?”
“My Miller has never said a bad word about either of them.” Maree’s mouth trembled. “Not one bad word. And my son didn’t love either one of them. He wasn’t in love with them. But you… I’d thought he’d found something true blue. Something worth fighting for. My baby allowed himself to be used for target practice to save you.”
Kaycee’s breath caught. No one had said what happened before she came to. And when she’d asked Miller, he’d told her not to worry. He’d said he’d dislocated his shoulder. It was already on the mend. “I thought…”
“My boy told us all not to tell you what happened. All that mattered to him was you were safe and that man would never hurt you again.”
“Are you saying Miller was shot?” Her heart crawled up into her throat.
“Yes. Once in the shoulder. Another in the arm. If that man had had better aim…”
Oh, God. How horribly awful. She closed her eyes as details of the rescue surfaced. There had been blood… But she’d been so completely freaked out over that horrible thing Craig had forced her to wear. She’d felt as if her middle was being crushed, especially as they’d gotten on the road. And the terrifying gag… She’d been sure she’d die from suffocation.
Oh, God…
She’d not seen him with his shirt off
. He’d not made a move to touch her since that day in the hospital bed… She’d simply not realized…maybe she hadn’t wanted to think about it. “I thought his shoulder had been dislocated.”
“Yes. But he’s dealt with one before. He’s had broken bones.” Maree shook her head. “But my boy has never grieved over a broken heart. Now, I want you to pack your belongings.”
Her throat tightened. Never see Miller again… She’d meant to speak to Miller. But now she needed to more than ever. “Ethan said—”
Maree cut her off. “I take full responsibility for that. I was naïve. I thought a few weeks, and you’d come around. But I’m changing my mind. M’s grieving as much with you here as he would with you gone. And just so you know, my M doesn’t know a thing about what I cooked up with E. So don’t go blaming him.”
“Oh, I see.” On shakily legs she stood. “Did, did Miller…”
As if reading her mind, Maree carefully chose her words, “Like I said, all that mattered to my boy was making sure that man never hurt you again.”
Kaycee whimpered.
She couldn’t imagine… Yes, she could. It’d taken her a long time to get over Doug, what he’d done to her, and what she’d done. Actually, she wasn’t fully over it. She’d never be. But dealing with it would get better over time. “I’m going to go talk to Miller.” She had to.
“You do that.”
From the refrigerator, Kaycee poured a glass of lemonade to carry along in offering.
Maree grasped her hand and gave it a squeeze as she passed the table.
“Thank you, Maree.” She leaned over and hugged the woman.
Outside, she found Miller in the barn. He worked on a tractor engine. Worriedly, she moistened her lips.
He kept his left arm close to his body. But it wasn’t in a sling like it was supposed to be. The man wasn’t taking care of himself. She’d have to put a stop to that.
He straightened at her approach. Tired lines etched across his face. Concern, love tugged at her heart.
“G’day, Native.” When she reached his side, she smiled. “I’ve bought you a drink.”
True Blue Love: The Thorns, Book 3 Page 23
