by Tharp, Emma
The bartender sets our plates in front of us—fries overflowing almost off the edge—giving me a much-needed moment to collect myself.
"At Thanksgiving, I watched you and Caitlin together with your kids. And your parents. For the first time in my life, I saw what my future could look like. I've never had that before. You see, I grew up without a father." I take a sip of my beer, hoping the liquid will dissolve some of the emotion creeping up the back of my throat.
"I didn't realize that. It must've been hard for you." He stares at me, unblinking, taking in my words. I can tell he really hears me and it does something to my insides.
"You and your sister have something in common. When I open up to you, I don't feel like you're judging me."
"Because we’re not."
I nod. "I want to be with your sister, but I think I may have really screwed things up. Did you see the article in the Daily?"
Hudson pops a French fry in his mouth after dipping it in ranch dressing. "Yes, I saw the article. And it sounds to me like you pissed off the wrong girl. But from what you've been telling me, you’re ready to change and settle down. Am I right?"
I hold my burger in my hand, but my appetite is nonexistent, so I set it back down. "That's exactly what I'm saying. I need to tell your sister how I feel, but I'm not even sure she'll talk to me."
"It sounds like you know my sister. Stubborn as a mule. But she's got a soft spot for you. Go to her and tell her how you feel. From the heart. It might work." Hudson grabs three fries and pops them all in his mouth at once.
"Thank you for the advice. And thank you for not judging me,” I say and mean it. If Chloe and I were to somehow make it through this and have a future together, I look forward to a relationship with her brother.
Hudson runs his index finger through the condensation around his glass. "It might be hard to believe, but at one point in my life, I was a bit of a playboy. Thank God Caitlin decided to look past my old ways and saw me for the man I could be. We can't change our past. And the happiest people I know are always evaluating themselves and improving themselves. It's the unhappy people, they're the ones who are judging others."
I don't know what I did to deserve meeting Chloe and her family, but I know I'm going to do everything in my power to keep them in my life.
Nineteen
Chloe
I’ve got to stop letting him in. Figuratively and literally.
Every time he shows up at my door, I cave and let him in. That’s why tonight, I’m standing my ground.
Looking out the peephole, I melt inside. His hands are shoved in the pockets of his jeans and he’s got a defeated look on his face. Why wouldn’t he? Sara slandered him all over the sports news, running his name through the mud. It’s ridiculous that anyone should care about this, but the sad reality is that people eat up gossip like a sweet tooth in a candy store.
This hurts. All of it. Marcus didn’t trust me enough to share all the details of what went on with him and Sara.
And I’m sure he’s upset because he hasn’t been playing well this past week. He probably thinks it’s because we haven’t been sleeping together, but I know that’s superstition.
“Chloe, can you please let me in?” Marcus pleads, his voice muffled through the door.
“I think it’d be best if you leave me alone,” I say louder than normal so he can hear me.
He moves in closer to the peephole, his face getting more distorted through the fisheye lens. “I don’t want to leave, Chloe. I’ve messed up a lot of things in my life, but you’re the one thing I want to make right. Please, give me five minutes of your time.”
My heart splinters at the plea in his tone. “I don’t know, Marcus.”
“Five minutes. That’s all I’m asking for. Set a timer. If you’re done with me then, I’ll leave you alone for good.”
Despite my head telling me to ignore him, my stupid heart can’t deny him.
Flinging the door open, I step aside and point to the kitchen table. “Have a seat.” My tone isn’t exactly jovial, but he’s lucky he’s in here.
He passes by me slowly and with the level of caution one might use when walking through a minefield. “Thank you for letting me in.” He sits down and so do I.
“You know that I saw the article, right?” I ask.
“I’m sorry about that.” He looks up at me, his brown eyes a shade of amber and honey, and full of regret.
“Who was the woman in the picture?” My heart rate picks up thinking about another woman’s hands on him. I’ve gone back and stared at it over and over again and it makes me sick every time.
He shakes his head. “Her name is Denise. I met her the other night at the club—the night you told me to go and hang out with Neil and the guys. She wanted me to take her home.”
My eyes feel as if they could roll out of my head and land on the table in front of me. “Oh, yeah.”
“I didn’t. I thought I made it clear to you that while we’re together, I don’t want to be with anyone else. In fact, I wanted to stay with you that night, but you kicked me out.”
“I needed a night to myself. What about the article? Is it all true?” I ask. It’s important for me to hear it from him.
He nods slowly. “Yes. I cheated on her. Well, kind of. We weren’t exclusive. And when I met you, I had to have you.”
My belly twists up in knots. “You’re saying that you were sleeping with both of us at the same time?” I’ve got no right to be upset if it’s true, but it doesn’t make it any easier to hear.
“Remember when we met and exchanged numbers?” I nod at him. How could I forget? “And we went out for dinner and slept together on the same night. That’s when I knew it wouldn’t be a good idea to see Sara anymore. Especially because I could sense that she was growing attached to me. I ended it with her after I slept with you. That’s why in her eyes, I can see how she would think that’s cheating—even though we weren’t exclusive.”
Crossing my arms in front of my chest, I say, “Why didn’t you tell me this before? You left out the part that you were sleeping with both of us at the same time. Because I knew what I was getting into. It just sucks that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me about it.” This is all so confusing and I’m letting my emotions seep in. Hot tears prick the backs of my eyes.
“I’m so sorry that I upset you. In my mind, I thought it wasn’t a big deal because after I was with you, I stopped seeing her. I realize now that I should’ve told you.”
Chewing on the corner of my lip, I take a few calming breaths. “With me, honesty is the only policy.”
“I understand.” He looks past me into the living room and narrows his eyes. “Um, are you going somewhere?”
My luggage is sitting next to the couch. “Yes. I’ve got to leave for a work assignment. My boss bumped me from your story after Candy’s article came out.” I give him a condescending, sarcastic smile. “He’s got me working on this golf thing.” I’m vague on purpose. Marcus doesn’t need to know what I’m doing next.
Marcus grips the back of his neck and looks at the ceiling. “Shit.” He blows out a long breath. “I’m really sorry that he bumped you.”
“Yeah, it sucks.”
Without warning, Marcus clutches my hands in his. “Listen, Chloe. I wasn’t a good man. But somehow, you’ve changed me.”
I tug my hands away from his and fold them in front of me. “How?”
He stands and paces, and I can see that he’s got things bottled up that need to come out. “I’ve cheated and lied to women. But with you, I want to be better and do better. I don’t want to let you down. It kills me that your boss bumped you and it’s my fault. I’ve never felt this way before.”
“Okay.” I don’t say more because I can tell by the speed of his words that he’s got more he needs to get out. And I need to hear it.
He stops and stands in front of me. “And what’s getting to me is that I feel the need to apologize and atone to the women I’ve hurt.”
/>
I look up into his eyes and they seem brighter. He’s so damn handsome. “You should do that.”
“And now that I’ve confessed it all to you, I’ve got one more thing to tell you.” I’m sitting in the chair and he kneels in front of me so we’re eye to eye. “I love you, Chloe. I know I’ve never loved another woman before because I’ve never felt it here before.” He clutches his heart. “And I’m asking for another shot at us. But I want more this time. I want you and only you.” His eyes are full of optimism and affection and my guard slips.
Is that what I want? And could he really love me? Because when he said the words, I could feel them coming straight from his heart, shooting directly to mine. And it scares the ever-loving shit out of me.
When we’re apart I can’t stop thinking about him and I do care for him. So much. But this isn’t what I expected. “How do I know you’re not going to hurt me?” I push off the chair and walk into the living room.
Marcus follows and stands in front of me. “I learned a lesson when you shut me out—that I don’t want to be without you. I want you in my life. There are no guarantees, but I’m giving you my heart here.”
Deep down I know this is everything I’ve wanted him to say to me all along, but now that he’s saying them it’s freaking me out. “I don’t know, Marcus. I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to do this.”
“Why not?” His brows furrow in complete confusion. As if this is so easy.
“Because relationships are hard and it might not work. Do you honestly think you’re ready for that?” I’m not sure I am.
His fingertips lightly graze mine. It’s only the faintest touch, but sweet sensations work their way up my arm. “I know it won’t be easy, Chloe, but it’ll be worth it.”
Doubt, like a pesky insect, swirls around my head. “Your track record isn’t good. Are you asking me to put my heart on the line? I’ve had it broken in the past and I’m not sure I can take it if it happens again.”
He pins me with his stare, holding me there. “I talked to Hudson.”
My mouth falls open. “You did?” This is a huge surprise. I knew they hit it off on Thanksgiving, but I didn’t expect them to stay in contact after only meeting once.
He smiles and his face lights up. It warms me from the inside seeing him so happy to have spent time with Hudson. “I really like your brother. He reminds me a lot of you. He’s smart, caring, and kind. And he told me that he and I are also alike. We’ve both had a colorful past.”
He is right about that. My brother was a man-whore in high school and college. I learned quickly not to befriend his conquests, because they wouldn’t be around for long and when he inevitably hurt them or left them hanging, I didn’t want to be the one to console them or trying to explain what went wrong.
A light bulb goes off. I remember Hudson telling me about meeting Caitlin and knowing that she was different from all the rest and that’s when he knew he was ready to settle down. There’s a shift in the air that I feel straight to my bones. “He told you that?”
“All about his escapades. And he told me that he thinks we have good chemistry together. He also said that he could tell how much we light each other up.” His hand reaches up and strokes my hair and a fire starts deep in my belly. “He’s right. You do light me up, Chloe. So fucking much.”
Our chemistry is intense, something I’ve never had with anyone else. Every time I see him, I get a kaleidoscope of butterflies in my belly. And the sex, well, I can never get enough of him, but I know relationships have to be about more than that. What’s undeniable is that you can’t create passion or a spark when there isn’t one there. Would that ever go away? “Don’t you worry about losing the spark?”
“No,” he says, unblinking. “Not at all. Because it’s not just the sex or physical. Although you know how much I love that. It’s so much more. I love your mind—I’ve read every article you’ve ever written and admire your hard work and talent. And I love who you are. You challenge me and you don’t take my shit.”
We both laugh. Could this be real? “But…”
He takes my face in his hands and studies me. “I know that you can think of a million scenarios where this won’t work, but please can you just tell me if you care enough for me to give this one more shot? Because I can promise you with everything inside of me that I will work hard and do everything in my power to build your trust, to take care of you, and never, ever hurt you.”
I feel the weight of his words and his sincerity all through me like a flicker of light heating me up from the inside when I didn’t even realize everything had gone cold. A single tear spills down my cheek and Marcus wipes it away with the pad of his thumb. I lean into his touch and instead of suppressing it, I let my heart do what it wants to do. Gently, I press my mouth to his, letting my lips express my feelings from deep inside.
He pulls away and our gazes lock. His eyes are red. “I need to know, Chloe. Are you going all in with me? Because I’m more than ready.”
His absolute vulnerability has me nodding. “I’m giving you all of me, Marcus Reid. Please don’t hurt me, because if I give you a chance and you screw it up, you’ll regret it forever.”
He shakes his head and swallows hard. “No. Not going to happen, Chloe. You were made for me.” He pulls me tighter and kisses me with an intensity that reminds me of our first kiss. It’s all-consuming and possessive and causes desire to spread through me.
Sucking my bottom lip between his teeth, he pulls back. With heavily lidded eyes, he asks, “When are you supposed to be leaving for your work trip?”
I sigh. “In the morning.”
He cups my chin in his hand. “As soon as you get back, I’m going to give you the best exclusive interview out there. I’ll be transparent about everything. I’ll own my mistakes, my regrets, and the lessons I’ve learned. It’s all yours and it’ll be better than the Daily’s stupid article.”
“My boss would eat that up. Are you sure you want to put yourself out there like that?” He hasn’t stopped surprising me today.
“If you write it for me, I’d spill my guts for you.” He gives me a sexy smirk.
“It’s a wonderful offer. Let me think about it. Because what’s more important for me now is to be with you out in the open. No more hiding. And I’d hate to write an exclusive and be ridiculed because we’re dating.” The nagging adage about sports journalists never dating athletes is still in the back of my mind.
Marcus grabs my hand, kisses the back of it, and folds it against his chest so I can feel the steady beat of his heart. “I adore you whether you write my piece or not. And I won’t accept hiding what we have. It’s simply not possible. We’re a couple now. That’s it. Let the naysayers talk—it can’t change anything, right?”
“Well, I guess not.”
“You’re not going to lose your job for it. And once everyone knows about us and gossips about it, they’ll move on to the next thing.” He kisses my cheek.
He makes it sound so easy. And he’s right. People will talk and assume that I have a leg up because I’m dating an athlete, but I’ll just continue to put out my best work. I want this with Marcus. I want us.
“Thank you,” I say. “For coming over here and being persistent.”
He kisses the end of my nose. “I know you, Chloe. If I wasn’t driven, passionate, and persistent, you’d never have let me in.”
“You do know me. And somehow, you still like me.” When I woke up this morning, I’d never have guessed that any of this would happen. I’m endlessly happy that it did.
He kisses me sweetly. “I really do. And somehow, you like me.”
“Yup. I do.”
This kiss isn’t as sweet. It’s filled with passion and yearning and hope for a long happy future.
Epilogue
Marcus
2 years later
I tug at my T-shirt and attempt to fan myself. The hot summer sun beats down on the group of us. Hudson’s kids splash around in the po
ol and the smell of searing burgers fills the air.
“Why don’t you jump in the pool?” Chloe takes a towel and dabs at my forehead. “It’ll cool you off. You look like you’re melting.”
Taking a cold sip of beer, I say, “I’m good. Maybe after lunch.” Under the picnic table, my hand goes to my pocket, checking the contents, like it has at least one hundred times today.
Without warning, I amble up out of my seat and head toward the grill where Hudson is flipping burgers. His eyes widen when he sees me coming. “You okay, man?”
My heartbeat speeds up to an unnaturally high rate and the pounding feels like it’s in my throat. “I’m not sure. What if I ask her and she says no?”
Hudson sets his spatula down and pats me on the back. “What’s got you second-guessing this? You know she loves you.”
I thank my lucky stars every day that she loves me. “I know. All I’ve done for the last two years has been to prove to her that I’m worthy of her love. But for some reason, I’m worried that she could tell me no.”
“Need another beer?” he asks and points toward the house.
“I probably shouldn’t.”
“Let’s go inside and get you a cold bottle of water then.” He gestures toward the house.
I follow him in and the blast of icy air inside is a welcome change from the heat of the day. Hudson goes to the refrigerator and pulls out a water and hands it to me. “Why don’t you have a seat?”
Slumping down on one of the chairs at the kitchen table, I rest my head in my hands. “I don’t know why I’m so nervous. I just don’t want to mess this up.”
Hudson sits down on the chair across from me. “You’ve done everything right so far. You got my dad’s blessing, you bought the ring, and my sister is deeply in love with you. Why would she say no now?”
I laugh, though it’s more from nerves than humor. “I know you’re right. She’s my everything and she’s given me so much. I guess I still can’t believe that she wants to be with me at all.”
