by Lynn Wood
Sighing his frustration, Nathan returned his focus to the matter at hand. It amazed him how easily he allowed his concentration to be spun about by his wife’s crazy conclusions and opinions. If he did not soon get to the point of the news he’d been attempting to deliver for the past half hour they would be out here all night. Even now the sun was beginning to set in the western sky and the air was taking on a decided chill after the reprieve offered by the warmer than usual afternoon they enjoyed.
“Rhiann, regardless of your father’s advanced point of view, I can assure you my own family is not so broad-minded. They are no doubt here to discover the extent of my good fortune and how much of it is likely to impact their own lives.”
Nathan knew his family held the usual fondness accorded sons and siblings, but he was under no illusion his father brought his entire progeny on a long and tiring journey to London in uncertain times to simply deliver his best wishes to his son.
“That is very cynical of you, Nathan.”
“Be that as it may, there is something else besides my family’s arrival I wished to discuss with you this afternoon.”
“There is?”
By the tone of her voice, it was obvious Rhiann could not imagine there was anything of greater import than his family’s arrival from Normandy. He searched his mind for a way to impart the presence of his former-almost-betrothed and came up blank. Just get it done, he extorted himself silently.
“Rhiann, I should have told you this before. It was not my intent to deceive you. I just never considered there would be any need for you to learn of it, as it was no longer relevant.”
“I do not understand.”
He reached out and gripped her shoulders to keep her from running away from him and to prevent a frantic chase after his wife and her pure-bred stallion across the countryside, a chase he would no doubt lose. “There was someone waiting for me to return to Normandy after the war.”
Rhiann nodded. “Your family. They missed you. I am certain that is why they traveled all the way to London, Nathan. Not just because you’re a wealthy man now.”
There were times when his wife’s naivety left him distinctly uncomfortable. This was one of those times. “Not my family, Rhiann. A woman.”
Rhiann felt the color drain from her face. Of course. How was it possible she never previously considered the possibility before? Nathan could never love her. He already loved another. He only married her in order to gain her father’s estates. He was stuck with her for a wife while his heart yearned for another back in his true home in Normandy. She should have died with her mother. How could she go on? How could she…She could never again… Her memories filled with uncomfortable visions of the nights they shared together. She mistook Nathan’s manly lust for affection for her, when the painful truth was it was a matter of complete indifference to him who she was. She was just a body to satisfy his passion on. She belatedly realized her husband was waiting for her to say something, to acknowledge his admission.
“I see.” Somehow she was able to force the words out between her stiff lips. She stared over her husband’s shoulder and noticed the sun was going down. The loss of its light and warmth seemed apt for her present circumstances. The sky would turn dark soon, as dark as the desolation enveloping her and stealing all of the light and warmth from her heart. Without even being aware of it she reached up and began untying the bells from her hair. She didn’t want to do this anymore. She was tired. She was tired of trying. She was tired of believing. She was tired of pretending everything was going to be all right again someday. Nathan was the only one left in her life who could make things right for her and he just shattered her last illusion. How embarrassed he must have been by her declaration of love. What a fool she was to believe he would value it…that he would ever learn to value her.
Nathan was getting worried about his wife’s reaction. He was uncertain what he expected from her, but surely his expectations did not mirror her brittle two word response followed by her attempt to remove the bells from her hair. A telling action that likely carried some significance in her sacred family traditions but he doubted if he wanted to know what that significance was. He caught his wife’s trembling hands and pulled them back to her side. She struggled briefly against his restraint, then abruptly stopped struggling and stood deathly still beneath him, except for the tiny tremors shaking her entire body. “Rhiann. I do not know what it is you think you understand about the situation, but I assure you your conclusion is incorrect.”
His wife did not even bother to lift her glance to his. “Rhiann there was no affection between Lady Sara and myself. We were never officially betrothed.”
The eyes she raised to his face were dead, as dead as the stone around her neck that he swore lost some of its luster in the last few minutes. “Why would you betroth yourself to a lady you held no affection for?”
“We were not betrothed.”
“But you were going to become betrothed after you returned home from the war?”
He wouldn’t lie to her. “Yes.”
“Why?” Her gaze pierced his now and he comprehended his answer was not going to help matters any.
“She was to be given a small manner as her dowry.”
“Of course. You would become a landowner.”
“Yes.”
“I understand.” She was back to staring at some point just beyond his shoulder.
“No wife, I do not think you do.”
“We should be getting back to the city. I am certain your family is wondering what is keeping you. Do you think anyone’s informed Lady Sara yet you are quite unable to fulfill your commitment to her?” Rhiann realized for perhaps the first time how important it was to Nathan to be given lands of his own. He would never have broken a commitment to his betrothed otherwise.
“There was no commitment between us, Rhiann. You are making too much of this.”
“Yes, I can see you think so. I guess women think differently about such things as betrothals and marriages.”
“For God’s sake, Rhiann, I was never betrothed to Lady Sara.”
“But you both expected there would be a betrothal when you returned from the war.”
“I have already answered that question, wife.”
“We should go now. I will do my best to stay out of your family’s way so you might enjoy your reunion with them. If no one has seen fit to inform Lady Sara of your inability to honor your commitment to her, you should be the one to tell her, Nathan. It is only right.”
Nathan was quite certain he failed to grasp the intricate details of the quagmire he was being sucked under, but he was just beginning to comprehend whatever they were, they represented a true danger to his present and his future with his wife. He stepped back towards the ridge they perched on earlier and pulled his reluctant wife along with him. Sitting down, he pulled Rhiann none too gently onto his lap.
“You are not staying out of my family’s way. I will likely find very little enjoyment in this reunion and none at all if it continues to distress you as it obviously has, and if Lady Sara has not yet learned of our marriage, I will certainly inform her of the fact. But let us get one thing straight between us, Rhiann. There was no commitment on either side, and the reluctance to make one was not only on my side.”
When his wife ceased her struggles to escape from his confining embrace, he knew she was listening. “Both Lady Sara and her father were reluctant to betroth her to a man who was just as likely not to return from the war at all, let alone return a wealthy man. I shied away from making any such commitment for similar reasons.”
Rhiann raised a confused glance to his face. “But Nathan if she loved you…”
He interrupted her foolish conclusion before she could complete her thought. “Rhiann there was no love between me and Lady Sara. I already explained there was no affection between us. Love normally does not enter into a discussion of marriage.”
The light he glimpsed in her expression when he told her there wa
s no love between him and Lady Sara was doused by his cold affirmation about love in marriage. “I said normally love and marriage are not necessarily entwined, wife. In our case, that is not true.”
Rhiann blushed fiercely at his reminder. “I am sorry, Nathan. I promise not to say it anymore. You can just forget…I won’t embarrass you…” His wife’s broken apology was lost when he bent his head and covered her mouth with his. She tried to resist him, but it took only a few moments of coaxing before she surrendered beneath his tender assault.
“I love you, Rhiann,” he whispered when he lifted his lips from hers.
She burst into tears. “No Nathan you don’t have to say that. I promise I will be more grown up about the way things are. A marriage is a business proposition, right? Isn’t that what you meant? There should be no question of love. I won’t….”
He kissed her again. Apparently it was the only way he could get his wife to stop uttering such nonsense. “I love you, Rhiann.” He repeated his declaration when he lifted his lips from hers again.
“You are not just saying that?”
He thought about lecturing her on questioning his solemn declaration, but he doubted his instruction would help his cause any. “No, Rhiann. I do not say things I don’t mean.”
“But Nathan, how can you love me? We have only been married such a short time.”
“And yet you claim to love me.”
She pushed forcefully against his chest. “I do not claim to love you, Nathan. I do love you. How dare you imply I would lie about such a thing?”
He merely cocked one brow at her outrage and she sighed ruefully. “I guess that is what I was doing.”
“Yes, you were.”
“But Nathan you already knew I loved you. I told you before today.”
“And you think I would lie about my feelings for you because you were upset by what I told you?”
Rhiann considered her husband’s point for a moment, then felt the darkness lift from her heart. “You wouldn’t lie.”
“No I wouldn’t.”
“You truly love me?”
“Yes. I truly love you, Rhiann. How could I not?”
“What do you mean? Are you in the habit of falling in love so easily?”
Nathan laughed at his wife’s pique. “No wife. I always assumed I was immune to the condition or that it was a fantasy wealthy men played to make themselves more acceptable to potential …ah…partners.”
He enjoyed watching his wife’s face heat up to a full blush. “Really, Nathan that is not love.”
“Yes I know. I have my wife to thank for instructing me in the difference.”
The hesitant glance she raised to his was filled with hope. “Are you certain you understand the difference now?”
His grin flashed for a moment before his voice took on a serious tone. “You are in my thoughts constantly. I worry about your safety, your happiness, if you’re warm enough, if you’re eating enough, if you are pleased with your husband. I would willingly lay down my life to keep you safe and would prefer death to a future without you. Do you think I comprehend the subject clearly enough or do I require further instruction?”
Rhiann smiled at him through her tears. “Oh Nathan. I would rather die than live without you, too. Promise me you will never leave me. Tell me you will never stop loving me. ”
“I will never leave you, Rhiann. I will love you until there is no longer breath in my body.”
She hugged him then, holding onto him as if she could pull him into her very heart and make them one. He held her just as closely until after long moments it was Rhiann who finally pulled away.
“We have to go back, don’t we?”
He smiled at her forlorn question. “I prefer the warmth of our bed to the damp ground, but if you would rather stay here I am certain it would not interfere with the exercise of my husbandly rights.”
Rhiann laughed at his suggestive declaration and gracefully rose from his lap. The wind was picking up and blew the stray tendrils of her long hair around her face. The bells woven through both their locks sounded in the breeze.
“Do I have to be nice to her?” She asked as he gained his feet and took her hand, striding over to where the two horses grazed.
“Not at all. You are the daughter of a duke after all and the wife of a wealthy lord. If it pleases you, there is no need for you to acknowledge her at all.”
His wife’s laughter erupted in true amusement. “Really Nathan I would never be deliberately rude. Actually, I feel sorry for Lady Sara. She almost had you for a husband. I am sure her father will never find anyone as wonderful as you.”
He looked down at his wife to see if she was teasing him. Her shining gaze was filled with sincerity. It was a mystery to him how she could look upon him as if he was some hero in her eyes. He was an ordinary man. He did not believe he undervalued his worth, but he could not discern any reason for his wife’s love for him. No matter her assertion to the contrary, he was convinced her father would not be happy at their union.
For his own part he could only be grateful to his former enemy. His lands were a booty of war. Both men understood this. His daughter, though, was a gift the duke protected all these years for him. Rhiann was so untouched by the harsh realities of life. Nathan knew he had the former duke to thank for that particular miracle. He sent up a silent prayer of thanksgiving and a promise he would continue to protect his daughter with his life.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
They rode back to London in silence, each seemingly consumed with their own thoughts. They parted with Arden before they reached the gates and Rhiann rode the rest of the way seated in front of her husband. Nathan was aware of his wife’s rising tension as they approached his tents. She was holding herself so rigidly in front of him he might as well be holding a statue in his arms.
“Rhiann. There is absolutely no reason for your anxiety. My family will likely stay only long enough to witness the king’s coronation and then return to Normandy. If you wish, there is no reason for us to ever see them again.”
Rhiann turned in the saddle to lift aghast eyes to his face. “Nathan, you cannot seriously mean to imply I would do anything to come between you and your family. I want very much for them to like me, but I already have a black mark against me in their eyes and I cannot imagine how I am to overcome it.”
“A black mark?” Nathan did his best to hide his smile at his wife’s wording. She certainly had a flair for the dramatic whenever she was upset.
“Yes, I stole you away from the woman they chose for you. Surely they will blame me for the fact you are no longer able to honor your commitment to Lady Sara.”
“There was no commitment, Rhiann,” he reminded her with a drawn out sigh.
“Nevertheless Nathan. I am not certain your family will agree. I do not want them to hate me.”
“I cannot imagine it is possible for anyone to hate you, wife. You seem to possess a knack for charming everyone you meet. Look at the king and queen. Matilda is your greatest champion and even William made me promise to treat you kindly before he agreed to our marriage.”
“He did?” Rhiann seemed stunned by Nathan’s disclosure.
“Yes wife, he did. They are both very fond of you. So your worries about my family’s feelings about you are clearly unfounded.”
“But perhaps they have already given their loyalty to Lady Sara. Maybe your parents were already thinking of her as a daughter-in-law.”
Nathan laughed outright, making no attempt to spare his wife’s tender feelings. At his wife’s doubtful glare he merely grinned down at her. “Rhiann, I promise you are making too much of this. My family is not like yours. They would not have been devastated if I failed to return from the war the way you were over the loss of your family.”
Rhiann was clearly so shocked by his callous declaration she reached up with one hand to prevent any more of what she apparently considered his blasphemous assessment to pass through his lips. His eyes laughed down into he
r stunned face. “Nathan, you cannot be serious. Your family must love you. They traveled all this way to congratulate you.”
Nathan removed her hand from his lips and briefly kissed her palm before relinquishing it. “I have already explained their motives in making such a trip, wife.”
“Surely you must be mistaken, Nathan.”
“I think not. If anyone is mistaken it is you.” Before his wife could contradict his conclusion with her ridiculously naïve point of view, he added pointedly, “And since we are discussing my family and not yours, you must accept I am better acquainted with them than you are.”
Rhiann very reluctantly conceded his point. “Fine, but I am still certain you are mistaken.”
He grinned down at her unwillingness to admit he might just possibly know his family better than she did, and then turned his attention to the direction of his tents. He was relieved to see only a single member of his family lingering near the entrance. His youngest brother, Mark, was watching his approach with something akin to hero worship in his eyes, second only to the confusion Nathan glimpsed in his expression, no doubt due to the sight of the strange woman in his arms.
His brother’s confusion revealed one of the answers to the questions circulating through Nathan’s thoughts. Obviously Mark was not aware his older brother was already wed and he was quite unsuccessfully trying to hide his astonishment at seeing Rhiann sharing his mount. Nathan was forced to stifle a grin at the way his brother’s blue eyes, so like his own, kept darting back and forth between Nathan’s face and where he held Rhiann closely against his chest. Rhiann was seemingly too distracted by her confusion over the apparent lack of affection within his family to notice his younger brother’s frantic attention.
When they approached his tents, Nathan’s squire rushed forward to take the reins from Nathan so he could dismount and assist Rhiann to the ground. Nathan nodded to where Mark lingered near the entrance to his tent, obviously unsure whether it was appropriate for him to approach his brother while his attention was engaged by a woman other than the one his family assumed was about to become his wife.
