by N. K. Love
Ugh. Cruella hands the bottle back to him. Sweetie? I know Jax well enough to know that he is nobody’s ‘Sweetie’. I stupidly want to wipe any trace of her mouth from the top of his bottle. Jax still hasn’t looked away from me though so I drag my eyes away from Cruella and take a deep breath to help rationalise the situation.
My rising chest draws Jax’s attention south and he fixates on my scantily clad puppies, like they’re pining in his face. They’re begging him to save them from Cruella, the crazy lady behind him, in case she decides to skin them alive and turn them into a push up bra for herself.
I clear my throat to bring his attention back to my eyes and smile at him knowingly, raising an eyebrow. I have no idea who the ice queen actually is—yet—but she doesn’t know me either and I’m not one to back down from a battle of one-upmanship.
Leaning down, I plant a lingering kiss on his lovely lips and whisper in his ear discreetly.
“You’ve been a good boy for Nurse Taylor, now do as the doctor tells you.”
I graze my teeth over his earlobe and bite down, making sure from my peripheral vision that Carmel gets a front row seat. Jax doesn’t flinch but the slight change in his breathing doesn’t escape my attention.
I lean back up casually and turn to the doctor as he walks back over to us from his bag.
“I’ll be upstairs if you need me Jack.”
Jack crouches down in front of Jax.
“No problem Bethany. This’ll probably keep me busy for a while but I’ll be up as soon as I can Swee—fuck!”
Jax kicks him in the shin, nearly sending Jack off balance as he rocks back on his heels. I giggle at the banter, welcoming it into this shitty scenario with open arms. I clock the ice queen rolling her judgmental eyes.
Before leaving I grab the black rubbish bag I’d filled earlier with all the empty medical wrappers, bloody towels and Jax’s cut up bloodied tee. I wave at Jax, who looks more pensive now as I leave the kitchen, tying a knot in the bag.
Glad to be out of there, I let my thoughts wander to how easily I became preoccupied with playing games with Cruella in there. Maybe I should’ve made more of an effort to be nice to her, especially considering the severity of the situation.
I make my way to the back door, unlock it with the door code and go outside. The wind has picked up and it’s colder than Carmel’s stare out here. Next job is to go and get changed. I drop the bag into the wheelie bin and head back into the house.
The doorway is silhouetted with Carmel’s slim stick figure, waiting for me. Thankfully I’ve still got adrenalin pumping through my body after tonight’s events so I’m not intimidated by her.
“Everything okay?” I ask her as she turns and walks back into the house.
I follow her in and lock the door behind us whilst she observes me, perhaps my familiarity with Jax’s home, with a look of distasteful intrigue. I’m far from sussing her out. The obvious guess is that she’s one of Jax’s fuck buddies and she doesn’t take kindly to him having female company when she’s on the scene.
I should know by now that things to do with Jax or myself are never simple.
“I was thinking you could tell me that Bethany.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“What are you doing here exactly? What do you think you are doing with him?”
“Why don’t you ask him that?”
I still don’t know whether I should say his name because he referred to himself as ‘X’ on the phone and neither her or Jack has said his actual name.
“Oh, I already have.”
“And?”
“And he told me that you are merely a friend whom he is helping out.”
“Well then I guess there’s your answer. Now if you’ll excuse me—”
Carmel makes a swift sidestep, blocking my path and searches my eyes for something.
“I am only going to say this once, so listen carefully Poppet. You do not know him. You do not belong here so run along and get out of his life.” She enunciates some of those words with spite. “And do not dare breathe a single word of what you have seen here tonight, to anybody.”
The ice queen has frozen me to the spot. She reaches forward and I flinch, thinking I’m about to be on the receiving end of a slap. She just smirks at my reaction and places her forefinger at the base of my neck, slowly stroking it downwards until she reaches the deep V of the lacy material between my cleavage.
“He does not need a little girl messing around with his head, ever.” Poking her manicured talon, hard into my chest, she prods. “You’ve been warned—Angel!”
Carmel casts her eyes over my face. Clearly satisfied with my holy-fuck-this-got-weird-fast expression, she turns on her killer heels and struts back towards the kitchen, victoriously clip-clopping down the hallway like the winner of the Grand fucking National.
Did that just happen? Did she really just threaten me?
My mouth is dry but I’m not about to go back into the kitchen and breathe the same air as that scary bitch. I’m definitely physically stronger than her but she has an eerie aura about her that clearly emanates the warning ‘Don’t. Fuck. With. Me’.
I can’t believe she called me Angel. He didn’t call me that in the kitchen, so how did she know? Jax told me that’s he doesn’t say that to other girls. Have I been played? Am I still being played? Fuck, this just keeps getting better and better.
I somehow crack my feet out of the ice block she’d frozen me in and flee upstairs, two steps at a time. My heart is pounding by the time I shut the bedroom door behind me.
“What. The. Actual. Fuck?” I whisper to myself.
Immediately stripping off, I shakily slip on some joggers and a vest. It’s a minor step in the right direction, feeling less vulnerable and more composed. I pace the bedroom trying to get my head around the chaos downstairs.
That’s when I notice my seduction paraphernalia and scoff aloud. That was definitely wishful thinking on my part. It seems like days ago that Miss Seduction spread this little lot out across the bed, when it was actually just a few hours ago. I gather it all together and drop it straight into my unzipped case.
Somehow I don’t think my little bullet is going to see any action tonight—unless I go and shove it up Carmel’s ass, along with her silver spoon and tape it up. I can’t believe she threatened me. Why is she warning me away from Jax?
I still feel totally out of place. Maybe I should go back to Wills. My bags are already packed and ready to go. I don’t want to leave him but there’s nothing more I can do to help and being here may actually be distracting for him. The reality is he’s been stabbed tonight and it’s clearly something to do with the side of his life that he keeps well hidden. Jack and Carmel are obviously in the know, which leaves me being the spare part.
Yes, it’ll be best if I just get out of here. It’d be selfish to distract Jax by saying goodbye when he needs to concentrate doing whatever Jack tells him. Plus I don’t want to see Carmel’s smug bitchface. I’ll leave him a note and slip away undetected. He needs to concentrate on getting through this and getting better—he only needs Jack for that. I can talk things through with Jax when he’s feeling up to it.
The ice queen will be happy with my departure. She can concentrate on getting her claws into Jax.
Moments later I put a note on his pillow and carry my case and bags downstairs. Carefully unlocking the door I shift the bags to the doorstep outside and take another look around before leaving. This is potentially my last time here and what a rollercoaster of a week it’s been. I arrived here with a broken heart, or so I thought. My heart was just hurt, not broken. How could it be when I’ve since realised that I never actually loved my husband the way I thought I did?
Now, instead of avoiding Jax like I’d told myself to do, I went ahead and fell madly in love with him. Yes, now is the perfect opportunity to put some distance between us. I can take some time to think things over and gain some perspective. Leaving now is the right thin
g to do for both of us.
So why do I feel like I’m abandoning him?
As tears threaten, I take my car keys out of the marble bowl quietly and slowly start closing the front door behind me. My sixth sense sends a creepy shiver down my spine. I glance up just before the door shuts and spot Carmel in the armchair, in the shadows, staring straight at me with her legs crossed. She’s holding the stem of a wine glass, swirling its contents around calmly.
Carmel sneers her bright white teeth amidst the shadows and holds her palm up to me, wiggling her fingers in a conceited wave. I try to keep my face emotionless, which is pointless because we both know she’s won. I shut the door the rest of the way and it clicks in sync with the ball of sadness reaching the pit of my stomach.
Now I’m outside I can’t wait to get to Wills’ house and get as far away from Carmel as possible. I hate that she thinks I’m running like a coward because I’m scared of her.
I’m running like a coward because I’m scared of myself. My feelings for Jax are dangerous enough without adding a psycho loon to the equation.
God, I miss Jax already and I’m not even in my car yet. I need him to cocoon me with his beautiful protectiveness where nothing else exists except us. Where nothing else matters except us and we’re invincible.
Chapter Two
Friday 17th April 2015
11:24am
The drive home was sombre. I was feeling flat and empty, with a constricting feeling inside my tummy that got tighter the further away I got from Jax. My get up and go, had truly got up and went.
Last night, I was strongly considering whether it’s even possible for me to stick to the promise I made to myself. I said that I wouldn’t let my unrequited love for Jax get in the way of enjoying our time together. When I got caught up in the chaos of the moment I went and opened my big mouth to declare my love for him—then quickly backpedalled.
Our open ended expiry date is always loitering in the background like the grim fucking reaper, ready to pounce and slice through my impossible heart with a scythe. I knew I’d get hurt but I’ve greedily carried on regardless. I’ve been wrapping myself up in the wonderful way that he makes me feel, praying that that’ll be enough to cushion the blow when we go our separate ways. No matter how much the maze inside my head turns my trails of thought into knots, I still have hope that it will.
After walking out on him, I don’t even know if he’ll want to speak to me, let alone discuss our relationship status.
I eventually cried myself to sleep around 5am. Drowning my sorrows in a stream of tears and letting sleep erase reality for a few precious hours.
My perspective came when a more rational Beth awoke, all puffy eyed and snotty nosed. The only thing that matters right now is that the stabbing wasn’t life-threatening. First and foremost Jax is alive and Jack will have him on the mend by now.
Provided Jax is still talking to me, I’ll carefully broach the subject of how the hell he got stabbed in the first place. He probably won’t divulge that information but hopefully he’ll tell me something, like who Jack and Carmel are.
My note to Jax told him to call me. So the ball’s very much in his court.
For today I’m going to ease myself back into the real world, doing normal stuff, like going to Next Chapter. Not things like having sex amongst the trees or giving morphine injections—just normal stuff.
I’ve unpacked my bags and put a load of washing in the machine. I’ve also cleaned the already spotless house. Now I’m on my way to meet with Eddie at the shop.
Pulling into my parking bay behind the back of my book shop feels normal. Good. Normal is good… But, admittedly, Jax is forever on the periphery of my mind ready to drag me into a daydream at any given opportunity.
I’m going to pick up some groceries on the way home and plan a relaxing evening to welcome Wills back home after I collect her from the airport later on. I’m not exactly sure how much or how little I’m going to say to her about what’s happened. She’s already told me she’s got something to tell me and I’m selfishly praying that she’s not uprooting and going to live with her mom in Valencia.
Before leaving the car I quickly shoot a text off to Wills asking for her ETA tonight. I notice an unread message off an unknown number. I didn’t hear it come in but then I see that it was received at 6am, whilst I was still sleeping. I’ve been in a robotic state since getting up and mustn’t have even checked my phone.
He’s doing well. Are you? Call me anytime.
Jack. What a relief. My body releases my hidden tension and my stomach somersaults. I appreciate him contacting me and wonder if he did it off his own back or whether Jax asked him to. I like to think I’m a good judge of character and I instantly warmed to Jack. I liked seeing how he interacted with Jax. I hadn’t saved his number in my phone though so I do that now and then send him a simple reply.
Yes I am. Thank you, 4 everything.
Chapter Three
Saturday 18th April 2015
10:05am
It was overwhelming to see my beautiful bronzed bestie last night. Collecting her from the airport was emotional to say the least. It was as though we were being reunited after weeks, not days. I felt like a shook up can of fizzy pop, waiting for her to yank the ring pull. I naïvely thought I could actually make it to cuddle her before I broke down but the second my eyes landed on her, it was all over.
Once I’d composed myself, I told her we’d talk about it at home and closed the subject. It was only when she was wiping my tears with a tissue that I properly noticed the new purple streaks running through her hair. I suppose she was overdue an injection of colour.
Wills recapped her week throughout the journey home from Birmingham Airport. She told me about the funeral again, the people she’d met and food she’d eaten. I listened and laughed at her story about being saved by a handsome waiter after choking on a shrimp in her paella. I was appreciative of being in her carefree presence again. I find it comforting. Being with her feels like being back on home turf again. I became more grounded rather than riding on the tidal wave that was the only form of transport in Jax’s world.
When we got home, we dumped her cases in the entranceway and got showered, donning our onesies. I gave her the choice of wine and chocolates or hot chocolate and ice-cream. She opted for the latter and I know it was more for my benefit. We settled into our usual spots in the lounge, cross legged on the floor facing each other. Wills vetoed my “Sons of Anarchy” marathon idea and got to telling me her big news.
Sonia is moving back to England.
She is going to stay with Wills temporarily. Apparently after lots of late night chats, she made her mom realise that a life in Valencia was her grandfather’s life, not hers. Sonia moved over there a year ago to care for her father until his recent demise. Wills hinted that there may be unfinished business between her parents, which she hadn’t known about. She thinks that played a part in Sonia’s initial resistance to come back. But, after falling victim to Wills persuasive charms, she eventually caved.
Sonia arrives next week as soon as she’s finished dealing with her father’s financial affairs. I’m so happy for Wills. I think this’ll be great for her. It also reminds me to knock the dust off my plans and start actively looking for a place to rent. That’s not because two’s company and three’s a crowd, Sonia is awesome like her daughter. But hearing of her news to move on just reminds me that that’s exactly what I should be doing.
Gradually I opened up to Wills about my relationship with Jax. She’d obviously figured out we’d slept together by this point. She patiently listened, probing but not pressurising me for details.
Reminiscing caused me to seamlessly fall back into those recent life altering memories and what an amazing time I’ve had. It was great to be the one sharing some passionate encounters for a change, when I’m usually the one listening. I didn’t divulge all the dirty details but just gave enough away for her to understand how incredible it’s been.
/> In the space of a couple of hours, I watched Wills’ reactions go through the same emotions I’ve felt over this last week. As I spoke, she moved from confusion to concern, from excited to happy. Shortly afterwards she reversed back through the emotions and landing slap bang in the middle of a shitload of confusion.
Partway through, Wills stopped me mid-sentence and hit me with; “Beth, you’re in love with him. You’ve fallen in love with him haven’t you?” It took me by surprise, hearing the words aloud. I was in the midst of telling her about how Jax had stepped in when that dickhead grabbed me at the 24/7 party.
After tripping over my words, trying to find the right ones to somehow make it seem less ludicrous and more justifiable, Wills held my hand and simply said, “It’s okay. It’s more than okay, it’s wonderful. Love is a beautiful thing.”
