At the same time, I wondered if I should tell Kyle about my conversation with Dexter in the shower. The more I thought about it, the more the conversation seemed like nothing more than locker room talk. The only real issue was the way I'd responded to what I'd seen and what I felt as a result.
I decided that maybe that wasn't for sharing so I filed it under 'things I don't know enough about' and tried to think of something to talk about before the silence got deafening. "So Dexter's boyfriend is the same guy who's teaching the class?"
"Yes," he said, drawing it out like he knew there was more.
"And he's your old boyfriend?"
"Well, yes, the guy I told you about. I'm not sure I'd call him a boyfriend. We didn't, you know, commit to one another or anything. He's just the guy who showed me the ropes. It didn't go anywhere else, but he's an important friend."
As we pulled into the driveway, I felt like we were returning to our house for the first time. I was no longer just a visitor. My new reality was still taking form. I'd been a gay virgin who was afraid to come out, and less than a month later, I was walking up the steps of my new home with a man who owned me and had decided to keep me.
Kyle broke the silence with his personal theory of why his experience as a sub was a good thing for me. "You may not realize it, but subbing for Leonard helped me learn what a good sub experiences and why it's so important. Over time, I learned a lot from him about using my voice and my attitudes to keep a good sub in line. You told me about talking with guys on the internet who said they were Doms but turned out to be assholes. Those guys are usually novices who have no idea what they're doing."
I wanted to resist hearing any more about Kyle being a boy to Leonard, but after his explanation I knew why he was so good at pushing my buttons..
Having heard everything I wanted to hear, I changed the subject. "You know, all that exercise leaves you feeling kind of tired."
Pushing me lightly inside the front door, Kyle reached up and grabbed the hair at the back of my head. "You're not too tired," he demanded. Pushing me ahead of him, he steered me into the hall and down toward the bedroom.
"Never too tired," I replied even as he reached around and began to pull my belt loose from the buckle. Pulling my now loosened pants to my knees he leaned me over the bed. My feet were bound with the pants that were held in place by my shoes. I heard him wresting with the foil wrapper and spitting into his palm. A second later he was running his fingers along my opening just long enough to moisten and penetrate. Then he was in; gently sliding his full length, he continued his forward motion, pushing me onto the bed. Taking both of my hands and planting his chest on my back, he pinned my arms down. I could feel the fur on his chest running back and forth with each thrust.
The feeling that I was being taken, whether I liked it or not, filled me up and left me with that sensation I'd come to crave. Knowing I had no decisions to make, that someone else was taking care of everything, brought me an inner peace. Nothing else bothered me except for one thing. I'd been trying not to think about it, but the image of Dexter thrusting that magnificent appendage of his deep inside me filled my mind again and again. I could see it like I was disembodied and watching. When the image cleared, I could feel Kyle behind me pushing me into a small pool of my own making.
A few minutes later, we were raiding the refrigerator while I tried to forget about my momentary fantasy, but I felt guilty for having those thoughts. It was as though I now had a dirty little secret.
That night I had a hard time sleeping, but I'd decided. I was going to talk to Kyle about my reaction to Dexter. I didn't see the point of having a secret, not from Kyle.
As Kyle came out of the shower the next morning, I approached him. Looking down a bit, I summoned the courage and said, "Kyle, I have something I want to tell you."
Drying himself off, he came to me and lifted my chin towards him. Forcing eye contact he said, "Sounds serious. Is this about the coming out we talked about?"
"No. It's just that… well, last night in the shower… I saw Dexter naked… and well… the thing is he started to tease me about… my ass and… it aroused me. I just never thought of him that way. Then, there he was right in front of me with no glasses and no baggy clothes, with a body that totally rocks." Looking down at the floor once again, I finished telling him, "I didn't want it to affect me, but it did. I started thinking about him that way, wondering what it would be like with him."
"Preston, being with me isn't going to keep other men from being attractive to you or attracted to you. You could love the hell out of me and still turn your head when a hot guy walks by. I know what it's like when a guy gets a lot better looking when he drops his pants. You'll know more about that when you boys shower with the rest of us. Seeing fifteen men standing in a shower naked might put things in better perspective for you."
"Oh, I hadn't thought about that." The image began to sink in. I'd be naked in that big warm wet room with fifteen other men. Those men are all fit and a lot of them were very handsome.
"Next time we go to class, you and Dexter wait until the rest of us have finished and are headed to the locker room."
"Why Dexter?"
"Because after that buildup you just gave me, I'm curious. I want to see what I'm up against. Come to think of it, you can talk to your friend Jake about coming in there, too."
"So, you want to check out all my friends' junk?"
"Sure, why not? It's not like I'm going to do anything about it. Look, I've been thinking. The night your friends come over for dinner, we should all go out. There's a little bar I used to go to. It's friendly, and you'll get some experience with what it's like to see lots of gay men in one place dancing and greeting and all the things that are new to you now.
"If you're going to feel like you've come out, you need to feel more confident. It's important that you see other people in the lifestyle. Keep in mind, lots of people aren't bar hoppers. I'm not, but I've been to bars and you should too. It's a late crowd, but by the time we finish a leisurely dinner and get cleaned up it should be hopping."
"That sounds exciting. Let's do it. It should be fun. I don't really even know what to expect. It'll feel different being somewhere we can just be ourselves."
"That's kind of the idea. I know just the place."
Our dinner party was not far away. For the next few days, during my spare time, I could think of nothing else. Luckily, I had some important exams coming up that didn't allow for much spare time.
The Confession
Kyle
When Preston told me about his reaction to his friend, Dexter, I was shaken, but careful not to let it show. As his Dom, I could've come down on him for that, but the fact is he was right. He wasn't really out. He and I had developed a relationship that might mean a great deal more to me than it would to him later on down the line. I had a lengthy history to draw from, a way I could gauge his true value to me. He had no such experience.
Looking back through my own life, I thought about how I felt about my first experience. I had been younger than Preston when I came out, but using my knowledge from a string of boyfriends, I knew that while I enjoyed intimate hours with them, a long-term relationship was never going to happen for one reason or another. Preston was different. I didn't really know why, but I knew my reaction to him was unlike any of my past relationships.
As we finished our breakfast, I suggested. "I think before we get busy with our own work this morning we should take a few minutes and head down to the center. They do free blood tests down there. I always give a small donation at the same time because I love being able to do this without going to my doctor, but it's nice to know people don't have to donate if they can't afford to."
"What for?"
"Well, have you considered the possibility that if you and I test clean, and we're exclusive, we can do away with that bag of condoms in the nightstand?"
It didn't take that boy three seconds to jump into his pants and slip into his shoes. "Hurr
y up, we can do the dishes when we get back. We don't have a lot of time; I have a study group before my lab this afternoon."
Within a couple of minutes, we were pulling out of the driveway.
After we returned, Preston headed to the back of the house to make good on his promise to clean the kitchen. "How long does it take to get those results anyway?"
"Slow down, Boy. They said it takes a week depending on the number of samples they have to test."
Preston stepped out of the kitchen holding a plate that was dripping water on the rug. "Wait, what? It doesn't take that long. Not anymore. They tell everybody that because they have a lot of guys to test and occasionally they have to give them bad news. I can't wait. I know the results will be good, but it could be a whole week? Knowing what happens in a week is like waiting for Christmas."
"We have our whole lives." I said. "One week isn't going to kill us."
Preston had been heading back to the kitchen to finish the dishes when he turned and stared down at me as I sat at my desk. The look on his face told me the 'whole lives' part of my statement hit him like a proposal. In a way, it felt like one too.
Jake's Story
Jake
The events of the last couple of days were weighing on me, and I couldn't tell just anybody what I'd been through. I picked up the phone to call Preston. I knew he'd understand. I knew that in my soul. If I was going to tell anyone, it was him.
When Preston opened the door, I could see the concern in his face. We walked into the living room and I sat down. I couldn't imagine how to start. Preston sat on the couch and I thought for a moment about how I was going to tell him. After a few seconds of quiet, I realized I was stalling. I just decided to tell him the whole damn story from the beginning. I knew that for this whole thing to make any sense at all I had to leave nothing out.
"You know how you stopped giving me relationship advice because I never took it anyway? Well, now I'm asking for your help. Something strange is happening to me and I don't understand it. It all happened so fast. Yesterday I was heading downstairs from my apartment to go to the library when I ran into a neighbor of mine. He lives downstairs and he gives me the creeps. Every time I'd pass him in the hall, he'd look at me funny. I avoid him whenever I can, but that day, when I stepped off the stairs, his door was open, and he was standing in the entry. I said 'hello' not to be rude and he stopped me and started chatting.
"'You're that guy who lives upstairs, aren't you?' he said. 'I'm Robert. I've seen you in the hall, but we never really met.'
"So I said 'Hi' and introduced myself. He reached out, shook my hand, and said, 'I'd like to show you my apartment. I'm an artist and I just hung some of my works up to kind of decorate the place.'"
Preston had that look on his face. I'd seen it before. When he looked like that I'd always felt like he was getting ahead of me, making a judgement before he'd heard me out, like he knew something I didn't. I hated it when he did that because he'd keep it to himself and then drop the bomb. He'd started doing that when I was telling him about my boyfriends. At the time, I ignored it because I knew he had like zero experience with dating guys. This time was different. This wasn't like bragging. This time I was embarrassed, but determined to tell him the story and get his advice. I hated hearing advice from him, but he was usually right.
"At first, I thought it was odd, maybe even pushy, but being an artist I figured he wanted to show off his work. A few minutes later, I'd seen the paintings on the walls and the sculptures that decorated the tables. He really is talented. It wasn't long before he was leading me down the hallway toward the bedroom, showing me his paintings and photographs lining the walls.
"I don't know what it is about him that upsets me so much. He's never been rude to me or even talked to me before now. There was just something about him that I can't stand. It's sort of a knowing look, like my brother used to have when he knew I was about to get in trouble, when I didn't know yet."
Preston interrupted, asking me what he looked like. Realizing he wanted a visual, I started to describe him as best I could.
"He's taller than me, has dirty blonde hair that's really straight and kind of long. He's darker skinned than I am, and his chest is hairless, but he's nicely built. He has a six pack that will… take… your breath away."
Preston waved his hands to stop me. "Hold on, you didn't tell me he had his shirt off."
"I'm getting there. Let me finish. Now, he's got these big hands and feet too. I mean massive. He wears a size thirteen shoe."
"Stop. He's showing you his artwork and you asked him his shoe size?"
"No. Not exactly. I never asked, I just saw it later."
"Later?"
"Would you stop interrupting me? Now, where was I? Oh yeah, his eyes are green. Actually, now that I think about it, for a guy who gives me the creeps, he's really kind of a stud.
"Anyway, as we got to the bedroom, he followed me in to show me more of his paintings. I turned to make a comment about one of them, and he was right behind me. I just stood there. I'd forgotten what I was going to say. For a few seconds we just stared at each other. It made me a little uncomfortable, so I stepped back to casually wander out of the bedroom, planning to leave, when he closed the door in front of me.
"He had that look again. I'd recognized it from the hallway. Before I could get around him, he wrapped his hand around my belt buckle and pulled me up close. I couldn't take my eyes off him and for some reason I felt powerless to stop him.
"Before I knew it, he'd buried his face in my neck. He was smelling that tiny bit of cologne I like to use. Then he turned his head and kissed me. He's actually a good kisser. Then he whispered into my ear, 'Do you want to undress?' Now is that an asshole or what? Why would he just assume I wanted to get naked with a guy I just met? The thing is, he's kind of cute and normally that wouldn't bother me in the least, but it was his attitude. I felt like I had to do it."
"What did you say?"
"Again, with the questions. I told you to listen; I'll get to it. I didn't say anything. I just kicked off my shoes. I felt like the first time a guy ever came onto me. I wasn't sure he really meant it… you know what I mean? About then, he started to unbutton my shirt.
"Then he said—no, more like ordered, 'Take your pants off.'
"'Oh… sure,' I told him. By that time, I figured he was for real, even if he was a tad on the direct side. What the hell, I thought. He's nice looking and I've got some time even if he is a bit creepy. He reached down, opened my belt buckle, and before I knew it, I'd slipped out of my pants. I was almost totally naked, but he was completely dressed.
"I was getting paranoid again, like he was seeing how far he could get the gay guy from upstairs to go. Is he just playing games with me, I thought. I was about to reach down and grab my pants and get out of there when he finally told me to help him with his shoes.
"'Sure,' I said. I dropped down and untied the knots in his sneakers. Then I slipped them off one by one. That's when I saw his shoe size. When I peeled off his socks, I was stunned. I just stared for a few seconds at those feet of his.
"'What's keeping you?' he asked.
"'It's just that you have really nice feet. No seriously, you could be a model. Your feet are perfect.' I looked up at him while I was explaining, and he was smiling that creepy smile of his again. 'Unbuckle my belt,' he said. I thought it might have been nice if he'd asked or done it himself, but it didn't seem like a good time to split hairs, so I reached up and unbuckled it."
I could tell that Preston was getting a kick out of my story. "So… you're on your knees, he's standing and telling you to unbuckle his belt. I have an image and I'm dying to hear what you did next."
"Shut up, Preston, get that look off your face. I'm going to tell you everything." Then I continued the story.
"When he slid off his pants, I could see he was already getting hard. It pressed against his briefs, curving downward, straining at the fabric.
"He saw me staring and s
aid, 'You like that don't you?'
"The thing is, I think I did. I finally looked up and told him that yes, I liked it.
"Something was happening to me, Preston. Robert kept asking me questions and telling me what to do, and I just… did it."
"He dropped his briefs and I must have reacted, you know, made a noise or something, because he snickered. My gaze was frozen. I was looking at the most beautiful, tempting thing I'd ever seen, and it was throbbing right there in front of me. He was… magnificent. The whole thing curved forward, bobbing up and down. He had the dark hair neatly trimmed, but not shaved. It ran all the way up to his navel.
"A tiny drop at the very tip was already shining in the light from the window. He leaned over, placed his palms on the sides of my head, turned my face up to him, bent over, and kissed me. I was surprised. He seemed like the kind of guy that just wanted to get off and get out. You know the type."
"Not really," Preston said, reminding me that he'd only been with one guy.
"I was still kneeling, and he was holding me in place exploring my mouth with his tongue. He licked across my lips and whispered. 'You're gonna put it in your mouth, aren't you?'
"I just nodded. Honestly, I didn't know what else to do. We both knew it was gonna happen, so why play games, I thought. Everything he said was true.
"He reached behind my head and pushed me onto him in one slow movement, until he was deep inside. I'd never been with a guy shaped like him. His curvature fit perfect. It didn't curve up at the back of my throat like other guys. He just kept pulling me forward. I was expecting to gag, but I didn't.
"He still held my head with both hands. Rocking back and forth he went deeper and deeper until I had to swallow it. Then he pushed some more… all the way. Preston, it was amazing. Everything he had was down my throat. I held my breath while he rocked back and forth. He'd pull out just long enough for me to catch my breath. By the time he stopped I felt kind of lost. I'd never been with anyone who just took what they wanted even though he sort of asked each time. All the while this was going on, I wanted to be outraged, but instead I hoped he'd never stop."
An Extended Family Page 9
