Desirae nodded.
“Desirae, it’s time to move on,” Karen told her, shaking her head. “It’s time to move on. Work on yourself and taking care of your kids. The right guy will come into your life. A guy who will want to help you improve yourself, not help, or not try to stop, you from breaking down. Trust me, just let it come to you instead of you looking or trying to get something back that just isn’t there at this point.”
Desirae knew that her mother was right. She took in her encouraging words. The two hugged and finished up their deep mother-daughter conversation before Karen went to unpack her suitcase. They’d agreed to talk some more over dinner, which would be Karen going and getting carryout from a restaurant nearby. Desirae went and checked on Titan and James. As she changed their diapers, thoughts swirled around about the direction of her life. She knew that there was no way she’d be able to keep her dignity with going back to Family Dollar. She’d go in and get her last check, but actually going back to work there was out of the question. The looks that people would give her would be too much. Knowing that Veronica could come back into the store at any moment, or even before or after work, was only the cherry on top. Desirae couldn’t begin to imagine losing a fight that badly in a more-public place.
Video footage then popped into her mind. Off and on, since yesterday, she’d thought about how likely it was that someone would upload the footage of the fight to World Star or YouTube. That was another monster to tackle. Sure, Desirae would try to shrug it off. She’d go with the idea that there was no need for her to worry if there was nothing she could do about it. However, at the end of the day, she couldn’t help but think about it. And it worried her a lot more than she wanted to admit.
Chapter 4
Desirae woke up Monday morning and could feel it in her soul: there was just no way she’d go back to Family Dollar. She’d thought about it yesterday, only thinking of it in theory. When her eyes opened on Monday morning, it was as if God had told her that it just wasn’t meant to be. Rather, she lay in bed and thought about her options. It didn’t take her long to get up out of bed realizing that she needed the money, and get on the computer. At this point, she’d take a fast food job if it was necessary. Some money was better than no money.
She ignored Tron’s attempts to contact her. On Monday, he’d called twice. Desirae ignored him. Then, Tuesday rolled around. He sent six text messages. Desirae not only ignored them, but she also didn’t bother to open them. By Wednesday, Tron had popped up at her mother’s house unannounced. He knocked on the door. Luckily for Desirae, she’d been upstairs in her bedroom when she’d seen Tron pulling up outside. The house was quiet, as it was the middle of the day, and Desirae simply hoped that Titan and James wouldn’t make too much noise, or at least not enough for Tron to hear them from the porch.
By Wednesday, however, Desirae’s attitude had changed for the better. She now knew what she must do to get herself into a better situation. When she woke up Wednesday, around 10 in the morning, she went ahead and got ready as if she was going to work. She took a shower then got the twins together, ready to leave the house a little before noon. Her goal today was to spend at least a few hours at the library looking for a job. Since she’d already paid her cousin Tiffany for the week to watch Titan and James, as she always paid one week in advance, she knew she might as well use it to her advantage. Aside from that, the little amount of savings she’d had was going to go fast. The child support was surely enough to take care of James and Titan, but Desirae knew that she would need more in the long run.
When Desirae walked out into the front yard, carrying her baby twin boys in her hands, she couldn’t help but look at the front yard. Sure, right now it was nothing but a medium-sized front yard with green grass. A couple of leaves blew by, coming from the trees of neighboring yards. Part of her was amazed at how much had happened out there just a few days before.
Desirae’s eyes angled to the left as she began to walk down her mother’s front walkway. Well, my robe is gone, she thought to herself. The scene played over in her mind – the very second where she’d been exposed naked to the rest of the block. Never, in her entire life, had she felt as humiliated as she felt when her robe was yanked from around her body. There were moments she would reflect and try to think of what she could’ve done to prevent that from happening. At this point, however, there simply was no benefit to thinking this way. Rather, she held her head high, hoping to God that there wouldn’t be too many neighbors out, as she walked down the walkway and loaded James and Titan into their car seats. Desirae got behind the wheel and pulled off, feeling a little relieved that she didn’t have to make eye contact with anyone. With how she was feeling, even though she was feeling confident, making eye contact with one of the people who saw the naked beat down occur would have totally killed her spirit. Furthermore, her bruised and scratched face, while it had gotten better over the last few days she’d spent in the house, still would have been a picture that told a thousand words.
On the way over to Tiffany’s apartment on 16th Street, Desirae went back and forth with herself. To sum it up, she was trying to think up something she could say that would explain her face to her cousin. Up until Desirae pulled into the parking lot of Tiffany’s apartment complex, she could only imagine what kind of face would greet her at the door. Desirae had never lost a fight so badly in her life.
When Desirae pulled into a parking spot, she still hadn’t come up with anything to say. At this point, she simply shrugged off the situation. She told herself that whatever came out of her mouth at the moment would have to be good enough. Unloading Titan then James, she trudged up the apartment building’s steps and knocked on Tiffany’s door. Admittedly, she was a little nervous. After all, she hadn’t seen her cousin since she’d picked up the twins on Friday, after work.
Tiffany opened the door. “Girl, I was wonderin’ when you was gon’ come back,” she said, moving out of the way as the door opened. “I was just about to…”
Tiffany’s worlds trailed off as Desirae walked into the light of Tiffany’s living room. Her eyes were glued to Desirae’s face.
“Desirae,” Tiffany said, sounding very alarmed. “What the fuck happened, girl?”
Now was the time of panic – fight or flight, so to speak. Desirae knew she’d have to come up with something and something quick.
Desirae waved her hand, trying to dismiss the situation. “Girl, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” she responded, setting Titan and James down into the crib on the other side of the room. “Some ole stupid bullshit that I can’t even believe would happen to me.”
Tiffany nodded, sensing something was off. She loved her cousin with all of her heart – just about as much as she loved any other person in her family. However, this love for family didn’t make Tiffany blind. Quickly, she recalled the kind of person she remembered Desirae being when the two of them were kids and saw one another on a more regular basis. Desirae was always somewhat of a hoe, but Tiffany would never say such out loud. However, this gut feeling of hers was the very same one that told her Desirae was looking a little too hard in Reggie’s direction just last week.
“Oh, okay,” Tiffany said.
Desirae could tell that her cousin Tiffany didn’t buy her response to the question about her face. Mentally, she shrugged it off, telling herself that she didn’t really care what her cousin thought. On the other hand, there was just no way she was going to tell her cousin she’d gotten her ass beat by another man’s wife in her mother’s front yard. This was especially so considering she knew that Tiffany had a suspicion about Desirae and her boyfriend.
“Yeah, girl,” Desirae said, heading back toward the door. “Well, I gotta get to work now. I’ll hit you up later on when I’m on my way to pick them up.”
Tiffany followed Desirae’s face as she walked across the floor in front of her. She wanted to shake her head so badly, knowing that Desirae wasn’t keeping it totally real with her. Even with Tiffany maybe
not being as attractive as Desirae, she’d been around the block enough to know when she was looking into the eyes of a chick that had gotten into it with some other woman over a man. However, Tiffany decided to just let it go. If Desirae wanted to keep quiet on it, she would just play along so she could keep making this babysitting money.
“Okay, just hit me up,” Tiffany said.
Desirae walked out of the door, avoiding eye contact with Tiffany. She tilted her head up a little bit and waved goodbye before she disappeared down the steps. In the car, Desirae took a deep breath. She felt brave for even coming out of the house with how her face looked, let alone walking between the door and the car at both her mother’s house and at Tiffany’s apartment complex. She also felt like God may have been on her side today, as she hadn’t run into anyone she knew from either her past jobs or years in school. Desirae could only look up at the clear, sunny skies and pray to God it stayed that way.
Desirae already knew that if she was going to get out of the house and apply for some jobs, she would need to go to a library far from any hood. The last thing in the entire world she wanted right now was for some of her friends and old acquaintances in the hood to ever see her like this. She was always so beautiful that she honestly thought she looked different with her face bruised and scratched. Having a body that any woman would pay for often made her the target of jealousy from other chicks, especially if their men couldn’t control their eyes when she came walking around or passing by.
Desirae quickly drove out of the more urban areas of the city, remembering that she used to ride by a library over on the south side of the city. With it being the middle of the day, it wasn’t very likely that the library would be crowded with a bunch of teenagers. What made going there even better was the fact that the library was located in a very white part of the city – a part of town that had always been white. When Desirae pulled into the parking lot and walked into the building, she felt at ease with knowing she wasn’t very likely to run into anyone she knew. She simply requested a computer pass from the library staff at the desk and found a computer upstairs in a corner of the building, where she wouldn’t have to look face to face with anyone.
For the next few hours, Desirae felt as if she were in a zone of her own. Here she sat at this library she had only ridden by when she lived on this side of the city just months ago. She applied for positions at insurance companies that only required a high school diploma. Several hospitals were hiring for various positions. However, Desirae was careful with what specific hospital she applied to because she knew a lot of the chicks she’d had problems with back in high school worked in hospitals.
By 4 o’clock, Desirae had worked up an appetite for herself. She’d put in for about ten job openings in and around Indianapolis. She crossed her fingers hoping that one of them would at least call her back for an interview. The last place she wanted to work right now was at a fast food restaurant, especially if her face was going to be scratched up. She’d never hear the end of it.
Desirae grabbed her purse, got up, and walked back downstairs to the parking lot. She looked out at the main road, trying to think of what there was to eat around her that sounded good to her stomach. Just as she was coming up with a small, mental list, she felt her phone vibrating in her pocket. She figured it was Tron at first, but knew that since she was a mother now, she’d better at least see who was calling her, in case it was Tiffany needing to tell her something about Titan and James. Desirae pulled her phone out and saw the person calling was just who she’d first thought it would be: Tron.
“Oh, this is just too much,” Desirae said. She shook her head as she smirked. Within a matter of seconds, as she watched her phone with the screen lighting up, Desirae had pressed her fingers up to her lips from how badly she wanted to burst into laughter. “I swear... This is just too much. Now that the nigga gon’ sit back in his fuckin’ car out on the street and watch the mother of his children get her ass beat, here he come wanna call me and see what the fuck is goin’ on with me.”
Desirae pressed IGNORE then dropped her phone into her purse. “Fuck him,” she said, the scene from the front yard only making her angrier as it played in her mind. “Fuck that nigga,” she said, turning her car on. “That nigga ain’t ‘bout shit, no way. Fuck him.”
Desirae pulled out of the library parking lot and headed out to the main road. After turning down Wendy’s and missing the turn to get into the strip mall where there was a Burger King and Long John Silver’s, Desirae gave into her hunger pains. She turned into a McDonald’s parking lot and jumped into the drive thru lane. “I guess this’ll be better than nothing,” she said to herself.
A few seconds after Desirae had given her order through the speaker; she had pulled closer to the payment window and waited. A nice, flashy SUV caught her eye. It was parked over to the side, in the section of the parking lot that looked as if it were used by the employees. The SUV looked to be a new model, black, and had tinted window. The hubcaps on the wheels looked as if they’d just been cleaned, as Desirae could see the reflection of passing cars in them.
Desirae spent a few seconds too long gazing at this SUV. She hadn’t noticed the line had moved up and snapped out of her trance at the sound of beeping behind her. Quickly, Desirae pulled up to the cashier window. She paid for her meal then pulled up to the second window. Just as she was putting her car into park and leaning back into her seat, the drive thru windows opened. She turned and looked, saying hello to a darker-skinned guy holding her Sprite.
Desirae smiled, grabbing the Sprite. “Thank you,” she said, looking the guy in the eyes.
The guy, who looked to be about six feet tall, was easily a couple of shades darker than Tron. His shoulder muscles bulged under his red McDonald’s uniform shirt. His arms were bulky and chiseled, but not too buff to where he looked like an anxious figure. Upon having a bit of a closer look at his ebony skin, Desirae could see that tattoos virtually crawled up his arms – just the kind of man that turned her on.
“No problem,” he said. “Your meal will be up and ready in a minute.”
Desirae smiled, practically forgetting or not caring, how her face looked. “Thank you,” she said. Her eyes then dropped to the man’s name tag. It read D’Mann. “I like your name,” she said.
The guy nodded and chuckled. “Thank you,” he said. D’Mann’s eyes then lowered, looking deeper into Desirae’s car. He couldn’t help but notice, as any man would, just how bad of a body Desirae had. It took him only seconds to see how thick Desirae was, as her thighs were pressing against one another. D’Mann licked his lips, imagining what those thighs looked like not being covered in black jeans. “I’m ready to fuckin’ get off.”
Desirae could hear the exhaustion in D’Mann’s voice. “I bet,” she said. “What is it like workin’ in there, if you don’t mind me askin’?”
“Fuckin’ hell,” D’Mann responded. “It’s fuckin’ hell workin’ up in the bitch. I guess it’s prolly work cause a nigga ain’t really gotta do this shit, but I do. You know, so I ain’t got the fuckin’ police breathin’ down my neck and shit.”
Desirae nodded, understanding just what kind of situation this D’Mann guy was in. She shook her head, smiling. “I bet,” she said.
“Yeah, I just use this shit as gas money,” D’Mann said, moving some bags around inside of the restaurant. “For my truck…this shit is just gas money.”
Desirae realized he must have been talking about the nice truck parked out in the parking lot.
“Oh, is that your truck over there?” Desirae asked. “I was lookin’ at that, over there.”
“Yeah,” D’Mann said, smiling. “That’s my truck. That’s my baby.” He chuckled as he handed Desirae her bag. “Well, here’s your food.”
“Thank you,” Desirae said.
“Have a good day,” D’Mann said, his eyes focused on Desirae’s thighs. “Thank you for choosing McDonald’s.”
Desirae pulled over, catching D’Mann’s e
ye contact in her left rearview mirror. He’d poked his head out of the window and nodded, smiling at her. Desirae waved quickly as she pulled out of the parking lot and onto the main road.
Desirae went back to the library, remembering that the sign on the door had said the closing hour was 8 pm. She sat upstairs, in the same spot that she’d been in just about an hour before, and applied for more jobs. However, as she was scouring the internet for job openings in Indianapolis, the dude she’d met at the McDonalds continued to pop into her mind. He was sexy, to say the least, and had swag. Desirae couldn’t help but to think about how he was looking at her as if she were a piece of meat, remembering how he’d licked his lips while the two of them had been talking. The last kind of guy that should ever get Desirae going was the kind of guy who worked at McDonald’s. She needed a man with money and wouldn't settle for anything less. However, if he was just working there as a front, then that was a different story. Plus, that truck of his had to be one of the nicest Desirae had ever seen. Everything about it was new and sleek, which she liked.
Security did a sweep of the library around 7:45 that evening, reminding all of the library patrons that the building would be closing in fifteen minutes. When he’d come to remind Desirae of the time, she couldn’t help but feel his long stare at her face. She simply nodded, not even making eye contact, as she told him she was about to get up and leave.
The sun was setting, slowly descending over the top of the city as Desirae walked out to her car and got in. For whatever reason, something was telling her to go back to McDonalds and see if that guy was still there. She wasn’t really looking for a relationship of any kind, but she sure didn’t want to turn down the right thing. If nothing else, he might really have some money and just be working at McDonalds as a front. If that truly was the case, Desirae didn’t wanna miss the chance to give the nigga a chance. She pulled out of the parking lot and headed back down the road toward the McDonald’s. She’d told herself that if the truck was still in the parking lot, she’d pull into the drive-thru and order something cheap, like a milk shake.
The Diary of a Side Chick 6 (SCD) Page 5
